Alfred Hitchcock movies have become a recent obsession of mine. However, while watching Vertigo for the first time a couple of days ago, I found myself thinking of the great re-make possibilities (evidence of the influence of the non-original; important to note that I am not a snob in this regard, just aware). Having heard about this movie for years before I actually sat down to watch it, I must admit that I found it slightly melodramatic – I realize that this melodrama is a bit of a Hitchcock hallmark – but I thought this particular story could be improved. Jimmy Stewart – one of my favorite actors of all time, and apparently one of Mr. Hitchcock’s – was, of course, good; but, especially toward the end, I found Kim Novak and the acting in general, to be a little, well, cheesy? Not to say Hitchcock wasn’t a genius. I would truly hesitate to recommend a remake of North by Northwest, Notorious or even Rear Window, but I think Vertigo is a possibility. And maybe The Birds. I don’t know. That movie’s melodrama and pre-digital filming may be part of what makes it so frightening, part of the essence. Well, others would likely say the same for Vertigo — just my opinion here, really.

Anyway, obsessing over Hitchcock movies and observations on originality are recent by-products of my current life circumstances. I like to refer to this time in my life as its ‘intermission’. When, at 45, you have (and I’ll summarize here) worked your way through college and are the first in your family to graduate, met and married the (very complex and challenging) love of your life, carried and are raising three children, built a home, adopted too many animals, and are working so hard that it seems ridiculous to have to count calories and fight a pesky 20 pounds, it can come as quite a shock when your career comes to a screeching halt as the economy takes a ‘should have been foreseen’ tumble and jobs are lost, careers de-railed and industry devastated – especially if you happen to live in the infamous Detroit area.

In summation: My husband’s company went under two years ago and I lost my job 10 months ago. We are both unemployed for the first time, ever (remember, 45 here). We’ve both worked our way up in our careers, and in recent years we’d started to make a little headway on pursuing those dreams we all hear about. Being optimistic-minded people, we were not prepared for derailment. In a nutshell, we are screwed. Hence, a self-preserving obsession with escapism.

Movies and books are my anti-depressant alternative. Now, I am not leading a non anti-depressant rally, although I do sometimes feel a sense of concern at what the long term effects may be – not that I have any idea. They are just so prevalent, like antacids, sleep aids and Viagra. It seems reasonable to believe that there may be some ‘not good’ consequence in the long-term.

Then again, I have been known to fortify my own psyche with liberal servings of red wine or various tequila-based drinks that pair nicely with a Marlboro Light (yes, I am a ‘two-drink-in’ smoker, especially when at a bar or outside) from time to time . . . so I most certainly must digress. Mood or anti-stress enhancements take many forms, and we all have an activity that calls to our awareness. You know that behavior you would prefer not be brought to your attention by your spouse or grown child,“Please don’t light up a cigarette, mom – you know how bad that is for you?”

My answer, “Yes. FOUR. – and – Yes I do, leave me alone.” I believe I have earned the right to make my own bad decisions from time to time. (The age card is great. I plan to play it for the rest of my life.)

Please note the ‘time to time’ caveat. If I begin to fall over the edge from ‘independent-minded adult’ to ‘really out of control mess’, it’s nice to know that those I love may actually try to stand between me and falling off a cliff. Even with recent circumstances – I’m still an independent-minded adult here. Until you see me with dirty hair and pajamas, sputtering and lying on the floor – I got it.