In today’s fast paced life we all seek peace and happiness. We set material goals and work toward achieving them. But, in doing so, we often neglect the call of our soul and as a result we are lonely, even among our friends or family. Why then, does everyone talks about this ME time? If we are so lonely, then why do we need “Me time”?

To me, “Me time” is time for self, when we are not lonely but are in solitude. As some wise man once said, “Loneliness kills but solitude vivifies.” Quiet time alone renews us and helps restore our life balance. Finding a little solitude in everyday life can improve energy levels and self confidence and helps to generate a happy and positive attitude toward life.

The difference between solitude and loneliness is very simple….when you are comfortable with yourself, with your silences and your fears and are ready to face them, then you cross the line from loneliness and enter solitude. Now you are ready to have an honest conversation with yourself. You cannot build up a character in a solitude; you need a defined character to appreciate solitude.

We live this life connected to the outside world and very often, we are disconnected from our own inner world. Too much time is spent chasing material things. We pursue dreams, money and passion in the hope that they will bring us peace. We are so determined to feed our bodies with possessions that we forget to nourish our souls and slowly the emptiness within starts to show on the outside. Feelings of depression and sadness begin to wash over us. When we forget to address our inner needs, emotional cracks begin to show.

We should pamper our souls the same way we pamper our bodies.

In solitude we begin an honest conversation with ourselves. We start to befriend ourselves and look into the mirror to confront and embrace our true selves. When we start accepting ourselves for what we are at that point in time, and are ready to grow, then we are able to make that transition from loneliness to solitude. We fall in love with ourselves. Yes we do and when we look back and admit to all our faults and pat ourselves for our achievements, we see our true character. We can then start a new relationship with ourselves and those close to us.

The courage to go within comes from life and living life to its full potential. It comes from exploring every opportunity life gives you and learning from your failures and victories. Your true personality is formed when you go through pain and difficulties and the way in which you handle them. Solitude is like shady trees planted on path of life, where you take refuge when your soul is tired. Ever so often you should stop a while and rest. In the words of Pearl S Buck, “Inside myself is a place where I live all alone, and that’s where I renew my springs that never dry up.”

Happiness is the elusive, but much desired state of mind which visits us at times but never stays for long. One cannot be always happy…. contented perhaps, but never always happy. So how does one become happy? How do we bring happiness to us rather then waiting it to happen to us?

Happiness begins just by the intention to be happy; we cannot control our circumstances or the events happening to us but we can choose how to react to them.

Unfortunately in today’s chaotic world, most of us live life on autopilot and we rush through our garden of life without taking time to smell the roses. And yet, there are so many small things which we can easily incorporate into our life which will bring a bounce in our step and a smile on our lips….interested?

I am not going to give you a sure shot method or formula to be happy. Neither am I going to tell you to exercise or do yoga or bring any earth shattering change in your life. All I will do is to ask you to tweak the life you are already living — point you towards something you already know but somewhere down the line forgot you knew it.

It doesn’t take much to be happy and I am speaking from experience. You don’t have to have the world to make you happy. Just ONE small thing at a time can bring a wave of joy with ripples that can be felt for a long time. What is that one thing? It can be anything. Take your pick from list provided below and make your own formula to be happy.

1) We all need JUST ONE PLACE, one corner in this world where we can be ourselves — it can be your parents’ house where you can be child again or a friend’s house or a small cosy corner in your own house where you can have your ME time and reflect on life. A place where you can make goals, repair yourself or do nothing and live life without rules.

2) We also need JUST ONE PERSON with whom we can share our dreams, aspirations, fears and failures. Someone who can understand our words and also our silences.

3) We SHOULD BLOOM ONCE and reach a peak by accomplishing something extraordinary. We should taste success once so that it inspires us to travel that path one more time.

4) We should experience real LOVE AT LEAST ONCE IN LIFE. You should love someone more than you ever thought yourself capable of doing. Allow yourself to fall so hopelessly in love that you feel giddy….it’s an amazing feeling.

5) We should own ONE PIECE OF CLOTHING or accessory that makes us feel gorgeous, like million bucks, and instantly transforms a worm into a butterfly.

6) We should HAVE ONE GOAL OR MANTRA in life that motivates us and chanting it should fill us with energy and get us back on the road to recovery. It can be spiritually-rooted or a material goal you want to achieve in life.

7) We should COMMIT ONE SIN or do something naughty in life which gives us a thrill and reminds us how young and carefree we were at one time.

We should LOVE ONE GOOD THING IN OURSELVES and work towards preserving that quality. When you acknowledge your virtues mentally, it means you are also aware of ‘negative’ qualities in you and just being aware of your complete self makes you happy.

9) We should own ONE BOX OF OLD MEMORIES. It can be an old album/letters/journal or anything that keeps you in touch with your past, which charts your journey to present.

10) We should have ONE DESIRE to follow passionately. It could be material or non material but life should be full of desires because they keep us alive and thriving.

11) We should BREAK ONE BARRIER IN LIFE if not more. Overcoming your limitation gives you hope and courage and you learn to expand and grow in life.

12) We should NURTURE ONE THING in life. It can be as big as mentoring someone or as small as watering a plant. Nurturing anything brings of joy to one’s life.

13) We should GIVE UP SOMETHING WE LOVE once in life. It teaches us what true giving is all about. If you don’t know how to sacrifice, you will never appreciate what you receive.

The last few days I was feeling exhausted but I carried on my household duties because I have a house to run and many commitments to honour. In India we teach our daughters that the home revolves around them; women are the sun and our family are the planets.

All good daughters imbibe this in their everyday life and we believe that small discomforts like a headache or cold should not be allowed to slow us down. We continue with our chores ignoring our aches and ailments. I was ignoring my exhaustion and then I happen to talk to my friend who by chance narrated this story to me. Well this anecdote changed me as a person. Here is how it goes….

Sushma was known as one of the pillars of society in her neighbourhood and everyone looked up to her. She was usually there for everyone whatever the problem, offering wisdom, encouragement, support and love. This selfless and sensitive woman was like a rock of gold among grains of sand and her daughter Sumi always wanted to be like her mother, a woman who gave more to others than she ever asked in return.

At times Sumi would wonder what inspired her mother along her path of compassion. All of her life, people had taken so much love from her that she thought of her mom as a bottomless well of support from which everyone received a bucket full of devotion.

And then one day, to everyone’s shock and dismay, Sushma suffered a paralytic attack and she was bedridden for life. This once-strong and independent woman had to depend on others for even the basic needs of her life. She was surrounded by people she loved and everyone took good care of her but it hurt Sumi to see her mother in such a condition.

One day Sumi went to her Guruji and asked, “Why does my mom have to go through this? You ask everyone to be good and kind and my mom is kindest of them all. Why did this happen to her?. She prays, she helps others so why her?”

Guruji replied gently, “It’s all about balance in life – everything in this world depends on balance. If you break it, you have to pay for it. This is the law of nature.”

He continued to explain, “Your mom has been so selfless in giving that she forgot how to take. All of her life she always gave to others and took nothing in return. Her karma had to be balanced. You see you cannot keep on giving love and kindness; at times one should stop and accept it from others too.

“If you don’t allow yourself to receive, you break this law of nature and then a balancing effect comes into play. Now, your mom has to accept kindness, devotion and love from others because she is empty within. It is her turn to accept. Do you understand child? If you do, then give all your support and love to her to help balance her karma.”

I was shocked by this story. Is it true? Does this really happen? I am not sure if such a law of nature actually exists but it made me think; all our lives, we give so much to our family and don’t expect anything in return. Then we pass this trait on to our daughters.

Maybe it is about time we taught them about the real law of nature: give and take. If you love someone then be ready to accept love in return.

If the universe is governed by the immutable law of balance then it it will affect us in one way or another in every facet of our existence.

Therefore if we took time to observe and understand the dynamics of this basic natural law, then it might be possible to write our own equation of giving and receiving, instead of waiting for the cold hands of karma to dispense balance. But that is another Tickle for another time.

What is God?
Pallavi: God is my best friend. He is there with me in my solitude and also when I am out having fun. He gives me that little nudge in the right direction when I am confused. He is the one who ignores me when I am being difficult. He is always there with me whenever my kids fall sick and He’s up all night nursing them back to health with me. He was there when I lost faith and He is with me now when I am restoring that faith.

God or the Big Bang (or both)?
Pallavi: God! In the words of astronomer Hugh Ross: “If the universe arose out of a big bang, it must have had a beginning. If it had a beginning, it must have a beginner.”….Right?

God or Darwin (or both)?
Pallavi: God of course. Darwin has his theory about how life began but it’s just a thought. His theory makes no claim of explaining the creation of life, since evolutionary theory does not pretend to know how life began. Natural selection biology only seeks to explain how life that already exists evolves into new forms. Thus it is perfectly possible to believe in evolution as a principle of biology and simultaneously believe in a creator God. The birth of child for example, can be described either in purely scientific [biological] terms or as a miracle – two very different but noncontradictory explanations for the same thing.

God or Darfur? (How can Darfur happen if there is God?)
Pallavi: One question that raises its head every time a disaster happens is “How can God let it happen?” Well, if He controlled everything then we wouldn’t have to make any choices. He gives us an option of making choices and it is up to us what we do with that choice. I strongly believe that there are two types of forces at work, external and internal. We have very little control over external forces. If there were no disasters, then we would have no compassion, empathy and love for others. All of these are part and parcel of being human and because of these challenges we become stronger and better persons.

Who is God’s God?
Pallavi: A child – I believe. Actually I know that a child is God’s GOD. All you have do is observe a child – all his emotions are so pure.

Will the real God please stand up? (Why do we have so many religions?)
Pallavi: All religions are only different paths leading to same destination – GOD. It doesn’t matter which path you take but you must reach your destination and enjoy your journey. People who compare paths never reach anywhere.

Is this just a big lab and are we just guinea pigs and God just a researcher?
Pallavi: No, we are just bunch of confused people who don’t realize that all we have to do is find our place in this puzzle and complete the picture.

Unexplained phenomena = God?
Pallavi: Let me quote Fuller R Buckminster: “Here is God’s purpose — for God, to me, it seems, is a verb not a noun, proper or improper.” I agree with him. I like to keep it very simple. For me being spiritual means I am close to God and trying understand him by knowing me, his creation. You don’t need to go far to look for God. It’s the choices we make that take us closer to Him. There are two kinds of dogs within us, good and bad, both demanding our attention whoever we feed more gets to rule us.

Now I am a self-proclaimed material woman. I can slip into the role of a maid as casually as I can into the role of an urban woman. Therefore when I read that Naomi Campbell is all set to celebrate her 36th birthday (awww…. she doesn’t look 36) by throwing a 3-day, million dollar bash in Dubai, I felt my interest perking up. But as I read more I was disgusted to learn that she plans to hire all 18 floors of the seven star BURJ AL ARAB hotel. Do people actually have that kind of money?

Ok, I can understand an entire floor, but 18 floors for a birthday bash in a hotel where a simple lunch costs about 30 grand – what a waste of money and to think it’s being hosted by her multi-millionaire Dubai boyfriend.

As I was carrying on about that colossal waste of money for a birthday bash, my husband who was on his way out tapped me on my shoulder, ruffled my hair and said, “Darling that’s exactly what you did for your birthday last year. We took a bunch of friends out for dinner at a five star hotel and spent a disgusting amount.”

He smiled, “The difference is you did it according to your pocket and she is doing according to hers. Our driver who dropped us at that hotel must have thought it a terrible waste of money for a birthday bash.”

My better half then walked out in his usual serene manner. I just sat there a little wiser, thinking…. hmmmmmm.

Now you know why he is my better half.

Another day – another incident.
We were at a traffic signal when a vendor knocked on our window selling cleaning cloths for cars. I had just gotten around to bargaining for a lower price when my husband took out 20 rupees and bought the two cleaning cloths for the asking price. I was really mad at him because they were clearly overpriced. As we passed the traffic signal, he apologized to me and offered to take me for coffee.

As he sipped his coffee he patiently explained, “How much you would have saved by bargaining with him – 5 rupees? Now let’s look at bigger picture. I know he was overcharging us but did you notice that at that traffic signal he was the only one selling and not begging? He could have easily knocked on our window and begged for alms but he didn’t.”

My better half continued to explain, “He is self employed and by paying him that extra 5 rupees, I tried to encourage him to keep on working and not resort to begging.”

I retorted, “But if I keep on encouraging people by paying them what they ask for, it will have financial implications on us right?”

He agreed with me but added, “But then let’s use our bargaining power and save money where we should. It is evening and as he said he had not even one item since morning so by bargaining for five dollars you were taking away his profit for the entire day.”

With his characteristic patient voice he continued, “It’s just 5 Rupees. You will throw that coin in some corner of your purse and forget about it, but think about the implications it will have for him.”

It set me thinking again. Hmmmm…. I was about to bargain away his profit for the entire day, which may or may not be true, but it sure made me think a little deeper about my over-zealous foray into frugality.

He ended the conversation by telling me, “I am not asking you to change your attitude, just to amend it bit. Don’t bargain for 10 or 20 or 50 bucks. People who earn that much profit operate at a small level and they need encouragement. How about you use your verbal skills for saving us hundreds or thousands of rupees ?”

Now here I am a wiser woman for having had that experience with him.

So again you know why he is my better 1/2.