More relationships break up because people don’t know how to validate each other than for any other reason.  Over time, their pent-up frustration turns into anger. This is truly a shame, because the skills for “fighting fair” are very easy to master with just a little practice and patience.

Getting rid of your partner does not get rid of the problem, because half of the problem is yours. You can walk out on your relationship, but you can’t run away from yourself! Rather than blaming each other, couples can learn how to work as a team and coach each other through difficulties and power struggles. To do this, you must create a safe relationship where you can express needs and fears, and learn skills to effectively resolve anger and conflict.

One of the biggest causes of unresolved anger between people is a lack of understanding. Men and women have different strengths and weaknesses, different ways of expressing themselves, and different childhood wounds that they’re trying to heal. And yet, when it comes to the need for love and intimacy, we are very much alike; we simply express it in different ways.

Too many people break up before they make up a solid couple. At the onset of a relationship or marriage, there’s infatuation and the thrill of the chase. But at some point things begin to change. One partner may begin to withdraw, leaving the once-pursued confused and insecure. At this point, many relationships break up, unless the partners wake up and learn how to navigate through the stalemate.

Every relationship holds the potential for sudden stalemates. These events can actually solidify your partnership if you know what to do. There is no perfect relationship or person out there, so stop looking for perfection and work with the partner you have — or the one you’re about to start a relationship with. Don’t wait for the right time, move now! Every relationship offers us opportunities to perfect our skills and further our personal growth!

The first step in beating the odds is to throw out misguided rules like “Don’t make the first move,” or “Wait at least one week before you call back.” Such rigid rules lead us further away from each other, instead of bringing us together.

To keep your love burning bright, you need to forget about obsolete rules that don’t work, and focus on tools that do, so you can nurture the relationship. Start by throwing out the rule that women should not make the first move!  Women are actually more prepared in some ways to make the first move because their socialization makes them comfortable with connection skills.

For single women, make the first move by giving a man your business card or phone number, or inviting him out for coffee or a hike. For married women, make the first move by inviting your husband to a romantic evening or calling him at work to tell him that you are thinking of him.

This Valentine’s Day, how about letting go of the old habits and rules that don’t work? Be creative, take the initiative to get things going, and then keep doing what works to keep your love going strong!

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Ada is an Arizona-based kinesiologist, vibrational healer/instructor and a life balance coach. Her work blends compassion and Higher wisdom with powerful intention to accomplish profound shifts of consciousness for clients. Visit her web site www.AdaPorat.com.

If life did not meet your expectations, perhaps it is time to prime the pump first!  Let me explain.

Most of us are looking for similar things in life: more time, love, joy, and quality of life.  What we sometimes forget, is that we first need to prime the pump in order to get what we want.

On my grandfather’s farm was a creaky old water pump.  Before it would start drawing water from the well, it had to be primed with a cup of water.  As a child, I used to marvel at the mystery of it all – first pouring a cup of water down the pump and then pumping the squeaky lever up and down, up and down… until a small stream of water would start running from the spout.  Once the stream started flowing, one could fill up as many buckets with water as needed, and it all started with the simple act of priming the pump with water first.

That water pump would not yield water unless it was primed with water – the very same substance that I desired from it.  I had to first contribute to the process the same substance that I desired to receive from it. In life it works the same way: we prime the pump of life with that which we contribute, and we attract that which we emanate.

If we emanate lack, we cannot attract abundance and if we emanate anger, we cannot attract love.  Because like attracts like, we therefore need to first prime the pump by giving of that which we desire.

In the process, the very quality we focus on giving out becomes an integral part of our being. Just as that old water pump on the farm yielded as much water as desired after it was primed, a life that exudes love, abundance and joy, draws to it the same qualities in abundance.

This year, instead of wishing for success, how about priming the pump instead with the very qualities you would like to see more of in your life!

Here are some ideas to get you started.  By practicing even just one of these principles consistently over time, you will find that life returns to you a bountiful measure of the same.

1. I treat everyone in my life with the love and respect that I would receive from them.
2. I believe it is more important to be loving than to be right, and I apply this in my life daily.
3. I look for the beauty in every person and everything that crosses my path.
4. I practice loving kindness toward all sentient beings.
5. I take steps to simplify my life so I can enjoy more with less.
6. I find time to nurture my body, mind and soul, even if it is only a few minutes each day.
7. I focus on what is right rather than what is wrong.
8. I forgive those who have hurt me and let go of old wrongs so there may be peace on earth.
9. I look for solutions, not for scapegoats.
10. I find and express gratitude in my life each day.

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Ada is an Arizona-based kinesiologist, vibrational healer/instructor and a life balance coach. Her work blends compassion and Higher wisdom with powerful intention to accomplish profound shifts of consciousness for clients. Visit her web site www.AdaPorat.com.