Backpedaling to Blissful Life

We humans often have unreasonable expectations from others.

Our own good intentions are often hidden so deep that we are sometimes not even consciously aware of them. And our reactions are usually so deeply ingrained and spontaneous that we seem to be having no conscious control over them. Still we want others to judge us from the best that we can be, or from our best intentions that are hidden deep beneath our angry reactions. However, when it comes to judging others, we tend to judge others not by their inherent goodness, but without a second thought, by their panicky reactions. It seems that it gives us immense pleasure in proving that we are better persons than others—though the person we all are is the same One without the other.

There is a 20-year-old lampshade at our home that I was considering to throw away as a part of routine monthly cleaning. It suddenly struck me that except for being dirty it was still functional. I spent an hour cleaning it with Brasso and tamarind solution. Now, it had the incredible shine on it that any owner would feel proud of, and I realized what a mistake it would have been had I really thrown it away.

We all are like this beautiful shining lampshade. But we do not care to connect ourselves back to our natural luster and shine—our divinity—through the ‘Brasso’ and tamarind solution of conscious breathing, meditation, daily review of our actions, contemplation, introspection, and mindful living. We seem to have lost touch with the great potential we have, and the mission we are born to fulfill with it. Disconnected from our real inherent goodness we get easily overpowered by the dirt (our conditioned reactions) that we have allowed to gather on ourselves.

Inside the golden cage that we tend to clean with care every day, the divine bird within starves to be cleaned and fed. Those, whom we tend to admire as saints, are no more divine than the cruelest among us; they have only come to be more aware and better connected to their divine bird within through the three questions that they keep asking themselves. So next time you are about to react with anger to humiliate someone with vengeance ask yourself (like them):

1. “Is it in accordance with what I really am and stand for?”

2. “Am I reacting out of my past conditioning (and reinforcing it thereby) or acting out of the lessons learnt thereof?

3. Am I, a few moments from now, going to feel peaceful, happy and contented, or regret what I am about to do (or not do) or speak (or not speak—for example, saying that you are grateful)?
 
The more often you ask these questions during the day the more quickly you will regain your connection with your real divine and blissful self within. However the practical problem in this is the fact that we get so carried away by our ceaseless thoughts, emotions and the activities of the day that we usually do not have the briefest of intervals at our disposal to have the opportunity to ask these three questions and the dirt of our conditioned responses keeps on accumulating. Here is the trick called ‘Develop your backpedaling  muscle’ to take care of this problem.

Develop your `backpedaling’ muscle to keep the dirt from accumulating.

Often people suffer more from their negative emotions and consequent reactions based on them than from others’ deeds that evoke them.

So let your actions stem from your core self instead from your conditioned reactions. Shift your focus of attention from judging what the external world is doing to you to observing how you are responding to it. Others can offend and hurt you only if you permit them to.

And we permit them to offend and hurt us only when

a) We resist their freedom to act the way they want to even if it is absurd, immature, cruel, and unjust or seemingly at our cost.

b) We judge others’ actions, especially when we do so negatively. Without a judgment there is no ‘emovere’ or disturbance, and in its absence the undisturbed stillness of the present moment still continues to remain with you. And your judgments are after all merely a collection of thoughts.

Others’ wrong behaviour, in fact, belongs to us because it is always a reflection of what is wrong with our own inner world. It is therefore a feedback we can use as important lessons in our lives. Although our negative emotions seem to be our responses to something external they are purely our own creation. We create them because we do not want to take the responsibility for any unpleasant thing and being good at projecting things out we tend to locate their source outside ourselves. Negative emotions, in fact, are the way some people have learnt to process and respond to external happenings with.

While cycling we start backpedaling, in case we want to stay in balance without wanting to move forward with the ongoing usual fast speed lest it may make us ram into a vehicle waiting at the red light. Similarly whenever you are about be carried away by the strong winds of the ill learnt emotional upheavals and negative reactions rising within you, imagine that you are ‘back pedaling’ i.e. you are letting your negative reactions and emotions be watched by you without being acted upon. This is best done in two parts: begin to become aware of your breathing and then start anticipating the response your emotions and habits are about to drive you to. This will also give you the necessary time interval and opportunity to ask and answer the above three vital questions. Though, it is simple but shall prove to be a life-transforming habit for you.

Initially you may find that it isn’t easy backpedaling (holding yourself from action that your negative emotions are tending to drive you to), but every single time you bring yourself to manage to do it you will be strengthening your ‘backpedaling’ muscle. Learn to sacrifice what you are (all that appears to be tempting, convenient and easy now) for the sake of what you want yourself to be (the difficult part that you want to eventually turn into easy, convenient and spontaneous).

With practice, as your back pedaling muscle grows in strength you will begin to realize that you are regaining your will power and grip over your life. An infant finds it difficult to grip a ball or a spoon but with practice it becomes easier. Things become easier for her only because, despite the inconvenience, she first takes up the challenge to consistently do what appears difficult to her. How intelligent would it have been for her to choose instant ease and convenience every time only to eternally postpone the ease that was supposed to be her birthright?

To lead a blissful life is no one else’s but our own responsibility. When we blame others for keeping such a life from us, it still is kept from us. Fixing blame does not fix the problem. Only by taking responsibility and working towards it, does a blissful life become ours.