Many things happened since then. Wonders, tears, travels, smiles, loves, jobs, scenarios, houses…. Life has been moving on and I had to decide to either catch with its swift pace or remain behind, pondering how it would have been if only I could…

Life is about letting go

Impossible to define how long it took me to get to truly comprehend this simple statement but sometimes, no matter how much we struggle to keep it simple stupid, things decide to take over and get tangled. And I am not thinking about external events, touching us on the surface, making us shiver for a second to then disappear.

The eternity of our being has to be cultivated on a daily basis. Starting from the scratch of those minimal instants we are given every day. The smell of my morning coffee, the meowing of my cat, the dawn ray of the sun making it through the curtain… It has been wisely said that life is what happens while we are busy making other plans and this is precisely what I am talking about.

For 2009, we can make plans or not make plans or, better still, make plans knowing and accepting that most of them will be left unrealized and are nothing but channels that link us to the real wonder – the truth of life. The beauty of the unknown path. The height of the ultimate leap. The smile of the intriguing stranger.

This is meant to be a non-exhaustive guide for all of you who care about energetic channels and do feel like pampering them a bit during this upcoming Christmas and new-year time. All in all, isn’t this the perfect occasion to finally heal ourselves and show our loved ones that there is much more to be taken care of than the worldwide economic crunch?

Tiny presents, sparkly boxes, smart words and enchanting shapes…. For an instant that means everything. Life is now, how does it sound? Let’s tickle our senses and turn this scenario into our own version of contemporary wonderland. Enjoy the smallness and stimulate your mind to think big.

Sound: To Build a Home, Breathe, Dawn, Fleur… Marvelous words, I wanna hear more!
Deeply intense bits of sound played by this British-based jazz and electronic band, which I‚Äôve had the luck to discover in Tokyo and now is following me everywhere I go. Hint for a great experience‚Ķ Use it as a background while pleasing your other senses with the upcoming instructions…

http://www.cinematicorchestra.com/

Taste: Bubbles on your Tongue. Cherishing your Palate. This is Heaven for my Taste Buds!
Let me say it straight. I am an innovator but certain pleasures don’t change and go far beyond tradition. When Mr. Chocolate Fondue met Ms. Orange and Lady Strawberry it was love at first sight. A few moments later, Monsieur Champagne came and the four-some that followed should win a Nobel Prize for its attempt to generate worldwide peace. Hide a Fondue Set under the pine tree and make sure that your fridge is well organized with all the necessary ingredients to turn Christmas into a bitterly sweet (and aphrodisiac) journey.
Fondue sets available at http://www.amazon.co.uk/

Touch: My grandma used to say ‚ÄúIf feet and neck are warm, then you are ready for the storm…”
Love and adore your neck, while protecting your Vishudda Chakra (the throat one) and your creativity channel from wintery threats of bugs and flues. Wrap it in warmth and use colour-therapy to avoid the grey-sky syndrome. Not only useful but, apparently, the fashion item of the year! Your Chakra will be particularly thankful if pleased with blue and purple shades, enhancing its power and recharging its battery.

http://www.topshop.com/

Olfaction: “Mom, it stinks in here! Oh baby, this is perfume, you will adore it one day!”
There is nothing as mighty as smell… So ensure that your Christmas is intensively scented with cinnamon and cloves candles around the living room and your pillow is lightly sprinkled with a rain of lavender drops. Sacred Indian incense can burn freely around the house and you will guarantee a magical atmosphere for your beloved ones to gather around you.

http://www.nagchampa.com/

Sight: “I stretched my eyes as far as they could see but the view of you is what they seek.”
If Christmas is about love, make sure to have those belonging to your heart circle around you. Look at them in the eyes; share your thoughts, fears and expectations. Hug and kiss them profusely. And yes, take pictures to remind you of them (and vice-versa) during those hectic days when all you can see is the busy screen of your computer. A shot is a key to your more immediate memory so why not allow yourself to some creativity this year with new angles and extremely fun options.

http://www.lomography.com/

The Sixth Sense: “Now is such a precious time!”
Life is a game, agreed. A hard one, way too realistic, dragging us in between its storms, allowing us to forget way too easily the power of playing. This Christmas set aside some time to play the game of life with family and friends, to discover in depth the true meaning of certain wise signals we are usually too busy to recognize.
Zen Tarot game available at http://www.osho.com/

This being my first tickle, I wish all of you the greatest and deepest journey into love and wisdom for this Christmas and new year. And don’t forget to recharge your batteries for the newborn, needy year!

Arianna is an international law graduate currently working for a business intelligence company as a senior producer. She lived in New York and now based in Barcelona, Spain. She considers herself a wannabe writer in spite of her moody relationship with her unpublished novel.

Now my quest leads me to several points of reflection.
I could sit here and write for ages on how to plan and implement a scheme to multi-comply with several requests at the same time.
Meetings, phone calls, laundry, cleaning, cooking, answering the phone, driving, food shopping, choosing clothes, houses and haircuts, changing job, picking holidays…

But.

But then something happened.
A swift change in my daily life.
I chose to write this piece.

Dumped and multi-tasker. L-O/I-V-E, work and feed your soul.

How many people get dumped every day?
How many relationships crash in a matter of seconds everywhere in the world?
How many of those unions were really not meant to be?
How many of us manage to go to work the day after?
How many decide to stop feeding their souls?
How many lose their way?

How many questions would you like to answer, after a break-up?

I could tell you that the union I am talking about was meant to be. Which is as true as it could easily be false.
Magical encounter, two wise souls, desire to love someone akin.
Busy lives longing for a piece of calm land.
Where to hide when it is allowed.
Where to plan a future as we want it.

But.

Obstacles come from within.
And there is no worse enemy than our own fear.
To be. To believe. To behave.

Then reality – as it comes – hits you in the face.
Slap you with a yell.
Did you really think it was going to be this easy?
And it is over.
No more land. No more plan. No more.

Soul aching.
Duvet calling.
All you want is to sleep.
A sleep without dreams.
Heavy body swallowed by the mattress.
Let me be. Or – better said – let me not be.
I don’t feel like.

But.

This life I have chosen to live.
This path I am walking…
Its pace and rhythm.
Did I really think it would have allowed me to not be?

Practicality. Is what saved me from that dreamless sleep.
My job – an ambitious, complex project I am fully responsible for,
Could I leave it on hold?
Was I allowing myself to stop thinking, planning, managing…
Therefore not feeding my desire to achieve?
Turning down those who believe in me and my passion?

No. This is not me.

Multi-tasker me. Live again.
Waking up in the morning is the hardest part.
And I am switching to present tense because yes, the scar tissue is still recovering.
I find myself completely submersed under the duvet.
Wrapped into my cocoon where dreams take me to another land, another present, a parallel dimension.
The first few steps follow a confused route towards the coffee machine.
While my foggy brain recollects thoughts.
Personally I find that the hardest part of break-ups and sentimental delusions is the first half hour after waking up.
While opening my eyes, all I see and recognise are my cat asking for breakfast, my orchids smily blossoming and the purple light coming through the curtains.
The perfect balance of my beautiful life.
Then. I recall.
A rain-loaded cloud blurs my coloured scenario and there it comes.
I am not his. Anymore.
Coffee and shower do their part in bringing me back to normality.
That survivor state where all you have to do is get out of the house.
Get dressed, find your keys, lock the door, make it to the elevator, say “Hi” to the doorman, get in your car, wear your sunglasses, drive out of the parking, dive into London.
Life is Here and Now.
Once more, today.

Multi-tasker me. Drive, Sing and Cry.
I am driving while re-shuffling the cards of this past month memories.
Playing with them, the game of life is once more in my hands.
This is how it was.
This is what happened.
This is why it did happen.
And there you are, my dear myself, and you’d better cope with it.
Because I am not going to allow you to trash what you are, what you have, how far you’ve got…
Cry, sing, scream, fall. But remember.
You will have to stand up. And walk again.

Multi-tasker me. I get to work.
People ask me. How, Why, When.
Answers. Phone calls. Excel sheets.
Development. Plan. Strategy. Turnover.
Are you sure this is the best way to do it?
Focus and don’t rely solely on your energy.
Delegate… Organise… Schedule… Prioritise.

AndthenallofasuddenIlookatmyselfinthemirrorandrealiseIhaven’tbeenthinkingabouthimallday.

Smiling at my reflection. Food for my soul.

Multi-tasker me. I live my life.
I adore it and feed it.
Nurture it. While dealing.
With this life that is not….
Not easy.
But not as hard as we make it.
And it is ours.
No one else’s.
Are you still walking towards that uncertain destination we call happiness?
There is no wrong track.
You choose. Mistakes do not exists.
As long as you keep choosing.

Multi-tasker me. And my gadgets.
Yes. One tiny paragraph devoted to practicality.
Get connected. And remain connected.
Wire yourself to this magical yet virtually real dimension.
The World Wide Web.
Make yourself available.
Work when outside darkness reigns.
And smile at the stars during a 2 am meeting.
Toast at the freedom of doing it Your Way.

It does not matter How. You choose.

Multi-tasker me. Communicate.
Never stop communicating.
When silence calls. Talk to it.
Be precisely and exactly Yourself.
But be aware of it.
Recognise who you are.
Even when the fog is so thick it seems there is no way out.
Share. Write. Whisper. Cry.
Words need water to grow. Sometimes.

Multi-tasker me. Love.
Dumped and yet.
Able to love.
Be love. Eat love.
Walk love.
Walk the talk of love.
If you prefer.
But cling to your love.
Remember your love.
And your loved ones.
Those who are here.
And those who left.
Love them, now like yesterday.
Even when it is over.
Do not forget you loved.
And when dawn…
That mirror. Your eyes.
Swollen. Teary.
Love them too.

Multi-tasker. Play all the way.
What are we here for,
If not to play all the way down.
And up. When it hurts. As well.
Stop fighting. Just follow.
Yourself. And no one else.
No one will ever tell you how to.
Better than your inner voice.
The player – wise and courageous.
That You Are.

The power within is what kept me from falling.

Multi-tasker me. I do not forget.
Who I am.
And what I am here for.
Someone once told me…
Waste your life with joy.
Like all important things.

I lost my job.

Funny how fast I became an actual victim of this worldwide earthquake. It took me about a couple of hours to understand that all my certainties were somehow linked to the idea of having a job, a fixed income, a wealthy lifestyle, the power to buy and acquire goods. And how a significant part of me had been actually deprived of basic needs such as time, joy and health, in the name of Production – the goddess of contemporary masses.

I spent a full week wandering around with a wide open smile on my face. I couldn’t help feeling just good and I happened to experience guilt while talking to people, realizing how lighthearted I was, in spite of all.

The decision came soon after the D-Day.

You know, I came to the sad – and yet understandable – conclusion that most of us live a double-dimensional life.

For someone like me, born in the early eighties, the concept of wealth was never questioned. I was raised with the equation Work = Wealth stamped on my passport. Go wherever you want but make sure to jump on board before it’s too late. The machine won’t wait for you forever and the best that you can do is to mould yourself properly, in order to fit in the system.

And so I did. I did it my way, of course, which was never precisely in line with the actual pre-made scheme, imposed by “society”. But I managed anyway. I joined a New York law firm first, to then experience a breakdown, followed by a series of random and very useful parentheses as a waitress, Italian teacher and so on. When I finally joined Barcelona, I thought I was over all confusions and I devoted myself in full to the search for a stable and secure lifestyle.

Wishful thinking…towards the wrong wishes, though.

Now I find myself in my apartment, there are rays of sun entering my room and nice sound from my music system. I am enjoying the destruction of the perfect, fake and illusionary balance I built for myself.

I made someone else rich with my innocent and professional commitment, that’s for sure. But who cares? Does it really matter? Is it truly the end of the world?

This last question deserved a closer and deeper look.

I spent sometime reading my very own words, which I lightly spread around the world in shape of stories, articles, blog entries. And I managed to recognize the answer, hidden in between lines and commas.

No, it is not the end of the world. It is quite the opposite, indeed.

We are experiencing a unique opportunity to enrich ourselves and learn how to sustain our lives in a considerable manner. Considerable for our own happiness, the health of the planet and the potential creation of a newly balanced general system.

Practically speaking, I looked for an answer to a trivial though fundamental question. What?

The “what” issue struck me in a moment when people are seriously struggling to make their way out of the employment crisis, because we must keep in mind that this is a human earthquake, first of all. And I couldn’t help thinking about families in need to feed and educate kids. A friend of mine, who is a teacher, told me that lately her young students are complaining because of hunger and that never-seen-before fathers are showing up to pick them up at the end of the school day. Unemployment causes food issues, first, but also reunites families. Just to prove once more that this is a double-sided medal. I devoted a closer look at small businesses, where bored employees are probably studying a degree while wishing for customers to miraculously appear and make their day. They most likely won’t sell an item throughout the day but hopefully are learning something practical for their next venture.

But my situation is different, I am lucky. I don’t have kids to feed and I do have a higher degree. After days of inner ponder and mind-mapping, I came to an astonishingly simple conclusion. I will make my way out there and help people, travelling where I can afford the luxury of not making someone else rich, while collecting diamonds for my very own soul.

Just like the character of one of my Tickles, I will be the one travelling all the way to India to actually put into practice my human rights degree and devote my energy to something that will enrich myself enormously and, hopefully, others.

I will pack a smile, strength, willingness and energy. This is all I need. In my pocket I will store drops of love I have received, which I will make sure to spread around with the same intensity they came to me.

I wasn’t responsible for this gigantic mistake that is currently affecting us all. My illusions are still up high in the sky but they deserve to be projected towards change. Change of perspective and direction. Turning illusions into reality is now a priority in my agenda and I firmly believe that more people are joining the club, right now.

This is a will. These are my last words about this moment, which I won’t call crisis ever again. I cannot speak for everybody, our stories are coloured with different shades. But to be myself completely, I had to let go and realize that I am still sure, now more than ever, and that nothing will be able to change my course of action towards my mission: enlighten my steps through hard work, spreading a renewed wave of energy among us, trying to put down a heavy stone to make my world a real better place.

The cicada, shallow and shopaholic, jigging about through hot and shiny summers, wouldn’t bother with savings and other $ issues. Whatever, she’d hum, strolling back into her condo hideout, skinny arms full of nothing but joy.

Then the seed crisis came. A windy, stormy, unpredictable tragedy, whose effects no one was able to imagine.

The ant, who had spent years accumulating all her goods into a private storage, smartly located just a few blocks from her tiny, modest studio, rushed to collect her things back.

“Sorry, we are closed. No withdraw today,” said a note on the storage’s main entrance.

She didn’t lose control and went back the day after.

“Sorry, we are still closed. No withdraw today. Nor tomorrow,” another note informed.

The ant felt a little weird discomfort tapping at the bottom of her stomach.

The fourth day, she literally ran to finally get all her thingy things back.

“Sorry, we are officially closed. For good.”

She was surrounded by a wide crowd of nervous ants, knocking with arms and legs at the door of the storage… And we all know that ants do have power. Eventually, they managed to dismantle the reinforced concrete door. Once inside, they couldn’t repress their shock at the view of the inescapable emptiness of the space.

This is a scam! It’s all gone. Oh my god. How are we going to survive? Please call an ambulance, I am fainting… The drama lasted for hours and the media couldn’t help reporting the breaking news.

“Ants’ lifetime savings are gone, for good.” 

And what about the cicada? You might wonder…

The cicada is out, having dinner with her friends, dressed up with her newest shopping-spree acquisition. Her fridge is empty today and she thought it’d be a good idea to have a bite out. She just got back from a weekend with her boyfriend, which was great “in spite of the new hotel we chose. You know, not that great. But we need to be a little careful, with this crisis!”

Nothing changed in her life and nothing will, as long as she has a job and she keeps buying and eating her seeds. She won’t stop spending, wasting, shopping, consuming. She loves it and that’s all that matters.

The crisis taught all of us a great lesson. The cicada and the ant were both right, doing what they were doing and behaving like they did. But…a few details have to be kept in mind.

It’s OK to save…although you’d better be sure where you store your goods.

It’s OK to live. Why cut out from our lives the few pleasures we have?

It’s even better to save while living. The crisis is made of people and we need to help each other.

If you still have a job, enjoy your free time and keep paying for certain services… (Women: manicure, pedicure, hairdresser, basic clothing needs, the yoga course, a special present from time to time, a dinner out with friends…c’mon! Men: vitamins and proteins for the muscles, clothes for the office/sport, the gym membership, a drink with mates, the latest videogame, that fancy watch strap you saw in the jewellery store, I saw you staring at it!)

There is no point in modifying our habits dramatically, altering our mood and the ones of those around us… All in all, we still have our greatest presents with us: Ourselves living life on earth.

This short story was inspired by a great article written by Ms. Vera Montanari (Director) on the Italian magazine Grazia (http://grazia.blog.it/2009/02/24/la-favola-della-cicala-e-della-formica-ma-con-un-nuovo-finale/).

The Moon was talking to her, smirking with that “I know things” look. Round-faced, eyes shut, big mouth, the Moon felt like sharing some secrets. The central London sky was burdening on the city with its grey weight of un-rained clouds. 
 
You will soon be there.
Where?

There.
But that is not an answer.

You aren’t meant to know.
So what are you trying to tell me?

I am reading your future.
Is it bright?

It is, indeed.
Am I going to be happy?

You are happy.
I am not.

Yes, you are and you’d be able to realize it, if only you could stop thinking about it.
I can try.

You have to. Otherwise you won’t make it there.
…I am growing anxious.

You shouldn’t.
How?

Breathe.
 
A pause in the dialogue was filled with her heavy sighs of attempted relief. She tried her best to stop wondering. To prevent her brain from spinning for a few seconds. Resting in the calmness of that instant, with the Moon – her friend – whispering kind words of possible future miracles.
 
I did it. I gave up my anxiety.
No answer.

Hey Moon, are you there?
No answer.
 
But the thoughts came back in their evil march. That wasn’t a night to sleep.
 
She closed the window and remained there, on her undone bed, legs crossed and lost stare at the outer world. Those endlessly-longed places, the gentle touch of chilly air on her cheeks, the crystal feature of the Moon; she left everything she cared about out of the window, but couldn’t nor wouldn’t rest.
 
Her stream of consciousness lasted an entire night. The stars, the Moon and her home planet, Earth, were moving together in the day and night dance, and she couldn’t nor wouldn’t close her eyes, letting her thoughts run free. She held tight to every drop of certainty she had and waited for the first ray of rationality to raise along with the Sun.
 
The next morning, she felt exhaustingly uncharged. Every particle of her body was aching and she deliberately chose to remain in bed. Eventually, her eyes couldn’t stand the light and decided to close. The following hours hosted the deepest sleep she could ever recall.
 
Around noon the phone abruptly rang. She managed to find her mobile on the night bed, covered by crumpled newspapers and paper tissues.
 
Hello?
…

Yes, it’s me.
…

Oh, yes. Hi, how do you do?
…

Yes, I did apply, actually.
…

Well, you know. My plan was to give a hand. But I am quite flexible.
…

Really? That would be perfect!
…

When would it start?
…

…
Sorry, yes I am here. It’s just that… You know, I am quite surprised.

…
No, no! I am still keen. Absolutely.

…
I guess I need to check flights, then, ah?

…
That sounds perfect! Let me do that and I will get back to you within today.

…
Yes, you too. Talk later. Bye…. Yes, thank you. Bye.
 
 
A few months passed by. She is staring at the crystal-clear sky of a midsummer night in north India. Her hands are dry and hurt a bit from cooking food for the kids participating in the summer camp. The air is chillier than usual and her cheeks painted in bright pink. She smiles and then the Moon takes the microphone.
 
I told you.
I know! You were right.

How do you feel?
I am gloriously happy, I’d say.

I can see. And how are the kids?
They are wonderful. I am trying to help out, you know.

You are.
Do you think so?

We both know. Don’t we?
Yes, we do. Thank you.

What for?
For being here, all the time.

I will always be.
 
That night goes fast. She spends it on top of the hill, contemplating the dance of stars, the Moon and her home, Earth. Around five in the morning, the first ray of sun shows up, along with the desire to prepare breakfast. The kids will wake up soon and everything has to be ready for their day at school.
 
While strolling down the hill, she can’t help humming softly.
 
When you don’t know what to do, look at the sky and talk to the Moon… na na na…

Our plan was a movie & pizza night, which I was finding extremely enjoyable and refreshing as it would not force me to go through any serious daughter-father conversation for longer than five slices of food.

That night we watched Wolf, with Jack Nicholson. The theatre was packed and I remember deciding not to buy popcorn due to the eternal line at the bar. My father looked at me with a funny disappointed look.

After the movie, we went to a local, tiny pizzeria out of the city centre. We used to love that place because they were serving a special “bomb” pizza with sausage, onion and mushrooms on a margherita base. Very heavy, tasty and oily, it would leave you with the satisfactory feeling of having eaten too much and too fast. Nothing better for a Sunday night.

We sat at the usual table in the corner and I started playing with toothpicks, scratching the white and red paper tablecloth. The owner of the place, a mid-50, always grumpy, big-belly man from Napoli, joined us sitting at the table to take the order.

“The usual one”, my father giggled.

“A plain margherita for me, please”, I murmured, surprising the audience.

My father and I ate quietly, chitchatting about school, horses and possible summer holidays. No big topic was thrown on the table until the check came. At that point, my dad gave me my weekly allowance – good times – and looked at me straight in the eyes.

“You know, sometimes we don’t like ourselves… or, better said, the reflection of our bodies in the mirror. Well, I’d like you to know that, if that’s the case, we will find a remedy. But the most important thing is that you never stop eating properly.”

My first reaction was a timid smile and a subtle sure.

Recompiling moments of my past, I recall grey days of hating my image and my lines, my Mediterranean, although fit, body and the idea of these curves and their expansion. Many times I thought about sickening myself to escape the monster of fatness. Adolescence is a white weapon with no blade but the power to drown you in depression and never-ending questioning. Never, and I say never, I got to stop eating for more than six hours and a great part of this self-awareness has to be thanked to those words casually thrown on the paper tablecloth by my dad, in 1994.

Youngsters are insecure by nature. Doubts are part of their blood and low protection is provided by the outer world. The shell of security and consciousness has to be built day by day with the great help and cooperation of parents’ wisdom. My life has been marked by the unconditional love I was ensured, no matter which pizza I’d decide to eat.

No matter where you are now, how busy your life is and how hectic these times appear, never forget this fundamental rule. These are times when the power of celluloid is stronger than ever and what we are forced to see everyday is everything but the truth.
 
A very close friend of mine is a professional photographer and a few months ago we had fun taking pictures in his stunning studio. One of the shots was sent to me right after that afternoon and I noticed how skinny my figure looked. Couldn’t help but being surprised, I gave him a call and all he had to say was “Photoshop power!” I then managed to get closer to the mirror and, in spite of the fact that my curves were definitely more accentuated in real life, I smiled at myself and thought “not too bad, after all.”
 
S. Valentine has just left us and after my overview on relationships, I thought about Self Love and found out that it was a feeling tickling me deep inside.
 
My body is my temple and nothing counts more than that. I have recently got in my hands an inspiring book that wisely said: “Imagine your body as a ship that has to cross the ocean of life. If you don’t take care of its maintenance properly, you will find yourself drowning long before you are able to reach the outmost shore.”
 
Love yourself 365…. And never stop eating pizza, reminding yourself to have a good run the day after, and a smile at that apparently-evil mirror.

–

Arianna lives with her cat, Nietzsche, and some friends in sunny Barcelona.Life brought her to live in New York, Barcelona and who knows what is next. She considers herself a wannabe writer in spite of her moody relationship with her unpublished novel.

You single? Yes. It is a long story filled with suitcases and international travels, me moving Monday and no one able to follow my route, me longing for love but me refusing commitment without even realizing it. Until that spring day when I decided to start pondering about it, one of those inner mechanical reactions no one can predict nor stop.

While living in Brooklyn, in 2006, I was recommended by a friend to buy a highly inspirational book called Oneness. It was filled with concepts I have heard and thought about before but it was following a line I was scared to delve into at that precise moment…depth of ourselves. Who are you when you take off your skin and other layers? How can we love someone else and still remain who we are, without unrealistic or selfish expectations? Way too much for a person who was about to pack and leave the country – alone. Or better said – with my cat. No time nor willingness to take the risk of discovering that my bags of certainties were actually filled with doubts.

I finally left and flew all the way to Barcelona to find myself more miserable than ever. I was alone, job was anything but satisfying, my cat was giving signs of depression and my last fling was horribly gone before it even started. One night, early spring 2007, I was fixing some shelves in my bedroom and that big blue book fell on the floor face up.

I am Oneness, open me, it was whispering. And so I did.

Now I am not going to write an accurate review of the book and its content but there is one specific concept that deserves a special position among the lessons learnt I feel like sharing.

Detachment

Detachment is a state in which a person overcomes his or her attachment to desire for things, people or concepts of the world and thus attains a heightened perspective. (Wikipedia)

So far, so good. But what does it mean to put this state into practice for someone who is not Buddhist nor affiliated to Hinduism? How can a normal, average, western mind comprehend the real meaning of this concept and apply it to everyday life? That was a challenge, I must say. It took me almost two years to reach my partial goal and at once my perspective is plenty clear to be put into writing.

My lesson starts with what I learnt from Taoism that preaches the concept of “knowing when to stop and feel content.” The idea of it was so not in line with my personality that the real struggle was firstly represented by the search for a space within myself where that rule could fit. I had to learn when and where to stop and, in doubt, I stopped. Period.

I stood still and gave a profound look at things from the outside. Maybe meditation could help some to learn how to visualize themselves on emptiness. I chose a cloud to sit on while mind-mapping my life piece after piece. I recompiled a list of broken relationships, where my need for love was obfuscated by the – not so detached – right to own and claim. This is mine and if it is mine now, it must be forever. Forever is a word that applies to one part of ourselves and one only. Our soul, this is our only forever-friend and we’d better understand this first, in order to enable it to share part of its path with someone else.

Matter-of-chance loneliness was another key aspect of my journey. Due to my relocation to Spain, I found myself longing for Love and – funnily – abandoned several times in just a few months. Why? Is it me? What am I doing wrong? Unfortunately, it would take me much more than a ‘tickle’ to describe the bitter feelings I experienced, the constant disappointment I was going through. But I believe that one conclusion counts for all.

I was needy inside while seeking for help outside. Does it give the idea? The walk towards detachment and personal development was tough, I must admit. I had to recognize mistakes hard to swallow. I was the one who claimed without giving, said without listening, enjoyed without caring, planned without living….I think I received love without loving, sometimes, but this is still a hard one to be accepted.

And then Today comes. Today is that day when I wake up and go to the kitchen to make my bitter-sweet morning coffee, with one eye still closed, but I am on auto, stumbling into the supermarket calendar. One drop of hot coffee hits my naked foot and I almost curse: Valentine’s Day. All right. Fine.

For the first time in my life, I feel I have something to say about it beyond “Oh, how nice when people are happily in love…” or “Yes, I am single. Thank you.” On the contrary, 2009 is for me the year of true, unconditional, generous, pure love. So here we go with the positive outcome of my two-year exploration in the depth of loneliness and detachment.

One day, mid-June 2008, I woke up to find my eyes brighter than usual and my mind clearer than expected. There was a new me waiting along with dawn. What had happened? Was I finally ready to share? That magical day brought me to book a flight to Japan and that was an initial statement of freedom and true love towards myself. I deserved a reward and the pain was finally and unexpectedly gone.

It took me a long time to understand the power of the process I started and I had to fly several times across the planet to put things into perspective. Some might call it awakening and some others could point at me as a self-destructive person that seeks for non-justified pain through a series of never-ending questions. But the truth is that since that day in mid-June, things changed. I am still single, not completely able to relate in a committed way to others, but I have cured my heart and I now consider myself able to feel and live that detached love Oneness was talking about. It is the love I give to my friends daily, those tiny lines I send them to remind them I care and think and embrace them with an open soul. More time I devote to my family, learning to share with them my fears, opening my – and their – eyes on my weird truths and listening to theirs. It is the random encounter with strangers I might never see again, when my heart starts pulsing faster and I feel there is no room for rationality. It is the surprise when I am given the second chance to meet them. And it is the awareness. I am aware of the constructive power of positive thoughts (why not?), wishful and yet proactive. Those hints that come to you when you are not actually looking for them – and I am sure we have all experienced the “not looking, finally found” game. Like that one day, while you are sipping a fruity drink on the other side of the world and someone smiles at you and you wonder why. Maybe it is your soul that smiled at him in the first place, showing its beauty in the nakedness of purity. If you know what I am talking about, than maybe you can enjoy a ride on your cloud, see things as birds do. The map of yourself might not be too tragic, after all!

I have never felt this loved before. My surroundings are filled with people that care for me and I do feel it every single day, along with the first ray of sun hitting my face – and my cat asking for breakfast.

This is a short and positive message to all of you, on a day mostly seen as negative by those that are still exploring the field in search for their half apple. Love, just like every other feeling, is a state, but a state of soul. Learning how to treat and feed it while educating our mind to stick to the principles of simplicity and detachment will lead us to that field where half apples grow wild. That will be the day when you stop exploring the world and turn in to yourself.

And no apple has ever been juicier.

Manifest plainness,
Embrace simplicity,
Reduce selfishness,
Have few desires.

Lao-tzu (604 BC – 531 BC)

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Arianna lives with her cat, Nietzsche, and some friends in sunny Barcelona. She considers herself a wannabe writer in spite of her moody relationship with her unpublished novel. Life brought her to live in New York, Barcelona and who knows what is next.