The answer to our problem perhaps lies in this difference. Those saints were ‘awake’ and for us January first has become a common time when all of us set up wake-up calls. By setting up wake-up calls, we think that our job is done. What happens next is similar to what happens when we hear the wake-up call in the morning. It is almost always a nuisance.  But what if you have an urgent meeting at 9 AM and you need at least an hour to travel to the office and there is the possibility of getting fired if you are even a single minute late? You will jump on your feet as soon the alarm bells rings. So the first point is that the success of your resolution depends on how much importance it has in your life.

This importance is relative. A boy will not wake up even if you remind him of some important function is school. It might be important for the school and you but he is least interested. But you promise to take him for kayaking or something which he always wanted to do and he will wake you up before you hear the alarm. So, the second thing is how attractive is the proposal.

For the common resolution like quitting cigarette one might know the bad effects of smoking on lungs and health and attracted to quit but still smoking might be not too serious to struggle against. So the third point is that even if your resolution is something very important and attractive, ask yourself, does it really touch you deep?

Jogging and quitting smoking might not touch me really deep but what if I want to follow my wish for them and I am taking the New Year as an opportunity to initiate something which I always wanted to do? This is a little confusing. Jogging and smoking are habits. They are not one-point decision like taking admission in an institute. Once you have taken admission, you are into it but for daily jogging you have to start every day until it becomes your habit. If you want to quit smoking you have to struggle with yourself every day not to give in to the temptation.

Other types of resolutions remind me Socrates’ famous quote ‘Knowledge is virtue.’ Many may disagree but for Socrates it was impossible to believe that if you ‘knew’ there was a pit two steps ahead still you would fall into it. For him knowledge was ‘knowledge’ i.e. realization not information which could be forgotten.  So, financial gains, success in business, progress etc. are such that if you really want them and know how to proceed then for you first January is only a date to remind you of that. You will achieve them even if you do not resolve about to do so as your New Year promise to you.

But then what about New Year resolutions? I suggest we had better resolve to make an effort to live a conscious life, not for this January but for the rest of the life. Buddha was shaken by the agony of life around him and woke up so he had no reason left to come back. Shake up your soul. You may continue living as you live but from now onwards just see every day passing. Do not pass life , live it. Look at your surroundings. Feel yourself, feel others. Do not set wake-up call this year but just wake up. And, all your resolutions will resolve themselves.

–

Rachana Sharma has Doctorate in Philosophy and Masters in Philosophy and Sanskrit. She has published articles in various philosophical journals such as Paramarsh (Pune University), Journal of Philosophical Research (New Delhi), and The Philosopher’s Index (Ohio University, USA).

A child is an ignorant yogi and a yogi is a knowledgeable child. All of us have come somewhat away from our ignorant childhood. Now the only way to find it back is to sort out all our mental itches and find the same zest again. The Fine Print of Life is an effort to treat those mental itches by giving you the fine print of your inner and outer existence. It suggests that those BIG questions of life are human creations. The moment you realize this, they disappear. But in order to realize this, you should be able to see everything in totality. Our problem is that we try to conduct piecemeal investigation. Life reveals itself in full circle only. There is no shortcut.

The book is a roundabout journey. It brings you back where you started from. It does not give you a feel of reading some arduous, dull, intellectual lessons but rather it leaves you vivacious and more resilient. The author believes in realization rather than suggestion when it comes to life. The book provides the gauge for judgment so that we can realize ourselves the origin and outcome of most of our discomforts in life and the moment we do so, they disappear.

The book is divided in 5½ chapters which are headed as ‘wheels’ connoting life as a process rather than an event. It reminds us the Buddha’s approach towards life and his Dharma Chakras. The chapters conduct a subtle enquiry and investigation into different aspects of our mind or states of mind. The classification of chapters appears as a gradual approach towards the highest goal which is revealed in parts in five wheels and finally in the last chapter ‘Playing It’ which is about the mastery of the whole game of life. The last wheel is termed wheel 5½ to suggest that it is not separate from the already given five but only a concise form of them.

Each wheel is further divided into 5½ inner wheels which are actually designed to perceive the same reality from different angles. In this second classification the chapters have no gradual order but the same reality is being perceived from different angles.

Before beginning the first wheel, the author puts his aim explicitly under the heading ‘Ushering It’ and then gives a sketch of his schema under ‘Configuring It’. According to the writer, man is born with open, receptive, intuitive, playful and joyous mind but with growth in years one constructs blocks and barriers in his personality. The book is aimed at ‘triggering our self actualization, enhancing our creativity, releasing our passion and setting our life on roll.’

Wheel 1:  Minding It

The first chapter enquires into the optimal state of mind. It gives us 5½ facets which constitute the optimal state of mind. ‘The Easy Mind’ is comfortable not only with its inner/outer environment but also with its own existence. ‘The 360° Mind’ is able to see everything in totality and thus not wavered by the inevitable turmoil of life. ‘The Meditative Mind’ experiences oneness with its activity which makes it joyous, effortless and free-flowing in whatever it does. ‘The Empathic Mind’ is the magic wand which can bring breakthroughs in relationships resulting in joy, personal growth and a sense of fulfillment. Passion is something which removes all doubts; rather it does not let any doubt stand in the way. If one is passionate about something he automatically finds his own way to achieve it. ‘The Passionate Mind’ is considered the fifth facet of the optimal state of mind. Wholeheartedness and absence of doubt bring about intuition which is spontaneous and instantaneous, in complete harmony with the nature of life; that is what constitutes facet 5½ ‘The Intuitive Mind’. The writer also provides the key to the question of life that the meaning of life is wrapped inside the living of life.

Wheel 2: Finding It

With the optimal state of mind, one experiences suchness, nowness, earnestness, sensuousness, emptiness which are discovered in spontaneity and that is the heart of life. Thus, in the second wheel, the author explores the findings of optimal state of mind. In other words, ‘being in the optimal state of mind how one finds life’ is discussed in this chapter. During a stimulating discussion under ‘emptiness’ the author considers the rigid sense of self as a hindrance to growth. This emptiness does not make our existence hollow rather it makes our personality even more dynamic. Being ‘spontaneous’ is considered as taking full charge of life and trusting oneself.

Wheel 3: Seeing It

The author tries to demystify the concept of enlightenment and puts it down in terms understood by the modern man who is overwhelmed by achievements of scientific knowledge. The advancement of psychology and life sciences leaves very little space for blind faith in traditional concepts of enlightenment and spirituality; though no amount of knowledge could ever do away with the attraction for such bliss. In the third wheel the writer offers a practical, demystified approach for the concept and projects it as more natural and accessible.

Wheel 4: Being It

This chapter targets the approach of the modern man who can’t differentiate between an intense and a tensed way of doing things. In order to perform best in life we contract ourselves so much that it distorts our existence and consequently disturbs us. The author suggests that contraction is forced and hampers our development while decontraction is our natural state which brings growth and relaxation. ‘Being it’ reminds us that our natural state is a relaxed soul which is nothing but a conscious being.

The writer also puts up an interesting analysis of the truth of a lie and the lie of the truth.

Wheel 5: Walking It

The chapter has one call ‘Do not stop to curse or to moan even in the worst situation. If one keeps walking, one will be out of it sooner or later. To keep walking is to keep living.’ The possibilities of the ways one can walk are cleverly illustrated by the author in the stories of the king, the convict, the bride, the robber, the meditator and the spider which symbolize different ways of managing the journey of life.

Wheel 5½: Playing it

The final chapter reveals the mystic, uncertain, interesting, exciting and ever unfolding nature of life. The unpredictability, uncertainty and the terminable nature of life which cause fear and anxiety in humans, are presented as sources of joy and excitement. It reminds me of a poem which reads ‘We need not to be afraid of life as we can always die.’ Thus, not only life but even death can be celebrated.

The last chapter’s sub sections – tossed by life, teased by life, healed by life, buoyed by life, freed by life and amazed by life depict gradual growth in respect of coming into terms with life. After being tossed into life by some unknown force we all are teased by life for its unpredictability and mysterious nature. The greatest tool of humanity, the mind or reason, finds itself lost in the labyrinth of life. It not only demoralizes us, we also tend to lose our faith, confidence, joy and peace. The third sub section suggests that when we come out of our self-created boundaries of true and false, right and wrong, new doors open up and we experience a new life. At the same time by coming out of a guilty conscience of breaking rules, we are ‘healed by life’. This healing results in buoyancy in life as one learns to rise above reason and float with the unpredictability and uncertainty of life. By accepting it in its true nature one is freed by life. And then, with this wisdom, comes the true joy of life as everything unfolded by life at every step only amazes us leaving us with an ‘aha experience’ as the writer calls it.

In the last chapter the author perfectly coins his ideas about life with the existential tint but even if we absorb them for a most possible joyous and fruitful life, the quest for human life’s purpose, objective, ideal and ‘The Truth’ can not be eradicated from human life and, interestingly, it will always remain till human is human. I think, being in the spirit of the book, it can also be entertained and enjoyed rather than condemned.

At many places the author asserts such deep, simple, profound and beautiful thoughts that you need to consciously resist highlighting them with pen or pencil if you are reading a borrowed copy of the book.

There might be debates about the writer’s assertions and ideas individually but, indubitably, a reading through The Fine Print of Life alleviates the heavy heart and mind of modern man who has lost the simple sense of life.

To read the introductory chapter of The Fine Print of Life, please go to this link: http://tickledbylife.com/index.php/the-fine-print-of-life/ and for more information about the book, visit http://www.pswasu.com

Here is a list of different types of disagreements and strategies to overcome them. I hope it will prove to be useful when next time you meet a disagreement.

1- Factual disagreement is caused by the lack of knowledge or wrong knowledge. With the presentation of facts, it is easily resolved.    

2- Referential disagreement is the one where disagreement emerges because of the different angles from which one approaches a fact. Both the parties agree with the fact but their different points of reference create the difference. To sort out such disagreements we need to acknowledge the fact and it’s different points of reference. If any one party is not ready to even acknowledge this, it is difficult to resolve.

3- Some disagreements occur because one party is seeing the whole picture and other is considering a part of it. Here the matter is not resolved until the party that sees a part of the truth realizes and accepts the comprehensive approach.
 
4- Disagreement which is caused by misunderstanding or misinterpretation of words or statements is easy to resolve but difficult to spot. This type of disagreement can be generated by both reader and writer. Either writer has not stated clearly or reader has not understood completely, but, in both conditions, it gives rise to dispute. To settle this kind of dispute we need to locate clearly which term or phrase is ambiguous and define it.

5- There are some differences which occur because of the difference in individual experiences. My experience of a relation might be very different from others’. The human reason is guided by rationality but it is mostly influenced by its own experiences. If I conceptualize a relation by my personal experience of it, it may result in different conception than yours. So, this kind of disagreement is not easy to resolve because there is no great evidence of a truth for us than our own experience. Here experience is not outer influences only but includes our inner experiences as well. The same phenomenon can be realized in different manners by different people. No arguments can resolve this kind of disagreement except either another realization which proves our experience otherwise or acknowledging and understanding the fact that it is one’s experience which has given birth to some particular conception.

6- Attitudinal disagreement is the one which appears by your attitude about a subject. One can indulge in an argument with a positive or negative attitude. One can initiate an argument with the purpose of more clarification and understanding of the truth. Healthy attitude leads to healthy discussion. But if one is already prejudiced negatively, anything even positively stated about it will appear as disagreeable only. With this negative approach no fruitful discussion ensues. This type of disagreement has deep roots in the attitude itself and without reaching to those depths there is no point in indulging oneself to sort out the matter of discussion.

7- Sentimental or emotional disagreement is about the way you feel regarding something. All arguments are useless if there is emotional disagreement. The most one can do is to approach the reason of particular emotion and talk about it.

8- Then there is disagreement which is deliberately created with intentions such as creating a fuss or bothering others or winning over etc. It has psychological reasons inherent in the person who shows disagreement. In this type, the discussion about subject itself is in vain. The strategy should be to attend the psychological cause which gave rise to hostile disposition if it is worth attended to.

Many of you are worried about our present development and progress and sceptic about the so-called progress. But, have you ever compared the conscious state of the present man and any man from the history? You will be surprised that it is the reference only which has changed though we, as humans, are facing similar world at the level of consciousness that our ancestors experienced.

I am trying to give a glimpse of the human conscious state. Read it and decide where we stand today:

1- As soon we become conscious we find ourselves surrounded by an environment.
2- There are things which we like; there are things which we do not like.
3- We try to grow and develop what we like and need; and eradicate what is not favourable.
4- We need to work mentally and physically for survival and growth.
5- We have an inner search as well as outer search.
6- The surrounding world has many problems; some given, some caused – we need to face all.
7- We have pain; we have joy, both physical and mental.
8- Life seems to be sometimes blessing; sometimes a curse.
9- Life seems to be sometime chosen; sometime imposed.
10-  We have some fulfilled dreams as well as some shattered realities.
11-  We know some things; we do not know many things.
12-  We have a future; we have a past.
13-  The world is full of good and bad people.
14-  I have become what I learnt.
15-  I as an individual have limited span of life and I want to make the best out of it.
16-  There are people who have understood what life is all about, there are people who are working hard to crack the puzzle of life.

So, the world is the same. Challenges are the same. The struggle is the same. Today everything might have taken a new form in comparison to the past but nothing much has changed. As always we have situations and, we are required to face them, win over them and succeed because we were humans then and we are humans now.

A thousand thoughts and a million words are available for this one single concept of our lively world. This shows how much it matters to us. We might have multifarious definitions but everybody can perceive clearly when he or she feels it. We might have different approaches to it but we all are touched by it in some or other form on some or other day and that moment is precious to us.

Parental love, love of pets, love of things, love of thoughts – anything can be the object of our love. We all want what we love but we are told that if we love something, we should let it go. We should not desire to keep it, rather we should set it free.

Here is the crux of the matter: Is love to give or to receive? These are two different aspects of love -  to love and to be loved. The most common confusion is that what is taken as love is generally our desire to be loved.  And that is the reason it is not easy for us to love something and set it free.

So, if you want to know what you actually love, ask yourself a simple question: What is it in your life to which or to whom you are ready to give, rather you love to give? If you like to write even if nobody is ready to publish your writings, that means you love to write. If you readily do everything for your kids even if they do not acknowledge it, you love your kids. If you want to sing without any hope for appreciation, you just love to sing. If you are ready to give benevolently, you have love in your heart.

Love may change with time or you may no more love something which you used to love. In those cases your love is not false. Till when you feel like giving, you love it, when you stop giving, actually you stop loving. Generally we give with a hidden hope of receiving returns in future. When that hope dies with time, our love also dies.

The return of love actually resides in the joy of giving itself. If you find that joy, you can continue to love; if you lose that joy, your love will not last. Because, if something does not give you joy, you automatically stop feeling good about it.

So, if you want love in your life, open you heart as wide as the sky and start giving yourself. You will not lose anything but be filled with a feeling of completeness because completeness does not come when there is nothing left to add; completeness comes when there is nothing left to deduct.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

–

Rachana Sharma has Doctorate in Philosophy and Masters in Philosophy and Sanskrit. She has published articles in various philosophical journals such as Paramarsh (Pune University), Journal of Philosophical Research (New Delhi), and The Philosopher’s Index (Ohio University, USA).

What is marriage; bliss or a curse, a compulsion or a choice, a compromise or an opportunity to learn, a joint project or a one-man (woman) show? There are many answers with their supportive arguments for this one single question. There is no point in arguing to decide which ‘the best’ answer is; because every response presents a different angle and experience. We all have different experiences and thoughts because we all think from our own unique combinations. Those who find their soul mates will take it as bliss, those who are struggling to adjust, will take it as compromise, those who are married for a short time, will think whether spouse should live under the same roof or somewhere in the neighborhood and those who have settled down after the initial turbulence, will smile at the immaturity of new couples. What I presented in my article ‘Should your spouse live four houses away?’ was also an angle of those who are trying to settle down with the intimacy of this relation which is completely new to them. That was of course not an effort to present any absolute truth about marriage.

Here I would like to open three important issues about marriage:

1. Do we make marriage or is it the chemistry between the couple?

I think if the chemistry is positive it takes less time and effort to settle down in this institution. But it is also true that the majority has to put in positive efforts to make it a success. To most of us this chemistry is not revealed so easily. It takes time to understand differences as inevitable and favorable. Different habits, different choices, different personalities, different nature and so on; differences do not hinder the success of this institution rather, if understood, fulfill you. The better half might be better or worse but still, it always complements in some or other way.

2. Is time a great healer for the marriage too?

With time our experience of marriage changes. What you think of marriage after being into it for five years is definitely different from what you think of it after fifty years, if you manage to stay into and keep yourself open towards it. One lives about 20 or more years alone before marriage. So when initial attraction is once over, your partner seems as an intruder in your personal life. Those who have found their soul mates may be exceptions, but, generally, it takes time for most people to adjust in marriage and thus time proves to be a great help.

Marriage brings challenges to one’s ego. To understand marriage, one has to face his/her ego. Spouse’s eyes prove to be a mirror which shows you many of your hidden traits which you were unaware of till now.

With time, after experiencing many ups and down, but managing to go together, the couple reaches a comfort level where they become similarly comfortable in other’s company as they were with themselves before marriage. And then only, they taste the secret nectar of this beautiful intimate relationship which appears when silence between two people becomes comfortable, when they start enjoying looking together in one direction, when they can lie down beside each other listening to breathing and so on.

3. Can marriage be a one-man show?

The superficial reply is, NO WAY. It takes two to make a marriage. But, what is true about your life is true about your married life also. For you, it is one-man/woman show.

Everyone’s life is some ‘given’ situation. This situation is different for different people. Now, whatever it is, good or bad, better or worse, there is no use judging. We have to face what is before us and success lies in our hand as it is us who decide how successfully we face any situation. Same is true for the marriage also. Your partner’s compatibility is a given situation to you. How compatible you become and how you inspire your partner to develop compatibility and harmony, is your ability to handle it.

Last but not the least, regardless of the nature of one’s spouse, every marriage teaches some important lessons of life. These lessons are different for different persons. It is better to decode those personal tips and go ahead for something more from life rather than experimenting to find the best suitable for you. Because whether marriage occurs as ecstasy or agony, life is certainly something more than marriage.

–

Rachana Sharma has Doctorate in Philosophy and Masters in Philosophy and Sanskrit. She has published articles in various philosophical journals such as Paramarsh (Pune University), Journal of Philosophical Research (New Delhi), and The Philosopher’s Index (Ohio University, USA).

The professor – whom I called Sir – was a lively person and so was I, full of life and vigour. We had a wonderful time together. I never remembered we had any heavy discussion on any ‘heavy’ topic. Anything philosophically significant if I remember was always in the form of a one-line question, formed carefully by me and a one-line answer, given spontaneously by him. He was always surprised by the depth of my question and I was always overwhelmed by the exactness of his answers, hitting the bull’s eye. Many times I and my Sir used to take lunch together and read ‘Mayalok’ or listen to ghazals or some classical music before he retired for his afternoon nap. Sometimes I used to go in evenings instead of morning and have a cup of tea with him. I used to fetch sweets prepared by my mother and he used to return a call of thank to my mother. Many times I used to bring dal makhni and malai kofta from a nearby restaurant for him or paan (betel leaf) as he used to love it. Sometimes I used to drive him to some park for evening walk. He would happily settle down on the back seat of my scooter. Some times, when we could not meet for many days, I used to sneak into his house (his door was always open when he was awake) and cover his eyes from behind and let him guess who was it and he used to express his joy with his warm welcoming hug. But why am I sharing these memories with you?

Because, for me, there is something special about his memories.

I met many professors, teachers, relatives, friends, persons in my life and many of them impressed me, taught me something or the other. But even today, when it is more than a year since he passed away, whenever I see his lively photo or ‘feel’ his presence I get wet eyes. One might say I am very emotional but I feel there is something more about his thoughts than an emotional attachment. Emotions are very unreliable facts and fluctuating realities though there might be a depth in the experience itself. But, in my relationship with Sir, there is a ‘life’ which touches me somewhere deep within.

We all have memories of many kinds but there is something radically different in some memories. The scope is as vast as universe. It might be a touch of new raindrops, or sight of a beautiful flower or anything from nature. It might be beholding a tiny existence on earth or watching stars or infinite space with a powerful telescope. It might be some impressive lines of a famous poem or an innocent remark of a child. It might be any experience with a long, deep relation or a few minutes meeting with a stranger. There is something special and magical about some moments in life. We never forget them, not because we memorized them strongly but they never fade away because they touched us so deep that they become part of our existence. Whenever we reflect on our ‘self’ we can feel the spark and spur from them.

Our life is of a given span. We live this time span full of progress and digress, success and failure, career and relations, earnings and spendings, outings and home stays, learnings and teachings, thirst and quench, agony and ecstasy, reading writers and thinkers, jokes and tragedies, reflecting and deflecting, etc but among all these activities there are the moments when you are touched by life. It might be anywhere and everywhere.

The BIG questions ‘What is life?’, ‘What is it all about?’, ‘Who are you?’, ‘Why are you?’, ‘What are you’, etc and all that is related to life can never be answered in any words. They are only ‘experienced’ by a person ‘living’ and, to comprehend them, you need to reflect on the moments which you lived ‘whole-heartedly’ because clues for the questions of life lie in the moments when you were ‘touched’ by life.

–
Rachana Sharma has Doctorate in Philosophy and Masters in Philosophy and Sanskrit. She has published articles in various philosophical journals such as Paramarsh (Pune University), Journal of Philosophical Research (New Delhi), and The Philosopher’s Index (Ohio University, USA).

Democracy treats freedom of expression and thought as a unified concept but in this unification the freedom of expression becomes prominent because the freedom of thought inheres in the freedom of expression. If one is free to express, one has already received the freedom of thought. But, in fact, thinking and its expression are two separate processes. One thinks and then expresses. The expression is only an exposure of something which has already been shaped by a mind. If that mind is not free, the freedom of expression loses all significance. Freedom of expression has its own importance but freedom of thought is the prerequisite.

The question arises as to what is the freedom of thought. Our mind is our thinking machine. If one is ‘thinking’, one is thinking freely only; that is the general opinion. But the situation is not as simple. Our thinking has so many inner and outer influences that our thoughts emerge more as anticipated output of a complex system than free choice of a conscious mind. We are so ‘bound’ by our inner and outer environments that we even lose the ‘feel’ of freedom. To restitute it, first we need to understand the bondage and then find the key to freedom.

The mind is a unified structure of myriad aspects, phases, layers; visible and invisible. It is present and at the same time constantly changing. It is an outward exposition; it is an inward process as well. The mind is conscious but it also works at unconscious, sub-conscious, half-conscious levels. It would be interesting to know that Indian philosophy has counted as many as eight levels. There is no end. The depth of the consciousness is ever unfolding. The idea is that when we consider the freedom of thought we need to define exactly what a free mind is in the light of all these aspects to the best of our knowledge.  Do we want it to be free from outer influences or we also want an alert, conscious and decisive mind against the inner disturbances as well? Before concluding, think of the decisions taken under the pangs of emotions or those temporary flows aroused by inner or outer influences. Can we consider them as originated from a truly free mind?

It would be surprising to know that emotions have exactly the same effect on functioning of brain as drugs. In experiments neuroscientists scanned the brains of some persons who were ‘feeling’ deep love for somebody. Here by love I mean the love in which the picture of the person remains before one’s eyes and one feels unable to stop thinking of him or her. The scientists found that the scans of their brains were same as those of the persons who had consumed high doses of drugs. The brain function is equally overpowered by emotions and chemicals. The only difference is that the chemical is injected externally into the body and emotions cause the body to generate internal hormones which affect the brain’s function. Love is one among a long list of emotions which humans experience. Every emotion works in the same way if it is allowed to bloom.

Apart from emotions we also have habits and experiences which switch the brain into auto mode. The brain is designed to function in auto mode when the pilot can sit back and relax. This system consists of nature, genes, structure of brain, influences during growth and development etc. All these forces are capable of taking charge and dismissing the conscious power of mind. And, acquiesced in these forces, we have no trace of the real conscious power left out in us which, when it so desires, can visualize, realize and transform the whole system.

During most of normal human life, the brain functions in auto mode in the absence of a conscious guide. We are born and brought up by an environment. Our thoughts are shaped by that given environment. We never question our own personality rather take it as our individuality. We never question our own likings and disliking Р‘I am what I am’. Sometimes we change and improve ourselves for betterment but mostly we live an automated half-conscious life guided by our ego which is nothing but a collective address for all impressions and prejudices. For example; Do we ever think why, relations especially close relations, generally seem disharmonized?  The conflict of interests may be one reason but could we ever ‘see’ the interest of the other and try to conciliate? If we leave our interest aside for a moment and try to think ‘freely’ we can at least understand why a person reacts in a certain way and things will become easier to resolve.

The key to the freedom of thought lies in our own consciousness because, as most of metaphysics recognizes, thinking is the fundamental feature of consciousness. This consciousness looks like a unity but its structure is such that it is designed to function at multi levels, many of them are unrevealed as in the case of mind. The best we can do is to search for a point where one is free from all this jargon of inner-outer influences known to us. We should aspire and strive for a conscious life.

All political and social thinking has always targeted the freedom of expression mainly. Freedom of thought is eclipsed by the freedom of expression. We forget that the freedom of thought is different and much deeper than the freedom of expression. For our freedom of thought we not only need free outer environment but also an inner base and awakening. The free expression has no significance if one does not learn to think freely first and free thinking starts within our own self.

–

Rachana Sharma has Doctorate in Philosophy and Masters in Philosophy and Sanskrit. She has published articles in various philosophical journals such as Paramarsh (Pune University), Journal of Philosophical Research (New Delhi), and The Philosopher’s Index (Ohio University, USA).

At that juncture of life, when young urge and search for true love was in full bloom, that was hard to believe and difficult to comprehend. But now, after five years of marriage with a gem of person, I am able to make sense of what my witty professor wanted to communicate.

You will be surprised that even though I say that my spouse is a very good person, I do agree with the professor. Marriage is such a relation that even if you get the best of the universe, you have a long list of disagreements and complaints against your life partner. The problem does not reside in the person, it is in the relation itself; it is too intimate to absorb.

As soon two persons marry, they search for compatibility. They forget that compatibility is not an attribute which can be taught or found but has to be developed by ourselves over time if we want and that too to an extent only. Moreover, for a human being it is difficult to transform after passing a certain age because a substantial part of our personality, outer and inner, has already solidified. Of course we can alter our behavior pattern, but do you buy a toaster and expect it to make juice for you? The toaster is designed to perform a certain function. Similarly, spouse is also ‘designed’ to play a certain role in your life. Rather than start learning those lessons we set off the journey of marriage with the task to change the other in order to achieve a comfort level with the new room partner. In case of husband, he wants wife to settle down with all his existing relatives and his house as butter melts in hot soup. If case of wife, she wants husband to be of the same nature and mind as ‘she’ perceived and expected him to be before marriage or what she thinks a ‘good’ husband should be. And the joy of marriage fades away within a year or a few month or sometimes just a few days.

Five years ago, I was married to a gentleman who liked clarity in thoughts and simplicity in ways of living. But soon I realized, as happens in most marriages (‘the truth’ always comes out later), that simplicity was not always a virtue. What about all the luxuries of life especially when you know you have the calibre to acquire them? Clarity of thoughts is good but sometimes it brings rigidity along and makes a person so confident of himself that he becomes self-centred.

In just a year, the other side of the coin showed up. Step by step many ‘secrets’ were revealed. Though we all know it’s always the head behind the tail yet we expect the head behind the head, when it comes to relations. Then the next four years were filled up with arguments, clarifications and accusations. Both of us criticized and worked ourselves up to teach each other ‘the right thing’. We fought. How could one allow the other to damage one’s interests. All my dreams and expectations were shattered and he always missed his beloved ‘peace’.

Now after spending five years in the battlefield of marriage I have some realizations which provid great relief to me. I am sharing these ideas with you with the hope that they could be of use to you as well:

1.    Marriages are made in heaven but lived on earth.
2.    Enjoy the toast if you bought a toaster and juice in case of juicer. Accept that toaster will remain toaster throughout its life. If you open up all of its parts in order to turn it into juicer, beware!! It will be of no use to you.
3.    Once you have made a choice you can always extend the life-span and improve the performance of a machine and a relation by using it wisely and handling with care.
4.    To teach a grown up it is sufficient to mention once or twice. If it is ignored it shows that the person is not ready to be taught yet. To teach somebody, sometimes silence works better and sometimes actions and, trust me, they are louder than our screams and shouts.
5.    Compatibility is not taught but learnt, it is an effort.
6.    By no means you can make other person ‘understand’ something if he or she is not willing to understand first.
7.    Stop teaching, learn yourself.
8.    Differences are not always meant to be sorted out; many of them can be enjoyed. And every wrong need not to be corrected.
9.    Never lose your focus in life in exchange for the high hopes of marriage. Always have at least one passion in which you can absorb yourself. That is the only key to fulfillment.
10.     Every relation is meant to give you some tips of life.

If you think that these ideas do not work for you, you can start saving money to buy another house in the vicinity, not for your spouse, but for yourself.

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Rachana Sharma has Doctorate in Philosophy and Masters in Philosophy and Sanskrit. She has published articles in various philosophical journals such as Paramarsh (Pune University), Journal of Philosophical Research (New Delhi), and The Philosopher’s Index (Ohio University, USA).