I realized I was “different” through occasional reminders such as this:  when walking to school in New York many years ago, someone yelled, “Ni Hao Ma?” (i.e. How Are You?) from a block away.  I looked back and a fellow college student I didn’t recognize started waving frantically and flashing his electric smile and blazing white teeth at me.  I wondered what I’ve done to deserve such warmth and friendliness from someone I didn’t know.  Was it simply the color of my skin?

I learned in a flash that you could turn your “weaknesses” into your strengths.  In PR terms, you could brand yourself through your USP, your Unique Selling Proposition.  Instead of denying my background and experiences, I decided to embrace them.

I would carve a career and eventually launch my own PR firm leveraging my understanding of Asia and Asian companies to support them in penetrating the American mainstream.

I would pitch to reporters in my natural accent influenced by all the places I have lived.  And because it was slightly different from a pure American accent, the reporters seemed to remember my voice and my pitches, and soon became my friends and willing contemplators of story ideas.

Can you think of people you know who have turned their weaknesses into strengths?

Our current president Barack Obama did not have the pedigree of a Kennedy, but he leveraged his bi-racial background and his humble international upbringing to win hundreds of millions of supporters around the world.  Take a moment to contemplate your “weaknesses.”   Perhaps they are really your strengths and can be turned into your USP (Unique Selling Proposition) with a little creativity and panache?

And you would be happy to know that there are other weight loss methods out there which work much better than dieting. Lets cover them

1. Dieting doesn’t work: While I know that you hate diets, I thought it would be prudent to point out the disadvantages. See, dieting sounds good on the surface, and in fact, if you go without food for several days, you might also lose some fat from your thighs and belly! But you will gain back all of that weight as quickly as you have lost it!

As a matter of fact, the human body is PROGRAMMED to fight against any form of starvation. In good old days, when there was lack of food supply, the body would store fat deposits in order to survive.

The rule still remains the same: if you try to starve yourself, your body will think that there is a famine out there which is why it is not getting enough fuel in the form of calories. It would then take the obvious step:  slow down your metabolic rate to store fat instead of burning it! This is the reason why most dieters tend to regain their former self as soon as they get back to the normal eating mode!

If someone told you that you have gained weight because of eating, let me enlighten you: you will put on weight if you DON’T eat!

2. Eating frequently is the key: Simply ‘eating’ is not enough for quick weight loss; you must also make sure that you are eating frequently as well! No, don’t eat more than your normal diet, or when you’re not hungry. Break down your large meals into smaller meals.

If you are like anyone else, you probably end your day with three large meals. That is not the way to lose weight! Instead, you should break those three large meals into six smaller meals and eat each small meal every two or three hours.

This has dual advantages. First, when your body gets fuel frequently, it keeps your metabolic rate high, which means that you will burn fat fast. Second, frequent eating helps you suppress hunger, so that you don’t feel tempted to gorge on the junk foods.

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See some before and after pictures of us losing almost 30lbs a month at http://idiotsproofdiet.com/Can-I-Substitute-Foods-On-The-Idiot-Proof-Diet-.html

To be honest, you don’t need to become an expert in terminology to enjoy a life of meaning and fulfillment. The words are just pointers and tools you can use to uncover your personal direction.

So this article is only one possible answer to the question of “what is spirituality?” If these words resonate with your heart, expand upon them; if not, move on and find something else that feels right to you.

True spirituality has nothing to do with religious practice. The observance of specific belief systems, honoring of certain holy days & customs, and living by a set code of conduct are not spiritual pursuits in and of themselves.

These and other things can be part of an individual’s overall spirituality. But group values systems and traditional behaviors are no more spiritual than political affiliations or loyalty to a college football team.

Spirituality is a very personal matter. And it’s completely experiential, meaning it must be experienced before it can be fully understood.

Having said all this, what’s left to answer? I’ve carried on for half a page about what spirituality is not; so what is it then?

Spirituality is a basic awareness of higher consciousness, and an allowing of the present moment to be what it is.

I could refine this statement by saying: one is spiritual when he or she is aware of a collective, creative consciousness that operates beyond the ego mind. Also, spiritual living involves the practice of being mindful in the moment, and allowing the now to take on a life of its own beyond individual desires to shape events.

This statement is intentionally open for interpretation. While I’ve captured the essence of what I believe spirituality to be, I have refrained from providing a definition heavy with my own personal preferences.

When you know intelligence exists beyond the part of your mind “containing” your identity and personal sense of self, you are being spiritual. When you say “yes” to the present moment, allowing the senses to perceive what they will and making no effort to control what is with your own preference and prejudice, you are being spiritual.

Knowing a great intelligence exists, but making no effort to label it in a way that comforts you, is an act of wisdom. It takes great fortitude to be content with the idea of not necessarily understanding or controlling the world around you.

Also being completely alert in the present moment, rather than hiding from yourself in thoughts of the past and future, requires a steadfast nature. Humanity is not afraid of its alleged weakness and frailty; rather, we are afraid of our own incredible power, thus we hide our faces from it by living in the past and the future most of our lives.

It’s not my intention to slander religion. But I am compelled to warn that many faiths were developed to crush the spiritual nature of their followers.

People are often outraged by any definition of spirituality that omits the vengeful, all-knowing god who exists to protect and punish them. It’s a bizarre phenomenon, and it’s the result of centuries of conditioning and brainwash.

By all means take this article as my opinion. But it’s an opinion based on life experience and an honest search for the truth.

I make no effort to appease the values of others or to detract from another’s point of view. And it’s my sincere hope that I have at least planted the seed of an answer that can be harvested by those who are seeking.

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To learn more about spirituality and finding your life’s purpose be sure to visit the author’s blog now.
http://aboutlifespurpose.com

As a fitness professional, I’ve reached my own standard of fitness. It may be a bit different then the “industry” definition, however this is how we measure if someone is living the “FIT” lifestyle.

1. Fitness is being physically able to perform life’s many tasks to the best one’s ability.

Life involves a lot of stuff. We have to run after the kids, do yard work, help a friend move, play in a weekend sports tournament, go for a walk, carry a piece of furniture upstairs (sometimes all of this in one day) You get the point. If we are able to perform all of these tasks to the best of our ability, all of the time, we are on our way to be fit. That’s what we workout for, that’s why we train. Life’s tasks are too important to let our physical UNfitness get in the way. Take care of your physical body by working out, resting and eating properly. These are the 3 main components of physical fitness.

2. Fitness is being emotionally stable.

How many people do you know that are on emotional roller coasters? They experience every high and every low imaginable about every situation. True fitness is having control and discipline over our emotional lives. It’s ok to be happy, sad, angry and blah as long as we realize why we are that way and can control it. Did you know that how we live our physical lives (exercise, rest and nutrition play a major role in our emotions) Take a look at your emotional life, are you controlling your emotions or do they need some training?

3. Fitness is being mentally sharp and alert.

It wasn’t that long ago that I realized the importance of being a life learner. 12 years of school, 4 years of college and 2 years of grad school taught me a lot, however not everything. It is our responsibility to keep our minds in shape by reading, studying and listening to thought provoking material. I had a cousin who used to say that television turns your mind to jelly. Although I don’t believe that altogether, watching just one evening of most our television programs actually seems to make us dumber. Be a good steward of your mind and take notice to how you are training your mind. Is it in need of some exercise?

4. Fitness is knowing who we are and what we are here for.

What good is life without purpose? Many of us ignore our spiritual sides as we pursue our physical fitness. Being spiritually fit plays a huge role in the “FIT” lifestyle. Realizing that we have been made in the image of God and have been placed here for his purposes gives “life” to life and meaning to the day. How’s your spiritual being? Is it fat and out of shape or fit and ready to go? Start training your spiritual self through prayer and bible study for a new body and life.

So there you have it….fitness defined.

Now here’s the question….how fit are you? Be honest.

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Kirk Ream, CSCS, is a Carlisle personal trainer and fitness professional who has helped his clients look great, feel great and live a healthy life. His Get Fit Carlisle program is the area’s premier fitness camp for men and women. For a free 2-week trial visit http://www.GetFitCarlisle.com .

I know what I’m asking you to do is hard. I’m asking you to change what could be lifelong patterns of behavior. I know it is not easy. But here’s the deal—continue on your current path and your situation will only get worse. The latest statistics on obesity are shocking—in less than 8 years, 75% of Americans will be overweight and 41% will be obese! We are turning into a nation of fat people. Why? Because of our habits—we eat too much, we exercise too little. Think you’re heavy now? Guess what, unless you change those leaves, you’re going to be a whole lot heavier in eight years.

I just put together a seminar called “Kicking Your Own Buts” on how to change this type of behavior. I studied different methods of change and researched changing the most difficult behaviors—addictions’ to see if there were lessons for the rest of us. There were:

1.) Know thyself. Truer words were never spoken. You know what is going to work for you and what isn’t. If you’ve been a night owl for 40 years and hate exercise, getting up at dawn and running is not going to work for you. Craft a plan you can live with. Forever.

2.) Oh yeah, baby—we’re talking forever. The deal is not the change itself—most alcoholics are great at quitting. It’s the staying sober part that’s hard. Dieters can lose weight—they’re good at that—it’s keeping it off that’s hard. If you can’t do it forever, it’s no good.

3.) You have got to want to change for you. I watched many, many episodes of A & E’s series Intervention and only those who really want to get better have a chance. Most bail out as soon as their family is out of sight. Change is hard as hell—if you don’t really want to do it for yourself, don’t bother trying.

4.) Try Kaizen. Kaizen says take tiny steps. I did this with my backlog of e-mail. I have serious perfectionist issues—if I can’t do it all and do it right, I’ll put it off. (See #1) My inbox was getting to be a nightmare. E-mail needed to be deleted or filed or dealt with. Then I tried Kaizen—I would just aim to have 10 less in the inbox at the end of each day. Then I went to 25 less, etc. I got through the backlog and now have a cap (no more than 50) that can be allowed in my inbox at the end of the day. You can do this with anything—walk in place for 5 minutes while watching your favorite TV show. Build up gradually. Leave one bite of food on your plate. Kaizen is all about taking small steps to change. You’ve been practicing your bad habits for a lifetime—stop expecting to change them overnight!

5.) Get smart. Dean Ornish observed that even when told if they did not change they would DIE, heart patients did not change their eating and exercise habits. He discovered that doctors were just telling patients to exercise and lose weight, not telling them how to do it. You have to learn about whatever change you are trying to make. Many of us eat without really paying attention. I noticed my jeans feeling a little snug and realized the scale was moving toward my—OHMYGOD weight. So I started writing down everything I was eating. Everything. A cookie here, a piece of candy there, a roll at lunch—it adds up faster than you realize. Start writing. All I want you to worry about is calories. Do you even know how many you need JUST TO MAINTAIN your current weight? Find out ASAP if not—go to mayoclinic.com and look under health tools for their calorie calculator. Don’t lie about how active you are. The number you get (maybe around 2,000) is all you should eat if you don’t want to gain any weight. I’m not talking about losing—I’m talking about staying where you are today. Guess how many calories are in one slice of P.F. Chang’s Great Wall of Chocolate cake? One piece = 2,000 calories. Wake up! Look at serving sizes. You may think a bowl of your favorite cereal has only 70 calories. But that’s for 1/3 cup and you’ve been pouring a bowl of two cups (420 calories). Knowledge is power. Ignorance is not bliss. In this case, ignorance is obesity. Apply the knowledge plan to any change you want to make. What you know now is clearly not enough.

6.) Ask for help. We Americans are tough and we believe we have to go it alone. AA and other programs work for people because they give them a support group. Ornish found in his work with patients that if they had others to offer them support, their efforts at change were much more successful. This could be a mentor, a therapist, a family member, a friend or a teacher. There are also thousands of groups on the Internet—just search and see. Having other people trying to make the same change as you are supporting and encouraging you can be a huge help. The key here is fit—it has to be a person or a group you are comfortable with and you trust and respect. Change is hard, but it’s much easier if you have some support along the way.

A tree is not its leaves any more than you are your habits. Have the courage to let go of what’s not working. Nothing says fall like the smell of burning leaves.

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Denise Ryan, MBA, is a Certified Speaking Professional, a designation of excellence held by less than 10% of all professional speakers.  She is a blogger http://motivationbychocolate.blogspot.com
Her website is http://www.firestarspeaking.com

Rejection is a given – no matter how fabulous you are, you will at some point be rejected. What’s not a given (and where your power lies) is how you react to rejection. Here are some tips to keep rejection in its place:

1.) Realize it’s not about you. Let’s face it, we all think we’re the center of the universe. If someone turns us down for lunch, it must be because they don’t want to be with us. We will disregard the other 43 possible explanations (they already had plans, a last minute meeting was called, they are broke and can’t afford lunch, etc. etc. etc.). We are hardest on ourselves. Try again – maybe the timing simply wasn’t right. Don’t give up!

2.) Maybe your “prospect” doesn’t have enough information. They don’t know all your charms yet (because if they knew you, they’d love you!) or they don’t have enough information about your company. Or your approach was wrong for them. Don’t give up – on average it takes seven contacts to make a sale – I think this is true for building a relationship of any sort. It takes multiple contacts.

3.) If you have tried and tried again, maybe your rejecter was actually doing you a favor. Some clients are more trouble than they’re worth. Some relationships bring more pain than joy. If someone doesn’t value you after repeated exposures – move on to the next person. There are LOTS of prospects out there.

4.) Are you rejecting yourself? If you go into a sales call thinking “I know they won’t be interested” or if you approach a potential date thinking “There’s no way she’ll go out with me,” you’ve already rejected yourself and sealed your fate. Do you think your product is terrific or that anyone would be lucky to get to have lunch with you? If not, get to work! You have to feel great about you before anyone else will!

5.) You can’t please all of the people all of the time. You can never be all things to all people. The trick in this life is to be yourself (not an easy task, most of us are trying to be what we think other people want). When you are completely yourself, you’ll attract people who like you for you and you’ll be much, much happier. Once you really know who you are (or what your product is) you’ll understand who would be best suited for you. You can reduce rejection by dealing with people who are most likely to value what you have to offer. (Why waste your time trying to sell ice to Eskimos? Pick a better market!) I’ll use myself as an example. I’m a high-energy, out-of-the-box, extrovert. I’m blunt (my friends say brutally honest) and I’m easily excited. This is WAY too much for some people. But if I try to be more demure, more calm and passive, I’ll lose what makes me unique and what draws the right clients and friends to me.

If you can master being truly who you are, rejection is always a favor. It saves you from more pain down the road and frees you up to pursue better prospects. Just don’t give up too soon and realize how incredible you are!

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Denise Ryan, MBA, is a Certified Speaking Professional, a designation of excellence held by less than 10% of all professional speakers.  She is a blogger http://motivationbychocolate.blogspot.com
Her website is http://www.firestarspeaking.com

To add something to your life, you have to give something up. I believe this is the number one reason why most people fail at changing their lives. They don’t want to give anything up – they just want to add more! Let me give you an example. Let’s say you have vowed to start exercising. You already have a full life, you’re not spending hours sitting on the couch staring at the ceiling longing for something to do. You already feel like your days are too short. But you make the resolution that you will exercise for at least an hour everyday. You plan to get up an hour earlier.

This plan is DOOMED I tell you! DOOMED! You probably don’t get enough sleep as it is! You can’t simply dip even further into your already depleted reserves! You might make it for a week or two, until the sheer exhaustion forces you to hit snooze and beat yourself up for being such a weak willed failure.

Here’s the real deal – to add anything, you HAVE to give something up. To add an hour of exercise each day, you have to decide what current activity you are willing to give up (sleep doesn’t count – most people aren’t getting the eight hours they need already). Are you willing to stop watching your favorite television program? Are you going to spend less time with your children or your significant other or your friends? These aren’t easy choices, but they are the ones that have to be made if you really are going to change your life.

The same choice has to be made if you are going to change something in your business. If you want to expand into new territory – what are you willing to give up? Your smaller clients? Your lean staffing? Your low payroll? To add something new, you have to give something up or the addition will never happen. The key to success is making this choice consciously.

This is harder than you think – most people do not want to give up anything. They want to keep all their old habits and routines AND have the results of their new activity. I am telling you, you have no room in your current life for any additions. You have got to let something go. Want to be more organized? What current activity are you going to give up to get the time to be organized? Want to lose weight? What current food based activities are you willing to give up? What are you willing to give up that will give you the time to prepare low calorie meals and to learn about nutrition? Want to meet new people? Advance at work? What are you currently doing that you are willing to give up to create the required time to pursue those goals?

This process requires being honest on your part. You may say, “There is no way I’m willing to give up any of my time with my children to start exercising.” Okay, then you can either 1.) find something else to give up, 2.) exercise with your kids (but realize the limitations and have reasonable expectations), or 3.) admit to yourself that exercising isn’t as important to you as the other things in your life.

This process will help clarify what is really important to you. It will help you realize that your life is the result of a series of choices you make. The key to having the life you want is making these choices consciously.

To summarize:

Realize you can’t have it all and stop trying to -you only set yourself up for failure.

Decide what you are willing to give up in order to have something else.

Truly let go of the things you are not willing to make time for. Celebrate the time with your children, don’t spend it beating yourself up over not exercising.

All of your goals don’t have to be accomplished today. Maybe you spend time with your children now while they are young, and you launch your exercise program when they are older.

Stop comparing yourself with others. Some people may seem to have it all, but trust me, they don’t. They made choices too. I can spend hours in the gym because I made the choice not to have children. And this life is all about what brings YOU joy, not what others are doing. They might be making more money, but they may have a lot more stress. You can’t know what their lives are really like, so stop thinking about it. You get one shot to live YOUR life.

If you will use this method of consciously choosing how you will spend your time, and as a result, how you will live your life, you’ll have a lot more happiness. Just remember, for lasting change decide exactly what you will give up to add the new behavior. Here’s to a great new year!

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Denise Ryan, MBA, is a Certified Speaking Professional, a designation of excellence held by less than 10% of all professional speakers.  She is a blogger http://motivationbychocolate.blogspot.com
Her website is http://www.firestarspeaking.com where you can see more articles and sign up for a free newsletter.

Research has found a connection between the power of the mind and what happens in our life and the results are speaking for themselves. The process to create what we want in our lives is called “manifesting” – the bringing of ideas and desires into physical form.  Manifesting becomes a self empowerment tool when it is applied to realizing our desires. This is done through the law of attraction.

Celebrities like Anthony Robbins, Harv Ecker, Oprah, Eckhart Tolle, Darren Jacklin and Tanja Diamond are using manifesting daily in their professional and personal lives to achieve outrageous results. This ability to manifest our dreams is not limited to the gifted; anyone can posses this ability, all it requires is an understanding of how to put it all together.

There are many different tools to use in manifesting. Some people use vision boards and cut out pictures of what they want, others use more exotic formats such as using sexual energy for the carrier of conscious energy.

Tantra is a spiritual philosophy, and one of the tools available in it’s studies, is the use of ritual and sexual energy to raise vibrational levels for manifesting your desires outside the bedroom.

To make a difference right now these steps can use in your life today.

Let’s start with some basics.

The law of attraction is a universal law which states that, “what is within, is without.”

It means that what is first created inside the mind will eventually become an outward reality. Our negative self talk and old programming can be powerful manifesting tools as well. If these are the things you are focused on you can well understand why you might be in the position you are today.

Ask yourself right now…

What do I believe about my life and circumstances?

What do I believe about myself?

Make a list of thoughts that run through your head about your life, relationship, money, your sex life, and other facets that are not where you would truly desire them to be.

Making an assessment is a really imperative start.

Once you can honestly look at what you are creating now in your life, you can start to use these next principles to change it all around.

To start manifesting follow this process:

Ask, Believe, Release and Receive.

Asking…In order to manifest your desires you must ask for what you want. Some people get stuck here and it is good to know that there are ways to get through the fog. Asking is not enough. You must be so crystal clear in your vision you can actually see, hear, feel, taste, touch and utilize all your senses when visualizing your desire.

Believing… It cannot be if you do not believe that it can be. The universe works in accordance with your thoughts, so if you really do not believe that you can do something then you cannot. Our internal dialogue can keep you from believing you are worthy, or that you can have what you desire. You are the only thing holding you back.

Releasing…This is a process of trusting the laws of attraction and your clarity and intent. Once you have achieved clarity and precise asking and believing of what you are manifesting you need to let go. Do not go looking for it, do not try to speed it up, do not spend time wondering where it is going to come from. The universe is more than capable of doing what you ask without your interference.

Receiving… You must be ready, willing and able to receive your manifestations, in your mind and in your spirit you must know that you deserve and that you are capable of bring your desires from the unseen to the seen. This can be tough for some people. Practice living what you desire. Own the car, or boat, have the boyfriend or girlfriend.  The process works, only doubt or lack of worth can hold you back.

Some tips from the pros.

Rule #1: Align the Desire With Making Progress In Your Spiritual Evolution.

Rule #2: Align the Desire For the Greater Good of All.

Rule #3: First Deserve, Then Desire.

To summarize, desires that are strong, spiritually oriented, and beneficial to others and which you have worked hard to realize are the one’s that the Universe is most likely to help with.

Living in gratitude each day of what you have right now and thanking your divinity is an excellent way to stay positive and in the moment while on your journey of manifesting your desires.

Remember that your breath in the world is impactful and that remaining aware and conscious of everything around you will allow you to see the opportunities that are constantly there. There are different types of formulas to follow out there in the world of manifesting. Some people enjoy ritual and trappings, some people enjoy the process of writing vision boards, journals or painting.

But no matter what format you use to start your process, we encourage you to do it today, right now.

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Tanja Diamond, The Tantra Teacher.
Sign up for a free ebook called Secrets from the Tantra Teacher.

http://www.learningtantra.com

Understanding the Concept of Time

It might be a cliché but time is indeed gold. Once it is lost, you can never regain it. Therefore, as much as possible, you want to make the most of your time by aiming towards increased productivity.

How many times have you experienced having to scramble with your tasks just to complete them in time? When you evaluate your activities, you’d realize that you spend one afternoon watching TV or playing video games. Then, the next day you are bombarded with tasks that you must finish. However, the limited time you have left just seems not enough.

Until that happens, you never really realize the full value of time. Hence, it is important that you look for ways to maximize your time to make room for all your work and recreational activities.

Organization For Better Time Management

One way to maximize your time is by learning how to organize your activities according to how much time you need to work on them. Listed below are some methods that you can apply into your schedule:

1.Make a To-do list: This is the basis of all time management systems. Whether it be an electronic device or the traditional post-it notes, this is where you refer on what activities you need to get done on a certain period of time.

2.Prioritizing your list: Aside from making a list, you also need to list them according to the most important or urgent tasks. Hence, you finish those that needs to get done first on time before moving on to the next task.

3.Have goals, specific ones: Whatever your goal is, it helps provide direction to whatever it is you need to do for a certain period of time. Hence, specify your goals according to activities you need to do for the day, week, or within the month.

4.Use organizational tools: By being disorganized, you could lose precious time attending to unimportant tasks instead of utilizing them for more important activities. Hence, keep your things organized and orderly for easy access when needed.

5.Do not procrastinate: Whatever you can do for today, do it now. Never put off something because you’ll never know when you’d have the time to work on them.

Evaluate Daily Activities

To setup an effective time management system, you need to look into every detail of your daily activities. Hence, you can identify which activities are important and which ones are not, as well as how much time is consumed.

Create a daily schedule that you need to follow strictly. Then, you can check that at each start of the day. When you have a schedule, you can divide up your activities evenly to avoid being overwhelmed with activities at a certain time of day.

Aside from organizing your activities within the day, you can use your daily schedule of activities for evaluation on your level of productivity. As you examine the activities, take note of each one and the time spent. Do these activities contribute to the accomplishment of your goals? Are you focusing your efforts and time on necessary things? If not, then you are not maximizing your time well.

These are just basic time management procedures you can follow so you can achieve more in less time.

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Larry Rivera is a Internet Network Marketer who teaches people how to use the internet to start a home based business. Success University is the #1 Personal Development website on the internet. It gives you a place to earn while you learn. Having problems with relationship building, Learn the skills they never taught you in school.

http://www.profitonknowledge.com

Most people accept anger as a part of life. We all feel justified when we get angry and we can point to all the people and reasons for it. Certainly no one in their right mind could disagree. We all shake our heads as we hear of yet another “idiot driver who almost killed me”, the boss “who set me up to take the fall”, the spouse “who knows just the right buttons to push to send me over the edge”. We also know there are times when it is right to get angry at injustice and abuse but we must use that emotion to change the situations not just to vent. But in this article I’m referring to something very different.

I want to talk about that anger that sits like a lava pool just below the surface building and building until the most obscure incident makes it explode. I’ve been there and I know how damaging it can be. But most people feel like they have every right to be angry—their laptop just crashed, the copier will not print, their child just spilled milk after they told them to be careful, they “think” their spouse or co-worker just gave them a look…

So the eruption occurs. It’s like the old marriage counselors comment “It’s never about the burnt toast!”

But the anger is there and when it comes out it is usually damaging, so what do you do?

We immediately want to justify it, who wouldn’t get angry at this or that? But justifying it doesn’t help you resolve it, so unless you live in a perfect universe with no one else around, it needs to be resolved.

Now obviously this is a very deep subject with millions of variables, but I am going to give you some simple tools here to help you get started.

The first step is being aware. By this I mean instead of just letting the anger flow when it is tapped, stop and be aware of how you are feeling. Being introspective like this will put the focus back on you and off of others—that in and of itself can solve a lot of problems.

Step two is to ask yourself why this event made you angry. Did it hurt you—if so, how and why? What does it say about you? Did it threaten you; make you feel unsure, insecure, dumb or embarrassed? If you are a man, did it challenge your manhood or integrity? We have to accept that it’s not natural to just have immediate rage, as so many do, over everyday events, so we need to discover why the pot is simmering.

Now I’m a guy and at first this “stop and think about what you are thinking about” and “how did that make you feel” went against everything my football, weight-lifting, martial arts mindset could imagine. But I finally got sick of allowing anger to rule my life, ruin relationships and limit my success. So if you really want to be manly about it—step up!

The final step, once you have identified some of the root causes, is NOT to lie down on a couch and talk about it for the next five years. Just let it go. Shine the light on it, expose it and let it go. Put it off and put on whatever it is you need to heal and replace that area of your life. Obviously this is not a one time process, it’s a habit that you learn and develop, but these three simple steps can literally save your life—so try them.

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Duke Clarke is a writer/coach/speaker who for the past 35 years has been teaching individual how to excel and be successful according to God’s principles and a biblical point of view. To find out more information go to http://www.GodWantsYoutoProsperFamily.com or http://www.DukeClarke.com

Don’t make the mistake of assuming your employees are good communicators.  Just because you trained them on what to say doesn’t mean they know how to say it.  There’s a mighty fine line between efficient and rude.  Caring is what people want.

What kind of things do your people need to know about communication?  They need to really understand body language, especially making eye contact (with the other person, not their Blackberry).  Apparently people think they can just sneak a peek at their electronic device and no one will notice.  Are they insane?  Everyone notices—we have these crazy things called eyeballs that are drawn to furtive movements (and blatant rudeness).

They need to know how crucial facial expression is and how quickly other people can interpret theirs.  Do you want to lose customers because one of your new employees rolls her eyes and sighs whenever she has to operate the cash register?

Something many companies need to examine (or maybe need to develop) are their e-mail policies. What is considered an appropriate response time?  You might find that administrative people think it’s an hour while outside sales people think it’s a day.  How should the subject line (the most important part of an e-mail) be used?  And enough with the reply to all already!

Do your employees need presentation skills?  Don’t assume they have them.  Texting your friends all day does little to develop that skill set.  Your employees represent your company, if their communication and interpersonal skills are weak, how can they possibly do a good job?

And here’s an important question to ask yourself—do you reward good communication skills?   Let’s face it, if I don’t talk on my cell phone at work and I am treated the same as a co-worker who does nothing but talk on her cell phone all day, why shouldn’t I start calling my friends?  If, unlike my co-workers, I pay attention and don’t spend all my time texting during the meeting, but no one cares, why bother?   Here’s the bottom line—don’t assume anything.  Decide what communication skills your people need, get them the corresponding training, reward good performance and coach poor performance.  And make sure you maintain eye contact when you do it.

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Denise Ryan, MBA, is a Certified Speaking Professional, a designation of excellence held by less than 10% of all professional speakers.  She is a blogger http://motivationbychocolate.blogspot.com
Her website, loaded with more great articles, is http://www.firestarspeaking.com

Who Is A Procrastinator?

To overcome the habit of a procrastinator, you should first identify the common tell-tale signs. Because this is a habit shared by several people, sometimes you won’t even be able to identify that you possess these characteristics.

A procrastinator is someone who puts off task at a later time, thinking they have the ability to complete tasks last-minute. Plus, s/he likes to believe that they have things under control until confronted by the reality that time is fast running out and there are still loads of work to be done. Even though he or she manages to complete the task on time, the quality is questionable.

Reasons For Procrastination

There are several reasons why people procrastinate. Oftentimes, it is innate to an individual or it could be lack of self discipline. However, it is important to point out the reason for this unhealthy habit so as to know how to deal with it.

1.Desire for perfection. Aspiring for perfection is not a negative thing. However, you have to make sure that it is realistic enough for your own skills. If not, then you are merely finding an excuse to postpone tasks.

2.Frustration. When tasks become too difficult, an individual’s response would be to give up easily due to frustration. Aside from complaining about the task, you often decide to put it off until such time when you are at a better mood to attend to it.

3.Lack of belief in own ability. When you start doubting your own skills and abilities, you will find it of no use working on the task assigned to you. Hence, you will lose productive time and end up accomplishing nothing.

Finding A Cure

Only when you have been able to recognize the reasons for your procrastinating habits will you be able to arrive at a resolution to your problem. There could be several reasons for this, so you have to arrive at a specific angle to effectively address this unhealthy habit.

For some people, responsibility is a burden. Therefore, when they are obliged to do something, they initially resent it and look for ways not to deal with the responsibility. However, by embracing your task as something that you actually enjoy doing, then you’d become more productive in it. In order to do that, you must create a balance between work and recreational activities. Do not punish yourself by depraving your schedule with fun. Make room for fun into your schedule. This might seem unproductive but by doing this, you will realize that you become more productive.

As soon as you start work on a task, the amount of work you need to put in could readily discourage you. Therefore, you need to mentally condition yourself to appropriate this one large task into smaller tasks that are more manageable. Once you get started on one, you will find it easy to pick up the pace and before you know it, you are finished.

Benefits of Overcoming Procrastination

1. Peace of mind
2. Having a sense of accomplishment
3. Regaining control of your life
4. Increased personal freedom

Self discipline is essential in helping overcome the habits of procrastination. When you learn to identify the unhealthy habits you possess, you can be on your way to overcoming procrastination and increasing your productivity.

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Larry Rivera is a Internet Network Marketer who teaches people how to use the internet to start a home based business. Success University is the #1 Personal Development website on the internet. It gives you a place to earn while you learn. Having problems with relationship building, Learn the skills they never taught you in school.

http://www.profitonknowledge.com

Do it well, and you’ll shine. Do it badly and you could muddy your reputation and find yourself being passed over for advancement.

To help you make the right impression, here are four simple rules to remember, which will move you in the right direction.

1. Find out what the expectations are – and exceed them. Sounds obvious and simple – yet in my experience it’s neither! Try to answer the following questions:

Do you actually know what your manager’s top priorities are?

How clear are you about the order of priority your manager has for each area of your performance? How clear do you think your manager is about his/her expectations of you?

Sometimes expectations are written – but more often than not, they are unwritten expectations, which your boss may never have really clearly articulated to themselves, let alone you!

Put it this way -  if you don’t know for sure what will score you top points with this individual, you may find yourself chasing down the wrong rabbit hole.

And this is NOT about currying favour, or ingratiating yourself. This is about having a clear understanding on both sides about what is important, so you both know and agree where you should focus most of your time and attention. It actually makes your job easier.

So – if you don’t know the answers to the questions above – make a date in your diary to discuss this with your boss! (And before you actually have that meeting, make sure you read technique 4!)

2. Anticipate and address a boss’ concerns The trick here is a technique from what we call Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and is about being able to see the different “perceptual positions” around an issue. Put simply this means seeing something through someone else’s eyes, so you understand their thoughts, feelings, worries and perspectives.

An obvious way is to ask them! And we’d definitely encourage you to fnd the right opportunities to do just that. However, sometimes there’s neither time, nor is it appropriate. So what do you do then? You put yourself in their shoes. And when we say in their shoes – we mean wearing their shoes and looking through their eyes! This is not how you would feel in their shoes. You’re not them!

So, this is easier said than done. But here’s a few killer questions to ask yourself:

What will my  boss be anxious about?

What do his bosses expect of him?

How does what I do to help him/her look good?

If I/we do “x”, what might he/she be concerned about?

By answering these questions you’ll be much clearer about what you need to do to both pre-empt and address their concerns. It also significantly increases their perception you really understand where they are coming from, which in turn significantly  strengthens the trust and relationship between you.

3. Consistently look for ways to add value. This is a really simple rule. Bosses are more likely to listen if you speak in “can-do” language, and you are organised, and sound enthusiastic and eager to deliver results.

Look ahead when discussing a project, rather than dwelling on what’s already occurred. Follow through on promises. And adopt a “no-excuses” policy. Failing to produce results almost guarantees a boss will doubt your abilities. So, if you haven’t quite achieved what you set out to do – rather than saying what you’ve not been able to do, start with what you have achieved; be specific about what barriers there were, and summarise your plans to get back on track.

Your boss has pressures of his own. Don’t add to them.

4. Know your style – and know their style; and adapt your behaviour to suit their preferences. A great analogy from relationship expert Shay McConnon is that of the “hot chilli trap”. What is this? It’s when someone assumes that, because they love hot chilli, everyone else does too! Patently, some people do not like hot chilli!

If you’re in a foreign country you at least attempt to learn “please” and “thank you” in their language and show respect for their customs. It’s just courtesy. You adapt your own behaviour to show respect for the differences of perception.

To assume, because we speak the same language, we see things in the same way  – is quite clearly erroneous, yet we still persist in believing the mantra “treat others as you’d like to be treated.”

Absolutely not! Treat others as they would like to be treated.

So what does this mean for you in your relationship with your boss? It means the more you get to understand their style and preferences, and tweak your style to match, the more likely they are to warm towards you. If you lean towards an eye for detail and precision, but your boss just wants the big picture – give it that way. What is their biggest strength? Capitalise on it. What is their central goal? How can you assist? If they are extroverts who like to talk through ideas, provide that opportunity. If they are introverts who like to be able to read through something, and ponder it first, present your proposals in a way which will help them assimilate the information and ask questions.

Respect how they like to be treated.

And what if they don’t show the same trespect for you? Well, that’s a subject for another article!

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Shona Garner is an experienced Executive and Business Coach, specialising in helping managers build top performing teams, and increase their own standing in the organisation.
For a straight talking, practical guide to the top four secrets of every outstanding manager, visit http://www.increasingmanagerialsuccess.com/freereport.php

* Your book is back from the printer, you have some newspaper interviews lined up, your attending a meeting with your target audience. . .you are entering one of the biggest publicity weeks of your business and your website crashes (sounds familiar?).

* You’ve worked hard and are gearing up to launch a new product when a vendor calls and says that he can’t get the new website up on deadline which is “okay” because the graphic artist’s computer crashed and your product picture isn’t ready anyway. They’ll get back to you.

* Taxes are due and, in some previous insanity, you agreed to do them for friends and family. But you still need information and the tax deadline looms.

* Your hubby needs reading glasses but you can’t find the credit card which will give you the big discount. It’s gotta be around somewhere.

* Your sister wants to borrow your AAA card – it must be with the missing credit card.

* It hasn’t rained for weeks and yet the dog is covered in mud and lying on the couch.

* Your largest client calls on a Friday afternoon and requests the impossible. This was preceded by your smallest client calling and demanding that you drop everything as her every need is *urgent*.

What do you do when it all goes wrong?

1. Laugh.

Laugh hard and laugh often. Laugh like there’s no tomorrow – given the above, there may not be.

Seriously though. . .laughter will put you in a much better frame of mind to deal with life’s interruptions without losing your sanity.

2. Breathe.

If laughter isn’t possible, and sometimes it just isn’t, then focus on your breathing. Breathe in and out, in and out as deeply as possible until your pulse stops racing or you let go of the throat that somehow found its way into your grasp.

3. Regroup.

When the walls are caving in around you, take five minutes and figure out what you can do to keep at least one thing moving forward.

Follow-up on the email that may land you a new client. Submit your article to the various article submission sites. Pay a couple of bills. Do one thing, anything so that you can cross something off your *list*. It’s probably best if this something doesn’t involve interaction with others!

4. Give thanks.

“What? Give thanks? Are you insane?”

I can hear the grumbling from here. Do it anyway! Grab a piece of paper and make a list of everything that you are thankful for – chances are, you have it better than millions of others.

Here’s a quick list of things that I know I’m grateful for: my health, family and friends, my pets, my business and my clients, sunrises and sunsets, flowers, chocolate ice cream, the sound of the ocean and a crisp New England fall day.

5. Get out.

Get out of the house and out of the office. Whether you choose to go for a walk, have lunch with friends, go window shopping (leave credit cards at home) or browse the shelves at your local library, get out and enjoy yourself for a bit. You’ll return in a much refreshed frame of mind and ready to tackle whatever life throws your way.

Let’s be real. Sometimes problems are just problems and not “opportunities”. Sometimes lemons make bad lemonade. And not all clouds have a silver lining. When everything goes wrong, try one (or all) of the above techniques, accept it and move on knowing that things will get better!

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For the past 5 years, Sandra Martini has been showing self-employed business owners how to get more clients consistently by implementing processes and systems to put their marketing on autopilot. Visit Sandra at http://www.SandraMartini.com for details, compelling client testimonials and her free audio series “5 Simple and Easy Steps to Put Your Marketing on Autopilot”.

Here they are:

Powerful Tip #1 – Get your health in order.

In his book “The Art of Money Getting or Golden Rules for Making Money”, the infamous P.T. Barnum wrote:

“The foundation of success in life is good health: that is the substratum fortune; it is also the basis of happiness. A person cannot accumulate a fortune very well when he is sick. He has no ambition; no incentive; no force. Of course, there are those who have bad health and cannot help it: you cannot expect that such persons can accumulate wealth, but there are a great many in poor health who need not be so.”

How true…

Good health *is* the very foundation upon which wealth is built.

As a matter of fact…

As Ralph Waldo Emerson put it in his book “The Conduct of Life”:

“The first wealth is health.”

Because, as he went on to explain:

“Sickness is poor-spirited, and cannot serve any one: it must husband its resources to live. But health or fulness answers its own ends and has to spare, runs over, and inundates the neighborhoods and creeks of other men’s necessities.”

Hmmm…

Just about says it all, doesn’t it?

The bottom line is…

Just as it’d be far easier for you to build a house when you’re healthy than when you’re not…

Wealth, success, happiness, and love are a whole heck of a lot easier to “build” when you’re healthy than when you’re not.

It’s that simple.

Powerful Tip #2 – Decide what you want to be when you grow up.

Let me ask you…

When you think of Bill Gates, what do you think of?

Software, right?

When you think of Warren Buffet, what do you think of?

Investments, right?

When you think of Michael Dell, what do you think of?

Computers, right?

When you think of Donald Trump, what do you think of?

Real estate, right?

When you think of Sam Walton, what do you think of?

Discount stores, right?

When you think of J. K. Rowling, what do you think of?

Books, right?

When you think of Ray Kroc, what do you think of?

Fast food, right?

When you think of Wayne Huizenga, what do you think of?

Garbage, right?

When you think of Oprah Winfrey, what do you think of?

Television, right?

When you think of Tiger Woods, what do you think of?

Golf, right?

Now…

Think about it…

Besides having “a lot” of money, by most anyone’s standards, what do *all* these “rich” folks have in common?

The answer?

Simple…

They all made their “money”, at least initially, just as all great fortunes have been made, in *ONE* business or profession, *NOT* ten different businesses or professions, *ONE* business or profession.

In other words…

They got rich by deciding what they wanted to be when they grew up, choosing the *ONE* business or profession they wanted to be in, and then they focused on that *ONE* business or profession until they “made it”.

Therefore…

If “riches” and “wealth” are what *you* want…

That’s *exactly* what you must do as well!

Decide what it is you want to be when you grow up…

Choose the *ONE* business or profession you want to be in…

Then focus *exclusively* on that *ONE* business or profession until you “make it”!

Powerful Tip #3 – Spend more high-quality time with your loved ones NOW!

I can’t even begin to tell you how many people have emailed me, over the last several years, telling me they wanted $1,000,000 so they can spend more time with their loved ones, more often than not their children.

Yep…

I can see it now…

There they are in one room, beating their head against their computer monitor trying to figure out how to make $1,000,000 on the Internet, while their son or daughter quietly sits in another room wondering why mommy or daddy won’t play with them.

Ridiculous?

Sure is.

Farfetched?

Not in the least.

As a matter of fact…

Sadly…

That’s *exactly* how the vast majority of people spend their entire lives…

Don’t you be one of them!

Here’s the deal…

You don’t need $1,000,000 to spend more time with your loved ones.

As a matter of fact…

You don’t need any money at all to spend more time with them!

All you need is to make the commitment and the time to do so.

With that thought in mind…

I wish you and your loved ones the absolute best of holiday seasons and a wealthy, healthy, successful, and happy New Year!

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Tony Mase is a serious student of the works of Wallace D. Wattles and the publisher of the “The Personal Power Course: Ten Lessons in Constructive Science, Teaching You How to Use Your Own Subconscious Energies for Health, Prosperity and Personal Achievement” ebook by Wallace D. Wattles… http://www.thepersonalpowercourse.com

How did I arrive at this resolution?

The biggest reason is that “fair,” in many of its form as an adjective, is for losers and whiners. My goal is to help people  multiply their success – and the use of “Fair” isn’t going to make that happen.

There is no more overworked, misunderstood, manipulative, emotional word in our vocabulary than “fair.” Politicians use it to create emotions, unions use it to advance their own ends – as do organizations, sales people use it to assure prospects that what they are presenting is good for everybody, people use it to describe what they see as not in their interests, leaders – well some leaders – use it to shift opinion to their side, whiners use it to complain without ever having to be clear about their grievance, let alone provide a solution.

The uses of the word are endless. Merriam Webster includes thirteen different definitions in its use as an adjective, and many more in its use as a noun. The one I like the most says “apparently favorable, but really false: fair (specious) words. ”

What is “fair” is in the eye of the beholder – my fair and your fair may be worlds apart. It’s possible we may be able, through communication and negotiation, to arrive at a “fair” solution – although the word more often serves as a barrier to effective communication. Or maybe the only thing “fair” is if you see things my way – or vice versa.

I know one thing about the word “fair”- when I hear it being used, I put my hands in my pockets to ensure no one can pick them.

In this last election cycle I heard so many “fairs” that I could gag. I heard it from both sides – “fair” is bipartisan. Anyone can use it – it’s powerful, emotional, and fuzzy. Six year olds use it to express displeasure when Mom sends them to their room. And that six year old is not much different – and probably more accurate – than some of our candidates for public office.

It’s a word that many use to get sympathy for loss – in its many forms. And it works – sometimes. But for every time it works, there’s another time where it just shouts “loser” to those who hear it being used.

It’s an entitlement word. I want my “fair share.” Usually uttered by someone who has no more right to his or her “fair share” than the man on the moon. ‘Fair’s” a word that is often linked up with “rights” – like in “I got my rights to a fair share.” Say’s who?

“Fair” is a word that people use to try to get out of things. Right now the big flap here in Phoenix is about the use of electronic cameras on freeways to control speed. It’s argued that their use is not “fair” – as if law enforcement was somehow more a game than a necessary fact of life in our lives. Do I have sympathy for the speeder clocked at 121 miles an hour in a 65 zone? Not really. But their attorney will defend them with at least one “not fair” argument – and they may win. Who said the law is rational? I’d like to see judges throw attorneys out of the courtroom for the use of the word. Except there wouldn’t be enough attorneys left over to protect the rights of those treated “unfairly.”

I think you get the picture. I ask you to join me in seeing that “fair” is put back where it belongs – as a noun. “I went to the County Fair,” “she has a fair complexion” – although that one is borderline. After all, have you ever heard anyone being described as having an ” unfair” complexion? But you get what I mean.

Let’s not get trapped into its use – as a word, as an emotion – as a way of judging. Let’s take the world for what it is, and not try to make it what it isn’t. Join me in resolving to eliminate “fair” from our thinking.

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Andy Cox helps individuals, teams and organizations identify and develop their Multipliers of Success – the unique set of Behaviors, Motivators and Personal Skills each client needs for success. Contact Andy at acox@consultgroup.com
Visit his website for information on how he can help you discover and develop your Multipliers of Success. His website address is http://www.coxconsultgroup.com

The cost of not living our lives fully is much higher than most things we could buy or even the money we might have lost on the stock market recently. What does not living your life fully cost you?” she queries. “Love? Friendship? A fulfilling career? A romantic relationship? Joy? Peace? A greater sense of self worth? Maybe even financial security? These things are more costly than anything else.

Most often the things that stop us from living what Amir calls a fully-lived life include fear, depression, lack of money, low self-esteem, laziness, and complacency. All of these things can become problems when we are faced with an economic crisis such as the recession in which the United States now finds itself. That’s why its imperative that people find a way to make the New Year one in which they find ways to be happy and live fully despite their financial situation and the country’s economic crisis.

While most people don’t really know what living fully means to them and have trouble describing it or imagining it, they have to get out of the mode of existing – surviving even. They have to begin thinking about what it means to live fully and then actually live their lives to the fullest extent possible. The following three tips for beginning to live fully in 2009.

Living Fully Tip #1: Take action towards your goals and dreams. Realize that you have been allowing the way you feel and the beliefs you have about yourself, as well as the feelings and beliefs you have about your current situation or life, to stop you from doing the things that constitute living fully. Commit to moving past these perceptions and taking at least one action step towards a thing, action, experience, or goal (or all four) that you want to have in your life this coming year. Do something to make that part of your life this year. Action always gets our blood pumping and makes us feel less apathetic and victimized. It gives us a sense of power over our lives. Take control! Do what you can to move forward with your life.

Living Fully Tip #2: Do something you’ve always wanted to do. This can be something as small as learning to knit or as large as going on a trip to Australia. Find something within your current financial means that feels exciting and fun and that you have been putting of or not finding time to do, and simply do it. There’s no time like the present. And you never know what the future will bring, so you better do what you want now. Doing so will surely make you feel more alive.

Living Fully Tip #3: Do something you feel afraid of doing. Move through your fear. “Fear stops most people from living their lives to the fullest extent. It stops them from leaving abusive relationships and from having a spiritual experience. It stops them from going on a job interview and from trying new foods. It stops them from going hang gliding and from asking someone out on a date. Whatever it is that you feel afraid of doing, make yourself do it. You’ll be glad you did. Not only will you feel free afterwards, you’ll be exhilarated and happy. You’ll feel more alive and ready to take on the next challenge. That’s living fully.

2009 may be a year that keeps people stuck in survival mode rather than living fully if they don’t make a conscious attempt to not only make the best of their situations but to actually celebrate them. Having gratitude for what we have and celebrating our little successes can encourage us to move forward this year and help us come to a place of joy and peace despite our own situations and the economic condition of our country. In this manner we can come out better off than we started when the recession ends. We’ll already be living our lives to the fullest extent. Having our financial situations improve will just be icing on the cake.

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Amir is the author of The Kabbalah of Conscious Creation. Sign up for her FREE program, the Living Fully Challenge, 12 Months to a Fully-Lived Life, at http://www.purespiritcreations.com . An e-book version will be available after January 1. Listen to her on Conversations with Mrs. Claus, http://www.thefamilyyak.com , each month. Amir offers practical spirituality and human potential tools from a Jewish perspective but crossing spiritual and religious lines.

It starts at the top. Too many times managers blow off the session because they don’t need it (of course). This sends a strong message to all their followers: this training is not worth my time. If leaders haven’t attended the training themselves, how can they reinforce the message? I see this in medical environments all the time – the nursing staff has to attend customer service training, not the doctors – they are way too important. Guess who treats both the nurses and the patients poorly? The doctors. What kind of message does this send to the nurses? No wonder they don’t want to go to training.

Make it better: If you are going to have training for your people, you should go through it yourself. When you are there, support the trainer and your learners.

Exception: The only time you may want to consider not attending is if you want your people to interact freely with the trainer without your possibly intimidating presence. This is a very valid reason for not being there. If that’s the case – tell your people. Tell them you think the training is important and why you are not going.

No one likes boring training. Make sure the training is good and has value for the attendees. I know this seems obvious, but something horrible has happened to people. They have had to sit through boring sessions and they hate it. There are enough good presenters out there that you can find someone with high energy, humor and great information. Take the time to check out your trainers. If you are using internal trainers, make sure they don’t get burned out and bored with their own material. Take good care of them—they have a big impact on your employees.

Make it better: If you people are laughing, they are not in pain. Good training can help with morale and retention. Don’t settle for boring.

They don’t want to be embarrassed. Make it fun, but don’t make attendees feel stupid or uncomfortable. I do a lot of customer service training. Very few attendees are excited about coming. Leadership is seldom there and it’s often held after hours. People think they are somehow being punished for not doing their jobs. It’s a tough crowd and I know I have to win them over and get them to drop their defenses fast. That’s why I have my Elvis theme. Right away they know this isn’t going to be like any customer service training they’ve had before. And before they know it, they’re laughing. I do not make them do any Elvis impersonations; they are never embarrassed or made to do anything that would make them uncomfortable. It’s interactive without putting anyone on the spot. If anybody acts silly, it’s me.

Make it better: Most adults are terrified of looking like idiots. Training should be fun and safe or your people will dread it.

Attendees—you are not off the hook! You should come with an open mind. Hey, if you have to be there, you might as well have fun! Most of us have never been to a class where we learned nothing. In this life, you’re either growing or you’re dying. Take the chance to grow and learn. It’s the best way to improve.

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Denise Ryan, MBA, is a Certified Speaking Professional, a designation of excellence held by less than 10% of all professional speakers.  She is a blogger http://motivationbychocolate.blogspot.com
Her website is http://www.firestarspeaking.com

You can be stressed to the max on a bad day, yet, as long as life seems manageable, you don’t usually look for new strategies to get through it.   The tendency is to pull yourself up by the bootstraps, grit your teeth and keep on going.  During prolonged or sudden tough times, though, normal defense mechanisms are not enough to keep you from feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed.

It’s when events are overwhelmingly beyond your control, that you either find new ways to cope or are pulled down by the undertow.  Your usual defenses are inadequate to protect from overwhelming long-term stress.  Stress can build gradually beyond tolerance level, or a surprising turn of events like those recently reported in the news can create the kind of vulnerability that demands openness to change.

The soft inner core of your being feels exposed.  This exposure opens a crack in the old armor through which an opportunity for renewed life can shine.

Here are six tips that can help you thrive in tough times?  .

Nourish Yourself – Let go of the bootstraps for a few moments, acknowledge your stress and be kind to yourself.  What nourishes you – inspirational reading, music, a cup of tea …?  Are there people or places, a favorite chair or spot in nature that provide sustenance?  Make nurturing yourself every day a priority.

Stay Present – Don’t project ahead. Take life one day, one moment at a time.  Tough times are more manageable when you pay attention to making decisions and taking action on only the next step.  Fearful preoccupation or worries about dire imagined future possibilities can leave you open to illness, accidents and errors in judgment that compound your problems.  Scale down, simplify your activities and concentrate your precious energy supply on only what is critically important right now.

Accept Support – This can be difficult for people who prize self-sufficiency.  Remember it is as virtuous to receive, as it is to give.  Without the receiver, the giver has no way to share their abundant gifts.  Don’t deprive your friends and family of the pleasure to help you when you need it.  Shared burdens provide opportunities for enhanced closeness and appreciation for one another.

Trust Your Resilience – Chances are you have been through tough times before.  What natural strengths did you rely upon in those situations?  How did you make it through adolescence, Childbirth, Marriage, Divorce, School, First job?  What are your natural inner resources?  Trust that you have what you need to see this tough time through.    Visualize Success – See yourself moving into a new chapter of life.  How do you want to write that chapter?  Creation begins in the imagination.  If you can think it, you can create it.  In order to be free to dream and hope for something new, you must let go of old visions, descriptions and limitations of the person you think you are or can become.

Forgive Past Errors – Forgive past hurts, and people who may have inflicted them, knowingly or unknowingly.  This is not out of kindness to them, rather out of kindness to you.  After all, you are the one carrying the burden of these hurts.   Forgive yourself for mistakes or paths not taken.  Release the burden of the past so you can travel lighter in the present.

In times of crisis and radical change, remember that living means growing.  I have never seen anything in nature grow backward.  So, as bad as you feel, and as much as you doubt it, if you are alive you are growing.

Growth is creative.  So, take advantage of the opportunity in these tough times to re-create your life by nourishing yourself, staying present, accepting support, trusting your resilience, visioning possibilities and letting go of the past and perceived limitations.

Even though tough times are hard, they can also be the best times to explore ways to live more harmoniously with yourself and others.

Aila Accad

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Aila Accad, RN, MSN ‘The De-Stress Expert’ is a Speaker, Author and Transformation Coach. Learn more and contact her for speaking, and transformational coaching at: http://www.ailaspeaks.com . Sign up to receive her complimentary De-Stress Tips Newsletter and get “Ten Instant Stress Busters” e-book as a gift.

1. ASSUME THAT EVERYTHING IS FOR YOUR HIGHEST GOOD

At this point in my life, I automatically assume that the world is kind. I assume that someone far smarter than I has choreographed my challenges, worries, triumphs, joys, sorrows, and all the rest. To me, life is far too magically complex to simply be random movement of atoms and energy. Through all the good and all the bad in my life, I’ve learned the most amazing things – things I wouldn’t trade for the world. Now, even in the midst of challenging situations, I know that life’s got my back.

2. EXPECT SUPPORT FROM THE UNIVERSE

“Ask and It Is Given” is an amazing book, and an even more amazing statement in itself. So often we’ve forgotten to expect support. Usually we’re wanting support, but rarely, rarely are we expecting it. When we expect something to be done, it’s as if it already is. Someone who expects good things in life often gets it. And have you notice that those who expect the worst usually get that too? Donald Trump expects to be rich. He doesn’t hope for it, he demands it of the Universe. No matter if he loses billions of dollars, he gains it right back. Life is solely an outer manifestation of our internal expectations.

3. BE OPEN TO THE SIGNS

When the world hands you a coincidence, stop and say “thank you!” I see coincidences as winks from the Universe, helping confirm that we’re on the right track. When opportunities line up perfectly, when situations mystically converge, when opportunities fall in your lap, or when you simply find a penny on the ground, embrace them without hesitation.

4. DON’T WANT FOR ANYTHING

Most people, no matter how many manifesting books they read, are still longing for things. The “want” for money, abundance, love, health or happiness is merely that… a want. And voilá, that’s what we get: the opportunity to long for something and not get it. When we think about what we want, or talk about what we want, the world hears “Please let me want for X-Y-Z”. The most challenging aspect of manifesting is to be in the state of already having what you want. Evoking the emotions you would feel once your desired goal is attained is the real key to generating your desires.

5. BE GRATEFUL

The state of gratitude is like having your arms wide open to receive all of life’s bounty. When we’re not in the state of gratitude, it’s like walking through life with your fists clenched and your body contracted. Check in to your emotional and physical positions throughout the day. Are you feeling open to everything around you, or are you guarded, grumpy, cynical or sad? If you are frustrated by your current situation or surroundings, make a choice to see only the good, even if just for 2 minutes each morning. Jotting down things in your life that you’re grateful for, no matter how small, helps you to open to life’s abundance. As we all know, what we think about most, we bring about!

6. CLEAN UP YOUR INTERNAL ACT

Why don’t we all have what we want in life? It’s usually because we have beliefs in the way that are generating more of what we’re not wanting, and less of what we are. No matter how much manifesting work we do, if those beliefs are still in place, they will subconsciously be running your life’s ship without you ever being the wiser. Cleaning up these mystery beliefs can be challenging for most.

As you travel further down the path of cleaning up your home, body and thinking, the work of Byron Katie can be the most amazing gift (www.thework.com). This process is the way I continue working on my own limiting beliefs. The less that stands in our way of believing we deserve a wonderful life, the more we can allow in.

7. FOLLOW YOUR HEART

When you choose to spend time with things that bring you great passion and interest, your emotional body resonates on a very different level. Those who follow their bliss, choose careers that bring joy, spend time with people who delight them, watch movies that lift their spirits, and read books that inspired excitement often draw in more abundant situations. If you make choices out of fear or to “play it safe”, life will give those types of situations or frustrations right back to you. And if you instead take risks to open your heart, mind and spirit, you will, worst-case, get a life of fulfillment, surprise and joy. Look inside to all your underlying motivations and shine a light on them so that you might make a different decision tomorrow. Awareness is the key.

8. TAKE ACTION

When we realize what we desire, and begin to align ourselves with these goals, the next step is action. And often times this is the step that trips us all up. When I had manifested my T.V. show “Fun Shui” and had met my producer, I got scared. REALLY scared. And I began sabotaging the opportunity out of fear. But luckily I came to my senses in the nick of time, stood up bravely, and took action. I moved into some of my deepest life fears, I pushed through limiting beliefs, and I did things I’d never done before…

We can’t stop with just meditation, gratitude, and cleaning up our thinking. We also must take action, and step up to the plate when life hands us miraculous situations or circumstances. Don’t let a great thing pass YOU by!

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Stephanie McWilliams is the host of HGTV’s hit show, “Fun Shui”. She is a gifted feng shui designer, coach, holistic health counselor and intuitive – combining all her talents into a powerful Mind/Body/Space approach to healing and personal transformation.  Visit her website http://www.EvolvingArts.com to get lots of free goodies, as well as her inspirational weekly newsletter, “My Cup of Chi”.

And an awful lot of people will do that, and be the poorer for it. They will stop trying to swim upstream, and instead let the current carry them where it may, and they will feel out of control and blame it on things outside themselves. They are victims of events. And victims want every one else to be a victim too – it proves they’re right about their own behavior. They will have chosen to be a victim – even though most would deny it.

Others choose to be victors. Faced with the same events and circumstances and consequences and outcomes as victims, they will continue to swim upstream – possibly more slowly and with more effort, but still working their way toward their goals. They know it may take longer, it may be tougher, but they choose to stand and fight, rather than let themselves be overcome by events. They take action – sometimes actions that seem so small – but they know that only action leads to results. And in doing that they often find opportunities that they couldn’t have dreamed of, but exist because of the very circumstances that turn others into victims. As Steve Schiffmann says in his book Make It Happen Before Lunch, “dwell in possibility, there is always a door somewhere waiting to be opened.”

Victors are optimists, opportunists, takers of action.

I was talking to the editor of a recently launched real estate investment magazine and she admitted the market is tough right now, and many people are holding off, sitting on cash, and taking a wait and see attitude. But others are looking for alternative forms of financing, taking advantage of what they see as bargains in the market, and continuing to work their goals. Even in what is described by the media as one of the most downtrodden of markets – real estate – littered with the failures of so many – others are working and prospering. They’re victors – and they will be stronger and more successful for their efforts.

Remember the aftermath of Katrina? How some people pitched right in, started clearing brush and helping others, and doing what they could to start the process of rebuilding their lives and the lives of others. Under the most difficult of circumstances – these were people who had lost everything – they put their heads down and started with action – doing something, anything, to move forward. They’re victors. I have no scientific proof, but I suspect those that showed that behavior ended up getting back on track faster, and moved forward on their life’s path much more quickly than those victims who waited for help – and complained when it wasn’t forthcoming as fast as they expected.

The media did a disservice in the aftermath of Katrina by focusing on the bad things – the late response, the lack of organization – and made it easier for people to be victims. After all, Anderson Cooper on CNN, among others, showed how screwed up the rescue efforts were. And how could an individual, a victim of Mother Nature and FEMA, be expected to make a difference? Many didn’t feel they could make a difference, and I suspect those people may be still waiting for and expecting more help. Victims rarely win – they just serve as examples of how “they” – the system, the government, the neighbors – didn’t take care of them. And a major word in the vocabulary of victims is ” fair” – as if there was some obligation in life for things to be “fair” – whatever that means.

To be a victor requires courage, goals that keep victors pointed toward where they want to go, and an understanding that they may not be able to control all the things that happen to them, but they sure can choose how they deal with them. Victors keep control of their responses. They have their bad days – weeks – months – but they persist. And in doing so they win in the game of life.  Regardless where you are right now, choose to grab ahold of whatever it is that you really want, set your plan to get it, and act. You’ll be better for it – I guarantee it.

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Andy Cox helps his clients select and develop teams and talent. He focuses on helping leaders and emerging leaders define and develop their skills and talents using goals. He can be reached at http://www.coxconsultgroup.com , or at acox@coxconsultgroup.com

As simply as I could put it, I shared with him my personal belief…

Essentially…

That One is All and All is One. That one Intelligent Substance manifests itself as what appears to be many elements of the material world.

Simply put…

We’re all made from the same Stuff, a Thinking Stuff.

After I finished my simplified explanation of this concept, he sat there quietly for a moment or two, staring out the car window, then he looked at me and said…

“Daddy, that makes sense!”

And…

With “ah-ha” written all over his face…

He added…

“So that’s why you’re always telling me to love my neighbor as myself and to treat other people the way I want to be treated, because we’re all one, right Daddy?”

At age five…

He got it!

Not long after our “God talk”, as he likes to refer to it, impressed by his insight and “feeling my oats”, I guess, I decided to tackle a very simplified version of the concept of gratitude to the Formless (the one Intelligent Substance from which all things are made), the importance of expressing gratitude to the Formless, and the various ways in which we might express our gratitude to the Formless, with him.

As I was enthusiastically waning on and on (I guess I got a little carried away ) about how to express gratitude to the Formless, he sat there with a puzzled look on his face (okay, actually it was his “you idiot” look ).

Finally…

Obviously unable to take it anymore…

He piped up and said…

“Daddy…”

“Since we’re all made from the same stuff, isn’t saying thank you to someone else the same thing as saying thank you to the stuff?”

Hmmmmmm…

Hmmm…

Hmmm…

Hmmm…

Out of the mouths of babes.

You know what?

He was absolutely right!

I frequently see folks going to great lengths in their effort to develop and incorporate an “attitude of gratitude” into their lives, lugging around special gratitude crystals, rocks, or stones, keeping special gratitude journals, and/or resorting to all sorts of other “props and crutches” as I like to refer to them, when *all* that’s *really* required is developing the simple habit of saying “thank you”.

I believe it was Meister Eckhart, the influential fourteenth century German theologian, philosopher, and mystic, who once wrote:

“If the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.”

No doubt about it!

And…

As I learned from my five-year-old…

We can continuously express that prayer of gratitude to the Supreme, for *all* we have and enjoy, by simply developing the habit of consistently saying “thank you” to one another.

Once again…

Thank you son!

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Tony Mase is a serious student of the works of Wallace D. Wattles and the creator of an amazing website that’ll take you by the hand and guide you step-by-step down Wallace D. Wattles’ proven path to wealth, health, success, happiness, love, and more… http://www.tonymasesinnercircle.com

Now is a perfect time to reflect upon what your declaration would say. It is interesting that in our culture, the New Year does not begin in the springtime, the season of rebirth and planting new crops, but rather in the winter, the season for withdrawing and reflecting. Keeping this in mind, when preparing your Living Willfully Declaration, you first need to spend some quality, quiet time, contemplating the bigger picture. Here are some questions you may want to ponder and perhaps write about in a new journal: Who is the person I want to become before I die? What values do I want my life to reflect? Who do I want to share my life with? What supports do I need to put in place to help me on this path? What do I still need to learn? How can I realize my utmost potential?

What other questions might you want to ask? Asking the right questions can be more powerful than seeking the right answers. The answers to such cosmic questions are often beyond the scope of rational thinking or one’s present level of wisdom. By asking good probing question, you are setting an intention and creating the opening for unexpected answers.

It may be bit overwhelming to create a definitive Living Willfully Document. As with every great expectation, it is best to begin one step at a time. So you may want to start with setting an Intention or Living Theme for 2010. The word ‘intention’ comes from the Latin root intendere, meaning to stretch toward something. It is not a goal that has a specific outcome. An intention is an aim that guides your actions; it is something realized not achieved. Simply stating an intention invites your intuition, creativity, and the universes’ natural goodwill to play apart in the answer’s unfolding.

This is very different from a New Year’s resolution. Unlike a resolution, an intention is not based on something you want to fix about yourself, but rather how you can elvove into the person  you want to be.  An intention is receptive and keeps you in the present moment, focused on the process; whereas a resolution is driven and keeps you in the future, focused on finishing.

Again by crafting a Living Theme as a question, you are inviting a certain outcome without forcing a particular agenda or result. It also keeps it off your to-do list and away from self defeating should’s.  Some examples of Yearly Intentions are: “How can I live more lightly upon the earth?” “How can I invite greater integrity into my life?” “What do I need to do to express more joy in my life?” “Can I allow myself to be more loving?”

Have fun with this. Try out a few variations until you find one that truly resonates with you and then let it organically unfold. Wishing you a wonderful, willful New Year!

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Karin Marcus, Certified Life Coach / Retreat Leader
“Let the beauty of what you love, be what you do” Rumi
Karin@Steppingoutcoaching.com 610-667-5247

http://www.SteppingOutCoaching.com

Download your complimentary “Walking with Intention: A Self-Guided Mini Retreat”

http://www.SteppingOutCoaching.com/newsletter.html

I believe these are universal, so I have forgone with the usual candy-flavored bullet-list to share with you some of the things I learned from being a parent. Here they are:

HOPE AND DREAM UNSELFISHLY

It is intrinsic, “human nature,” to dream and aspire for wonderful things. As a child you wanted the best toys, you wanted the yummiest foods, or you want to be the best in class. As a teen, you wanted to be better looking, you wanted a bike, or you wanted to be the first to have a car. As an adult, you want to have the latest car model, you want to have freedom in everything, you want to have the best job, or want to work less for more.

When you fell in love, you relish how your loved one makes you feel; and you plan for things that would make the two of you happy TOGETHER, and FOREVER. So you dream of a nice home and a nice life with your spouse. However, if your toy, your job, or your girlfriend ceases to amuse you, you dump them.

Do you notice the pattern? From childhood, and until you marry, YOU are at the center of your plans. Your toys, your material possessions, your friends, your career—and to a certain level, even your wife, are YOUR desires, your sources of self-gratification. Isn’t it true that if your wife ceases to love you (or you cease to love her) divorce seems to be temptingly sitting just around the corner?

When I became a parent everything changed with the way I planed and dreamed. My baby is at the center of everything—and I wasn’t even thinking about it. All I cared for was how to give my baby the best in the world—unconditionally. My dreams and aspirations ended being centered on what I want, or what makes me happy. I started dreaming and planning for somebody else, and I didn’t care whether this somebody else is going to repay me back, or love me for it, or if I break my back fulfilling this dream. I just started dreaming for another human being’s sake and it was the most natural thing in the universe.

What makes your spouse happy makes you happy. But if he/she starts to make your life miserable, you want to start looking somewhere else. While the church teaches you to give unconditional love, with your spouse, sometimes, it is easier said than done. But with your child, nobody has to teach you unconditional love—it just comes out naturally, even to the most callous of souls.

RICH DAD, POOR DAD

No, I’m not going to talk to you about how to get rich as how Robert Kiyosaki did in his “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” superseller. This is all about “parenting”—the verb. It is easy to assume that being the “parent” (noun), takes care of everything. It is easy to assume that “parenthood” is a God-given status and no one should question this.

My parents are the most wonderful parents anyone could ask for, especially (or despite) that both have less in life but a lot to give. My father did not finish high school and works as a lowly labourer, and my mother barely reached college. However, it was all she needed to help me become a better student. She was a cleaning lady for a college university, and she drowned me with books borrowed from the library. Because of poverty I became the only “wealth” and happiness of my parents.

When you are raised by poor, deficiently-schooled parents, you grow with hard work on your back. I had to wake up early every school day to cook and do the laundry while others were still asleep. I had to walk to school while others rode in flashy cars. And most importantly, I had to study harder to keep a scholarship while others played.

I promised myself I am not going to let my children suffer the hardships I had when I was their age. I ended up working so hard that I became just the “parent” (noun) without doing the “parenting” (verb). I relegated “parenting” to “providing.” I became the “rich Dad” who was providing my kid everything except my time.

As opposed to how my “poor Dad” treated me, happiness centered on my success. The resulting material possession—and my son, just became a part of it. I was living under the notion that I am the “parent” regardless of whether I exercise my parental role or not. I could never be more wrong. Being a father and a provider are entirely different things.

NATURE VS. NURTURE

Parenting is more than that process of genetic transfer. Just like in any other relationship, you have to nurture it. I only came to realise this folly when I started working from home and I saw how my 15-year old son talks to his Mom and never to me. When I expected him to be glad seeing more of me around, it was the exact opposite.

Now, I’m trying to catch up on lost time. What is sad is, I can no longer take back the years I missed being with him. He is already 15 years old, and it won’t be long before he leaves us. I would feel empty. My being very close with my younger children does not makes my communication gap with the eldest any easier. But this is what I learned, and I learned it the hard way. I’m not gonna let the same happen with the younger ones.

To my fellow fathers, it is very easy to get caught in life’s rat race. Never forget why you are out there working in the first place. Stephen Covey, in his “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” hit the nail on its head when he said “Begin with the end in mind.” Nurture and love your children. Talk to them and hug them every chance you get. By the time they’re older, you won’t have that much chance anymore.

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This article has been contributed by our friends at The Asian Parent. Visit them for more articles and resources on parenting at www.theasianparent.com.

But do nice mothers-in-law really exist?

I married out of India and we spent a small fortune on the lavish wedding. However in spite of pomp and ceremony of my nuptials, I was never allowed to forget that my husband married me only because he felt obligated to honour his mother’s choice of a bride for him.

From the beginning, the only space I had to call my own was the chair allocated to me during family gatherings. When I left that chair, I had no personal space to unfold and be myself. Sometimes, I told my husband, “I need you to stand up for me.”

But my words would fall on deaf ears as he seemed to be more committed to his mother and father than he was to me. Talking with my mother-in-law meant facing a very stern lady who disliked me and my husband never understood my predicament.

I recall going on family outings which meant me sitting quietly in the back seat while my husband carried on animated conversations with mother and father. I was usually left out of the interaction. If I tried to speak with my husband, his mother would give me a hostile look as if to imply, “Who invited you into this conversation with my son ? Did I say you could speak?”

This was not a marriage that was made in heaven.

Some time has passed since the wedding. Today I am a wife and mother – but still alone. My husband belongs to only one woman and she is his mother.

The smallest innocent action becomes a seed for conflict the mind of my mother-in-law. If I am taking my son to park then according to her perceptions, I am trying to keep him away from them. Why can’t she realize that she has never allowed her own son to come close to me (his wife) except during 12 midnight to 8 am when he sleeps.

I have built up so much resentment against her that now I want to resign as her daughter-in-law.

Over time, I was lucky to have made friends who are married. Whenever I see them with their husbands and the warm, mutually respectful relationships they share with each other, I would find myself feeling cheated by life.

Until now now ‘Karwa Chauth’ for me was a festival of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law but in chatting with my friends I have come to realize that it is really a celebration of love between husband and wife. That was quite a revelation to me.

I have tried my best as a wife to gently remind my husband that he is now married with responsibilities and our marriage is not limited to sleeping together in a bedroom. But somehow, he is not sensitive to my overtures.

I have fulfilled my duties as a daughter-in law, sister-in-law, wife and mother but what do I get from my mother-in-law? Ostracism and the unwritten status of being an outsider. I feel like someone who is sentenced to stand outside in the cold while looking through the window and seeing the love they share within their family circle. But none of it is meant for me.

From day one of the marriage to today, my mother-in-law feels it is her duty to comment on everything I do as a wife and mother.

Why does she feel the need to dominate our relationship? Why does she hold on emotionally to her son instead of allowing him to evolve into a mature and self-realized man and husband? Why should I be expected to prove myself to her? Surely my obvious respect and devotion to the family should be the measure of my worth as a daughter-in-law and wife? Why must so much of my time and energy be focused on my mother-in-law and not my son and husband?

Finally I gave up trying to fit into the family circle.

Now I never ask anything from my husband as he belongs only to his mother. I have made friends and they are everything to me. They talk to me, listen to me, love me and care for me. I have started to realize that happiness is really to be found inside of our hearts and not in a relationship.

Like me, there are many other wives who have learned to find the road to happiness within ourselves.

The sad reality is that not all marriages are beautiful.

(Author has requested for her identity not to be revealed)

What is God?
Andre: I agree with Gabrielle Teare. God is whatever you want It to be. It is the controlling force of your life. Atheists believe God is their own mind.The religious people believe that God is as an external controlling entity that has control over their minds. Agnostics, well they are not sure. Religious people unfortunately each create their own God who is (most of the time) not compatible with another person’s god, even in the same religion. I myself subscribe to rationalism.

God or the Big Bang (or both)?
Andre: Well I don’t belief in creationism as it is too much a fairy story. The Big Bang is probable. There is another theory: the Flux Theory which postulates that the universe keeps getting created and destroyed over and over. Another interesting theory I recently read about in Calculating God by R J Sawyer is that God may have been created every time the universe gets created. So He first tries to sort himself out and then tries to put order into things but may also make mistakes. He might even have different choices each time; for example He can get something to change in the universe that does great good but it comes with side effects like a disease or environmental destruction. Interesting theory but it is as all the things mentioned in response to the question – just a theory. Also don’t forget the parallel universes theory. I do think as soon as we get to understand quantum physics we might get closer to the truth though.

God or Darwin (or both)?
Andre: Darwin seems more rational. We still need a lot more proof though. But I’d rather teach my kids something more rational than creationism.

God or Darfur ? (How can Darfur happen if there is God?)
Andre: Pain and injustice have been a reality with us from day one. Until man can stop his ignorance and self-righteousness we will have to be content to dwell in our own misery forever. Unfortunately the people who need to realize it won’t do so.

Who is God’s God?
Andre: It is a circular reference …. well for me there is no proven God. So if I can’t prove the first one I can’t even begin to theorize further. But interestingly enough I have observed too that most things in life follow a cycle including animals, plants, the planets etc. This makes me think that existence must be cyclical too. It is only human beings who see everything to have a beginning and an end; maybe we are  finite-focused and not able to understand anything else ?

Will the real God please stand up? (Why do we have so many religions?)
Andre: Again, I agree with Gabrielle. Even existing cults/religions keep splitting up. There is no proven God.

Is this just a big lab and are we just guinea pigs and God just a researcher?
Andre: Interesting theory but once again just a theory, with no proof. One can theorize the same thing about aliens – and – it is not even so far fetched if you start reading the ancient Sumerian scripts as Zecharia Sitchin has done. The gods of the ancients may have been aliens, but still no proof except strange scriptures.

Unexplained phenomena = God?
Andre: Nope we just don’t yet have the ability to understand our surroundings. If you look, for example, at the way animals and insects observe the world, you would know that they see the world completely different than humans. This changes how they react to things in life and how they understand it. I believe the same is true for us as humans, that is why science is so important – it is the only way we will be able to find out what we can’t see with our normal senses and begin to understand it.

That should have been the pinnacle of my success as an ads and promo manager in the multinational company where I worked. But even then, I was hiding a secret, a loneliness and depression so debilitating that I almost crumbled under its weight.

A few days before the event started, I had said goodbye to my sister who flew to Michigan to visit a friend. It was the last time I was to see her for quite a while. The reality of her absence never really hit me until I arrived in Dumaguete. I found myself alternating between tears and dread, sadness and depression. I felt like I did when my mother died death and it was left to my sister and I to hold the family together. With my sister gone, I felt bereft, abandoned and lonelier than I could ever explain.

It was an implosion of the heart, mind and body that followed. The glamorous job that used to bring me so much pleasure was losing its attraction for me. My mind began to wander. I began to lose the edge that made me so effective in my job. I started missing deadlines. I found myself beginning to distance myself from my colleagues mentally and physically because of this sudden and inexplicable feeling of insecurity and loneliness. Added to this, was the growing paranoia that my boss, who was planning to move to Australia, was looking at me with professional jealousy because I was in line for a promotion when she left.

Months passed and I found myself sinking deeper and deeper into the emotional and professional limbo. I was deeply unhappy.

I turned to the internet for solace. There I met a guy in one of the popular online social networks. He introduced himself to me as Vince. He was 27 years old and lived in Davao. Vince told me that he had a son with a woman whom he hasn’t gotten around to marrying just yet. He was unemployed but waiting for his visa so he could go to the Middle East to work at one of the US military bases there.

I met Vince during a holiday break in June 2009. He was a decent enough guy; kind of shy and well-educated but otherwise nothing spectacular about him stood out. We had lunch and saw a movie. Afterwards, we headed off to my hotel room where we had sex.

At age 44, I had managed to remain a virgin for God knows what reason. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had numerous boyfriends in the past but never slept with any of them. Many have tried to seduce me but I’ve always been rather shy and frightened of intimacy. I still believed in the purity of love and marriage, bless my silly little heart. But why was it different with Vince this time? I was not in love with him but I saw in him my one last chance to re-engineer and overhaul my old frightened self.

I’ve learnt that when you’re unhappy, the only way to fight it, is to immerse yourself completely in emotions that are unfamiliar and new.

Raw emotions challenge you to think out of the box and making love to a man for the first time was a life-changing choice I made without a tinge of reservation or regret.

That one-night stand, I shared with Vince was a milestone experience that left an indelible mark on me as a woman on the cusp of changing her life. Intimacy was nothing to be feared. A man’s kiss was meant to be enjoyed.

When I went back to Manila and resumed my life, I felt more alive than ever since my sister left. I left Davao without a parting farewell from him. No text messages, no calls. My cell phone was silent. Three or four days later, a text message arrived. It was from him. I read it with gratitude. I knew now that I had met one of life’s mysterious challenges head on when it presented itself to me. I was strong enough to embrace life and its surprises. I made a choice that will change the regular pattern of inhibition that used to define my relationships. But most of all, I made a choice knowing that something in me was going to change forever.

Casual sex or not, I will always think of Vince with gratitude. Because he held me in his arms in tenderness and understanding. Because he laughed at my feeble jokes. Because he shared something deep of himself in the short time we were together.

It was not love. We were simply two lonely people meeting at the right time to share some warmth and a connection. The world can be a lonely place and from time to time, we need a harbor where we can safely shelter with a kindred soul — at least until the rain stops and we go home once again to a life of quiet desperation.

As the tap was not being closed the water gushed continuously. I began to wonder ….was my roomie using water from the wash basin to take his bath? As soon as he came out with his towel to dry his face I realized that all this time he had not been bathing but shaving. He had kept the water flowing the whole time. Why do we need to keep a tap on while we shave?

With this thought of water wasting in my mind I finished my daily chores, got ready for office and went to the kitchen to check out the menu for breakfast. There my eyes caught the faulty tap of the kitchen wash basin from which a very small stream of water flowed down the drain. I wondered to myself — can’t we call a plumber and get it repaired? Won’t this save us a lot of water? On the way to the office, my mind was kept busy by the thoughts of precious water being wasted at the guest house. I started calculating the amount of water that was flowing down the drain.

A rough assumption of the water that might be wasted while shaving was about ¼ of a bucket, and with that faulty kitchen tap it may be around 3 to 4 buckets in the whole day. Here we are talking of wasting three to four buckets from one room of one house in one street of one city of one state of one country. I multiplied that by an arbitrary figure of a modest 100 million every day for the world, and the shocking realization hit me like a ton of bricks. We are wasting hundreds of millions of buckets of water every day on a planet that has a shortage of clean water.

Where are we going wrong? Why don’t we understand that we are wasting this precious resource through carelessness, laziness and indifference. Is it basic education? No I don’t think so. One out of the two people involved in today’s wastage of water incident was educated and working at a middle level management position and the other was hardly educated.

Maybe it is just general awareness that is lacking among all of us? Maybe we are unaware of the consequences of this dreadful wastage of water? Maybe we are so selfish we have decided that the future generations – our children and grandchildren – will look out for themselves.

How can we stop wasting water? First we will have to change our attitude. We will have to feel responsible for the world that we will create for future generations. And what is the solution? How can we make everybody aware of this problem? Through public education programmes, water metres and higher water rates perhaps?  As far as I am concerned I have always felt that the children can make a world of difference. Let’s  also begin by adding water conservation and environmental studies as key subjects on schools’ curricula.

Just imagine that you are shaving one day and you have kept the tap gushing water …. then your kid comes up to you and tells you, “Dad please close this tap. You are wasting a lot of water. The planet is drying up.  You need to save this water so that I can have enough clean water to drink when I get older.”

Won’t that make you change your attitude?

Than all alarm clocks put together

As I woke up, each morning,

To the melodious tune of the cuckoo bird

Nesting in the bushy branches of the pine tree opposite my house.

The youthful tree with its lush green, needle-like frondescence,

Haven to the birds, which chirruped and chippered,

Perching on its beanpole branches.

The pine tree stood alongside a busy street,

As a silent spectator to the evolution and enlargement of life around it.

I spend hours knowing it,

Relating its existence with my own.

I attune myself to its complacent nature and we grow together,

Understanding and entertaining each other

In silent communion through the years….

Transcript

I am a writer. Writing books is my profession but it’s more than that, of course. It is also my great lifelong love and fascination. And I don’t expect that that’s ever going to change. But, that said, something kind of peculiar has happened recently in my life and in my career, which has caused me to have to recalibrate my whole relationship with this work.

And the peculiar thing is that I recently wrote this book, this memoir called “Eat, Pray, Love” which, decidedly unlike any of my previous books, went out in the world for some reason, and became this big, mega-sensation, international bestseller thing. The result of which is that everywhere I go now, people treat me like I’m doomed. Seriously — doomed, doomed! Like, they come up to me now, all worried, and they say, “Aren’t you afraid — aren’t you afraid you’re never going to be able to top that? Aren’t you afraid you’re going to keep writing for your whole life and you’re never again going to create a book that anybody in the world cares about at all, ever again?” So that’s reassuring, you know. But it would be worse, except for that I happen to remember that over 20 years ago, when I first started telling people — when I was a teenager — that I wanted to be a writer, I was met with this same kind of, sort of fear-based reaction. And people would say, “Aren’t you afraid you’re never going to have any success? Aren’t you afraid the humiliation of rejection will kill you? Aren’t you afraid that you’re going to work your whole life at this craft and nothing’s ever going to come of it and you’re going to die on a scrap heap of broken dreams with your mouth filled with bitter ash of failure?” Like that, you know.

The answer — the short answer to all those questions is, “Yes.” Yes, I’m afraid of all those things. And I always have been. And I’m afraid of many many more things besides that people can’t even guess at. Like seaweed, and other things that are scary. But, when it comes to writing the thing that I’ve been sort of thinking about lately, and wondering about lately, is why? You know, is it rational? Is it logical that anybody should be expected to be afraid of the work that they feel they were put on this Earth to do. You know, and what is it specifically about creative ventures that seems to make us really nervous about each other’s mental health in a way that other careers kind of don’t do, you know? Like my dad, for example, was a chemical engineer and I don’t recall once in his 40 years of chemical engineering anybody asking him if he was afraid to be a chemical engineer, you know? It didn’t — that chemical engineering block John, how’s it going? It just didn’t come up like that, you know? But to be fair, chemical engineers as a group haven’t really earned a reputation over the centuries for being alcoholic manic-depressives.

We writers, we kind of do have that reputation, and not just writers, but creative people across all genres, it seems, have this reputation for being enormously mentally unstable. And all you have to do is look at the very grim death count in the 20th century alone, of really magnificent creative minds who died young and often at their own hands, you know? And even the ones who didn’t literally commit suicide seem to be really undone by their gifts, you know. Norman Mailer, just before he died, last interview, he said “Every one of my books has killed me a little more.” An extraordinary statement to make about your life’s work, you know. But we don’t even blink when we hear somebody say this because we’ve heard that kind of stuff for so long and somehow we’ve completely internalized and accepted collectively this notion that creativity and suffering are somehow inherently linked and that artistry, in the end, will always ultimately lead to anguish.

And the question that I want to ask everybody here today is are you guys all cool with that idea? Are you comfortable with that — because you look at it even from an inch away and, you know — I’m not at all comfortable with that assumption. I think it’s odious. And I also think it’s dangerous, and I don’t want to see it perpetuated into the next century. I think it’s better if we encourage our great creative minds to live. And I definitely know that, in my case — in my situation — it would be very dangerous for me to start sort of leaking down that dark path of assumption, particularly given the circumstance that I’m in right now in my career. Which is — you know, like check it out, I’m pretty young, I’m only about 40 years old. I still have maybe another four decades of work left in me. And it’s exceedingly likely that anything I write from this point forward is going to be judged by the world as the work that came after the freakish success of my last book, right? I should just put it bluntly, because we’re all sort of friends here now — it’s exceedingly likely that my greatest success is behind me. Oh, so Jesus, what a thought! You know that’s the kind of thought that could lead a person to start drinking gin at nine o’clock in the morning, and I don’t want to go there. I would prefer to keep doing this work that I love.

And so, the question becomes, how? And so, it seems to me, upon a lot of reflection, that the way that I have to work now, in order to continue writing, is that I have to create some sort of protective psychological construct, right? I have to, sort of find some way to have a safe distance between me, as I am writing, and my very natural anxiety about what the reaction to that writing is going to be, from now on. And, as I’ve been looking over the last year for models for how to do that I’ve been sort of looking across time, and I’ve been trying to find other societies to see if they might have had better and saner ideas than we have about how to help creative people, sort of manage the inherent emotional risks of creativity. And that search has led me to ancient Greece and ancient Rome.

So stay with me, because it does circle around and back. But, ancient Greece and ancient Rome — people did not happen to believe that creativity came from human beings back then, OK? People believed that creativity was this divine attendant spirit that came to human beings from some distant and unknowable source, for distant and unknowable reasons. The Greeks famously called these divine attendant spirits of creativity “daemons.” Socrates, famously, believed that he had a daemon who spoke wisdom to him from afar.

The Romans had the same idea, but they called that sort of disembodied creative spirit a genius. Which is great, because the Romans did not actually think that a genius was a particularly clever individual. They believed that a genius was this, sort of magical divine entity, who was believed to literally live in the walls of an artist’s studio, kind of like Dobby the house elf, and who would come out and sort of invisibly assist the artist with their work and would shape the outcome of that work. So brilliant — there it is, right there that distance that I’m talking about — that psychological construct to protect you from the results of your work. And everyone knew that this is how it functioned, right? So the ancient artist was protected from certain things, like, for example, too much narcissism, right? If your work was brilliant you couldn’t take all the credit for it, everybody knew that you had this disembodied genius who had helped you. If your work bombed, not entirely your fault, you know? Everyone knew your genius was kind of lame. And this is how people thought about creativity in the West for a really long time. And then the Renaissance came and everything changed, and we had this big idea, and the big idea was let’s put the individual human being at the center of the universe above all gods and mysteries, and there’s no more room for mystical creatures who take dictation from the divine. And it’s the beginning of rational humanism, and people started to believe that creativity came completely from the self of the individual. And for the first time in history, you start to hear people referring to this or that artist as being a genius rather than having a genius. And I got to tell you, I think that was a huge error. You know, I think that allowing somebody, one mere person to believe that he or she is like, the vessel you know, like the font and the essence and the source of all divine, creative, unknowable, eternal mystery is just a smidge too much responsibility to put on one fragile, human psyche. It’s like asking somebody to swallow the sun. It just completely warps and distorts egos, and it creates all these unmanageable expectations about performance. And I think the pressure of that has been killing off our artists for the last 500 years.

And, if this is true, and I think it is true, the question becomes, what now? Can we do this differently? Maybe go back to some more ancient understanding about the relationship between humans and the creative mystery. Maybe not. Maybe we can’t just erase 500 years of rational humanistic thought in one 18 minute speech. And there’s probably people in this audience who would raise really legitimate scientific suspicions about the notion of, basically fairies who follow people around rubbing fairy juice on their projects and stuff. I’m not, probably, going to bring you all along with me on this. But the question that I kind of want to pose is — you know, why not? Why not think about it this way? Because it makes as much sense as anything else I have ever heard in terms of explaining the utter maddening capriciousness of the creative process. A process which, as anybody who has ever tried to make something — which is to say basically, everyone here — knows does not always behave rationally. And, in fact, can sometimes feel downright paranormal.

I had this encounter recently where I met the extraordinary American poet Ruth Stone, who’s now in her 90s, but she’s been a poet her entire life and she told me that when she was growing up in rural Virginia, she would be out working in the fields, and she said she would feel and hear a poem coming at her from over the landscape. And she said it was like a thunderous train of air. And it would come barreling down at her over the landscape. And she felt it coming, because it would shake the earth under her feet. She knew that she had only one thing to do at that point, and that was to, in her words, “run like hell.” And she would run like hell to the house and she would be getting chased by this poem, and the whole deal was that she had to get to a piece of paper and a pencil fast enough so that when it thundered through her, she could collect it and grab it on the page. And other times she wouldn’t be fast enough, so she’d be running and running and running, and she wouldn’t get to the house and the poem would barrel through her and she would miss it and she said it would continue on across the landscape, looking, as she put it “for another poet.” And then there were these times — this is the piece I never forgot — she said that there were moments where she would almost miss it, right? So, she’s running to the house and she’s looking for the paper and the poem passes through her, and she grabs a pencil just as it’s going through her, and then she said, it was like she would reach out with her other hand and she would catch it. She would catch the poem by its tail, and she would pull it backwards into her body as she was transcribing on the page. And in these instances, the poem would come up on the page perfect and intact but backwards, from the last word to the first.

So when I heard that I was like — that’s uncanny, that’s exactly what my creative process is like.  That’s not all what my creative process is — I’m not the pipeline! I’m a mule, and the way that I have to work is that I have to get up at the same time every day, and sweat and labor and barrel through it really awkwardly. But even I, in my mulishness, even I have brushed up against that thing, at times. And I would imagine that a lot of you have too. You know, even I have had work or ideas come through me from a source that I honestly cannot identify. And what is that thing? And how are we to relate to it in a way that will not make us lose our minds, but, in fact, might actually keep us sane?

And for me, the best contemporary example that I have of how to do that is the musician Tom Waits, who I got to interview several years ago on a magazine assignment. And we were talking about this, and you know, Tom, for most of his life he was pretty much the embodiment of the tormented contemporary modern artist, trying to control and manage and dominate these sort of uncontrollable creative impulses that were totally internalized. But then he got older, he got calmer, and one day he was driving down the freeway in Los Angeles he told me, and this is when it all changed for him. And he’s speeding along, and all of a sudden he hears this little fragment of melody, that comes into his head as inspiration often comes, elusive and tantalizing, and he wants it, you know, it’s gorgeous, and he longs for it, but he has no way to get it. He doesn’t have a piece of paper, he doesn’t have a pencil, he doesn’t have a tape recorder. So he starts to feel all of that old anxiety start to rise in him like, “I’m going to lose this thing, and then I’m going to be haunted by this song forever. I’m not good enough, and I can’t do it.” And instead of panicking, he just stopped. He just stopped that whole mental process and he did something completely novel. He just looked up at the sky, and he said, “Excuse me, can you not see that I’m driving?” (Laughter) “Do I look like I can write down a song right now? If you really want to exist, come back at a more opportune moment when I can take care of you. Otherwise, go bother somebody else today. Go bother Leonard Cohen.” And his whole work process changed after that. Not the work, the work was still oftentimes as dark as ever. But the process, and the heavy anxiety around it was released when he took the genie, the genius out of him where it was causing nothing but trouble, and released it kind of back where it came from, and realized that this didn’t have to be this internalized, tormented thing. It could be this peculiar, wondrous, bizarre collaboration kind of conversation between Tom and the strange, external thing that was not quite Tom. So when I heard that story it started to shift a little bit the way that I worked too, and it already saved me once.

This idea, it saved me when I was in the middle of writing “Eat, Pray, Love,” and I fell into one of those, sort of pits of despair that we all fall into when we’re working on something and it’s not coming and you start to think this is going to be a disaster, this is going to be the worst book ever written. Not just bad, but the worst book ever written. And I started to think I should just dump this project. But then I remembered Tom talking to the open air and I tried it. So I just lifted my face up from the manuscript and I directed my comments to an empty corner of the room. And I said aloud, “Listen you, thing, you and I both know that if this book isn’t brilliant that is not entirely my fault, right? Because you can see that I am putting everything I have into this, I don’t have anymore than this. So if you want it to be better, then you’ve got to show up and do your part of the deal. OK. But if you don’t do that, you know what, the hell with it. I’m going to keep writing anyway because that’s my job. And I would please like the record to reflect today that I showed up for my part of the job.” Because — in the end it’s like this, OK — centuries ago in the deserts of North Africa, people used to gather for these moonlight dances of sacred dance and music that would go on for hours and hours, until dawn. And they were always magnificent, because the dancers were professionals and they were terrific, right? But every once in a while, very rarely, something would happen, and one of these performers would actually become transcendent. And I know you know what I’m talking about, because I know you’ve all seen, at some point in your life, a performance like this. It was like time would stop, and the dancer would sort of step through some kind of portal and he wasn’t doing anything different than he had ever done, 1,000 nights before, but everything would align. And all of a sudden, he would no longer appear to be merely human. He would be lit from within, and lit from below and all lit up on fire with divinity. And when this happened, back then, people knew it for what it was, you know, they called it by it’s name. They would put their hands together and they would start to chant, “Allah, Allah, Allah, God God, God.” That’s God, you know. Curious historical footnote — when the Moors invaded southern Spain, they took this custom with them and the pronunciation changed over the centuries from “Allah, Allah, Allah,” to “Ole, ole, ole,” which you still hear in bullfights and in flamenco dances.

In Spain, when a performer has done something impossible and magic, “Allah, ole, ole, Allah, magnificent, bravo,” incomprehensible, there it is — a glimpse of God. Which is great, because we need that. But, the tricky bit comes the next morning, for the dancer himself, when he wakes up and discovers that it’s Tuesday at 11 a.m., and he’s no longer a glimpse of God. He’s just an aging mortal with really bad knees, and maybe he’s never going to ascend to that height again. And maybe nobody will ever chant God’s name again as he spins, and what is he then to do with the rest of his life? This is hard. This is one of the most painful reconciliations to make in a creative life. But maybe it doesn’t have to be quite so full of anguish if you never happened to believe, in the first place, that the most extraordinary aspects of your being came from you. But maybe if you just believed that they were on loan to you from some unimaginable source for some exquisite portion of your life to be passed along when you’re finished, with somebody else. And, you know, if we think about it this way it starts to change everything.

This is how I’ve started to think, and this is certainly how I’ve been thinking in the last few months as I’ve been working on the book that will soon be published, as the dangerously, frighteningly overanticipated follow up to my freakish success. And what I have to, sort of keep telling myself when I get really psyched out about that, is, don’t be afraid. Don’t be daunted. Just do your job. Continue to show up for your piece of it, whatever that might be. If your job is to dance, do your dance. If the divine, cockeyed genius assigned to your case decides to let some sort of wonderment be glimpsed, for just one moment through your efforts, then “Ole!” And if not, do your dance anyhow. And “Ole!” to you, nonetheless. I believe this and I feel that we must teach it. “Ole!” to you, nonetheless, just for having the sheer human love and stubbornness to keep showing up. Thank you.

Weight loss isn’t always that quick though and it is important to understand that although there are many promotions on TV and the Internet that promise otherwise, they don’t always ring true. One thing to remember is that when you hear hype in the media, chances are it is just that. People are trying to sell a product to the unsuspecting person who wants the fastest way to lose weight so they make sure that you listen to them.

Your might even have friends who have blogs that tell you a variety of things that will help you lose belly fat but you have tried them and they just don’t work. There are several common things that people believe when they want to understand how to lose weight and most of them are false.

Here are a few myths that we have found not to be true:

Myth #1: The Best Way To Lose Weight Is By Doing Cardio
There are a lot of cardio myths out there that have everyone working their behinds off because they think this is the key to the fastest way to lose weight. Some say you have to do this before breakfast, others say you have to do it for 20 – 45 minutes and still others say it has to be intense cardio.

The reality is that although cardio works you have to do it over a period of time if you want to have a rapid fat loss. You also have to be willing to change your lifestyle towards eating more whole foods, vegetables, fruits and nuts.

Myth #2: If You Want To Lose Belly Fat This Supplement Will Work
For any supplement out there you will find thousands of websites saying they will help you lose belly fat or by adding the supplement to your regular diet it will help you burn fat. The challenge is that there have been not studies or scientific evidence that say that supplements help in every situation.

For some people the vitamins, minerals or other supplements are actually helping them get better nutrition. With better nutrition this will automatically help you lose weight over time and this eating better can be the best way to lose weight.

Myth #3:  You can lose weight without doing exercise
There are several websites that tell you this because they have some sort of fat burner or metabolism raiser that says it is for people who hate to exercise. The bottom line is that if you really want to know how to lose weight exercise is a part of it. You can tell this is true if you spend most of your time in front of the TV instead of going out and walking around.

A little exercise may make you see that this is true because if you are eating right and getting some exercise it will help you burn your belly fat. This could be the fastest way to lose weight.

Myth #4: Losing weight is easy
We don’t know who came up with this one! The best way to lose weight is to eat better and exercise. However, it depends on how much you want to lose whether it is easy or not. Those people who work on ways to loose belly fat can tell you it isn’t all that easy.

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Matt Lisk is a fat loss expert who has used his knowledge to lose over 80 pounds of body fat, reduce his body fat percentage to under 10% and to resolve a variety of health issues he was experiencing. He is the author of Lean State University’s Fat Loss 101 Newsletter at http://leanstate.com

There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed, healed and done with.

When you’ve finally hit the lowest point, you know that the only thing that can happen is an upswing, leading to the road of recovery. You know and understand that it is going to be a very slow process, but you are happy anyway because you know that you are going back up to the light – your recovery. The healing has begun.

November, 2008 – May, 2009

I have taken charge of my life. I am healing slowly but surely in small baby steps. From outside, the cracks don’t show because I manage my emotions quite well. I am a social butterfly again. I feel stronger and I laugh a lot. And yes, I am enjoying the “Dostana” songs again, even dancing to the tunes. I am not fully back yet but the red carpet is in place to welcome the old me.

Meanwhile people tell me they like the “changes” in me. I talk more openly and forgive more easily. I am calmer now and more compassionate towards others. I am not so tough on myself anymore. Everyone loves this change in me. What about me? I am still struggling like a stubborn child. I still feel as if I were changed by force and it hurts. I feel as if I have been defeated – brought to my knees and changed.

But somewhere in my heart I know that the day I accept this change my suffering will be over. The healing will be complete. Meanwhile, I have decided to go back to my old passions: pottery and poetry. I am more spiritual and prayers have a different meaning now.

These are the “therapies” among others which I have incorporated in my life to help me in my recovery.

A) Affirmations

1) I am just going through a phase and it’s not permanent.
2) A man is but the product of his thoughts, what he thinks is what he becomes.
3) I am going to wake up in the morning bursting with energy and joy to discover what the day holds for me.

B) By choosing to be with positive people. I am making new friends and reconnecting with old ones.

C) By eating healthy, exercising and meditating.

D) By reading and opening my mind to new thoughts.

E) By going back to doing things I haven’t done in a while.

I have always taken pride in my energy and my ability to make my dreams come true. To me, healing does not mean that the damage never existed. It means the effects of the damage no longer control our lives.

No one enjoys suffering though great men tell us suffering has a purpose: “If you have not suffered as you have, there would be no depth to you as a human being, no humility, no compassion. Suffering cracks open the shell of ego, and there comes a point when it has served its purpose. Suffering is necessary until you realize it is unnecessary. Suffering comes to make one realize something. True suffering does bring change and when that is done it leaves quietly the way it came.”

12th September (Night)

I was told to collect my results after two days since it was a special test which takes time. The next 48 hours were the worst in my life. I had never felt so scared. The feeling of despair was so new and unexpected – so raw and so real. I could feel it physically gripping at my throat. How does one deal with such a situation? I tried my best to contain it but I couldn’t keep it to myself. After a while I accepted defeat and gave in – I just surrendered to fear and went down – so far down that even today I am still clawing my way up.

I asked my husband to take the day off and the 24 hours passed. I did not sleep. I could not sleep. Every half an hour I would wake up in a cold sweat. By mid afternoon I was like a restless, caged animal. In the end I felt I could not contain my feelings anymore. I didn’t want to scare my family and didn’t want my husband and kids to see me that way. I called my best friend and she came to meet me. I put my head on her shoulders and cried my eyes out for hours. I told her how scared I felt and clung to her like a baby. When I had no more tears to shed I called the pathology lab, only to be told that they were not going to give me the results on the phone. I however insisted and eventually they gave in and told me my results were negative.

I started crying all over again – this time with relief. I thought I would feel better now. But I did not because the feeling of dread refused to leave me. I was told to wait until December and go for another scan. The long waiting game began.

September – Early October, 2008

Days went by and I sank lower and lower. I imagined all kinds of terrible things happening to me. My brain told me there was nothing to worry about; a lot of people had cysts and complex ones at that. No big deal. But my heart kept doubting my brain. It kept on planting awful thoughts in my mind and for the first time in my life I didn’t fight back. I just let the sadness wash over me.

I had stopped eating. For days I would roll myself into a ball and cry for hours. Managing my emotions outside was getting impossible. I had no idea when I would burst into tears. Someone had to simply ask about how I was feeling and while replying I would burst into tears. To avoid further embarrassment, I stopped going out and no longer met with people. I would look at my kids and feel pity for myself because I couldn’t enjoy them. I felt cursed, as if someone had cast a spell on me or given me the evil eye.

Mid October, 2008

By mid September, I decided to meet my doctor and tell her how I was “decaying.” Yes, that is what I felt happening to me. Slowly I was losing myself and I did not know the woman I had become. I felt hollow. A woman who would once wake up in the morning with the thought, “And what shall I conquer today?” Now I couldn’t even visit the doctor by myself. I had to call my friend and we made the trip together.

It was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. Exactly one year back, the same doctor had looked me in the eye and had told my sister that I was a very brave woman. Now here I was standing right in front of her eyes in a mess – nothing but a broken woman. But to her credit, she did not show disappointment in me. Instead she listened patiently and told me I was having a breakdown which is very normal in a woman after delivery – I just happened to have my meltdown a little later than usual. She told me I would be fine and that she had full faith in me. Faith? How could anybody have faith in me when I had none in myself?

I went home and decided that I had to break free of this circle of doom. I called up my sister to let her know that I was coming over to spend Diwali with her. I also told her what was happening to me. Then I called up my parents and it was their turn to be supportive. Then I sat down and had a full meal. It had been ages since I had eaten anything substantial. I was ready to take charge of my life again.

Late October, 2008

My sister came to receive me and we went home with a wan smile from me and an open hug from her. Her family including her mother-in-law, treated me like a flower and even took my kids under her wings. My sister and I spent time doing things we hadn’t done in a while. We would go for outings and my sister and daughter would sway to “Dostana” songs. I recall looking at them while praying, “Dear God, can you make only that much happy so I can enjoy a good song and not feel sad for a while? Can you please give me a small gap in between, when I am not trembling with fear?”

We went for a scan which my sister insisted on, so I could put my at rest. The scan showed that the cyst was no longer there! Yes it had disappeared. It went the way it came—quietly! We went out to celebrate and all evening, I pretended to be happy. I couldn’t understand why I still felt so sad after such good news. I had no answers. From there I went over to my parents’ place and again, everyone rallied around me and treated me like a princess. Later on when my husband picked us up, I decided that I had to crawl out of that dark place where I had fallen. I was missing the real me like hell.

November, 2008

I gave a name to my dark moods. I called them “waves” and actually began to talk about them, first with my family, then with my friends and finally with my online community group. It was only then I realized that the old me wasn’t dead. She was still breathing somewhere inside of me and I had to dig her out the darkness. One night when I couldn’t sleep, I took an oath to seduce my soul back into my body.

Don’t miss “Descent Into Darkness” Part 3

(The author has chosen not to reveal her identity)

No one can tell what goes on between the person you were and the person you become. No one charts that anguish of descending into a private hell.

There are no maps of the changes.You just come out on the other side a different person.

This is my effort to chart my descent into hell. I am still on that journey and experiencing the changes. I don’t know what I will be in the end, but right now, all I know is I am not who I used to be: a strong, confident, assertive, happy and self-assured woman who had faith in herself.

Among the attributes that I have lost is faith – and faith is what I miss most.

Maybe because faith is the one quality to which all others were anchored. Or maybe because faith was something I was born with and everything else came later. Whatever the reason, I miss having faith and I hate the emptiness that is left in me.

Here is a diarized account of how I lost my faith.

31st December, 2005

We attended an amazing New Year’s bash at a beachside bungalow with friends and had a good time playing cricket on beach, making sand castles and doing things I haven’t done in years. We partied all night and I had so much fun.

January, 2006

The first week of this month was full of activities with many visits from good friends and close relatives and I enjoyed my time with them. By the beginning of the second week, I began to suspect that something was wrong with my body. I didn’t realize I was having a miscarriage because I did not know that I was pregnant in first place. I went for a blood test and misread it, only to be told later on that they could have saved baby if I had not misinterpreted the test results.
Did I lose my faith? Not then. Life went on and I had things to do. Did I grieve? No, I didn’t. I moved on, or at least I thought I did.

February-December, 2006

The remainder of year 2006 was spend taking care of my body. Doctors advised me to give myself a few months’ rest before we tried for another child. I was told to keep my weight down and to eat and exercise properly. As the year unfolded, I questioned myself about whether I really wanted to get pregnant again.

January, 2007

Another year began and soon I realized I was pregnant again. My mother was with me when the news came. I was happy but concerned at the same time. “Will everything be alright this time?” I kept asking myself. But I had so much faith in myself and in my body that eventually I convinced myself that nothing could go wrong. I was invincible.

June, 2007

All my medical reports were positive and promising and by June I began preparing for the new baby. By this time, my eldest daughter was emotionally ready to concede the throne to her yet-to-come sibling. We both secretly wanted a girl but my dear husband, like the sweetheart that he is, just wanted a healthy baby. Gender didn’t matter to him.

July, 2008

In July, I discovered I had CTS, carpel tunnel syndrome. In a few days it became so bad that I could not make the simplest move without wincing in pain. This was difficult for me to accept because I have been healthy all of my life. Never had even those stress headaches that plague most people. Now suddenly I was experiencing excruciating pain. The simplest of chores like lifting a cup or combing my daughter’s hair became a herculean task for me. In the months that followed, the situation deteriorated. I was told that some women get CTS during their pregnancy and it disappears after delivery. All I could do was bear the pain and wait for it to eventually go away.
Did I lose faith? No, I didn’t! Life went on because I had a home to run, a family to look after and dreams to fulfill. I had no time to feel sorry for myself so I bore it all well with smiles when possible and hope for the future.

1st – 4th September, 2008

I went in for my final sonography. I was told to go for the ‘colour doppler’ as it was the most accurate one. I obliged and discovered that the umbilical cord was wrapped around my baby’s face. I was advised not to be too concerned because this happens fairly often in pregnancies. Again my faith came to my rescue. I discussed all possible scenarios – the best and worst possible outcomes and how to handle any situation. I believed that I could deal with any situation. But things went horribly wrong. I went through long hours of labour pain only to be rushed to the emergency operation theatre with the umbilical cord tightly wrapped around my unborn child’s throat….he was being choked.
Did I lose my faith? No, I didn’t! I had full faith in God and my doctor and together they managed to save both mother and child.

5th September, 2008

It was evening when the doctor came rushing to me. I was half delirious and weak after giving birth. He told me that he would have to rush my newborn son to the ICU (intensive care unit) because his breathing was too rapid and his sugar levels were falling. My husband had gone to pick up my sister at the airport. There was no one with the baby so I had to call my mother and she went with the ambulance.
Did I lose my faith? No, I didn’t!

7th September, 2008

Only mothers are allowed in the ICU so I was really excited to visit my son for the first time, on the third day after my operation. The nurses guided me to the room. As I stood there, I found myself dumbstruck for a few minutes. I was choking with emotions because I realised that I couldn’t recognize my own baby from among the five in the room. After I explained my situation to a nurse, I was taken to the table-like bed where my son was sleeping – with a big needle stuck in his tiny arm supported by a small block of thermacol to keep his arm straight. Two ominous looking wires were stuck to his chest by tape; one small tube was down his tiny nose and a soother was taped – yes taped – to his mouth.

I just stood there in horror, unable to believe what I was seeing. The tears were rolling down my cheeks as I walked out and asked my sister to take me back to the hospital.

Back in the hospital, I went straight to bed and slept for a while. I woke up screaming and crying hysterically. I felt as if I were being choked. I was breathless and in between sobs, I told my worried sister what I saw in the ICU and how I went numb with shock. I told her that I wanted my baby. My doctor was called and I asked her why they had chosen to tape a soother to my son’s mouth. I was very upset. She explained that some babies become cranky and it affects others who are in serious condition so it had to be done. I was told that it happened only rarely and they would try not to do it again.

I steeled myself and began visiting the ICU everyday. Most of the times, I found my baby asleep but I talked to him anyway telling him how much we were looking forward to taking him home. I told him about the name we had chosen for him and introduced him to his family.
Did I lose my faith? No I didn’t. My baby was alive and healthy and I was thankful. The rest was my karma. I reasoned that I had to experience this ordeal. I was ready to move on. At least I thought so. Did I or didn’t I move on? I am still hoarding that pink soother that was taped to my son’s mouth. Whenever, I am irritated or frustrated, all I have to do is look at that soother and my resolve to give all I have to protect him becomes stronger.

October, 2007

I visited to my doctor for a checkup and before I left, she hugged me and told my sister, “You know something? Your didi …she is a very brave woman.”

December, 2007 – June, 2008

I make friends with caution and care because when I consider someone a friend, I give that person the right to hurt me. My dear friend R, whom I considered as the baby brother I never had, took advantage of that right one day. He told me that he had that dreaded ‘C’ word – cancer. I was devastated. In the next few months, I spent time counselling and supporting him while taking care of my kids.

During this time, I also suffered the passing away of an uncle. There are times in life, when family members choose to leave your circle of loved ones. Our families were not on speaking terms but that did not mean that I stopped caring about him. When I got news of my uncle’s sudden death, I felt very sad. I said a silent prayer for him asking God to give strength to his wife and daughters.

Before I had my son, I had a very social life. There was time for pottery, music, movies and partying. Now here I was dealing with post-delivery issues and the fact that my dear friend R, was losing his battle with cancer. One day I got a call from another friend, who told me me that my friend R, had finally lost his brave battle against cancer. I grieved deeply. I missed our chats and I missed him like hell.
Did I lose my faith? No I didn’t. Life goes on. I reasoned that he must be in a better place. I moved on. Did I? I don’t know.

5th September, 2008

I dreamt, I planned and executed my son’s first birthday party. It was such a success that people still recall the fun and excitement. After ages, I felt at peace again. I was truly happy.

11th September, 2008

I decided to go for my annual medical checkup. I always went in for checkups feeling confident. Nothing major came up except a complex cyst….a complex cyst? Come again? What’s that? I had no idea so I went home and googled it. I felt myself growing cold. The word that came up again and again was….cancer.
Did I lose my faith. No I didn’t. Life goes on.

12th September, 2008 (morning)

I went to see my doctor and she looked at my report. She assured me that there was nothing to worry about and asked me to go for a CA 125 test. We both pretended that it was a simple test and there was nothing to worry about. After leaving the clinic, I told my husband to go home to the kids while I went in for the test. He left me at the local pathology lab and went home. I then went in for the simple blood test to rule out cancer.
Did I lose my faith. No I didn’t.

12th September, 2008 (late evening)

I came out of the pathology lab and stood waiting for a cab or auto to take me home. I was on the road for 20 minutes when the reality of it all finally hit me. I had actually gone in for a test, the results of which could change my life forever. I began to feel cold and apprehensive. I was shaking. I slowly got out of the auto knowing I was going home as a different woman from the one who had walked out of the house that morning.
Did I lose my faith? Yes, I think it was at that moment I finally realised that my faith was beginning to wither away. I was growing disillusioned.

Don’t miss “Descent Into Darkness” Parts 2 & 3

(The author has chosen not to reveal her identity)

To find out how other Ticklers and readers responded to these questions click here. If you would like to take this interview as well, mail us your answers at interview@tickledbylife.com. (we will publish only the best responses)

What is God?

Abhimanyu: God, the higher power, the Almighty, the grand wizard or any other name you want to use – is an unquantifiable, formless and nameless force that is beyond scientific explanation and yet is the most believable unseen, unproven phenomenon that has ever been or ever will be. No one, including me – will ever be able to answer this question conclusively and explain what, or who God is. In fact, the more we try to explain it, the more stupid we’d feel (maybe without admitting it) as we go on in our endeavor to construct a half decent response. We can do a lot of speculation and use probability but we’d stay just where we began.

As for my answer, I would say that God = Faith. God is what and whom you believe him to be. It’s something you believe in, beyond doubt and without conclusive evidence – a little like believing your wife (or husband) when she/he tells you that you are deeply loved. It’s something that you believe in because you want to believe in it – it gives you a purpose to live and to do things. Sure, your spouse does things like caring for you, worrying for you and making sacrifices for you and that confirms your faith in the professed love, but a doubter could say that all such acts are a well put on charade too, right?

God or the Big Bang (or both)?

Abhimanyu: Both. I’m no scientist and not for a minute would I even try to discredit the Big Bang theory which was derived after much research over many years. My reasoning is that each and everything in this world is scientifically explained – be it evolution, Big Bang, relativity, etc. However, what do you make of the fact that everything in the universe and more specifically in the space around us is designed just perfectly for life to survive? The composition of the atmosphere, the distance of the earth from the sun, the amount of water on Earth – make even a half percent of change in any of these factors and POOF! No more life! All this has to be pre-determined and put to effect by a smart, scientific force. So, what I’m saying is that the Big Bang was designed by God to happen in the precise way it did and the pieces scattered in the exact positions that were meant to make life on Earth possible millions of years in the future.

God or Darwin (or both)?

Abhimanyu: God designed it. Darwin realized, theorized and popularized it.

God or Darfur ? (How can Darfur happen if there is God?)

Abhimanyu: Darfur, Armenia, the world wars and all the genocides, cultural riots, can and will happen again again because there are always greedy people with a hunger for power. It has nothing to do with God and everything to do with Man.

Who is God’s God?

Abhimanyu: God himself, just like everyone of us, is his own man.

Will the real God please stand up? (Why do we have so many religions?)

Abhimanyu: Let me make one thing very clear – Religion and God are two totally different things. Man was created by God, and religion was devised by Man as a way to worship, follow and find God. Putting a religion, any religion – over and above God is like saying that an expensive guitar is more important than the music it was meant to make. There’s only one God like there’s only one music; there are different genres depending on the difference in instruments and techniques used to play the sound; just like there are different names given to God in different religious books through different stories, but in the end, it’s all music, isn’t it?

Is this just a big lab and are we just guinea pigs and God just a researcher?

Abhimanyu: No. It’s a big garden where we are flowers and God is the nurturer.

Unexplained phenomena = God?

Abhimanyu: Absolutely! It was, is and will always be an eternally unexplained phenomenon. You, me and gazillion others after us will keep speculating and posting in Q & A threads till the end of time or whenever the next Big Bang happens. But the fact is, at the end of the day, the only ‘proven’ truth is the one we believe in when we say our nightly prayer.

What is God?
Sanjiv: God is a creation of early human beings from a time when there were no explanations for natural phenomena. Many millennia ago, cave dwellers would have seen natural phenomena occurring around them ranging from childbirth, the sun rising and setting, the moon in its various phases, floods, rain, the constant appearance of strange animals, edible fruit growing at certain places, snow, the oceans, seeds becoming trees and a whole host of similar ‘magical’ things. When they could not explain why such things happened, some probably started attributing these phenomena to a superior being somewhere high up in the skies. This was probably the origin of God. As humankind started to become more social in their tribal behavior, some smarter ones took to calling these superior beings “gods” of various natural phenomena. They also hit upon a terrific business idea to keep themselves in food, comfort and awe by creating practices they claimed to have learnt directly from these so-called gods, to appease them and to ensure peace and happiness within the community. These smart people probably became the first priests who claimed that they could direct the rest of the tribe in performing rituals and sacrifices to ensure that the gods remained happy.

God or the Big Bang (or both)?
Sanjiv: Based on current scientific knowledge, obviously the Big Bang. If there were nothing before God created the universe, who created God?

God or Darwin (or both)?
Sanjiv: Based on current scientific knowledge, Darwin was probably closer to the truth than some imaginary “Creator”.

God or Darfur ? (How can Darfur happen if there is God?)
Sanjiv: This is a pointless question as we have already accepted that God does not exist!

Who is God’s God?
Sanjiv: Already responded this question in answer “2” above. So this is also a pointless question as we have already accepted that God does not exist!

Will the real God please stand up? (Why do we have so many religions?)
Sanjiv: Where there are different groups of people, there will be different customs and each group will have its own power centres. If one group’s power centre feels that another group is not following the same customs that their group has adopted, then they feel their power is threatened and declare that all those who do not follow these customs are outcasts and therefore enemies. That is why we have the different religions.

Is this just a big lab and are we just guinea pigs and God just a researcher?
Sanjiv: This is an interesting question if we remove the term ‘God’ from it. Since we really know so little of what is out there in the vast universe, the probability that our planet is an experiment in the laboratory of some far superior race from somewhere in the universe is about as high or as low as the probability that God exists!

Unexplained phenomena = God?
Sanjiv: As far as prehistoric man was concerned, yes. That was the origin of the God delusion. But why human beings still cling to this delusion when almost all of mankind has now accepted scientifically predictable explanations for a whole load of previously unexplained phenomena is beyond me!

What is God?
Sundar: Are we asking – What is God or Who is God? Please read my answer to this question at the end of this questionnaire.

God or the Big Bang (or both)?
Sundar: When it comes to creation, then God is not the Creator in a sense, in that he is different from what is created. If we think that curd is created out of milk, then we will have to ask where does the milk come from and so on and so forth. But look at it like this, if both the milk and the curd are the same thing and only our perception makes this difference, then the concept of creation has disappeared. Our perceptions of different things come because of the concept of time. This takes us to the question, what is time? The facilitating “ability” which has made us see milk, and then curd is time. And, time could not exist if we could not have that consciousness. What then is that consciousness? It is our awareness…. so it is our awareness that has made us see curd as curd and milk as milk, and the mechanism inside us, which has prompted us to believe that curd has come out of milk, so creation is our mind’s manipulation.

God or Darwin (or both)?
Sundar: Evolution is also a phenomenon born of our of time and its perception.

God or Darfur ? (How can Darfur happen if there is God?)
Sundar: I think, we are too serious. We detest certain things, because we feel guilty about certain activities because of ego promptings. Humanitarianism seems like the offshoot of egoistic values, in the sense that it is rooted in man-made morals and judgment of ‘good or bad.’ If we are not going to be too serious about being alive, then the whole perspective on situations like Darfur will change.

Who is God’s God?
Sundar: God cannot have a beginning or an end, because time is an illusion.

Will the real God please stand up? (Why do we have so many religions?)
Sundar: The world’s religions do not really focus on God. If you want to realize God, then philosophy is a better place to find inspiration. Religions are made for the purpose of moral policing and to bring in some discipline to society. Some of the religions introduce people to philosophy and to the real questions, but many are institutions.

Is this just a big lab and are we just guinea pigs and God just a researcher?
Sundar: This is also a perception. If God is omniscient, then what will He learn from this experiment? No, this is not a lab and nobody is watching us.

Unexplained phenomena = God?
Sundar: No, unexplained means that those “unexplored” facets of existence are simply unexplained and nothing more. Once you start explaining the unexplained, your knowledge base increases, and the increase in knowledge base will lead to further questions which cannot be unexplained. Therefore there will always be a set of things which will remain ‘unexplained’ and this could be used by religious leaders to exploit the masses. On the other hand, the ‘unexplained’ is the stimulant for us to investigate further and it keeps alive our interest in the world.

Now coming back to our original question: What is God, or Who is God? These religious ‘gods’ are created to discipline and control. They are man-made with a mundane purpose. If we could go a little further in our discussion we could find God as an omnipresent, omniscient and omnipotent phenomenon, in which case, there is nothing external to GOD, therefore the creator, creation and the act of creating is God; the seer, the seen and the process of seeing is also God and so on.

What is God?
Kaustav: This is God. You are God. I am God. We are all God. Everything around and in you and me is God. The infinite cycle of creation and destruction of innumerable ‘big bang’ universes, each with a subtle difference, where every single possibility is eventually “real” – is God. God is not an intelligent entity separate from you and me. We, You and I, are IN God and OF God, and therefore ARE God. It is impossible to separate a molecule of water from the other molecules of water around it, and study the behaviour of that molecule in isolation. There is no meaning to such an exercise. If the Universe were to cease to ‘exist’ in its current form, so would you and I, instantaneously. Therefore we have no separate identity from the Universe. Which means, we ARE the Universe. The Universe – GOD – expresses itself in many ways, including us.

God or the Big Bang (or both)?
Kaustav: Is there a difference? God exists for ever. It is theorized that each Big Bang eventually leads to the next one, in a virtually unending sequence. God has no beginning and no end. Neither does this Universe. God exists in everything, and in nothing. Which means, God is all the Matter, as well as the Space that contains the Matter, as well as the Time that defines the Matter. Perhaps the real question is, does the Big Bang have a purpose?

God or Darwin (or both)?
Kaustav: Think of God as the laws of the Universe (i.e. the Universe itself). Evolution is merely an expression of these laws, unfolding in a grand sequence. Thus evolution loses its meaning when ‘Matter’, ‘Space’ and ‘Time’ lose their meaning.

God or Darfur? (How can Darfur happen if there is God?)
Kaustav: Darfur, though unfortunate, was inevitable. Conflicts are not the product of one man’s greed, or a few people’s selfishness. They are inevitable flash points that occur when much larger and deeper socio-political issues collide. Fear and greed are endemic to human nature, and we will unfortunately have many more Darfurs until we raise ourselves as a species beyond the petty considerations that create wars. And we are but a product of our value systems – which in turn are shaped by incidents early in our life as well as survival rules of the species – which again obey the laws of the universe.
Moreover, we must put Darfur in perspective. Darfur, though terrible and unfortunate by human values, is a conflict happening in one small region of a very small planet, that orbits a very small and relatively young star, which is situated on the edge of one of the outermost spirals of a galaxy that contains trillions of such stars, in a universe that contains probably quadrillions of such galaxies. Do you see the magnitude of GOD? From this perspective, Darfur will eventually play out according to the same laws that govern the rest of the universe. What will happen, will happen.

Who is God’s God?
Kaustav: In mathematics, when you remove Infinity from Infinity, the answer is … Infinity. God’s God is itself. God works as per the laws that it creates for itself. Why? To answer this question, ask yourself another: does a rock need a “purpose” to be a rock? No. It just ‘IS’. As also with God: God ‘Is’. There is no further purpose or meaning to God.

Will the real God please stand up? (Why do we have so many religions?)
Kaustav: Just as all five fingers on a hand are different, so also each individual is different in his/her likes, dislikes, preferences, values, beliefs, perceptions and habits. And so, as it is said somewhere, “God created man in his image, and then man created God in his image.” What matters is not where we differ in our opinions, but where we can work together, with each other, to achieve our common goals.

Is this just a big lab and are we just guinea pigs and God just a researcher?
Kaustav: Attributing intelligence and individual motive to God that is separate to the intelligence and motive of human beings, signifies a duality of existence – where the Human and the Divine are separate. This implies that God and Man might someday have a conflict of interest. This further means, that someone will win, and someone will lose – which means, that there are rules based on which this conflict will be resolved. Which then begs the question, who makes the rules when God is playing the game? This an absurd question.
Therefore the only plausible explanation is that there is no researcher, and we are not guinea pigs at the hands of a ‘separate’ God.
Does unexplained phenomena = God?
Kaustav: Precisely which phenomenon

What is God?
Abha: To me God is the epitome of ultimate truth, faith, light, knowledge, power and happiness. We refer to Him as the “Almighty” and that is what he is….All powerful and yet gentle and humble. Always there but invisible. Always leading and teaching but never with a book. Always showing but never felt. Always awake but never tired. Always giving but never demanding. God inspires but never expires. He is eternity.

God or the Big Bang (or both)?
Abha: God, for being the invisible force behind Big Bang and the Big Bang for being the evidence that God exists and need not be explained.

God or Darwin (or both)?
Abha: God, or the existence of life and the lack of it. Darwin because he explains evolution of species or living forms. Yet there are planets where life does not exist. Were those planets needed? Will they be used in the future?

God or Darfur ? (How can Darfur happen if there is God?)
Abha: Darfur, could be the will of GOD as sometimes tough lessons have to be taught…. the difference between right and wrong, good and bad, fair and unfair, is not simple for many mortals. Sometimes these learning experiences unfold as horrifying ordeals we must confront.

Who is God’s God?
Abha: This is not for us to answer. We need a “higher one” when we are not “complete”. Does perfection need super-perfection and does completion need a super-completed effort? God is almighty and in his wisdom, knowledge, love and goodness lies his GOD.

Will the real God please stand up? (Why do we have so many religions?)
Abha: God is not a captive of religious faiths and forces. The real God is for each one of us to seek within us. Some of us find our GOD in mortal humans or non living stones and yet others find Him/Her on the Himalayas or after fighting battles. GOD is the outcome of our own spiritual and emotional journey as we navigate the course of human existence. Sometimes we find others who like us, are in search of a near similar truth that they define as GOD. With this recognition comes the conviction that we are right and leads to the formation of religions. Religions are nothing but paths along the journey that help us in our search for GOD.

Is this just a big lab and are we just guinea pigs and God just a researcher?
Abha: Life could be a big lab for many of us but that is because we want to search and research. We are not guinea pigs unless we choose to be helpless victims of life and blame it on destiny or GOD. Life is a lab where experiments can be repeated and desired outcomes achieved only if learning and observations become a part of our practical existence. Things happen with a reason – sometimes difficult and not very easy to understand. During those vulnerable moments we can attribute the unexplainable to God’s playful research. But all that is happening is a phenomenon which we will all have the courage and the wisdom to reason in due course. So yes, life is a lab, where the only people who research are those who want to lead a satisfied and meaningful life and grow themselves and those around them in the process. The others live as if the world is one big party that would never end, they exist on the periphery of the “elixir of life”.

Unexplained phenomena = God?
Abha: Unexplained phenomenon is rare and when they do occur we call them “miracles”. Miracles are attributed to GOD because miracles come closest to that aspirational level of being which is called GOD. Many miracles of today become explanations of tomorrow so life goes on in search of that Ultimate Truth and point of self actualization that is called GOD. Many amongst us find this Nirvana in our 3D existence. Others transcend to the other world and never come back to answer if GOD exists on the other side of life as well.

What is God?
Samir: The GOD we know is a man-made concept defined on principles of suitability and convenience. The GOD we DON’T know is GOD.

God or the Big Bang (or both)?
Samir: Both. God made the Big Bang happen, but now sadly this explosion is out of God’s control.

God or Darwin (or both)?
Samir: Obviously God, because if it had been Darwin then Darwin would have become God and that is a cosmic impossibility.

God or Darfur ? (How can Darfur happen if there is God?)
Samir: God is not the undisputed ruler of the universe. The presence of God is negated by presence of Anti-God (Just like positive energy is negated by negative energy). Darfur was sanctioned by Anti-God.

Who is God’s God?
Samir: (Laughter) Godfather?

Will the real God please stand up? (Why do we have so many religions?)
Samir: (More laughter) No, because God is sleeping with the Goddess.

Is this just a big lab and are we just guinea pigs and God just a researcher?
Samir: I really can’t say. Assuming God is a researcher then what is the purpose of this research? How long will we have to wait for some kind of conclusion to this research?

Unexplained phenomena = God?
Samir: No. Because GOD = unexplained phenomena + unknown phenomenon + other unknowns + all known.

The first thing is to keep cool when things mess up. Getting agitated or panicky during a crisis isn’t gonna solve anything! Keep in mind that chances are, the situation that you are facing has happened to someone else. Can you imagine if each time you visited a doctor he got all panicky? He doesn’t because he has seen many cases, thus he remains calm and collected. The patient on the otherhand frets and worries, thinking their ailment is the most serious and unique. So if you want to solve any family problems or conflicts, the most important thing is remain cool.

The second most important rule is to strengthen your team. When we say strengthen your team, we don’t literally mean to go out there and increase your family size! What we mean is to make sure that you and your partner are in cahoots with each other on your child raising and discipline philosophies. Spend time talking to each other about important issues like rules and discipline.

It is also very important to discipline consistently. At the end of a hard day it is so easy to give in to a child that is crying or whining…but that is not consistent. It does not teach them and only makes your job as a parent more difficult. Set limits and rules and always enforce them.

You should also ensure that there is order in your childs lives. Keep a regular schedule of meals, naps, bedtimes and chores. Children need schedules and structure in order to feel in control of the world around them. If you have to change the schedule, respect them by telling them about the changes ahead of time.

Also be sure to be a good role model. No matter how much you resist being a role model to your children, you can’t escape it. All kids take pleasure in imitating their parents, so why not be one consciously and effectively?

In addition to that, you should take an interest in their hobbies. Do things together, like reading, walking, playing and cleaning house. What children want most is your attention. Bad behavior is usually their way of getting your attention.

In the midst of everything else, remember to teach them to stand on their own. Let your child make simple decisions and gently remind them to stand on the decisions that they made. Guide them when they are deciding, tell them the pros and cons of their posible decision. But what ever their decision is, just respect it.

Be sure to also listen to your child. As parents, we sometimes are quick to judge our child’s actions or choice of words, that we do not hear their cries for love, attention, or help. We should listen to their feelings, reactions, and opinions. Try to understand their point of view. Look at them when they are talking to show that you are hearing their every word. Put down that book, turn off that television, stop what you are doing and listen!

And finally, practice detachment. The role of a parent is that of a gardener. You don’t create the seed, nor the soil. The potential is already in the seed, you just have to ensure the right conditions for growth. You can loosen the soil a little, so that it may come out easily. Put a fence around it, see that it is not killed by anything, But you can’t control the outcome of the seed.

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This article has been contributed by our friends at The Asian Parent. Visit them for more articles and resources on parenting at www.theasianparent.com.

Instead of trying to eradicate conflict all together (which would probably be impossible), you should instead focus on how to recognise its presence, and deal with it.

Here are some Vedantic Tips on how to deal with parent-child conflicts in the best way possible.

Keep Cool

In his book, Parenting, Swami Tejomayananda of the Chinmaya Mission writes, “the first thing that is required when you face any problems – not only related to parenting- is that you have to keep cool.”

Emotions tend to naturally blow things out of proportions during a fight, thus it’s important to be reasonable and logical by separating your emotions from the problem. Acting on emotions will only destroy rational thinking and cloud your logic. As the cliché goes, “Don’t go down with the dogs. Otherwise, you’ll get fleas”.

Not Unique

Once you are relaxed and have taken charge of your emotions, Swami Tejomayananda then advices parents to recognise that whatever problems they are facing, it’s probably not unique and definitely not new.

In the Puranas, it is written that the divine sage Narada Muni came down from the Heavens to Earth and realised that every one around him was unrighteousness. People were misbehaving, and kids were out of control. He was so worried that he went to Bhrama, the Hindu God of Creation, and asked, “What will happen to these people? Can you tell me something?”

This story just serves to highlight that whatever is happening to the youth and kids of today, happened years ago during the times of Narada too!

Remember your own Childhood

As parents it’s sometimes easy to forget the follies of our own youth. There’s probably no one in this world who wasn’t at least a tad rebellious growing up. It might have been at the mental level, or verbally or even physically. But all of us at some point have rebelled. Never forget that.

Know the Root Cause

As with an illness, knowing what caused the problem is better than just finding the cure for the symptoms. Find out what triggered the conflict to better address the problem. Otherwise, you may find yourself dealing with the same issue over and over again.

Positive Thoughts

The power of positive thinking can help you deal with conflicts too. Think happy thoughts and good things are bound to happen. Wallow in misery, and you’ll get just that.

A person’s attitude will actually rule his response to situations. Learn to find comedy in the situation. Hold on to your sense of humour, and you’ll soon realise that things weren’t that bad after all.

Eliminate your Ego

Instead of locking heads, swallow your pride and allow everyone to come up with the best solution to the conflict. If several people are working to end the problem, there will be more solutions available. Forget who’s to blame. Instead, initiate fixing the problem and accept ownership of the resolution.

Conflicts do not really have to give rise to a winner or a loser. Sometimes, a battle of wills is a good opportunity to air grievances and ultimately better a situation or relationship. Often, the right decision entails everyone to sacrifice a little.

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This article has been contributed by our friends at The Asian Parent. Visit them for more articles and resources on parenting at www.theasianparent.com.

For years, unshaved, un-moisturised, grubbiness and such were sexy on a man. We all remember those famous booze or cigarette commercials that we would catch while on holiday in another country. Guy with a 5 o’clock shadow walks into bar, wearing dirty jeans and a leather jacket, moves stealthily to the barman and demands a drink but due to his ruggedness, by some strange equation, he deserves the best drink in the house. As he gulps down the beer and then wipes his mouth on his sleeve, we couldn’t help but crave for him. There was just something about the griminess that made him irresistible.

As we are reaching a decade into the 21st Century, more men are becoming self-conscious which to us women, can either work for us or against us. I mean, walking into a reception with a guy who takes pride in himself and has spent a barrel of cash to make himself look and smell good is certainly a delicious thought. However, this also means, you, my dear woman, are going to be spending time battling with him for bathroom time, slips on Saturdays to the salon and more! But then again, when you look at the final product, standing there with perfectly styled hair, the scent of Hugo Boss’s aftershave surrounding him like a shield, nails trimmed and cleaned…Salivating aren’t you?

TheAsianParent decided to go a little eye-candy hunting (with no complains!) and pick out our favourite famous metrosexual dads!

Nicholas Tse

Nick Tse, Hong Kong’s very own sweetheart, made hearts beat faster when he was single but now being the father of a one-year-old; he is equally as hot with his personal grooming skills beginning to look top notch. Giving most dads not only in Asia but almost globally, a run for their money, Tse is the epitome of hotness!

Brad Pitt

Brad Pitt may be in the middle of his fourth decade but he still sets tongues wagging. A father to 6 young ‘uns, Pitt and his ever changing hair colour keeps women, young and old, at the edge of their seat with the wonderful way he embraces his crisis-less midlife. Still the face of many endorsements, Pitt blends in fatherhood well with up keeping himself. Pitt shows that being metrosexual does not necessarily mean being effeminate but it means loving yourself and taking an interest in your appearance.

Hrithik Roshan

The world sat up and took notice of a bollywood hunk guy frolicking on the beach with the most romantic eyes back around 1999. Hrithik needs no introduction, having a famous father who directs and an uncle who does movie scores. Now a father of two, Hrithik still looks every inch the goodness he did when he first entered the big screen, almost a decade ago.

Keith Urban

The appearance of country music has certainly improved with Keith Urban popping up as the new age metrosexual cowboy. His rugged good looks combined with his own style, gives him the lead in winning over non-country music fans! His signature haircut, the long layered cut, has certainly been the talk of the town for a while now and though it gives him the unkempt look at times, it has certainly been a style that has been followed by men, worldwide!

David Beckham

How could an article on metrosexual dads be complete without the poster boy for the metrosexual guy? We decided to keep him last ‘cause by now you’re probably cursing for not reading his name! Anyway, Becks, famous for having his soccer skills, is probably even more popular for his ability to look good in any hairstyle, clothes – Becks even wore a sarong, at one point, for crying out loud, and still looked better than certain women I’ve seen parading in them. Never one to shy away from anything in the name of fashion, Becks is the essence of metrosexuality! The father of 3 active little boys under the age of 12 and a possessor of a physique that would put any single guy to shame, Becks has and will continue to dominate numero uno on the list for the top metrosexual guys!

The metrosexual guy is a fella who can walk bravely into the make-up department of any shopping centre and ask advice on a new cleanser. He can help to accessorise for his gal-pals while totally feeling secure as he talks to his girlfriend about it. The homosexual manual of looking good has been stolen by the metrosexual and he copies everything while remaining very much a heterosexual.

As gay guys begin to compete with the new urban metrosexual man, we women cannot sit back and relax ether. Ladies! If you’re with a guy who keeps himself up-to-date with fashion, etc. then it’s time you get out there and do something. In a world that is still coming to grips with gay men; spot a guy with black pants, black shirt, a brown belt, hair styled to the nines? You might just be looking at a straight guy who is a father to three moppets who just happens to take extremely good care in his personal grooming!

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This article has been contributed by our friends at The Asian Parent. Visit them for more articles and resources on parenting at www.theasianparent.com.

Oh snap out of it, you’re not living in a 5 million dollars penthouse in Manhattan. This is a $400,000 four bedroom apartment you’re spending the rest of your boring married lives paying off, so you might as well be realistic. And that means a taboo subject among a section of Singaporeans who swear by this: no maids at home.

That’s right, save that money, deal with it, and watch as you work up a sweat. Stay fit, buy something nice with the extra money you’ve put aside and perhaps, just perhaps, tell yourself those morons in Manhattan don’t know what they’re doing.

I’ll be first to admit, I’m not the biggest fan of housework. Seriously, after busting my ass off for the entire week, subjecting my sanity to the boss’s whim and fancy and coming home to a tired wife who ate the last piece of chicken drumstick, there are better things to do in your weekends.

If I could have it my way, I’d change the sheets only twice a year and floor mopping would be an annual event. I love cooking, doing the dishes and the laundry, but when the ironing signal goes bright red I suffer a sudden case of rigor mortis. And just recently neighbours spied me being dragged kicking and screaming to dust and wipe windows. It wasn’t the most comfortable exchange of words when we ran into each other in the local park several days later.

Men are catching on to it

However, not all is doom and gloom. A recent study conducted by the University of Queensland found that men are slowly improving and the evidence is in the hours devoted to housework. While men were kicking it back and taking it easy in 1986, spending just 12 hours a week doing housework, men in 2005 were spending up to 16 hours helping the missus.

Plenty of fathers out there do a great job and love to do nothing but cook and clean. It’s strange to think that there aren’t more men out there who don’t have an ingrained hatred for domestic chore.

Sex life improves

But wait, there’s more! If men are still struggling with the concept of picking up the vacuum cleaner and following it up with a wet mop, here’s a kicker – doing dull chores improves your sex life!

Believe it or not, when men do more of the housework, women’s perceptions of fairness and marital satisfaction rise and the couple experience less marital conflict. For the thick ones out there, this effectively means the more chores men perform at home, the happier the women are.

Many women report greater feelings of sexual interest and affection for husbands who participate in housework, which correlates with how both parties feel when they make a successful effort to divide the chores evenly. Inequalities in housework and childcare have profound consequences for the marital satisfaction of women, which in turn affects the quality of the marriage for the man as well.

Health benefits

A study published recently in British Journal of Sports Medicine suggested as little as 20 minutes of physical activity a week improves mental and physical health, although the greater the activity, the more benefit.

Physical activity and exercise isn’t always the same thing, the study’s authors said. Physical activity includes cleaning, housework and walking up the stairs.

If putting on excess weight over this festive period continues to haunt you till Christmas 2009, you know you’re better off being more active. Well instead of strapping on your runners and having delusions of grandeur of running the four minute mile, why don’t you hook up your vacuum cleaner and go nuts with the floor?! An hour’s worth of vacuuming consumes 150 calories; now that’s as much as performing a slow jog for 20 minutes. I vouch for this myself, as I run 3km a day, four times a week and vacuum once a week. It’s nice to know I’m able to burn over 800 calories a week. Which means I can afford to pig out on that extra bag of potato crisps.

If you’re still not convinced, then I suggest you keep at what you’re doing while I admire my beautiful physique and sex life, marvelling at what I’ve accomplished with what little effort I’ve put in.
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This article has been contributed by our friends at The Asian Parent. Visit them for more articles and resources on parenting at www.theasianparent.com.

Becoming a “real” dad was a combination of slow and natural process of “awakening” and conscious self-reminding, self-training, or self-conditioning that I am already a father and I have to change my ways. Not all of them are pleasant, or voluntary, I’m telling you.

Here are 5 of what I think were manifestations of my natural process of “awakening” and other changes:

I started to notice other people’s children.

Before, kids were nothing but pesky little critters that literally litter the grounds during family gatherings. In a way, I was annoyed by little children. They are rowdy, noisy, and uncontrollable; and they can even pester you with the most nonsensical questions. What’s worse is you are forced to answer them because their parents are looking, smiling proudly and are also waiting (encouraging) for you to answer their pesky little child’s silly questions.

Now that I’m a dad, I noticed that I no longer mind little kids running around and bumping me while I talk to someone. In fact, I am beginning to really “see” them that I even watch them while they play. I also get to be the one calling them and asking them “silly questions” like, “Hi. What’s your name?” and “How old are you?”
Before, my eyes would roll whenever I hear someone engage a kid in an insanely inane conversation like that.

I started to think about the future.

Before, I take pride in being a carefree devil-may-care person. I take this bravado as a sign of confidence and superiority. Before, I believed that being cautious and constantly thinking about the future are signs of insecurity and weakness. Before, whenever my friends and I would go on long weekend trips on our motorcycles, I drove the fastest, I raced against strangers on the highway by taunting them, and I chose the most difficult terrains in farms and mountains.

Now that I’m a dad, I noticed that my usual bravado has somewhat tamed. I just realized that I was irresponsible when I thought I was brave. My friends would tease me that I have gone soft, and I would just tell them I want to see my son grow.

The truth is, the scariest thought for me now is not being able to be there for my children whenever they would need me. I have learned to value my life and my health now.

I started to watch what I say and what I do.

Before, I was what you might call a selfish self-centered oaf who couldn’t care less if I would hurt or offend anyone as long as I get or say what I want. It’s not that I am insensitive or callous, it’s just that sometimes a man could be carried away by the moment he is in. I could be loud and I could curse whenever I’m watching my favourite ballgame on TV. I could be loud and I could curse whenever I’m mad with somebody.
Now, that I’m a dad, you better watch your mouth when you’re in my house, especially if my kids are around. Strictly no cursing! This is especially true if the wife is around. She’d kill us both before you know it.

Seriously speaking, I could be very expressive and I could blow my top whenever the wife and I have a disagreement. However, I noticed that since our small kids started sprouting inside the house, I find out that I hardly raise my voice anymore. It terrifies me to think that my kids will be terrified by loud quarrels.

In fact, the wife and I are thankful for the discovery that we haven’t been having shouting matches since our first child.

I started to become more money savvy.

Before our first child, my wife and I spent a lot on non-essentials. This seemed natural because it was just the two of us, and both of us are earning from our respective jobs. We spent a lot because we thought we could always earn again.
Now that I am a dad, the responsibility of parenthood is just too huge to risk winging it without any form of financial savings. The responsibility of parenthood made me and my wife cut back on unnecessary expenses.

Looking back to our childless days, I realised that no matter how big anyone earns, it would always be insufficient if one doesn’t save.

I started seenig life with a purpose 

It’s not that I haven’t been going around without a purpose. It’s just that I am seeing life now with a better purpose. I became more grounded. I came to realize the importance of values, the beauty of kindness, and the immeasurable joy of giving someone an unselfish, boundless, and unconditional love.

Now that I am a dad, i look at my parents differently: I love them more. Now that I am a dad, I see my fellowmen (particularly my fellow parents) differently. Having undergone what they have gone through or are still undergoing, I feel more empathy and a sense of oneness with them.

I have matured. Being a dad has made me a better person.

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This article has been contributed by our friends at The Asian Parent. Visit them for more articles and resources on parenting.

With the countless negativity’s the world brings about, how do we keep motivated? Try on the tips I prepared from A to Z…

A – Achieve your dreams. Avoid negative people, things and places. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” Consume yourself with the motivation to achieve tremendous results from everything you attempt

B – Believe in your self, and in what you can do. Motivation comes from within, if you trust in your abilities you will come out on top.

C – Consider things on every angle and aspect. Motivation comes from determination. To be able to understand life, you should feel the sun from both sides. Never say never, there is a way of accomplishing anything if you keep an open mind and never give up.

D – Don’t give up and don’t give in. Thomas Edison failed once, twice, more than thrice before he came up with his invention and perfected the incandescent light bulb. Make motivation as your steering wheel. The only way you lose for sure is when you quit.

E – Enjoy. Work as if you don’t need money. Dance as if nobody’s watching. Love as if you never cried. Learn as if you’ll live forever. Motivation takes place when people are happy. Maintain a positive attitude under any circumstance. Fill your mind with positive thoughts and the whole world will be your playground.

F – Family and Friends – are life’s greatest ‘F’ treasures. Don’t loose sight of them. So often we look past our greatest treasures, remain motivated to always seek the treasures in your family bonds.

G – Give more than what is enough. Where does motivation and self improvement take place? At work? At home? At school? When you exert extra effort in doing things. Try to give more than what is asked of you, this shows true self motivation.

H – Hang on to your dreams. They may dangle in there for a moment, but these little stars will be your driving force. Dreams keep us motivated to go after the things that excite us in life. Holding onto your dreams shows a strength in your character of positive expectations.

I – Ignore those who try to destroy you. Don’t let other people to get the best of you. Stay away from toxic people – the kind of friends who hates to hear about your success. Surround yourself with positive people and you will all keep each other motivated to seek out the positives in life.

J – Just be yourself. The key to success is to be yourself. And the key to failure is to try to please everyone. Believe in your strengths and live by your positive terms.

K – keep trying no matter how hard life may seem. When a person is motivated, eventually he sees a harsh life finally clearing out, paving the way to self improvement. Motivation keeps you striving for the best, hang onto the values brought on through positive thinking.

L – Learn to love yourself. Now isn’t that easy? You cannot give love to others unless you love yourself. Learn how to motivate yourself into working on your own personal development. You will never grow as a person until you learn to take responsibility for your own self improvement.

M – Make things happen. Motivation is when your dreams are put into work clothes. Motivation is one of the strongest characteristics you can have. When you live your life filled with motivation you become a person who really gets things done.

N – Never lie, cheat or steal. Always play a fair game. A person with a good moral standing will go further in life than an unmotivated cheat. Never look for short-cuts to good things, this will lead to missed opportunities and challenging possibilities.

O – Open your eyes. People should learn the horse attitude and horse sense. They see things in 2 ways – how they want things to be, and how they should be. Life is full of possibilities, keep the motivation to go after the wonders in the world.

P – Practice makes perfect. Practice is about motivation. It lets us learn repertoire and ways on how can we recover from our mistakes. Maintaining the motivation to work hard towards the things you truly want out of life will bring you more rewards than sitting back and expecting things to happen.

Q – Quitters never win. And winners never quit. So, choose your fate – are you going to be a quitter? Or a winner?

R – Ready yourself. Motivation is also about preparation. We must hear the little voice within us telling us to get started before others will get on their feet and try to push us around. Remember, it wasn’t raining when Noah build the ark. The boy scout motto is “Be Prepared” and this is a way of life we should all adapt to.

S – Stop procrastinating. Nothing kills motivation more then procrastination. Choose to spend your time accomplishing positive things in your life.

T – Take control of your life. Discipline or self control jives synonymously with motivation. Both are key factors in self improvement. When you know what you want out of life and you are motivated to work towards the attainment of your dreams, you will accomplish more then the average person lacking motivation.

U – Understand others. If you know very well how to talk, you should also learn how to listen. Yearn to understand first, and to be understood the second. Understanding another persons problems in life and being motivated to offer help to others, builds your own character.

V – Visualize it. Motivation without vision is like a boat on a dry land. Your mind can bring you whatever you desire in life. Visualize success and success will be yours, visualize defeat or loss and failure will encompass your life. Maintain the motivation to visualize success and achievements.

W – Want it more than anything. Dreaming means believing. And to believe is something that is rooted out from the roots of motivation and self improvement. When you have strong wants this leads to the motivation to attain what you truly desire.

X – X Factor is what will make you different from the others. When you are motivated, you tend to put on “extras” on your life like extra time for family, extra help at work, extra care for friends, and so on. Set yourself apart from others, stand out in the crowd, hold your head up high with pride and conviction.

Y – You are unique. No one in this world looks, acts, or talks like you. Value your life and existence, because you’re just going to spend it once. Use the fact that you are one of a kind to excel at everything you do in life. True motivation is for you and you alone, use it to move forward in life, show your uniqueness.

Z – Zero in on your dreams and go for it!!! Never lose your motivation to go after your dreams because living your dreams means you are living your life.

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The level of our personal motivation is usually determined by the strength of our own personal development. If you are interested in more relevant information to help you with your own motivation please visit:
http://www.positive-thinking-for-you.com/
http://www.nlp-self-help.com/

In our society we seem to need an excuse to tell people how we feel about them, or show them with tokens of our affection. At Christmas, we exchange gifts and take time away from our busy schedules to be with the people who really matter in our lives. On Valentine’s day we are presented with yet another opportunity to open our hearts and share our souls. The marketplace makes it very easy for us to do that, presenting us with a cornucopia of delicacies and finery, from chocolates, to strawberries and whipped cream, to diamonds, singing teddy bear deliveries, and an abundance of greeting cards with just the right sentiment.

It matters not how you choose to serenade the ones you love on this auspicious occasion, what matters is that you do! Whether it be with a store bought treasure or a simple handmade delight, the form is not important, but the sentiment is! Valentine’s day gives you another opportunity to do something that comes naturally for you, as natural as breathing, and that is to BE love and to GIVE love. It is who you are and it is the only thing that really matters in the end.

I leave you with a Valentine Poem and my love…

A Table in a Restaurant on Valentine’s Day

I want to be a table, in a restaurant, on Valentine’s Day!

Think how glorious that would be, And how many people would spend that special day with me.

What will they talk about? What will they say? Will there be laughter and people at play? What are their stories? How far have they come? What will they tell me, the old and the young?

Will hearts open and tender souls touch? Will there be magic that moves me so much? Will there be secrets and sadness as well? How much will they venture to be and to tell?

Will they remember this day gone before? And where they were then, and now they want more?

And though they look different, with each changing place, As the food and the wine, they’re invited to taste.

Each one is trying to do the same thing, Whether in depth, or a casual fling.

Just for a moment to touch someone’s heart,

And feel loved by another before they do part.

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And, in the spirit of gift giving, I would like to invite you to claim your free instant access to our Wealth Without Limits – Prosperity Series – Lesson 1, as well as many other goodies and bonuses when you visit: http://www.wealthwithoutlimits.com You will find a free audio and video there for you to use as well. From Veronica Hay – The Prosperity Poet and the Insights and Inspirations Hub.

Subliminal messages are affirmations used to program your mind at the subconscious level. The word “sub” is Latin and means anything that is underneath or below. A typical example of this would be sub-marine – because it operates underneath the ocean. In the word “subliminal” the second part is also taken from a Latin word – the word “limen”.  This Latin word actually means threshold and it is used to represent the threshold between two states of conscious. Therefore “subliminal” means “beneath the threshold of normal consciousness”.

Therefore subliminal messages are “messages that are delivered or accepted underneath the threshold of normal consciousness. Subliminal messages are really just any kind of message that is embedded in another medium so that they go unnoticed by the conscious mind.

It is believed that these messages can be either auditory or visual in nature. They can affect the subconscious mind in a positive or negative way in such a way that they have an effect on later behaviours, thoughts, feelings and attitudes. In fact any type of sustained exposure to subliminal messages or subliminal programming can have a dramatic affect on a person’s entire belief and value systems.

Subliminal messages have been studied as far back as 1898 when E.W. Scripture published the paper The New Psychology. Although there have been many studies and experiments with subliminal messages the most widely known is the case study by James Vicary. Vicary’s 1957 experiment, conducted in a movie theatre, was the first attempt at using subliminal messages for advertising purposes.

He claimed that by flashing the words “eat popcorn” and “drink coke” sales of the two products rose significantly amongst the movie-goers. His results were never duplicated regardless of many attempts and in later years Vicary admitted that his findings were falsified.

However, the damage was already done and subliminal advertising had entered the public psyche, were later outlawed from television and radio by several countries in 1973 and even investigated by the CIA in 1958!

Although Vicary’s experiment was a fraud modern research, using the latest technologies have shown that subliminal messages can affect the brain. Scientists are still reluctant to confirm or deny that these type of hidden commands can act as a means for controlling behaviour.

However, if you look at YouTube or several other video sites you can see evidence of the use of subliminal messages in many advertising campaigns.

The fact that multi-billion dollar companies, with huge advertising budgets, have deliberately embedded certain words and visual images into their advertisements gives one rise to believe that they must have some impact on our behaviours when it comes to purchasing goods!

In fact many illusionists, such as the British born Derren Brown, use subliminal messages extensively to perform seemingly magical feats of mind reading and mental manipulation.

Although subliminal messages are used extensively for self improvement purposes with many positive and life-altering effects, it is yet to be proven (or disproved for that matter) if they have any effect on our buying decisions. We will just have to wait for further research.

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Here are some possible reasons why. Perhaps you can relate to some of them.

1. You’re stuck in the “pay off”. What is the pay off for staying where you are now. I knew of a woman who complained constantly that her husband never paid any attention to her. She was diagnosed with cancer and all of a sudden her husband was at her side, tending to her every need. Shortly thereafter, she became cancer free and her husband went back to his old ways, much to her dismay. Months later, the cancer was back and so was her husband. My point:  you may be saying that your desire is to be wealthy, but if wealth is not showing up in your life, then take a good look at “what is”. There may be some clues there as to why.

2. You’re afraid to hurt or lose someone you love. Who would you hurt / lose if you suddenly became rich? Would you be making more money than your parents did and would that offend or hurt them in some way? Would you be in an entirely different financial bracket from your friends and feel that they would resent you or even worse, abandon you?

3. You’re addicted to the drama. You complain about the struggle but you re-live it over and over again. Does it make you feel alive, on some level? A friend of mine recently became debt free and when I asked how that made him feel, he told me that he felt empty inside. No struggle, no drama, no reason for living. Unfortunately, that is true for many of us. How about you?

4. You still have feelings of “not good enough”. Have you ever felt like a small child standing outside of a candy store. You look in the window at all of that candy just waiting there to be devoured, but you don’t feel like you will ever be able to walk inside that door and take it. You see others going in and out of the candy store, but you feel it could never happen for you.

5. You feel safe “playing small”. Playing small is comfortable. Playing big would require you to move out of your comfort zone. It may require that you put yourself out there and that can be a scary thing. Are you ready to, as they say, feel the fear and do it anyway?

6. You believe that “money is bad and / or evil”. This belief is reinforced by the media at every turn. It would be hard to escape not feeling just a little like this. However, it may serve you well to remember that Mother Teresa created lots of money, without which she would not have been able to accomplish what she did and change the world.  Think about that.

7. You “get in your own way”. You decide to move forward towards your dreams, you set some financial goals, you begin to feel hopeful, and then you sabotage yourself at every turn, with your thoughts, words and deeds, which are totally contrary to what you have chosen. The sad thing is that you probably don’t even realize that you are doing it.

And you are not quite sure how to change it.

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Well, in order to help you do that, I would like to invite you to claim your free instant access to our Wealth Without Limits – Prosperity Series – Lesson 1, as well as many other goodies and bonuses when you visit: http://www.wealthwithoutlimits.com  You will find a free audio and video there for you to use as well.
From Veronica Hay – The Prosperity Poet and The Insights and Inspirations Hub