However, life will surely change for my him in a couple of years. I can imagine a future where all that kids will take to school will be a handy tablet PC – much like the iPad. All the text books, syllabus and lots more will be preloaded into the tablet with the option of ‘buying’ content for a new class when required. All notes will be made on the same tablet. All assignments and exams will only require the tablet as well.

Kids (and parents) will be able to access videos, take mock tests, chat with the teacher and classmates – all from the same secure tablet.

Just hang on son!

Here is a quick update on things that i was involved in till a few days ago.

1. Tickledbylife.com is on hold as of now till my dad figures out a way to run the site and community with minimum involvement from his side!
2. Afterpackup.com is also on hold till Mona is able to squeeze out enough time to run this site and community from her side.
3. theAsianparent.com is being steered by my ex partner.
4. My scheduled open workshops (at NUS, Aventis and others) are obviously not going to happen now. My work at Ogilvy will will involve running workshops for internal teams and clients so hopefully i won’t miss this part of what i was doing!
5. I have had to pull out of my already limited teaching assignments at JCU and others as well.

I realized I was “different” through occasional reminders such as this:  when walking to school in New York many years ago, someone yelled, “Ni Hao Ma?” (i.e. How Are You?) from a block away.  I looked back and a fellow college student I didn’t recognize started waving frantically and flashing his electric smile and blazing white teeth at me.  I wondered what I’ve done to deserve such warmth and friendliness from someone I didn’t know.  Was it simply the color of my skin?

I learned in a flash that you could turn your “weaknesses” into your strengths.  In PR terms, you could brand yourself through your USP, your Unique Selling Proposition.  Instead of denying my background and experiences, I decided to embrace them.

I would carve a career and eventually launch my own PR firm leveraging my understanding of Asia and Asian companies to support them in penetrating the American mainstream.

I would pitch to reporters in my natural accent influenced by all the places I have lived.  And because it was slightly different from a pure American accent, the reporters seemed to remember my voice and my pitches, and soon became my friends and willing contemplators of story ideas.

Can you think of people you know who have turned their weaknesses into strengths?

Our current president Barack Obama did not have the pedigree of a Kennedy, but he leveraged his bi-racial background and his humble international upbringing to win hundreds of millions of supporters around the world.  Take a moment to contemplate your “weaknesses.”   Perhaps they are really your strengths and can be turned into your USP (Unique Selling Proposition) with a little creativity and panache?

What are the general ingredients for success for an entrepreneur who is leaving his job to have his own set-up?

An idea. A business that is your hobby, passion or interest. So come up with a business idea. What hobbies or activities you like that can generate money?

Develop a business plan. Write down what your business will offer, how and to whom. Include your long-term goals. Writing brings clarity.

Do market research to check out your competitors. Who else is offering the same service? How do they promote it and at what prices?

Determine how will you market the product?

But when I look at all the people who left their jobs and are now successful small business owners, I find that they have different attitudes and behaviours. Everyone may not operate from the structured steps mentioned above. For instance, one entrepreneur would measure success by sales growth, while another by independent lifestyle.

Small business owners can be divided into five groups, each displaying distinct attitudes, according to a study conducted in the USA – Idealists, Hard Workers, Jugglers, Optimisers and Sustainers. While each type can be successful, they all take different routes to success.

Idealists: Twenty-four per cent of business owners surveyed, fit the Idealists mold, making this the largest of the five groups. Idealists start businesses to work on something special, according to the study. For example, Navin says. “I love creating content, developing software and doing all the designing.” After working for different organisations, he now owns his business that looks at interactivity of web-based applications.

Although they love creative work and are technically adept in their field, Idealists are impatient with administrative tasks. So they may not want to grow their business to an extent where all they would be doing is to manage people and administrative work.

Optimisers: At 21%, they prefer the personal rewards of entrepreneurship – freedom and flexibility for expansion. They do want growth, but the most important thing is the profit made.

Hard Workers: Representing 20% of those studied, they tend to put in more hours to achieve results. They’re detail-oriented, financially aggressive and the most growth-oriented group of entrepreneurs.

Jugglers: Accounting for 20% of the sample, they are the most personally involved in their businesses. They feel the pressure to pay bills, make payroll and keep cash flow positive. They’re technologically savvy and embrace the internet. They think nobody can do it like them and are consequently reluctant to delegate. Anup left his job as a senior designer while he was with a leading newspaper and now runs his own designing shop. While he has couple of junior assistants, he does most of the job and deals with clients himself. He is a one man organisation!

Sustainers: At 15%, these entrepreneurs are likely to have inherited companies rather than started from scratch. They might have left their job to join the family business or a friend’s business. They work hard and would rather put in more hours than apply technology to problems. They’re the most conservative group, often declaring they don’t want growth and are happy with the way things are.

To begin, you must expect your audience to drift on and off from time to time while you speak.  To bring them back to you, you will need to complement a strong visual image together with a variation in your speech delivery and interesting visual aids.  It is therefore important to realise that different styles of clothes or dress will be required for different audiences.

The business presentation

If your audience is small for example, a boardroom presentation, you will have to adopt a softer and less intimidating look.  A bright red suit just won’t do in such a scenario.  The key is to wear something that will relax your audience. So, women should go for neutral coloured suits and introduce more colour with blouses.  The accessories should be kept to minimum; a gold and pearl combination looks most elegant.   For men, don’t dazzle your audience with bright colours or wild patterns.  Keep your suit black or navy blue and instead of wearing a burning red tie, go for calming colours like green, blue or gray.  The trick is that if you concentrate the colour near your face, it will act like a spotlight focusing attention on you and what you are saying.

On the other hand, a large audience becomes ‘a theatre’ and therefore requires a ‘costume’.  Thus, a navy-suited speaker will not create much of an impact at a conference of 500 people.  This will call for the occasion of bringing more colours into your jacket if not the entire suit. Try brighter colours to win your audience’s attention. Remember, it is the colour of your suit and not the bold patterns of your suits.

It will be useful if you can check the lighting of the room before your presentation. If the area where you are speaking is dark, you will need to brighten up by wearing lighter or brighter shades.

When selecting the style of your suits, do take into account how your body reacts under the stress of giving presentations. If you are the type that moves around when speaking, then be sure your clothes allow plenty of movement. Avoid tight skirts or jackets. Always keep your jackets buttoned when speaking so as to avoid any unnecessary distractions (e.g. your bosom, tummy or waist).

Make sure you are well groomed. Women should wear flattering makeup that is not too heavy and have their hair done stylishly. Similarly, men should have a clean-shaven look with their hair neatly trimmed and styled.

Appearing on television

The idea of appearing on television can be very daunting. If we watch news interviews or panel discussions, often times, we take particular note of how badly the interviewee can come across in terms of his or her appearance. It is very difficult to concentrate on what is said by someone who is wearing a gaudy scarf, necklace or even tie. Nonetheless, accept the fact that you will look bigger when you appear on TV. So, do not worry when you see yourself on TV; it is the camera, and not you.  Read on to find out the following tips to look great for your TV debut.

Remember to wear simple outfits without any distraction from your face. This means you should wear solid colours avoiding black and white shirts or tops. Black tops cancel out your top half, and it makes you look formless. White makes you look pale and washed out. You should also avoid red which tends to ‘bleed’ on camera -  the edges run and look fuzzy. Stripes or herringbone patterns can appear to be ‘dancing’ or moving around the screen. A monochromatic blend of colours is the best! Plunging necklines are no-no and again keep your jewellery or accessories to minimum.

Makeup is a must when appearing on TV. Most TV shows would have a makeup artist. If not, you will have to put on foundation before you appear in front of the camera. Pl

So I call myself an evangelist for success, an evangelist out to inspire people to make the most of themselves – to Be More, Do More and Have More in life. I want to help those who dare to go on a crusade – to be their best, better than their best. I want to put an end to mediocrity. We may be born average, but let’s leave our mark of excellence behind, that’s my war cry!

Some of you may be trainers already, or simply evangelists for success like I am. The rest of you are probably in a totally different profession – lawyers, doctors, engineers, fresh graduates, it really doesn’t matter. What’s important is that you have decided to read this article because a germ of an idea has entered your mind: Can I be a trainer? Is it something I may want to do?

It’s about giving and receiving
When we stand on a platform, we are giving of ourselves. By sharing our experiences, our knowledge and skills, we are making an impact on our audience. Whether positive or negative, we are leaving an imprint on others.

There is an awesome responsibility attached to that thought. Some may see it as power and they get a real kick out of it. To me, it is a wonderful opportunity to be able to “contribute”, to live a life that is significant and to influence others positively.

I started off on my journey of becoming a trainer/speaker because I wanted to give. But along the way, I have received so much more than I had started out with.
An experience I would never forget was when my husband and I were first invited to be keynote speakers for a business seminar in Sydney. I was a little nervous at the start, but my passion soon put that nervousness far away. At the end of a long day, where we spoke for two sessions, we were amazed when we saw a long stream of people coming up on stage, waiting to shake our hands, to speak to us, some to hug us and some to ask a question. It was a truly humbling experience, one I would not want to exchange for all the money in the world.

As Danny Thomas said, “Success in life has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish for yourself. It’s what you do for others.”

And the most wonderful part is: The more we give, the more we will receive. Even as we give to our audience, likewise they are giving to us too – not only their time, but their attention, their energy, encouragement, and their commitment to following our teaching and advice. The completion of this cycle of reciprocity must be the goal of any trainer or speaker.

It’s about personal growth

As a Japanese proverb says, to teach is to learn. There is no better way to grow than to undertake the task to teach in the area we wish to grow in. We learn, we teach what we learn, we grow and the cycle goes on.

Why is growth important? If we don’t grow, we’re not really living. We’re just existing, what I call, occupying space. If you look at the life of someone who is not growing, it’s very much like watching a soap opera. You may not have watched it for some time, and when you tune in again after a few weeks or even months, much of the same stuff is still going on.

I meet many people who share with me their dream of becoming a trainer. Or perhaps I should say “hope”. They have a hope that they can become a trainer but they do not take that crucial first step of deciding to just be one.

They hesitate because they feel they are not yet good enough to teach. Some gave up on their dreams even before they got started because they judge themselves purely on their current state. They forget that everyone has the capacity to grow. As Zig Ziglar says, “Go as far as you can see and when you get there, you will always be able to see farther.”

It’s about Finding Your Purpose

Many people become trainers and educators because they had made a decision that they wanted to live the rest of their lives with purpose.

My husband Patrick developed a programme called YES Club International (Young Entrepreneurs Success Club International) for young adults aged 18 to 25 because he had a passion of wanting to help them design the lives they want. He sees young people who are so lost as to which direction they should take. He sees people in their 60s who, if they had the chance to live the last 30 years of their life again, would choose a different path and different actions.

For Patrick, it was a new purpose he found that prompted him to become a trainer.  He was already financially free, and established as a business coach and presenter in his existing business. But this was a new passion he discovered, something that would keep his adrenaline pumping – to develop a duplicable system so young people around the world could have mentors to help them design the life they really want.

What is your purpose? What is your dream?

Jessica See, a Certified Professional Trainer and Coach (IPMA UK), conducts programmes on ‘Training as a Profession’ in Singapore, Malaysia, Shanghai and Beijing. She can be contacted at  Jessica@qscasia.com

Generally people can be seen fretting and fuming whenever they have to wait long for their turns. Sometimes, things turn a little unpleasant too what with some shoving and pushing here and there. Blaring of horns when the traffic signal turns from red to green, is a case in point. Frowning faces are a common sight whenever there is any delay in getting what people want.

But not so in eating joints! See the crowd at any eating joint and observe the difference. People have radiant faces as they wait for their orders. If the delivery is delayed and the kids get impatient, the parents try to cheer them up. Why this difference in attitude at eating joints?

I have never agreed with any research finding that says that every individual has a split personality. But watching crowds with smiles instead of frowns on their faces at eating joints has forced me to change my view.

How the prospect of yummy eats tickles people’s taste buds and fills them with anticipatory joy is a fascinating phenomenon. And the best part is when people actually take the first bite. What blissful expressions they have! Eating faces are the happiest faces!

Every one of us should pay our sincere gratitude to the eating joints. I do.

The challenge is in uncovering the hidden self of a person by ways and means other than the obvious. One of the newer trends is in Mess Analysis. The human mind is very simple. It zeros in on the obvious. The guy whose drawer is in a mess is seen as having a disorganized pattern of thinking too. This is as crude as it can get. The human psychological make-up is rather complex and a given tendency may not reflect presumed truth. Take for instance the people who like cleanliness and order as predicted by astrology for Virgo people. My experience is that they are so concerned with cleanliness and order that they become a pain in the neck for everybody; there is very little left in their lifestyle to accommodate others.

A spic and span attitude shows them as intelligent, capable and of course better than others; so they really expect appreciation. Even the slightest hint that their decisions and methods may not be the best usually puts them in a defensive mode and they will then argue to justify themselves till they browbeat you into silence. Now if this were true, of what use is the orderliness? Perfection for perfection’s sake is difficult to digest in this imperfect world. I have lived with such people and found them to be intractable and difficult to make friends with. They are very intelligent but use their intelligence to find fault with everything and everybody around them. Order and cleanliness are wonderful things and we should live by the highest standards but they make one so predictable and boring.

On the other extreme of the spectrum is the unruly creative person who has so many possibilities jostling in his head and has many projects at any given time. Then it is not always easy or practical to complete every project in one go so it presupposes that he would have incomplete projects lying around that seem a mess to the uninitiated. If the visitor jumps to the conclusion that this man would not amount to anything then he would be totally wrong because he would have failed to see the genius behind it all. I am personally very comfortable with this kind of a person. I have this nephew who is rather a remarkably intelligent person. He is into quality control which means he is always learning new trends, techniques, technologies and processes. That keeps his mind sharp. Add to this his ability to converse well and get his point across. The flip side of all this is that he has many things on his plate at any given time and the chances are that whatever can be made to wait keeps going down on the list of to-do’s. So out necessity and somewhat by temperament he has become a ‘procrastinator’. He is kind-hearted to a fault and has not learnt to say ‘no’. So people make demands on him because they know that he would do the job well. The poor fellow has little time as he travels and is out of town quite often; then there are pressing needs of his own family when he does happen to be home.

I must admit that if I wanted my letter to be posted, I would certainly not trust him. But if I were seriously sick, he is the first person I would want around me.

Ask any homicide detective: the obvious is almost a worthless indicator of anything. Until we learn to go behind the veil that all of us create about us, the façade will mislead us every time. Predictable facades are the most misleading.

The male version ends with the male voice-over saying how the woman started to get too close and it was time to move on. The female version ends with the female voice-over claiming that the best way for her to move on is to start getting closer and closer to the man until he gets so claustrophobic that he flees. When he runs out, the girl closes the door, cries, “Whoopee!” She then takes off the man’s shirt and throws it into a bin, which has the Move On logo branded on it.

Essentially, these ads are supposed to showcase two sides of a same situation and how each one wanted to move on from a relationship and how they both think they have managed it. In fact, I would not even call it a relationship as it is portrayed more like a brief fling! Obviously it does reflect the shifting goal posts of the younger generation with regard to relationships and physical intimacy. The brand seems to be leveraging the orientation of the current generation. But, is it also endorsing and maybe even reinforcing such a value system?

This seems to be in line with the current trend of ‘instant everything.’ Which means one does not delve deeper and is content with grazing at the edges. Can relationships also be managed in a similar way? One gets into a relationship without adequate thought, enjoy the fun times and then, move on?

If everyone wanted to move on after the fun and games, who would be around for each other in moments of agony and pain? Is that why so many youngsters were lost and depressed in the downturn? And many even contemplated taking their lives?

The flip side to this argument is the conditioning of the older generations which prepared them to stand by each other through thick and thin. Many times this led to enduring an unfulfilling or dead relationship but they contemplated the bigger picture of family preservation and companionship in the long run. In today’s context of intense competition and high stress lives, is it really better to cultivate the ‘move on’ orientation with regard to relationships?

Most importantly, move on to what and where? The old adages of the grass being greener on the other side and a bird in hand being worth more than two in the bush, are still relevant, even today. It would be great if people were to contemplate the emotional and spiritual repercussions of disposable relationships and shallow commitments. Maybe such introspection might motivate them to start developing deeper and more meaningful relationships instead of moving on, all the while. After all, as another popular saying goes, a rolling stone gathers no moss!

In this case the traditional manufacturing frame emphasized such things as cost reduction, profit enhancement, efficiency, etc. Issues like how customers use and store the product were in the shadows of the frame and ended in a disastrous decision.

Years of conditioning and training can lead to a freezing of frames. These frames help us to simplify the world but the danger lies in oversimplification and holding on to frames after they are no longer relevant. Albert Einstein admonished his colleagues, “Make it as simple as possible but no simpler.”

A winning decision maker has the ability to look at something through several frames. Scott Fitzgerald says, ‘The test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposite ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.’

The ability to frame a problem is itself a key to its solution. There is a story about a Franciscan priest and a Jesuit, both being heavy smokers. This troubled them especially since they could not resist smoking while praying to the Lord. The Franciscan decided to see the prefect and asked him, ‘Father, would it be permitted to smoke while I am praying to the Lord?’ The answer was a resounding no. The Jesuit also sought counsel but framed his question somewhat differently. ‘Father, when in moments of weakness I smoke would it be permitted to say a prayer to the lord?’ The answer ‘Yes of course my son.’

This story demonstrates the power of frame control. Decision makers have a responsibility to consciously control their frames rather than being controlled by them.  They should attempt to overcome as far as possible the inherent limitations of any single frame. An approach to becoming a better decision maker in the context of frames is to follow these three rules:

1. Notice what frames you are using
2. Evaluate whether your frame fits the problem. If not then,
3. Find yourself a better frame or build one if necessary. Help others change their frames if you are working with a group.

K.R. Ravi is South Asia’s first Dr.Edward De Bono certified public trainer in lateral thinking, and a pioneer in spreading lateral thinking in the Indian corporate sector. For more details, visit http://www.krravi.com or contact him at createravi@hotmail.com.

And you would be happy to know that there are other weight loss methods out there which work much better than dieting. Lets cover them

1. Dieting doesn’t work: While I know that you hate diets, I thought it would be prudent to point out the disadvantages. See, dieting sounds good on the surface, and in fact, if you go without food for several days, you might also lose some fat from your thighs and belly! But you will gain back all of that weight as quickly as you have lost it!

As a matter of fact, the human body is PROGRAMMED to fight against any form of starvation. In good old days, when there was lack of food supply, the body would store fat deposits in order to survive.

The rule still remains the same: if you try to starve yourself, your body will think that there is a famine out there which is why it is not getting enough fuel in the form of calories. It would then take the obvious step:  slow down your metabolic rate to store fat instead of burning it! This is the reason why most dieters tend to regain their former self as soon as they get back to the normal eating mode!

If someone told you that you have gained weight because of eating, let me enlighten you: you will put on weight if you DON’T eat!

2. Eating frequently is the key: Simply ‘eating’ is not enough for quick weight loss; you must also make sure that you are eating frequently as well! No, don’t eat more than your normal diet, or when you’re not hungry. Break down your large meals into smaller meals.

If you are like anyone else, you probably end your day with three large meals. That is not the way to lose weight! Instead, you should break those three large meals into six smaller meals and eat each small meal every two or three hours.

This has dual advantages. First, when your body gets fuel frequently, it keeps your metabolic rate high, which means that you will burn fat fast. Second, frequent eating helps you suppress hunger, so that you don’t feel tempted to gorge on the junk foods.

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See some before and after pictures of us losing almost 30lbs a month at http://idiotsproofdiet.com/Can-I-Substitute-Foods-On-The-Idiot-Proof-Diet-.html

More than twenty years ago when the washing machine market in India was brimming for the first time with a slew of brands and competition was really hot, one company stood out for its outstanding performance. In this company, the CEO was stupefied at the phenomenal performance of one of his zonal managers who went on to receive a massive hike in emoluments and a promotion to the very top of the marketing department.

It so happened that the CEO happened to read an article in a management journal to the effect that success ought to be analysed at least as seriously as failure and one should always be healthily skeptical–use the power of NO.

He appointed a creativity consultant to look into the reasons for the phenomenal performance of the ‘star’ zonal manger. Unknown to this manager the consultant travelled deep into the territory meeting dealers and end users and thereafter submitted what turned out to be a shocking verdict that lead to the resignation of the ‘star’ manager. It turned out that the end users were using the washing machine to churn lassi! The company quickly realised that this was a health hazard and that the manager was in fact aware of this perverted use of the product.

An oft repeated fault in many organisations, is to automatically attribute success to the brilliance of the manager concerned or the team. Failure conversely is attributed rather automatically to incompetence. This is a serious flaw. In the above instance the CEO could have requested the ‘star’ performer to make a presentation to all the sales staff and share his insights into the strategy and tactics that in fact led to his grand ‘success’. In all cases of good performance it is essential to analyse the success factors with a view not to investigate into a possible fraud as in the lassi case, but in fact to see if the strategy could be replicated across the organization and also to determine if it was sustainable. In the performance assessment systems of most organisations the focus tends to be on successful outcomes of an executive’s efforts. This emphasis is being carried too far in most companies. The result of this overemphasis on outcomes is that little if any attention is paid to the process by which success was achieved.

Consequently good performance based on fortuitous circumstances gets rewarded while a dynamic executive whose performance may not be up to the mark for reasons beyond his control may go unnoticed or even punished. The role of chance factors in successful decision making or business strategy cannot be overlooked.

The decision making process has not received the attention it deserves. In nationalized banks for example it is common for executives to be denied promotion or to be suspended for what the management considers lapses in decision making leading to bad loans. It may benefit these banks to make a study of the correlation between the quality of loans on one side and quality of the decision making process on the other.

Too often for want of adequate awareness of and stress on the process factor, organisations may end up rewarding luck and punishing competence.

In the early stages of the decision process we tend to make a fundamental error, that of not challenging the data available to us. We tend to look at the data and form a viewpoint and then not seek further data. Even in gathering data we tend to look for that which confirms our pre-existing views. We fall into the trap of assuming a certain stance and then seeking evidence that substantiates our stand. This ‘confirmation bias’ is possibly why some of the best thought out and researched decisions often go wrong.

People who say that ‘seeing is believing’ are usually better at believing rather than seeing, said George Santayana. What he referred to is the phenomenon whereby we actually and unconsciously seek evidence that strengthens our pre-existing beliefs. This bias is perhaps one of the most debilitating aspects of human thinking. Allied with this is the mental filtering that we all do whereby we let into our mind information in a selective fashion. This filtering usually lets in only confirmatory information into our thinking process while conveniently keeping out disconfirming evidence.

I had a personal experience recently when a young college student from a South Mumbai college asked my opinion on the quality of college education in Mumbai relative to the rest of the country. I told her that Chennai had some of the best colleges offering quality education, at which point she reacted almost violently. Obviously I had touched a raw nerve. She was not comfortable with evidence that challenged her pre-existing beliefs. She challenged the basis of my conclusion and when I told her that I relied on surveys done by two major national weeklies she retorted ‘Both these magazines have no credibility in Mumbai anyway.’ Of course I assuaged her feelings by honestly stating my reservations about the scientific validity if such surveys. I was aware of the power of NO, the power of healthy scepticism.

While this was a relatively harmless instance, the consequences could be disastrous in the corporate context when decisions are taken with the confirmation bias. It is therefore necessary to be conscious of the working of such a bias and deliberately seek out disconfirming evidence. Some very successful top executives make a fetish, and rightly so, of deliberately encouraging executives who ‘dare’ to differ from them. Thus Sam Goldwyn used to tell his colleagues ‘I do not want yes men in this organization. I want people to speak their minds even if it costs them their job’. What he meant was that he insisted on disconfirming evidence.

Another top executive used to say at the end of a meeting that since all participants were in full agreement with his views he considered the meeting a waste of time and would summon another one on the same subject when some of his colleagues would prove him wrong!

I once advised a top executive friend of mine to recruit those who aggressively differed from him in the interview and challenged his viewpoint. He tried this tactic with trepidation. He now tells me that these dissenting recruits proved to be the most innovative ones he had ever employed. They had helped him avoid falling into the trap of the confirmation bias. Indeed the power of NO is immense. Parallel thinking, pioneered by Dr.Edward de Bono, is one technique that can help keep out the confirmation bias, and summon the power of NO, more so in a group decision making context.

Now marriage as an institution is an attempt by the human mind to bring some order in the chaos that sexuality brings. The average humanity goes through this mill and it is the only kind of evolutionary sadhana an average person goes through. Humanity has been brain-washed to find happiness in it – not just happiness but the ultimate happiness. Then religious factors have been drummed into us which are very contrary to real life. So marriage creates many dilemmas. Many of the dilemmas are so contrary to our own life’s path that a lot of pain is created.

Marriage until it goes beyond the hormonal level and social customs cannot give happiness. It was designed for regularity and social order. It can give a lot of happiness but until companionship develops between the two parties, there is no happiness.

I have known two marriages in the Ashram which were based on the necessity of the spirit and devotion to each other. Marriage vows were taken more for convenience of the society and its laws. The marriage in spirit was already made.

A very basic problem of marriage is that people outgrow themselves and both the partners do not grow equally and not in the same direction nor at the same speed. This creates even more self-centred pressures.

I could see the marriages around me and the lack of happiness in them. This was very discouraging. Most marriages were held together because of economic or legal hassles and sometimes because of the attachments to children.

I wanted to try out partnering with a woman but every time I made a friend or reached the embrace stage, the woman’s demands would begin and this was a big put-off.

Then I meditated and realised that I am reacting to the shape of woman automatically. This is something that is embedded in us since the beginning of time. If we focus sincerely within we soon see that it is not one person that we are attracted to but the basic characteristics of the opposite sex. Proximity plays a big part in these affairs of love. Leave two bodies together and they will find enough attractiveness in each other to want to mate.

When people marry they do just this, totally ignoring the person in the body. When the body’s needs are met the real person residing above the neck starts making his or her demands and thus the acrimony begins to enter the atmosphere.

Having realized this I concluded I wanted a love affair and not a marriage. Moreover I would wait till somebody found me attractive enough and love me for myself and then I would let myself go. I was very influenced by the book Mrs Craddock by Somerset Maugham. In this, he says, ‘Between two lovers there is always one who loves and the other who lets himself/herself be loved.’

And I could see this happening all around me and my own experiments with flirting proved that as long I was running after a person she would show interest but soon it would melt into nothingness.

Finally I had the experience of somebody who came into my life and gave herself without question at the age of 36. It was giving all the way. And it was a most beautiful experience. I had many elevating moments as I saw myself in all hues and learnt more about myself than I had until now. Suddenly my own self was laid out in front of me without any curtains.

Then circumstances changed and nothing came out of it.

I even discussed this with my teachers in the ashram where I had grown up. If I had to stay out in the world and not in the ashram, marriage was becoming a pragmatic necessity. But as a practitioner of numerology I had seen that marriage happened only with the diametrically opposite ‘number’. So if I wanted to get into marriage I should be ready for opposition, misunderstandings and turbulence.

Again as an experiment I started my love affairs. I would fall in love (so called) but every time I would propose marriage they told me that they did not feel needed and would leave me. I wondered what was wrong with me how these ladies could see through me.

Eventually I married for practical reasons and it was a terrible time of torment. But I decided not to run away. I learnt a lot about my own selfish attitudes because the feedback from the partner was immediate and honestly speaking true. So first I concentrated on my negative attributes and compromised with my partner at every stage. When the relationship began to stabilise and she started trusting me a bit, I stared discussing her attitudes and how some of her behaviour was hurting me. Slowly she also started to change her patterns but not as consciously as I had done.

Now I can say that marriage put me in a bind and forced me to look inward and gave me the final push towards enlightenment. When all is said and done, the best moments I have known in my life came through my child and I am enjoying my child like a person possessed. Because now my wife and I have found friendship we are having, generally speaking, a jolly good time, busy raising our kid. Her own insecurities do frighten her sometimes into quarrels with me but they are manageable.

Marriage is team-work and this is an acquired trait which has to be learnt and practised with serious intent. Of course, we complement each other but most of us would be equally happy living alone, content in our own selfish balloons. Modern life has made that dream a real possibility and all are aware of it but there is a big BUT.

Our genes and hormones have a potent force of their own. Destiny which is still running our lives – we may accept it or not – keeps us throwing into contact with attractive people of the opposite sex which gets the desire centres humming.

The yin and yang principle is at work in nature. Opposites coexist and attract each other. Observe closely and you will see that by some quirk of fate, every couple is a pairing of two people with opposite tendencies. The law of creation takes us to our next level of evolution by the effort we put in to live with each other. We are each other’s teachers.

Clashes will be but we have to learn to see both ends of the argument and learn to go beyond the obvious and mundane, for there are always some common points as well. The creator has used the sexual energy well. There is a lure here which serves a dynamic purpose. It keeps repopulating the mother earth and also helps in realizing the merger of the opposite sides of the same coin in the form of two individuals. It should be best seen as a spiritual discipline.

At the other end of the spectrum is the fact that we cannot all make our bread, tailor our clothes, make our shoes, construct our house and make our cars; so we need other people in our lives. In extension we therefore need a society and if we wish to live within this society, the word teaming-up again appears and we have to accept certain confinements. Therefore it is plain to all to see that life is a huge compromise after all. It’s so galling!

The BUT I was talking about makes its splash here. We are on our best behavior most of the time; continuously adjusting to the pressures of people and circumstances. BUT the moment we enter the threshold of our homes, we find it difficult to make the same compromises in our marriages willingly with a singing heart. Why? It is very well and facile to live when we make short contacts and all go home at the end of the day to our own watering holes, alone in our comfort zones; with the option to keep or break a relationship if we wish to. In marriage we have to be with the same person day in and day out for ever and ever with no respite. Readjustments are in order.

It seems as if the partners are forever saying “Be reasonable, do it my way”. This when coupled with a tendency to overbear is a formula for disaster. At the back of the mind there is always the dormant thought that we can always part which is no help at all. I belong to the old school. No divorce for me; so a mutually acceptable path has to be found and if there are children from the marriage, no possibility of exit at all. Something was started and it has to be finished. We made our bed and now we need to lie in it. Do we have a right to hurt the person we brought home or run away from the responsibility of raising our children? I wish lawmakers would go back to the old ways and put it into an act soon. The effort that has now gone out of relationships would reappear and so much frustration and pain needlessly imposed by humans on themselves could be avoided.

There are even impossible demands when the partners are taken for granted. We need to wake up from this dream. The obvious solution is to adjust but we are not prepared to do so. Very good reasons are cited and all very tangible and real. Everything is taken into consideration except the fact that the first point of law is that the marriage has to be maintained at all costs as a garden of joy. It is our marriage and our life. Everything else pales into insignificance.

Discord is inevitable unless we are prepared to let go a bit and cross over into the other’s camp and live for the other person. This is said for both men and women and has to be a concerted effort. Personally I find this idea so wonderful. My life is no more a closed box. I let somebody in and a close partnership begins with of course an absolute interdependence. This is the beginning of happiness. I do lose a bit of the “I” but win the world. Putting up one’s feet is such a pleasure. We did marry for the small comforts of married life, did we not?

We live much harried lives. What we think, feel and speak are never the same things. We are hiding so much. There is an accepted perverse insincerity practised at all moments and at every level of our existence. In the outer world where every man is for himself and wolf eat wolf is the situation, there is much to be said for a bit of charade but not so in a marriage. Marriage has to be seen in the light of the common man’s yogic/spiritual journey.

It is, whatever you may argue, an evolutionary process in which both the parties as well as children grow into more matured beings. When you see it in this light, you have to allow the barriers to fall and sincerity has to pervade in the home. Thoughts, feelings and the spoken word will need to be in harmony at all times otherwise chaos and clashes will erupt. Lording over is absolutely out. Cleverness is a no-no. At least aim to reach this level. There will be stumbling blocks, yet wherever this spirit of candidness exists, there will be laughter and rarely any quarrels. The human spirit is a forgiving one. Whenever honesty seeps through, joy prevails.

The other factor which I have seen taking a heavy toll of the quiet life in marriages is the poor quality of communication. Poor language use, bad speech habits and worse, inadvertent habits like speaking from distances or changing the place of things and forgetting to tell. We are also plagued by the sense of right and wrong and get irritated in righteous indignation. This indignation turns easily into a scream like a cracker going off without restraint. Always forgetting that how we deal with the everyday world and how we need to deal in our marriage world are two different things. In marriage it is the team not the individual who matters. We forget it to our pain. Let’s never forget if the other party is grating on our nerves, then we are no angels. Have we ever tried to find out how we are grating on other people’s nerves?

We are constantly giving out wrong signals. Utter confusion prevails at the best of times. So first we need to begin by listening a bit more and not reacting to every word that one hears. Not only to words bit those intangible sighs as well and those inconsistencies in behaviour patterns. Consider that the other person may be thinking aloud or just uttering the wrong words because of other extraneous circumstances and so many other fears and complexes that run amok in our lives.

Just think it over for a while. Forgive and forget if you have been mildly wronged. Show your appreciation often and learn to remain silent in as many languages as you can. Along with this attitude, ask for favours and when the other person asks for them, do respond positively. We do make the mistake of asking for favours and wanting instant gratification but when the other person asks for something, we are always busy in our own world and cannot grant any. This will not do. Gratitude needs to be cultivated and practised a bit more, especially in small inconsequential things, which are really the ones which swell into tidal waves.

All that is needed is a little shift in our own orientation to our life and partner. Give and give and take some. Rather you will notice you will get without asking and much more than you could have asked for.

PK is a teacher of languages/communication, counsellor and a businessman active in 6 countries. He combines his knowledge of life with his education in management, applied psychology and occult psychology from his time in The Ashram in Pondicherry and assists aspiring managers to reach their next level. Please visit http://sites.google.com/site/pkcentreforchange/Home

Blame is pinpointing to someone else, criticizing or holding someone or something other than self as responsible or indulge in a finger pointing exercise or harass with constant criticism.

I speak from a personal experience. I grew up as a child blaming and being blamed in equal measure. As a teenager, I was steeped in being blamed. As a young adult I decided in my subconscious that I was not going to take it any more and would retaliate strongly whenever I was blamed. So I played my part passing on blame whenever possible to whoever was willing to take it. I assumed it to be a logical way of living, blissfully ignorant of the pain I was causing to myself indirectly and to the others directly. I had absolved myself of any wrong doing and I thought that I had a right to be angry and aggressive.

At another level we had it reinforced in us in subtle ways that we had to be ashamed and repent or at least feel remorseful of all the wrong doings or we were most welcome to go on a guilt trip if you please.

So we excavated each little error, each little mistake and grew more and more self-righteous. Since we had confessed our sins now it was your turn. And if you did not, you were slotted as arrogant and headstrong. So the spiral escalated.

As I reach my middle age, I realize and look back with amusement and amazement at the sad designs we drew for ourselves and those we professed to love.

Why do we blame another?

It makes us feel good. It makes us feel that we are right and helps us place the responsibility on another person. It gives us licence to be aggressive on the one hand and feel like a victim on the other hand.

Our human mind works in myriad ways, seeking, coping, releasing or protecting this simple fragile self. As a result we behave in a manner in tune with this inner need.

What happens to the other person when we blame?

He probably gets a little disoriented if he is not in the wrong. He can withdraw, blame back or just cut off. Communication gets choked. To overcome this, one could have dialogue in a mature fashion. It calls for a humungous inner strength to speak the truth with candour and courage. One of the major fears of this action is the consequence that can happen.

Another perspective

As a non-violent communication (NVC) supporter, I see and experience that it is possible to communicate without negative feelings.

Imagine that all humans regardless of caste, colour or creed are here in this world for a purpose even if they are not aware of it. No life is complete when a person dies, merely a level is done and he has to move onto another level. He was here because he had to learn how to cope with issues that he created for himself, choosing lessons that he needed to learn. He could either sail through or make it worse or play it the way he chose at the beginning. That’s free will for you.

For instance let’s say that I need to learn lessons on how to cope with abandonment. I lost my dad when I was 8. Though I could not articulate the pain or loss, the fear and anxiety remain. Years later I subconsciously play it out with over-dependence on my close ones. This could irritate my daughter who needs to learn to cope with self-reliance. Surely there’s going to be blame, and fault-finding and the whole works.

If I could remember that she’s not here because of me or for me, she’s here to learn her lessons, and I can at best be there for her like the way I did when she was in her school, it would give me the distance and acceptance that there is nothing to blame anybody for. Everyone is who they are.

It has even given me an insight into the Gestalt Prayer.

I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.
(Fritz Perls, 1969)

More than anything else it gives me the perspective and freedom. It liberates me and makes me responsible for myself. And it gives new insights into detachment, opening myself, independent of reasoning ability, to meet others’ blame with skill, grace and ease.

So how can I live in harmony?

I need to let go of worn-out limited beliefs. I simply have to accept that everybody is in their rightful orbit. There are more possibilities than what I can comprehend. There is a guiding hand in everyone’s life.

And this too will pass.

Shyleswari Rao runs a training organization Ved Vyas Inner Space and conducts workshops on Personal Mastery which are highly interactive, experiential and insightful for organizations, NGOs and educational institutions. Please visit www.vedvyasinnerspace.com or contact her at shylahrd@gmail.com.

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

The operative word here is BELITTLE and SMALL PEOPLE. Following my trend of thought, I went to the next question – why do we feel the need to belittle anyone at all? This style of belittling others is a quaint little habit. You will notice it is a regular habit in some people. Their persona is wrapped around it. It is impossible to make a statement or ask these people anything and it becomes an opening for them to show their wit rather than answer the question in a down-to-earth way or give a plain unadorned answer. Every time they open their mouth some pearls of wisdom slip out which to me seem to be just witty sarcasm couched in the pronouncements of the-wiser-than thou.

The answer always carries 4 elements: 1) The actual answer, 2) the hidden emphasis on the stupidity of the question or statement, 3) the indication that the one making the answer/comment is from a higher realm of existence and 4) the invisible creation of a wall that you are never allowed to pierce. The beauty of the whole is that sometimes the comments and remarks come from total strangers who are not even privy to the exchange. In familiar gatherings, interrupting the conversations of others with witticisms of one own is often seen, but from strangers…? I find this a bit too much; especially when you are in public environment like the post office or a railway compartment. These people, who sometimes even go on to monopolize the conversation until they are forced to stop.

I have known some people for half my life time or more. They are part of the family or professional circle and cannot be totally ignored. Once in a while there is no avoiding them in a social way. Yet in all these years I have been unable to have a focused conversation of five lines with them. They never reply to the question directly. Even an innocuous question like “How is your health?” got me an answer like “Why, what is wrong with my health?” And this is the milder side of the coin. Quite often in the guise of a joke, they come down to downright ridicule; Ha, Ha, Ha. Why? What are they trying to prove? Or are they protecting themselves from exposure knowing fully well their own lack of depth and understanding?  They make it clear that we can be part of their entourage but never their equal.

All these write-ups that I pen, I wanted to put them into a collection and get them published in a book form for whatever they are worth. So I, requested a close friend of many years in the publishing line to see if he could find me an appropriate publisher. For two years I was given the royal lip service. Then one day I asked him point-blank if he would help or not. His answer came as advice that I should at least first read some other established writers and acquaint myself of how things should be written. Thereby clearly telling me what he thought of me. So I asked him if he had at least read any of my write-ups. The answer was NO. Well, I could not resist telling him off after that. He has been sulking all along since. So be it.

To me all this sounds very much like the childish behaviour of the immature snob who is inherently intelligent and successful in his field. It gets awfully bad when by some quirk of fate they have come into money. One has to then admit that in one’s own interest, not to spoil relations one allows them to get away with it. But the question is – what relations? They will never allow you to come that close anyway?

I for one have now decided enough is enough. I tick them off and enjoy seeing them sulk. If they can do without me so can I without them. Life is too short to worry of the consequences of falling into their bad books.

PK is a teacher of languages/communication, counsellor and a businessman active in 6 countries. He combines his knowledge of life with his education in management, applied psychology and occult psychology from his time in The Ashram in Pondicherry and assists aspiring managers to reach their next level. Please visit http://sites.google.com/site/pkcentreforchange/Home

To be honest, you don’t need to become an expert in terminology to enjoy a life of meaning and fulfillment. The words are just pointers and tools you can use to uncover your personal direction.

So this article is only one possible answer to the question of “what is spirituality?” If these words resonate with your heart, expand upon them; if not, move on and find something else that feels right to you.

True spirituality has nothing to do with religious practice. The observance of specific belief systems, honoring of certain holy days & customs, and living by a set code of conduct are not spiritual pursuits in and of themselves.

These and other things can be part of an individual’s overall spirituality. But group values systems and traditional behaviors are no more spiritual than political affiliations or loyalty to a college football team.

Spirituality is a very personal matter. And it’s completely experiential, meaning it must be experienced before it can be fully understood.

Having said all this, what’s left to answer? I’ve carried on for half a page about what spirituality is not; so what is it then?

Spirituality is a basic awareness of higher consciousness, and an allowing of the present moment to be what it is.

I could refine this statement by saying: one is spiritual when he or she is aware of a collective, creative consciousness that operates beyond the ego mind. Also, spiritual living involves the practice of being mindful in the moment, and allowing the now to take on a life of its own beyond individual desires to shape events.

This statement is intentionally open for interpretation. While I’ve captured the essence of what I believe spirituality to be, I have refrained from providing a definition heavy with my own personal preferences.

When you know intelligence exists beyond the part of your mind “containing” your identity and personal sense of self, you are being spiritual. When you say “yes” to the present moment, allowing the senses to perceive what they will and making no effort to control what is with your own preference and prejudice, you are being spiritual.

Knowing a great intelligence exists, but making no effort to label it in a way that comforts you, is an act of wisdom. It takes great fortitude to be content with the idea of not necessarily understanding or controlling the world around you.

Also being completely alert in the present moment, rather than hiding from yourself in thoughts of the past and future, requires a steadfast nature. Humanity is not afraid of its alleged weakness and frailty; rather, we are afraid of our own incredible power, thus we hide our faces from it by living in the past and the future most of our lives.

It’s not my intention to slander religion. But I am compelled to warn that many faiths were developed to crush the spiritual nature of their followers.

People are often outraged by any definition of spirituality that omits the vengeful, all-knowing god who exists to protect and punish them. It’s a bizarre phenomenon, and it’s the result of centuries of conditioning and brainwash.

By all means take this article as my opinion. But it’s an opinion based on life experience and an honest search for the truth.

I make no effort to appease the values of others or to detract from another’s point of view. And it’s my sincere hope that I have at least planted the seed of an answer that can be harvested by those who are seeking.

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To learn more about spirituality and finding your life’s purpose be sure to visit the author’s blog now.
http://aboutlifespurpose.com

As a fitness professional, I’ve reached my own standard of fitness. It may be a bit different then the “industry” definition, however this is how we measure if someone is living the “FIT” lifestyle.

1. Fitness is being physically able to perform life’s many tasks to the best one’s ability.

Life involves a lot of stuff. We have to run after the kids, do yard work, help a friend move, play in a weekend sports tournament, go for a walk, carry a piece of furniture upstairs (sometimes all of this in one day) You get the point. If we are able to perform all of these tasks to the best of our ability, all of the time, we are on our way to be fit. That’s what we workout for, that’s why we train. Life’s tasks are too important to let our physical UNfitness get in the way. Take care of your physical body by working out, resting and eating properly. These are the 3 main components of physical fitness.

2. Fitness is being emotionally stable.

How many people do you know that are on emotional roller coasters? They experience every high and every low imaginable about every situation. True fitness is having control and discipline over our emotional lives. It’s ok to be happy, sad, angry and blah as long as we realize why we are that way and can control it. Did you know that how we live our physical lives (exercise, rest and nutrition play a major role in our emotions) Take a look at your emotional life, are you controlling your emotions or do they need some training?

3. Fitness is being mentally sharp and alert.

It wasn’t that long ago that I realized the importance of being a life learner. 12 years of school, 4 years of college and 2 years of grad school taught me a lot, however not everything. It is our responsibility to keep our minds in shape by reading, studying and listening to thought provoking material. I had a cousin who used to say that television turns your mind to jelly. Although I don’t believe that altogether, watching just one evening of most our television programs actually seems to make us dumber. Be a good steward of your mind and take notice to how you are training your mind. Is it in need of some exercise?

4. Fitness is knowing who we are and what we are here for.

What good is life without purpose? Many of us ignore our spiritual sides as we pursue our physical fitness. Being spiritually fit plays a huge role in the “FIT” lifestyle. Realizing that we have been made in the image of God and have been placed here for his purposes gives “life” to life and meaning to the day. How’s your spiritual being? Is it fat and out of shape or fit and ready to go? Start training your spiritual self through prayer and bible study for a new body and life.

So there you have it….fitness defined.

Now here’s the question….how fit are you? Be honest.

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Kirk Ream, CSCS, is a Carlisle personal trainer and fitness professional who has helped his clients look great, feel great and live a healthy life. His Get Fit Carlisle program is the area’s premier fitness camp for men and women. For a free 2-week trial visit http://www.GetFitCarlisle.com .

We have a persistent feeling of events receding into a past of non-existence. The future is a nebulous void. The present moment is all that we experience and therefore grant it a higher level of existence.

But as soon as we become aware of the present moment, it turns into the past. It is like the flash of lightning that appears and disappears. As events flow in succession, we are left wondering what this freaky ride from birth to death is all about.

Apparently, time is a continuum consisting of the past, the present and the future.

Generally, when we think of time we think of the ways in which we measure the passing of time such as hours and days. We do not think of time itself. Time is seen as a measuring system that we use to sequence events.

But what is it that we are measuring?

We may say that the next train will come in 45 minutes. While this information is useful, it says nothing about what it is that we are measuring. What interests me is the nature of the ‘interval’. What happens when time passes?

A bud blossoms into a flower. Once in full bloom, it starts withering away slowly. Everything around us goes on changing. What brings these changes about? The obvious answer is time. But what is time?

Time is what life is made of. Time is what we have when we are alive. As a necessary attribute of existence, it is very obvious. And yet, it completely eludes us as it has no form.

HOW WE SENSE TIME

Time is the main factor for the ‘persistence’ of existence and for the change to happen. Interestingly, change is caused by time which in turn enables us to perceive change.

Time is a convenient paradigm to register the movements of the earth, the moon and other bodies in the space. Time is measured by motion and it also becomes evident through motion.

Time is the framework that allows us to put experience in perspective by placing events sequentially. It isolates events occurring in the same physical location. It prevents everything from happening simultaneously.

Different people perceive time differently. Even the same person perceives it differently at different times.

When we are engaged in an activity we love, time seems to fly. We experience timelessness. When we are doing something unpleasant, time seems to drag. Different stimuli alter our perception of time.

Small amounts of time are seen in a cyclical fashion – 24-hour clock, 7-day week, 12-month year – all repeating themselves. Long stretches of time, however, are seen in a linear fashion as they stretch on before us.

Time also appears to pass more quickly as one gets older. According to Stephen Hawking the perception of time is a ratio between the unit of time and time lived.

For example, one day to a one year old would be 1:365 while one day to a forty year old would be 1:14610. Therefore, one day appears much longer to a child than to an adult, even though the measure of time is the same.

All of which means that time is only in our mind!

TIME AND THE RELATIVITY THEORY

The universe is said to have emerged as a result of the Big Bang some 13.7 billion years ago. Before that, all matter was packed into an extremely tiny dot. That dot also contained the matter that later came to be the sun, the earth and the moon – the heavenly bodies that tell us about the passing of time.

Before the Big Bang, there was no space or time. The concept of time and space began exactly when the universe started expanding with the Big Bang. Space happened as the universe expanded. Time happened so that the changes in space could be noticed.

If space has three dimensions, time is the fourth one that reveals the movement of the objects in three-dimensional space.

Einstein says that we can imagine all of space and time represented as a four-dimensional space-time combo, which embodies all of the past, the present and the future of the universe.

According to this theory, the past, the present and the future have the same level of existence. Since our senses can’t absorb the totality of the space-time combo at once, we absorb it in parts.
What we absorb at a given time is called the present. What has already been absorbed is the past. What is yet to be absorbed is the future.

According to Einstein’s relativity theory, we have this illusion of a changing, three-dimensional world, even though nothing changes in the four-dimensional space-time combo.

The relativity theory also gives rise to the concept of time travel that involves moving backwards and forwards in time. Though theoretically possible, it is not known how far it is practical.

LIVING IN TIMELESSNESS

Finally, here is an interesting fact about a tribe, which is in perfect consonance with the relativity theory!

The language of the Hopi contains no words or expressions or grammatical forms that even remotely refer to time. For them, there is no such thing as the past, the present or the future. For them life is one big timelessness.

Now, however plausible the relativity theory may be, I am personally not comfortable with it. What I intuitively reject is the presupposition that the future is pre-determined. Secondly, the concept of time travel violates the concept of causality.

And yet, for some reason, the idea of the Hopi living in timelessness fascinates me. I would be happy to live among them.

Who knows, dropping the concept of time may bring about an understanding of time – a temporal paradox that I would love to experience!

Very recently I received a power point presentation called the peacock in the land of penguins. In the final paragraphs it clarifies how in life and in organizations, creative people are recruited because fresh talent and creativity is required to rejuvenate the organization but then once “in”, the new recruits are put under pressure to conform to the older and staid rules of thinking and behaviour. Alas; this is life! The Ford Motor Co is a fine example of this malaise. In an organization, at least, the recruit has an option to leave and look elsewhere and many do. The misfortune of life is that all the cards are stacked in favour of those at the top in any hierarchy, be it commercial or social. A candidate who changes his organization or activity too often will not be seen as a multi-tasker and talented, rather this would almost certainly be seen as a sign of inconsistent behaviour and even failure.

Most people think, work and live their life generally with the prejudices that they tend to pick up in their short lives. A good professional education gives them the wherewithal to make something of their lives. Most are really capable and in their chosen field do rise to the top but soon get stuck in their own success. It is happening with clockwork regularity with all of us. Look around and you will see people with promise and acumen who were success stories in their prime now are stuck in their typical groove; nothing wrong in this except the fact that they are now in a position of authority and so involved with themselves that their eyes and minds are closed to all inputs differing from their own standpoints. It can be difficult for their juniors because they are not only in a position to stifle their juniors they do so with gusto. Their influence extends even to people in their surroundings; you can only be an extension to their selves.

Once in a position of influence every individual regales in it. Bosses browbeat their juniors, teachers ask for silence, DMs (District Magistrates) order lathi charges, husbands batter their wives into submission and wives teach husbands a lesson or two through passive aggression. The question is why? I have seen this happen over and over again. Why do we first create a relationship and then go all out to break it?

It seems so silly to desire to be surrounded by fresh ideas, voices and talents but not give them any rope. Instead of making use of their creative abilities and being their mentors, elders become their tormentors more out to prove themselves in their elegant superiority. We are looking for a quiet audience; not partners or associates. In personal relationships, this scenario is played out in every marriage. It has always puzzled me no end why people who profess to need each other and love each other to the end of time soon start berating each other, see only their faults and the favourite phrase between them is often “shut up” and “leave me alone”.

Have you heard the wisecrack “Be reasonable, do it my way”? This seems to be the main theme of life. If only we could get away with it. In the last few months I have had the good luck to read about Pablo Picasso and see him in a movie too. From what I can gather, this man of prodigious talent, found material success in a big way and could cater to every whims of his. Yet like the last Nizam of Hyderabad, he was living in glorious loneliness. He was really a man of great capabilities and sadly nothing of it ever passed on; what a tragedy. There was no sharing. He spoke and you listened. He did his bidding. He entered into relationships with no intention to maintain any. Many women came in his life and out they went. As the women recount, he would suck the life out of them and give nothing in return. If only he had shared some of his spirit and let it live after him!

I have known closely another brilliant man. The first in his family to become a graduate in the 1940s, he was a capable artist, musician and very good with his hands and well-read too. He rose to an eminent position in the business world and was highly respected as a brilliant and creative manager. He was genuinely interested in life and learning was in his blood. This was when he was in his thirties and forties. He was so well ensconced in his life that he forgot to upgrade himself with time and forgot the art of listening. He never shared his experiences and wisdom. By the fifties his aura was diminishing and by the time it was time to retire he was a highly respected man in the organization but the upper management would keep him a little isolated by making him a master of project in which interaction was limited with the rest of the organization. His family was in awe of him for the most part of his life and afraid for the rest. Slowly he was being left alone as he would not let anyone speak in front of him. The only person who talked back at him was his wife and she never had much good to say. More often than not, when they were not bickering they were not on talking terms at all. He died a depressed man.

“Why quarrel?” was and is my question. Why not make the best of the relationship and enjoy the togetherness by listening and giving? But this seems to be the most difficult part of the bargain. Instead we throw out our ire on the closest and nearest and make our own lives miserable to boot.

I know what I’m asking you to do is hard. I’m asking you to change what could be lifelong patterns of behavior. I know it is not easy. But here’s the deal—continue on your current path and your situation will only get worse. The latest statistics on obesity are shocking—in less than 8 years, 75% of Americans will be overweight and 41% will be obese! We are turning into a nation of fat people. Why? Because of our habits—we eat too much, we exercise too little. Think you’re heavy now? Guess what, unless you change those leaves, you’re going to be a whole lot heavier in eight years.

I just put together a seminar called “Kicking Your Own Buts” on how to change this type of behavior. I studied different methods of change and researched changing the most difficult behaviors—addictions’ to see if there were lessons for the rest of us. There were:

1.) Know thyself. Truer words were never spoken. You know what is going to work for you and what isn’t. If you’ve been a night owl for 40 years and hate exercise, getting up at dawn and running is not going to work for you. Craft a plan you can live with. Forever.

2.) Oh yeah, baby—we’re talking forever. The deal is not the change itself—most alcoholics are great at quitting. It’s the staying sober part that’s hard. Dieters can lose weight—they’re good at that—it’s keeping it off that’s hard. If you can’t do it forever, it’s no good.

3.) You have got to want to change for you. I watched many, many episodes of A & E’s series Intervention and only those who really want to get better have a chance. Most bail out as soon as their family is out of sight. Change is hard as hell—if you don’t really want to do it for yourself, don’t bother trying.

4.) Try Kaizen. Kaizen says take tiny steps. I did this with my backlog of e-mail. I have serious perfectionist issues—if I can’t do it all and do it right, I’ll put it off. (See #1) My inbox was getting to be a nightmare. E-mail needed to be deleted or filed or dealt with. Then I tried Kaizen—I would just aim to have 10 less in the inbox at the end of each day. Then I went to 25 less, etc. I got through the backlog and now have a cap (no more than 50) that can be allowed in my inbox at the end of the day. You can do this with anything—walk in place for 5 minutes while watching your favorite TV show. Build up gradually. Leave one bite of food on your plate. Kaizen is all about taking small steps to change. You’ve been practicing your bad habits for a lifetime—stop expecting to change them overnight!

5.) Get smart. Dean Ornish observed that even when told if they did not change they would DIE, heart patients did not change their eating and exercise habits. He discovered that doctors were just telling patients to exercise and lose weight, not telling them how to do it. You have to learn about whatever change you are trying to make. Many of us eat without really paying attention. I noticed my jeans feeling a little snug and realized the scale was moving toward my—OHMYGOD weight. So I started writing down everything I was eating. Everything. A cookie here, a piece of candy there, a roll at lunch—it adds up faster than you realize. Start writing. All I want you to worry about is calories. Do you even know how many you need JUST TO MAINTAIN your current weight? Find out ASAP if not—go to mayoclinic.com and look under health tools for their calorie calculator. Don’t lie about how active you are. The number you get (maybe around 2,000) is all you should eat if you don’t want to gain any weight. I’m not talking about losing—I’m talking about staying where you are today. Guess how many calories are in one slice of P.F. Chang’s Great Wall of Chocolate cake? One piece = 2,000 calories. Wake up! Look at serving sizes. You may think a bowl of your favorite cereal has only 70 calories. But that’s for 1/3 cup and you’ve been pouring a bowl of two cups (420 calories). Knowledge is power. Ignorance is not bliss. In this case, ignorance is obesity. Apply the knowledge plan to any change you want to make. What you know now is clearly not enough.

6.) Ask for help. We Americans are tough and we believe we have to go it alone. AA and other programs work for people because they give them a support group. Ornish found in his work with patients that if they had others to offer them support, their efforts at change were much more successful. This could be a mentor, a therapist, a family member, a friend or a teacher. There are also thousands of groups on the Internet—just search and see. Having other people trying to make the same change as you are supporting and encouraging you can be a huge help. The key here is fit—it has to be a person or a group you are comfortable with and you trust and respect. Change is hard, but it’s much easier if you have some support along the way.

A tree is not its leaves any more than you are your habits. Have the courage to let go of what’s not working. Nothing says fall like the smell of burning leaves.

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Denise Ryan, MBA, is a Certified Speaking Professional, a designation of excellence held by less than 10% of all professional speakers.  She is a blogger http://motivationbychocolate.blogspot.com
Her website is http://www.firestarspeaking.com

Rejection is a given – no matter how fabulous you are, you will at some point be rejected. What’s not a given (and where your power lies) is how you react to rejection. Here are some tips to keep rejection in its place:

1.) Realize it’s not about you. Let’s face it, we all think we’re the center of the universe. If someone turns us down for lunch, it must be because they don’t want to be with us. We will disregard the other 43 possible explanations (they already had plans, a last minute meeting was called, they are broke and can’t afford lunch, etc. etc. etc.). We are hardest on ourselves. Try again – maybe the timing simply wasn’t right. Don’t give up!

2.) Maybe your “prospect” doesn’t have enough information. They don’t know all your charms yet (because if they knew you, they’d love you!) or they don’t have enough information about your company. Or your approach was wrong for them. Don’t give up – on average it takes seven contacts to make a sale – I think this is true for building a relationship of any sort. It takes multiple contacts.

3.) If you have tried and tried again, maybe your rejecter was actually doing you a favor. Some clients are more trouble than they’re worth. Some relationships bring more pain than joy. If someone doesn’t value you after repeated exposures – move on to the next person. There are LOTS of prospects out there.

4.) Are you rejecting yourself? If you go into a sales call thinking “I know they won’t be interested” or if you approach a potential date thinking “There’s no way she’ll go out with me,” you’ve already rejected yourself and sealed your fate. Do you think your product is terrific or that anyone would be lucky to get to have lunch with you? If not, get to work! You have to feel great about you before anyone else will!

5.) You can’t please all of the people all of the time. You can never be all things to all people. The trick in this life is to be yourself (not an easy task, most of us are trying to be what we think other people want). When you are completely yourself, you’ll attract people who like you for you and you’ll be much, much happier. Once you really know who you are (or what your product is) you’ll understand who would be best suited for you. You can reduce rejection by dealing with people who are most likely to value what you have to offer. (Why waste your time trying to sell ice to Eskimos? Pick a better market!) I’ll use myself as an example. I’m a high-energy, out-of-the-box, extrovert. I’m blunt (my friends say brutally honest) and I’m easily excited. This is WAY too much for some people. But if I try to be more demure, more calm and passive, I’ll lose what makes me unique and what draws the right clients and friends to me.

If you can master being truly who you are, rejection is always a favor. It saves you from more pain down the road and frees you up to pursue better prospects. Just don’t give up too soon and realize how incredible you are!

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Denise Ryan, MBA, is a Certified Speaking Professional, a designation of excellence held by less than 10% of all professional speakers.  She is a blogger http://motivationbychocolate.blogspot.com
Her website is http://www.firestarspeaking.com

To add something to your life, you have to give something up. I believe this is the number one reason why most people fail at changing their lives. They don’t want to give anything up – they just want to add more! Let me give you an example. Let’s say you have vowed to start exercising. You already have a full life, you’re not spending hours sitting on the couch staring at the ceiling longing for something to do. You already feel like your days are too short. But you make the resolution that you will exercise for at least an hour everyday. You plan to get up an hour earlier.

This plan is DOOMED I tell you! DOOMED! You probably don’t get enough sleep as it is! You can’t simply dip even further into your already depleted reserves! You might make it for a week or two, until the sheer exhaustion forces you to hit snooze and beat yourself up for being such a weak willed failure.

Here’s the real deal – to add anything, you HAVE to give something up. To add an hour of exercise each day, you have to decide what current activity you are willing to give up (sleep doesn’t count – most people aren’t getting the eight hours they need already). Are you willing to stop watching your favorite television program? Are you going to spend less time with your children or your significant other or your friends? These aren’t easy choices, but they are the ones that have to be made if you really are going to change your life.

The same choice has to be made if you are going to change something in your business. If you want to expand into new territory – what are you willing to give up? Your smaller clients? Your lean staffing? Your low payroll? To add something new, you have to give something up or the addition will never happen. The key to success is making this choice consciously.

This is harder than you think – most people do not want to give up anything. They want to keep all their old habits and routines AND have the results of their new activity. I am telling you, you have no room in your current life for any additions. You have got to let something go. Want to be more organized? What current activity are you going to give up to get the time to be organized? Want to lose weight? What current food based activities are you willing to give up? What are you willing to give up that will give you the time to prepare low calorie meals and to learn about nutrition? Want to meet new people? Advance at work? What are you currently doing that you are willing to give up to create the required time to pursue those goals?

This process requires being honest on your part. You may say, “There is no way I’m willing to give up any of my time with my children to start exercising.” Okay, then you can either 1.) find something else to give up, 2.) exercise with your kids (but realize the limitations and have reasonable expectations), or 3.) admit to yourself that exercising isn’t as important to you as the other things in your life.

This process will help clarify what is really important to you. It will help you realize that your life is the result of a series of choices you make. The key to having the life you want is making these choices consciously.

To summarize:

Realize you can’t have it all and stop trying to -you only set yourself up for failure.

Decide what you are willing to give up in order to have something else.

Truly let go of the things you are not willing to make time for. Celebrate the time with your children, don’t spend it beating yourself up over not exercising.

All of your goals don’t have to be accomplished today. Maybe you spend time with your children now while they are young, and you launch your exercise program when they are older.

Stop comparing yourself with others. Some people may seem to have it all, but trust me, they don’t. They made choices too. I can spend hours in the gym because I made the choice not to have children. And this life is all about what brings YOU joy, not what others are doing. They might be making more money, but they may have a lot more stress. You can’t know what their lives are really like, so stop thinking about it. You get one shot to live YOUR life.

If you will use this method of consciously choosing how you will spend your time, and as a result, how you will live your life, you’ll have a lot more happiness. Just remember, for lasting change decide exactly what you will give up to add the new behavior. Here’s to a great new year!

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Denise Ryan, MBA, is a Certified Speaking Professional, a designation of excellence held by less than 10% of all professional speakers.  She is a blogger http://motivationbychocolate.blogspot.com
Her website is http://www.firestarspeaking.com where you can see more articles and sign up for a free newsletter.

You should not only be contented but grateful too for what God has given you and where it has helped you arrive. However, you should have enough discontentment to keep you from stagnating where you have arrived. Within the cozy cup of contentment there should be the simmering tea of discontentment. And this discontentment becomes even more beautiful and powerful when its focus naturally and progressively shifts from narrow personal achievements and gains to a purpose of contributing to a cause much bigger than yourself.

It is inner peace and calmness that allows us to have a good look at and feel our discontentment. And it is the initiative to respond responsibly to this discontentment that makes inner peace sustainable. We need both contentment as well as discontentment in order to grow. But many fail to fine-tune the harmonious relationship between the two. You cannot focus on your work and efforts whole-heartedly unless there is peace in your mind and contentment in your heart. And you won’t have the necessary enthusiasm or the fuel to move on and on, unless you keep the flame of discontentment alive. You cannot look at discontentment and draw the necessary enthusiasm to dream and do what is possible if you allow yourself to become it i.e. allow it to consume you. Keep distance from it — the way you keep distance from fire — so that you use it without getting burnt. Make a good habit of returning to evaluate your day’s actions and performance and to refuel yourself every night with discontentment over the gap that still exists between ‘what is’ and ‘what should be’, and with commitment to go the extra mile to bridge the gap between the two, every next morning.

Anil Bhatnagar, CEO of Thrive!, is a corporate trainer, motivational speaker, career and personal growth coach, Reiki consultant, and an award winning author of four books. For more information, visit his website www.anilbhatnagar.com.

Research has found a connection between the power of the mind and what happens in our life and the results are speaking for themselves. The process to create what we want in our lives is called “manifesting” – the bringing of ideas and desires into physical form.  Manifesting becomes a self empowerment tool when it is applied to realizing our desires. This is done through the law of attraction.

Celebrities like Anthony Robbins, Harv Ecker, Oprah, Eckhart Tolle, Darren Jacklin and Tanja Diamond are using manifesting daily in their professional and personal lives to achieve outrageous results. This ability to manifest our dreams is not limited to the gifted; anyone can posses this ability, all it requires is an understanding of how to put it all together.

There are many different tools to use in manifesting. Some people use vision boards and cut out pictures of what they want, others use more exotic formats such as using sexual energy for the carrier of conscious energy.

Tantra is a spiritual philosophy, and one of the tools available in it’s studies, is the use of ritual and sexual energy to raise vibrational levels for manifesting your desires outside the bedroom.

To make a difference right now these steps can use in your life today.

Let’s start with some basics.

The law of attraction is a universal law which states that, “what is within, is without.”

It means that what is first created inside the mind will eventually become an outward reality. Our negative self talk and old programming can be powerful manifesting tools as well. If these are the things you are focused on you can well understand why you might be in the position you are today.

Ask yourself right now…

What do I believe about my life and circumstances?

What do I believe about myself?

Make a list of thoughts that run through your head about your life, relationship, money, your sex life, and other facets that are not where you would truly desire them to be.

Making an assessment is a really imperative start.

Once you can honestly look at what you are creating now in your life, you can start to use these next principles to change it all around.

To start manifesting follow this process:

Ask, Believe, Release and Receive.

Asking…In order to manifest your desires you must ask for what you want. Some people get stuck here and it is good to know that there are ways to get through the fog. Asking is not enough. You must be so crystal clear in your vision you can actually see, hear, feel, taste, touch and utilize all your senses when visualizing your desire.

Believing… It cannot be if you do not believe that it can be. The universe works in accordance with your thoughts, so if you really do not believe that you can do something then you cannot. Our internal dialogue can keep you from believing you are worthy, or that you can have what you desire. You are the only thing holding you back.

Releasing…This is a process of trusting the laws of attraction and your clarity and intent. Once you have achieved clarity and precise asking and believing of what you are manifesting you need to let go. Do not go looking for it, do not try to speed it up, do not spend time wondering where it is going to come from. The universe is more than capable of doing what you ask without your interference.

Receiving… You must be ready, willing and able to receive your manifestations, in your mind and in your spirit you must know that you deserve and that you are capable of bring your desires from the unseen to the seen. This can be tough for some people. Practice living what you desire. Own the car, or boat, have the boyfriend or girlfriend.  The process works, only doubt or lack of worth can hold you back.

Some tips from the pros.

Rule #1: Align the Desire With Making Progress In Your Spiritual Evolution.

Rule #2: Align the Desire For the Greater Good of All.

Rule #3: First Deserve, Then Desire.

To summarize, desires that are strong, spiritually oriented, and beneficial to others and which you have worked hard to realize are the one’s that the Universe is most likely to help with.

Living in gratitude each day of what you have right now and thanking your divinity is an excellent way to stay positive and in the moment while on your journey of manifesting your desires.

Remember that your breath in the world is impactful and that remaining aware and conscious of everything around you will allow you to see the opportunities that are constantly there. There are different types of formulas to follow out there in the world of manifesting. Some people enjoy ritual and trappings, some people enjoy the process of writing vision boards, journals or painting.

But no matter what format you use to start your process, we encourage you to do it today, right now.

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Tanja Diamond, The Tantra Teacher.
Sign up for a free ebook called Secrets from the Tantra Teacher.

http://www.learningtantra.com

Once upon a time, many years ago, in prehistoric times, at a time when there were no cities, no buildings and perhaps even no villages, there was a hunter. He had had a successful day and was walking through a forest back to his tribe. He had slung a deer across his shoulder with some homemade rope. He was walking fast because it was close to evening. He came across a branch of tree lying on the ground. He casually picked it up and held it in his other hand for support. To his surprise, the branch was not as sturdy as some of the other sticks he had used for walking. It was a bit flexible. Whenever he put his weight on the stick, it bent a little. The hunter kept walking but did not throw away the branch. Then, suddenly he stopped. Something occurred to him. On an impulse, he threw down the deer, freed the rope, picked up the branch and looked at his rope again. He examined them for a moment and tied the two ends of the branch with the rope, thus inventing the bow. The hunter saw the connection between two seemingly unconnected things. He saw something which no one else had seen. He saw something which he himself had never seen before.

A branch of a tree is a branch of a tree. It has certain uses and that is that. A piece of rope is a piece of rope. It has certain uses and that is that. The preconceived notions about the branch of a tree and the piece of rope prevent us from seeing more into these objects and find some new connection. When we are free from our preconceptions, we have fresh perception and new possibilities open up in our thinking. That is what creativity is about – having fresh perceptions.

That fellow saw something which nobody else had seen. There are so many invisible connections around us and connections between hitherto unrelated things can be the source of new ideas!

Creativity is about making connections – as we saw in the example of the hunter. The ability to see a connection between seemingly unrelated things is a big advantage.

In everyday life we use metaphors to make connections between unrelated things. Metaphors are used to explain complex situations in an easy manner. Many metaphors are parts of our everyday usage – root of problem, heart of city. Most of us now recognize our heart as a ‘pump’ but that is a metaphor as well. Mind map is a metaphor! Metaphors help to communicate complex ideas in a short and sweet manner. A computer is a metaphor for our brain. It is so popular that we talk of processing power and our memory being short term or long term even though the way our brain works is very different from how the PC does. It helps to take ideas from one context and apply them to another context.

Metaphors provide us with a new way of looking at things. It is like watching a Manchester United Vs Liverpool match on TV with only ONE CAMERA feed and then suddenly we have more camera feeds as well! The two experiences are incomparable. Using metaphors provides us with new insights, leading to more ideas and better decisions.

Try and provide 5 different answers to each one of the following statements/questions.

And I am really looking forward to hearing what you have to say on this one:

Smoking a cigarette is like talking to your mother in law because…

Understanding the Concept of Time

It might be a cliché but time is indeed gold. Once it is lost, you can never regain it. Therefore, as much as possible, you want to make the most of your time by aiming towards increased productivity.

How many times have you experienced having to scramble with your tasks just to complete them in time? When you evaluate your activities, you’d realize that you spend one afternoon watching TV or playing video games. Then, the next day you are bombarded with tasks that you must finish. However, the limited time you have left just seems not enough.

Until that happens, you never really realize the full value of time. Hence, it is important that you look for ways to maximize your time to make room for all your work and recreational activities.

Organization For Better Time Management

One way to maximize your time is by learning how to organize your activities according to how much time you need to work on them. Listed below are some methods that you can apply into your schedule:

1.Make a To-do list: This is the basis of all time management systems. Whether it be an electronic device or the traditional post-it notes, this is where you refer on what activities you need to get done on a certain period of time.

2.Prioritizing your list: Aside from making a list, you also need to list them according to the most important or urgent tasks. Hence, you finish those that needs to get done first on time before moving on to the next task.

3.Have goals, specific ones: Whatever your goal is, it helps provide direction to whatever it is you need to do for a certain period of time. Hence, specify your goals according to activities you need to do for the day, week, or within the month.

4.Use organizational tools: By being disorganized, you could lose precious time attending to unimportant tasks instead of utilizing them for more important activities. Hence, keep your things organized and orderly for easy access when needed.

5.Do not procrastinate: Whatever you can do for today, do it now. Never put off something because you’ll never know when you’d have the time to work on them.

Evaluate Daily Activities

To setup an effective time management system, you need to look into every detail of your daily activities. Hence, you can identify which activities are important and which ones are not, as well as how much time is consumed.

Create a daily schedule that you need to follow strictly. Then, you can check that at each start of the day. When you have a schedule, you can divide up your activities evenly to avoid being overwhelmed with activities at a certain time of day.

Aside from organizing your activities within the day, you can use your daily schedule of activities for evaluation on your level of productivity. As you examine the activities, take note of each one and the time spent. Do these activities contribute to the accomplishment of your goals? Are you focusing your efforts and time on necessary things? If not, then you are not maximizing your time well.

These are just basic time management procedures you can follow so you can achieve more in less time.

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Larry Rivera is a Internet Network Marketer who teaches people how to use the internet to start a home based business. Success University is the #1 Personal Development website on the internet. It gives you a place to earn while you learn. Having problems with relationship building, Learn the skills they never taught you in school.

http://www.profitonknowledge.com

Most people accept anger as a part of life. We all feel justified when we get angry and we can point to all the people and reasons for it. Certainly no one in their right mind could disagree. We all shake our heads as we hear of yet another “idiot driver who almost killed me”, the boss “who set me up to take the fall”, the spouse “who knows just the right buttons to push to send me over the edge”. We also know there are times when it is right to get angry at injustice and abuse but we must use that emotion to change the situations not just to vent. But in this article I’m referring to something very different.

I want to talk about that anger that sits like a lava pool just below the surface building and building until the most obscure incident makes it explode. I’ve been there and I know how damaging it can be. But most people feel like they have every right to be angry—their laptop just crashed, the copier will not print, their child just spilled milk after they told them to be careful, they “think” their spouse or co-worker just gave them a look…

So the eruption occurs. It’s like the old marriage counselors comment “It’s never about the burnt toast!”

But the anger is there and when it comes out it is usually damaging, so what do you do?

We immediately want to justify it, who wouldn’t get angry at this or that? But justifying it doesn’t help you resolve it, so unless you live in a perfect universe with no one else around, it needs to be resolved.

Now obviously this is a very deep subject with millions of variables, but I am going to give you some simple tools here to help you get started.

The first step is being aware. By this I mean instead of just letting the anger flow when it is tapped, stop and be aware of how you are feeling. Being introspective like this will put the focus back on you and off of others—that in and of itself can solve a lot of problems.

Step two is to ask yourself why this event made you angry. Did it hurt you—if so, how and why? What does it say about you? Did it threaten you; make you feel unsure, insecure, dumb or embarrassed? If you are a man, did it challenge your manhood or integrity? We have to accept that it’s not natural to just have immediate rage, as so many do, over everyday events, so we need to discover why the pot is simmering.

Now I’m a guy and at first this “stop and think about what you are thinking about” and “how did that make you feel” went against everything my football, weight-lifting, martial arts mindset could imagine. But I finally got sick of allowing anger to rule my life, ruin relationships and limit my success. So if you really want to be manly about it—step up!

The final step, once you have identified some of the root causes, is NOT to lie down on a couch and talk about it for the next five years. Just let it go. Shine the light on it, expose it and let it go. Put it off and put on whatever it is you need to heal and replace that area of your life. Obviously this is not a one time process, it’s a habit that you learn and develop, but these three simple steps can literally save your life—so try them.

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Duke Clarke is a writer/coach/speaker who for the past 35 years has been teaching individual how to excel and be successful according to God’s principles and a biblical point of view. To find out more information go to http://www.GodWantsYoutoProsperFamily.com or http://www.DukeClarke.com

Past life regression therapy attempts to put this search for a perfect therapy to a logical end. It attempts to strike at the root of an issue, at the level of the soul. That is why this therapy is also known as the ‘soul therapy’. It works on the premise that we are eternal beings. We have lived before and we will live again. As eternal beings, we carry all our thoughts, impressions, emotions, and feelings from time immemorial into our present being. Hence, most of our so-called ills have their roots in some of these thoughts, impressions, feelings, and emotions. To understand our problems, we need to first understand their root cause.

We have all heard of the law of cause and effect. It can be beautifully summed up in the phrase ‘as you sow, so shall you reap’. The cause is always in the past, the effect is in the present. Science says that every action produces an equal and opposite reaction. This scientific law is in complete sync with the law of cause and effect. When we see an undesired effect in our present life, we somehow want to get rid of it. But the laws of the universe are infallible. Try as hard as we can, we cannot seem to get rid of these ‘effects’. The solution lies in ‘understanding’ the ‘cause’, then and only then can we break free from this cycle.

This is where past life regression therapy comes to our rescue. Under a scientifically proven and safe procedure the therapist takes you on an un-chartered journey of self-discovery. You re-live memories of past lives where the root cause of your present day problem lies. Your soul draws the parallels between your past life experience and your current life patterns. Things become clear in your mind and new understanding dawns. You realize that you yourself are responsible for all your so-called problems. Armed with this new understanding, you also realize that the solution to your problem lies within yourself as well. In fact it becomes crystal clear to you. You start looking at life, situations, circumstances, and people with new eyes. You undergo a metamorphosis. The purpose of your life becomes clear to you and you embark upon the rest of your present life journey with confidence and élan.

Can any other therapy on earth make such tall claims? Past life regression therapy is the therapy of the 21st century. It not only helps cure diseases, resolve relationship issues, and brings in clarity; but also helps us grow spiritually. We get answers to eternal questions like, ‘Who am I?’, ‘Am I just a physical body, or is there something more to me?’, ‘What is the purpose of my life?’, ‘What is death?’, ‘How can I fulfill my destiny?’ etc. In fact this therapy is a short route to enlightenment. Since this therapy makes you ‘experience’ your TRUTH, you can not be easily dissuaded from that.

Fortunately leading scientists of the world are taking this branch of science seriously and giving it all the time, energy, and deliberation that it deserves. Dr. Brian Weiss, MD of the USA, and Dr. Newton, MD of India are the pioneers in this field. Besides them thousands of therapists are working in this path-breaking field. At this present time on earth, this therapy is the need of the hour.

Benefits of past life regression

•    Past life regression helps to heal chronic diseases. It helps the individuals to understand the karmic patterns involved in illness, and the resultant energy blockages. The understanding that flows during a session clears the energy blockages; thereby healing the dis-ease. Take for example a person who had a past life in which s/he was not allowed to express his/her views or had to pay a heavy price for expressing them; such a person may have a disease of the throat. After re-living the concerned past life and releasing the trauma, the healing occurs.
•    Past life regression helps overcome fears and phobias, by bringing about an understanding of the specific root cause. For example, a person had claustrophobia (fear of closed spaces). He re-lived a past life in which he was buried alive in an earthquake. Once he released that trauma, he was able to overcome his fear.
•    Past life regression improves one’s inter-personal relationships by making the person understand the impact of past life relationships with those individuals. The person is able to see the larger perspective and therefore the relationships are ‘healed’.
•    Past life regression frees us from fear of death once and for all. Through exploring our past lives we realize that we are eternal beings. We have been here before and we will come back again. This understanding completely eliminates the fear of death.

Common misconceptions about past life regression therapy

•    Only the present life is relevant, past lives have no effect on the present life.

In reality, we are the products of ‘all our experiences’ carried within us from all our past lives in addition to the experiences of the present life. The past life therapy helps get rid of the negative patterns of the past which continue to affect our present life.

•    Past is past and better left alone.

Scientific research indicates that all our memories, including those of the past lives, are stored in the mind field. We carry these memories and their effects in our energy field in the present moment, and unconsciously act out of these stored beliefs and experiences. Releasing the past is an important step, and can only be undertaken once we understand it.

• The past life memories during regression are experienced due to the suggestion of the therapist.

Past life regression therapists do not give suggestions during regression. They only direct the client to seek the root cause of an issue. The client’s sub-conscious reveals the memories.

•    Past life regression therapy can be done by anyone.

It is important to be treated by someone who is trained and experienced in the field. Only an experienced practitioner whose belief system is compatible with the spiritual science of past lives should conduct regression work.

•    If we really had past lives, we would remember them.

In reality there are occasions when we do remember our past lives. This happens when:

•    We meet a person for the first time but feel that we know this person well.
•    We visit a place for the first time but feel that we have been here before.
•    We sit in deep mediation and have a past life recall.
•    Child prodigies exhibit talents and abilities that can not be explained by the circumstances or experiences of their current lives.

Finally, keep an open mind towards this therapy and try it out. You have nothing to lose; it is all about gain without pain!!!!!

Chitra Jha is a trainer of a refreshing genre. She conducts tailor-made workshop on Enlightened Living, Enlightened Healing, Enlightened Parenting, Enlightened Eating, Enlightened Death, Past Life Regression and Spiritual Science. She does one-on-one sessions and small group therapy sessions as well. Contact chitrajhaa@gmail.com.

My teacher Sirshree tells this story of a monkey who got trapped in a hall of mirrors. He looked at the monkeys in the mirror and growled. All the monkeys growled back. He made faces at the monkeys in the mirrors; they did just the same. This monkey was quite smart. He realized that he cannot possibly fight with so many monkeys (they were all around him), so he decided to sit quietly and see what happens. To his surprise, all the other monkeys too sat down quietly. We too are like that monkey, trapped in this hall of mirrors called earth. What we need to understand is that if we change ourselves, the world around us will automatically change!

In this endeavour to change the world by changing ourselves, our relationships play a major role. In fact, we look at everything in ‘relation’ to some or the other thing. This looking ‘in relation’ creates our 3D reality. Do you at times feel that you should have handled a relationship slightly differently? Are you one of those people who choose to just ignore reality and live in denial? Do you want to heal your relationships in this new year?

Let us see how you can make a difference in your own world.

•    There are three most important words that each of us must learn to use effectively. These words sound very simple, and commonplace, but they are very effective. These words are ‘I am sorry’. These words are often left unsaid, because of our fragile ego. We feel belittled if we use these words. The fact is that saying ‘I am sorry’ doesn’t mean that we are admitting to committing a crime. When we say, ‘I am sorry’, we are effectively saying that we are sorry for causing hurt to the other person. If a relationship is important to us, we won’t hesitate in using these special remedial words. After the situation is under control, all parties involved, need to quietly think about what the other person and the situation is reflecting back to them, what is the mirror showing.

•    In any conflict, there are always two stories, or as many stories as the number of participants. The conflict is fuelled by our unwillingness to listen to others’ stories. We feel extremely possessive about our story and our point of view. We get into this battle of egos, ‘I am right.’ The best part is that everyone involved uses these three words, ‘I am right’ with the same conviction. No wonder we stay stuck in our righteousness! In real terms, everyone is right, because each one is looking into their own mirrors. There are no rights and wrongs; there are only perspectives. Everyone is always right about his/her feelings. It is the details which show a different picture. If one of the affected parties takes the lead in validating others’ feelings, the resolution of conflict becomes a possibility. Is it possible for you to let go of your feeling of ‘being right’? Try it. You will feel much better. And the moment you let go of ‘being right’, others (faces in the mirror) will do the same.

•    People often speak about something intangible called ‘my space’. Yes, we all need ‘our space’. Space establishes healthy boundaries. After all we can’t keep looking at the same mirror all the time. Space gives us time to reflect, to contemplate, and to be ourselves.

•    Is it easy for you to come out of ‘your space’ from time to time and serve those you love? Actually who are these people you love? These are those mirror images of yours that you approve of. So by serving them, you are actually serving those aspects of yourself, that you ‘love’, the ones you are comfortable with. One universal law is that whatever we focus upon grows in our lives. So if you focus upon those aspects of yourselves that you ‘love’, they will grow. The best way to achieve this growth is by serving and acknowledging people you love. This service helps you open your minds to new possibilities. In this way you will not only unleash your potential, you will end up being joyful as well!

•    There is a famous adage, ‘forget and forgive’. Well, I do not know about forgetting, but forgiving is an absolute must. Who are you forgiving, by the way? That mirror image of yourself, which you are uncomfortable with? Don’t forget, remember, that here is an aspect of myself, I need to forgive. Some person is bravely showing you a mirror image of yourself that you are denying. Shouldn’t you be grateful to this person? Remember that your purpose in life is to integrate all aspects of yourself. Forgiving is the only way to move forward.

•    Are you holding onto judgments and criticisms? Who are you judging and criticizing? Some mirror image? Aren’t you stuck with the burden of high expectations? Expectations from whom? From yourself, of course. There is no one else. Others are just mirror images! Isn’t it time to be kind to yourself? Please break free of this unhealthy cycle. Let go of the pain of regret. Dump the heavy emotional backpack that you are carrying.

•    If someone asks you to love yourself, who are you supposed to love? Yes, you must love every mirror image of yourself; and that means everything in your experience, including all people in your life. In fact, the only way you can love yourself is by loving your life. So say aloud, “I love my life, and everything, everyone in it.” Does it feel better?

•    What about mistakes? Should we be perfect at all times or are we allowed to make some mistakes? Won’t the world be a boring place if everything in it was perfect? So let go of high expectations. Accept everyone and everything as it is. That is true self-acceptance. Let us acknowledge and tolerate our mistakes, only then can we transcend them or go beyond them!

If you follow these simple steps, you will discover self-love. This self-love will bring with it a sense of freedom, happiness, and healthy self-esteem. This is all you need to heal yourself. If you heal your relationships, you will be healed at all levels; social, economic, physical, psychological, and spiritual.

In this new year, let us all welcome new beginnings!

Chitra Jha is a trainer of a refreshing genre. She conducts tailor-made workshop on Enlightened Living, Enlightened Healing, Enlightened Parenting, Enlightened Eating, Enlightened Death, Past Life Regression and Spiritual Science. She does one-on-one sessions and small group therapy sessions as well. Contact chitrajhaa@gmail.com.

All of us have been posed this question some time or the other. And we usually shrug off the question with flippant dismissal. Very few of us are ecstatic or gush about how swell life is. Many of us reply with weary sighs while some of us grimace with ill-concealed pain. What we are talking about here of course is not life in the sense of being alive and breathing, but the quality of life we live.

I often wonder about the quality of life we seek, and can’t help comparing it to food to see whether we have the recipe to make life tick.

Childhood to maturity

For most of us, childhood is when life is most enjoyable. Bereft of responsibility, we are taken care of, sheltered, fed, clothed, educated and kept in good health. All we have to do is savour every wonderful moment to the fullest. Whenever we take ill, all we have to do is lie back and recover. Nothing clutters the brain beyond the events of the day. It is often said that a child is happiest because he or she lives in the present with both mind and body as one unit.

When we are young adults, life begins to bloom as the mind and body are nourished with knowledge and metabolism, peaking to produce perhaps the finest co-ordination between the mental and physical states. Life is one great colourful flourish on the canvass of time. But what happens thereafter?

Youth moves on to maturity and we begin to gain “focus” on our lives and what direction we wish our lives to take. Ambitions and achievements take over from the spirit of adventure. Dedication and devotion to purpose replace daredevilry. Deliberate thought process prevails over impulsive intuition. Career quests overshadow the carefree spirit.

Coping with stress, chaos, work-life imbalances, pressures of the daily grind, people relationships, demanding targets, conflicting goals, aspirations and professional paradigms of an ever-changing world are daunting tasks that sap us mentally and physically! Burnout, suicide and divorce are some of the outcomes of such a life.

Life on a platter

There is no solution unless life resembles a balanced meal. And how is that so? Well, sometimes we assume life to be only that part which takes up most of our time. For the career chasers it is their vertical growth rate in the organisation or in their own business and for the homemaker, it is housework. All this reflects quantity and not quality. But not so with food!

Almost anybody I know has dined out at a restaurant. When choosing where to eat, we invariably look for not just good cuisine, but also the location of the restaurant, the parking service, the air-conditioning, the music, the décor, the ambience, the nature of its current clientele and so on. While all we really do is eat there. But the packaging and the surrounding benefits are so necessary and all so important to us. Then why do we judge life by just the food, or sometimes by just the main course?

Why not package life in a way that even the most miserable meal or career glows in the ambience of hobbies or career offshoots? Whenever I’ve sat down to order a meal, I invariably look for the accompaniments, and often enough it is these that decide the success of the meal. I cannot get into my steak, no matter how delicious it looks, without my baked potatoes, spinach and boiled veggies and that pat of golden butter oozing goodness. I know of a fellow who went berserk when he did not receive his pickles with the food. It simply shows that not always is the quality of food or for that matter, life, defined by just the main serving, but often enough, it is the tiny add-ons that really decide the lip smacking goodness of life.

Packaging the zing!

What are these add-ons that put the zing into life? This is for each one of us to find out individually. It can often be an absorbing hobby or sport or music or any parallel line of activity that brings in tangible fulfilment. Sometimes physical evidence of effort ploughed in, does not reflect as much as we desire, in our basic square meal in life. So we choose to bring in activities of our own, which meet this need.

I often offset my reverses or lack of results at work by creating my own successes, unto myself, if not to anybody else, through penning my thoughts and experiences into tangible form, either in prose or poetry. Energizing yourself becomes necessary to sustain the quality of living in the main life zones, usually career and family life. Somehow, if we were as fussy about the add-ons to our lives as we are in choosing the toppings for our pizza, life could become one big delight.

Not all of us are fortunate enough to choose a line of work or career that dovetails comfortably with our skills or education or interest. But aren’t we often told at the restaurant that the very item we wish to savour is not on the menu of the day? Do we leave the restaurant and seek another one where we find what we want, even if it takes all night? The chances are, we don’t and instead settle for the next best or whatever else is available.

We can make the best of the situation by either being open to the new experience of what gets served in our plate, or disguising what we have with a whole lot of sauces and condiments, hoping to reconstruct something totally new. Isn’t life often frighteningly like that?

If we could only pause to listen to the winds of fresh thought whispering through our minds, we would certainly have cause for celebrating the true quality of life!

Don’t make the mistake of assuming your employees are good communicators.  Just because you trained them on what to say doesn’t mean they know how to say it.  There’s a mighty fine line between efficient and rude.  Caring is what people want.

What kind of things do your people need to know about communication?  They need to really understand body language, especially making eye contact (with the other person, not their Blackberry).  Apparently people think they can just sneak a peek at their electronic device and no one will notice.  Are they insane?  Everyone notices—we have these crazy things called eyeballs that are drawn to furtive movements (and blatant rudeness).

They need to know how crucial facial expression is and how quickly other people can interpret theirs.  Do you want to lose customers because one of your new employees rolls her eyes and sighs whenever she has to operate the cash register?

Something many companies need to examine (or maybe need to develop) are their e-mail policies. What is considered an appropriate response time?  You might find that administrative people think it’s an hour while outside sales people think it’s a day.  How should the subject line (the most important part of an e-mail) be used?  And enough with the reply to all already!

Do your employees need presentation skills?  Don’t assume they have them.  Texting your friends all day does little to develop that skill set.  Your employees represent your company, if their communication and interpersonal skills are weak, how can they possibly do a good job?

And here’s an important question to ask yourself—do you reward good communication skills?   Let’s face it, if I don’t talk on my cell phone at work and I am treated the same as a co-worker who does nothing but talk on her cell phone all day, why shouldn’t I start calling my friends?  If, unlike my co-workers, I pay attention and don’t spend all my time texting during the meeting, but no one cares, why bother?   Here’s the bottom line—don’t assume anything.  Decide what communication skills your people need, get them the corresponding training, reward good performance and coach poor performance.  And make sure you maintain eye contact when you do it.

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Denise Ryan, MBA, is a Certified Speaking Professional, a designation of excellence held by less than 10% of all professional speakers.  She is a blogger http://motivationbychocolate.blogspot.com
Her website, loaded with more great articles, is http://www.firestarspeaking.com

Who Is A Procrastinator?

To overcome the habit of a procrastinator, you should first identify the common tell-tale signs. Because this is a habit shared by several people, sometimes you won’t even be able to identify that you possess these characteristics.

A procrastinator is someone who puts off task at a later time, thinking they have the ability to complete tasks last-minute. Plus, s/he likes to believe that they have things under control until confronted by the reality that time is fast running out and there are still loads of work to be done. Even though he or she manages to complete the task on time, the quality is questionable.

Reasons For Procrastination

There are several reasons why people procrastinate. Oftentimes, it is innate to an individual or it could be lack of self discipline. However, it is important to point out the reason for this unhealthy habit so as to know how to deal with it.

1.Desire for perfection. Aspiring for perfection is not a negative thing. However, you have to make sure that it is realistic enough for your own skills. If not, then you are merely finding an excuse to postpone tasks.

2.Frustration. When tasks become too difficult, an individual’s response would be to give up easily due to frustration. Aside from complaining about the task, you often decide to put it off until such time when you are at a better mood to attend to it.

3.Lack of belief in own ability. When you start doubting your own skills and abilities, you will find it of no use working on the task assigned to you. Hence, you will lose productive time and end up accomplishing nothing.

Finding A Cure

Only when you have been able to recognize the reasons for your procrastinating habits will you be able to arrive at a resolution to your problem. There could be several reasons for this, so you have to arrive at a specific angle to effectively address this unhealthy habit.

For some people, responsibility is a burden. Therefore, when they are obliged to do something, they initially resent it and look for ways not to deal with the responsibility. However, by embracing your task as something that you actually enjoy doing, then you’d become more productive in it. In order to do that, you must create a balance between work and recreational activities. Do not punish yourself by depraving your schedule with fun. Make room for fun into your schedule. This might seem unproductive but by doing this, you will realize that you become more productive.

As soon as you start work on a task, the amount of work you need to put in could readily discourage you. Therefore, you need to mentally condition yourself to appropriate this one large task into smaller tasks that are more manageable. Once you get started on one, you will find it easy to pick up the pace and before you know it, you are finished.

Benefits of Overcoming Procrastination

1. Peace of mind
2. Having a sense of accomplishment
3. Regaining control of your life
4. Increased personal freedom

Self discipline is essential in helping overcome the habits of procrastination. When you learn to identify the unhealthy habits you possess, you can be on your way to overcoming procrastination and increasing your productivity.

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Larry Rivera is a Internet Network Marketer who teaches people how to use the internet to start a home based business. Success University is the #1 Personal Development website on the internet. It gives you a place to earn while you learn. Having problems with relationship building, Learn the skills they never taught you in school.

http://www.profitonknowledge.com

Do it well, and you’ll shine. Do it badly and you could muddy your reputation and find yourself being passed over for advancement.

To help you make the right impression, here are four simple rules to remember, which will move you in the right direction.

1. Find out what the expectations are – and exceed them. Sounds obvious and simple – yet in my experience it’s neither! Try to answer the following questions:

Do you actually know what your manager’s top priorities are?

How clear are you about the order of priority your manager has for each area of your performance? How clear do you think your manager is about his/her expectations of you?

Sometimes expectations are written – but more often than not, they are unwritten expectations, which your boss may never have really clearly articulated to themselves, let alone you!

Put it this way -  if you don’t know for sure what will score you top points with this individual, you may find yourself chasing down the wrong rabbit hole.

And this is NOT about currying favour, or ingratiating yourself. This is about having a clear understanding on both sides about what is important, so you both know and agree where you should focus most of your time and attention. It actually makes your job easier.

So – if you don’t know the answers to the questions above – make a date in your diary to discuss this with your boss! (And before you actually have that meeting, make sure you read technique 4!)

2. Anticipate and address a boss’ concerns The trick here is a technique from what we call Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and is about being able to see the different “perceptual positions” around an issue. Put simply this means seeing something through someone else’s eyes, so you understand their thoughts, feelings, worries and perspectives.

An obvious way is to ask them! And we’d definitely encourage you to fnd the right opportunities to do just that. However, sometimes there’s neither time, nor is it appropriate. So what do you do then? You put yourself in their shoes. And when we say in their shoes – we mean wearing their shoes and looking through their eyes! This is not how you would feel in their shoes. You’re not them!

So, this is easier said than done. But here’s a few killer questions to ask yourself:

What will my  boss be anxious about?

What do his bosses expect of him?

How does what I do to help him/her look good?

If I/we do “x”, what might he/she be concerned about?

By answering these questions you’ll be much clearer about what you need to do to both pre-empt and address their concerns. It also significantly increases their perception you really understand where they are coming from, which in turn significantly  strengthens the trust and relationship between you.

3. Consistently look for ways to add value. This is a really simple rule. Bosses are more likely to listen if you speak in “can-do” language, and you are organised, and sound enthusiastic and eager to deliver results.

Look ahead when discussing a project, rather than dwelling on what’s already occurred. Follow through on promises. And adopt a “no-excuses” policy. Failing to produce results almost guarantees a boss will doubt your abilities. So, if you haven’t quite achieved what you set out to do – rather than saying what you’ve not been able to do, start with what you have achieved; be specific about what barriers there were, and summarise your plans to get back on track.

Your boss has pressures of his own. Don’t add to them.

4. Know your style – and know their style; and adapt your behaviour to suit their preferences. A great analogy from relationship expert Shay McConnon is that of the “hot chilli trap”. What is this? It’s when someone assumes that, because they love hot chilli, everyone else does too! Patently, some people do not like hot chilli!

If you’re in a foreign country you at least attempt to learn “please” and “thank you” in their language and show respect for their customs. It’s just courtesy. You adapt your own behaviour to show respect for the differences of perception.

To assume, because we speak the same language, we see things in the same way  – is quite clearly erroneous, yet we still persist in believing the mantra “treat others as you’d like to be treated.”

Absolutely not! Treat others as they would like to be treated.

So what does this mean for you in your relationship with your boss? It means the more you get to understand their style and preferences, and tweak your style to match, the more likely they are to warm towards you. If you lean towards an eye for detail and precision, but your boss just wants the big picture – give it that way. What is their biggest strength? Capitalise on it. What is their central goal? How can you assist? If they are extroverts who like to talk through ideas, provide that opportunity. If they are introverts who like to be able to read through something, and ponder it first, present your proposals in a way which will help them assimilate the information and ask questions.

Respect how they like to be treated.

And what if they don’t show the same trespect for you? Well, that’s a subject for another article!

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Shona Garner is an experienced Executive and Business Coach, specialising in helping managers build top performing teams, and increase their own standing in the organisation.
For a straight talking, practical guide to the top four secrets of every outstanding manager, visit http://www.increasingmanagerialsuccess.com/freereport.php

* Your book is back from the printer, you have some newspaper interviews lined up, your attending a meeting with your target audience. . .you are entering one of the biggest publicity weeks of your business and your website crashes (sounds familiar?).

* You’ve worked hard and are gearing up to launch a new product when a vendor calls and says that he can’t get the new website up on deadline which is “okay” because the graphic artist’s computer crashed and your product picture isn’t ready anyway. They’ll get back to you.

* Taxes are due and, in some previous insanity, you agreed to do them for friends and family. But you still need information and the tax deadline looms.

* Your hubby needs reading glasses but you can’t find the credit card which will give you the big discount. It’s gotta be around somewhere.

* Your sister wants to borrow your AAA card – it must be with the missing credit card.

* It hasn’t rained for weeks and yet the dog is covered in mud and lying on the couch.

* Your largest client calls on a Friday afternoon and requests the impossible. This was preceded by your smallest client calling and demanding that you drop everything as her every need is *urgent*.

What do you do when it all goes wrong?

1. Laugh.

Laugh hard and laugh often. Laugh like there’s no tomorrow – given the above, there may not be.

Seriously though. . .laughter will put you in a much better frame of mind to deal with life’s interruptions without losing your sanity.

2. Breathe.

If laughter isn’t possible, and sometimes it just isn’t, then focus on your breathing. Breathe in and out, in and out as deeply as possible until your pulse stops racing or you let go of the throat that somehow found its way into your grasp.

3. Regroup.

When the walls are caving in around you, take five minutes and figure out what you can do to keep at least one thing moving forward.

Follow-up on the email that may land you a new client. Submit your article to the various article submission sites. Pay a couple of bills. Do one thing, anything so that you can cross something off your *list*. It’s probably best if this something doesn’t involve interaction with others!

4. Give thanks.

“What? Give thanks? Are you insane?”

I can hear the grumbling from here. Do it anyway! Grab a piece of paper and make a list of everything that you are thankful for – chances are, you have it better than millions of others.

Here’s a quick list of things that I know I’m grateful for: my health, family and friends, my pets, my business and my clients, sunrises and sunsets, flowers, chocolate ice cream, the sound of the ocean and a crisp New England fall day.

5. Get out.

Get out of the house and out of the office. Whether you choose to go for a walk, have lunch with friends, go window shopping (leave credit cards at home) or browse the shelves at your local library, get out and enjoy yourself for a bit. You’ll return in a much refreshed frame of mind and ready to tackle whatever life throws your way.

Let’s be real. Sometimes problems are just problems and not “opportunities”. Sometimes lemons make bad lemonade. And not all clouds have a silver lining. When everything goes wrong, try one (or all) of the above techniques, accept it and move on knowing that things will get better!

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For the past 5 years, Sandra Martini has been showing self-employed business owners how to get more clients consistently by implementing processes and systems to put their marketing on autopilot. Visit Sandra at http://www.SandraMartini.com for details, compelling client testimonials and her free audio series “5 Simple and Easy Steps to Put Your Marketing on Autopilot”.

I finally had to admit that I needed help in the office. So, I took on the mantle of Good Samaritan and gave the job to somebody in the family who would, I thought appreciate the offer. Appreciate she did and a little more than was warranted. I ended up having her help in ways and means that totally upset me.

The second day I came to work, my computer settings were changed and even the position of the mouse and board were rearranged. A wave of annoyance shot through me. But I went along and brought the settings back to my preferred original state and got down to work. But then this attitude began to show in every little thing. Something what my teacher used to call ‘mental interference’. Nothing would ever be done to my liking. There was always a little change in the way the job would be executed. Something more in the way she thought was more appropriate or better still with a smug assurance that I would certainly be pleased. Even my coffee would not be made as I wanted and this was really the last straw.

Finally I had to have a heart-to-heart talk with her and this is what I had to say: “Kate, please understand that I would like your assistance but you are going beyond the call of duty. You are doing my thinking for me. This is not appreciated at all. It amounts to imposing on me. I feel threatened and suffocated.

“You are welcome to ask questions and make suggestions but not to act in any way that would upset my stream of things. All the small acts that you think would do me good or would help me work better are not helping. It’s irritating beyond words. You have to let me live my life my way and let me work in my fashion even though it may seem inefficient or incorrect to your way of thinking. Then, do not forget that you are here to help me in pursuing my goals my way; not yours.”

The tendency to think for others is in all of us. It is a kind of arrogance that is terribly well couched. In the guise of a “doing good” we tend to give full play to our vanities. In the name of being kind, nice and helpful we permit our egos full liberty to interfere in the lives of others. This often goes to the point of tyranny; especially in delicate relationships like parent to child and teacher to student or boss to employee where the child or employee either does not know how to handle the situation or dare not talk back.

We only end up stifling the spirit of the other and being hated for it. Turn the camera lens to your own self. See if you are suffering from this malady too by any chance? Have you decided that you are quite the best example of human-hood and are judging, correcting and trying hard to put the world into a better shape? How did you ever come to this conclusion?

Just live your life the way you best can and let the world take care of itself. Give help only in the measure asked for and wait for the request to come. And lest you be taken advantage of, don’t be in a tearing hurry to run errands for others either.

Here they are:

Powerful Tip #1 – Get your health in order.

In his book “The Art of Money Getting or Golden Rules for Making Money”, the infamous P.T. Barnum wrote:

“The foundation of success in life is good health: that is the substratum fortune; it is also the basis of happiness. A person cannot accumulate a fortune very well when he is sick. He has no ambition; no incentive; no force. Of course, there are those who have bad health and cannot help it: you cannot expect that such persons can accumulate wealth, but there are a great many in poor health who need not be so.”

How true…

Good health *is* the very foundation upon which wealth is built.

As a matter of fact…

As Ralph Waldo Emerson put it in his book “The Conduct of Life”:

“The first wealth is health.”

Because, as he went on to explain:

“Sickness is poor-spirited, and cannot serve any one: it must husband its resources to live. But health or fulness answers its own ends and has to spare, runs over, and inundates the neighborhoods and creeks of other men’s necessities.”

Hmmm…

Just about says it all, doesn’t it?

The bottom line is…

Just as it’d be far easier for you to build a house when you’re healthy than when you’re not…

Wealth, success, happiness, and love are a whole heck of a lot easier to “build” when you’re healthy than when you’re not.

It’s that simple.

Powerful Tip #2 – Decide what you want to be when you grow up.

Let me ask you…

When you think of Bill Gates, what do you think of?

Software, right?

When you think of Warren Buffet, what do you think of?

Investments, right?

When you think of Michael Dell, what do you think of?

Computers, right?

When you think of Donald Trump, what do you think of?

Real estate, right?

When you think of Sam Walton, what do you think of?

Discount stores, right?

When you think of J. K. Rowling, what do you think of?

Books, right?

When you think of Ray Kroc, what do you think of?

Fast food, right?

When you think of Wayne Huizenga, what do you think of?

Garbage, right?

When you think of Oprah Winfrey, what do you think of?

Television, right?

When you think of Tiger Woods, what do you think of?

Golf, right?

Now…

Think about it…

Besides having “a lot” of money, by most anyone’s standards, what do *all* these “rich” folks have in common?

The answer?

Simple…

They all made their “money”, at least initially, just as all great fortunes have been made, in *ONE* business or profession, *NOT* ten different businesses or professions, *ONE* business or profession.

In other words…

They got rich by deciding what they wanted to be when they grew up, choosing the *ONE* business or profession they wanted to be in, and then they focused on that *ONE* business or profession until they “made it”.

Therefore…

If “riches” and “wealth” are what *you* want…

That’s *exactly* what you must do as well!

Decide what it is you want to be when you grow up…

Choose the *ONE* business or profession you want to be in…

Then focus *exclusively* on that *ONE* business or profession until you “make it”!

Powerful Tip #3 – Spend more high-quality time with your loved ones NOW!

I can’t even begin to tell you how many people have emailed me, over the last several years, telling me they wanted $1,000,000 so they can spend more time with their loved ones, more often than not their children.

Yep…

I can see it now…

There they are in one room, beating their head against their computer monitor trying to figure out how to make $1,000,000 on the Internet, while their son or daughter quietly sits in another room wondering why mommy or daddy won’t play with them.

Ridiculous?

Sure is.

Farfetched?

Not in the least.

As a matter of fact…

Sadly…

That’s *exactly* how the vast majority of people spend their entire lives…

Don’t you be one of them!

Here’s the deal…

You don’t need $1,000,000 to spend more time with your loved ones.

As a matter of fact…

You don’t need any money at all to spend more time with them!

All you need is to make the commitment and the time to do so.

With that thought in mind…

I wish you and your loved ones the absolute best of holiday seasons and a wealthy, healthy, successful, and happy New Year!

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Tony Mase is a serious student of the works of Wallace D. Wattles and the publisher of the “The Personal Power Course: Ten Lessons in Constructive Science, Teaching You How to Use Your Own Subconscious Energies for Health, Prosperity and Personal Achievement” ebook by Wallace D. Wattles… http://www.thepersonalpowercourse.com

That may seem a little daunting, when we do pause in our journey through life’s many twists and turns, to consider how we actually make choices. Choice of career, choice of spouse, choice of investment, the list goes on. Is it by instinct or “gut feeling” or do we actually analyse the important decisions we make in life? Or do we get so paralysed by fear of making the wrong decision, that we simply abdicate from any responsibility and just leave it to “fate”?

A case in point was a young man I was coaching recently. He has been working in a financial institution for several years now. Armed with a Bachelor of Science degree from NUS, he had several options when he first graduated. So how did he make his choice, I asked him. Was it what he really loved to do? I’m afraid not, as he did not have a clue what he would really like to do with the rest of his life! No, instead he looked at which job paid better, he also asked his parents and a few friends for their opinion, and of course, the answer came from their beliefs as to which job was more “stable”, had better prospect, and so on.

Certainly not a wise way to make decisions. Yet, who can take him to task for how he embarked on choosing what direction to take for his life then? Were any of us taught how to make choices in school?

Or are we taught to go the safe route, to live with compromise, as we would have plenty of that?

For those looking for a job or those at the crossroads as to what direction to take for the rest of your life, here are some thoughts on what not to do when making choices:

1.    Don’t attempt to weigh all options.

This is what I used to do – make a “pros and cons” list for each option and then set about analyzing what’s the best thing to do. All that happens at the end of the process is that we simply end up more confused than when we first started off!

2.    Don’t think of all the things you don’t want.

When thinking about what career to go into for example, don’t waste time thinking what you don’t want to be doing. Instead, focus on what you do want to do and what job is ideal for you. As the saying goes, what you focus on expands. Similarly, don’t focus on solving problems. If you keep focusing on your problems, and what you don’t want in life, that is exactly what would expand!

Instead use a creative approach – think about what you want in life and focus on how to create that for your self.

I remember an incident when I was still young and struggling with my business. One day I was sitting in my office, shuffling all the bills and cracking my head which one should I pay first with my limited resources. Then, a friend – much older and wiser than me came in, asked what I was doing, and when I shared my dilemma with him, he opened my desk drawer, pushed all the bills in and said to me, “Now go out and make the money you need!”

There are three types of choices that can help take you forward – primary, secondary and fundamental choices.

Primary choices are choices you make with regard to major results e.g. “I choose to be financially free in five years’ time.” Meanwhile, secondary choices that can help you take a step toward your primary results. In the above example, a secondary choice to support the choice to be financially free may be to build a second source of income, or perhaps to set aside money for investment.

What about fundamental choices? This is something not many people are aware of, but it is indeed crucial if you want to be really successful in life. Whereas a primary choice concerns itself with specific results and a secondary choice supports those results, a fundamental choice has to do with a state of being, or basic life orientation.

A fundamental choice is the foundation upon which primary and secondary choices rest. It is not subject to changes in internal or external circumstances. An example could be the choice to be true to oneself.

The schools do not teach us how to make choices in life, but it is a skill that can be learnt and once mastered, can help us live a life of our dreams.

Patrick Lim is a Certified Professional Trainer, and Certified Professional Coach (IPMA UK) and COO of Institute of Business Coaches, specializing in coaching for business and life coaches.

How many of us are really prepared to go that extra mile to achieve this so-called goal, which ideally everyone is expected to be pursuing? As I see it, the goal is more in the desire form than in practice. Every goal has ladders and every ladder has steps. Every step necessitates a struggle or overcoming a shortcoming. One has to gauge correctly what is it that will make us go forward towards our goal. A sincere and impersonal guide and mentor are needed and they are extremely difficult to find or even recognize. Once the elements requiring correction en route are understood, a great effort is needed to retrain ourselves with new thought patterns and habits. Subconscious patterns, inculcated since the day we are born are deeply embedded in us and we have to literally fight against their hold on our everyday lives.

My personal perception is that most prefer to find a minimum sustenance program in life and stay within their comfort zones doing little to even accept the fact that it’s their own shortcomings that are keeping them back. Even when life gives us a knock or two and is kind enough to show us the way and the error of our ways, we find enough logic to rationalize and let the lesson slip into the comfortable slot of unpleasant occurring.

Take a struggling lawyer. He has passed out recently and raring to go. What can he do to advance surely and speedily? Perhaps become a junior with an already established lawyer and under his umbrella make a mark for himself? To arrive even at this juncture would need a certain modicum of language ability and study of legal texts and some luck. If he has it and he is taken in, the beginning is made. Would he be content with this? His job would be to take orders and work his heart out, quite often giving him tired muscles and a bruised ego. A junior is but a junior. Will he bear with it because of the learning process he is going through and grow or will his vanity refuse to take this position so low in the pecking order and quit and move into a situation closer to his comfort zone? And what could this be? An independent status, struggling to exist but at least his own boss!

Scurrying back into one’s comfort zone is a natural and primary tendency.  This is at all levels; mental, emotional and physical. Laziness influenced by arguments from our ego wins over effort most often. Change means learning and changing habits and this requires a concerted and very conscious effort. Is this sustainable in real life? Why disturb the status quo?

Take for instance the status of most marriages. Is it a made-for-each-other existence or a compromise where we learn to coexist for the comforts of a home? There are wives being battered but they continue to stay put. There are husbands being nagged to death but they continue to stay put. There are millions of people stuck in jobs and situations they hate but doing very little to take the next step that will take them to better their existence. How does one explain this? Simple: It is so much simpler to live and continue within one’s existing known comfort zones.

Let’s look around us. How many people are bothered to improve their communication ability yet never failing to complain that nobody understan

How did I arrive at this resolution?

The biggest reason is that “fair,” in many of its form as an adjective, is for losers and whiners. My goal is to help people  multiply their success – and the use of “Fair” isn’t going to make that happen.

There is no more overworked, misunderstood, manipulative, emotional word in our vocabulary than “fair.” Politicians use it to create emotions, unions use it to advance their own ends – as do organizations, sales people use it to assure prospects that what they are presenting is good for everybody, people use it to describe what they see as not in their interests, leaders – well some leaders – use it to shift opinion to their side, whiners use it to complain without ever having to be clear about their grievance, let alone provide a solution.

The uses of the word are endless. Merriam Webster includes thirteen different definitions in its use as an adjective, and many more in its use as a noun. The one I like the most says “apparently favorable, but really false: fair (specious) words. ”

What is “fair” is in the eye of the beholder – my fair and your fair may be worlds apart. It’s possible we may be able, through communication and negotiation, to arrive at a “fair” solution – although the word more often serves as a barrier to effective communication. Or maybe the only thing “fair” is if you see things my way – or vice versa.

I know one thing about the word “fair”- when I hear it being used, I put my hands in my pockets to ensure no one can pick them.

In this last election cycle I heard so many “fairs” that I could gag. I heard it from both sides – “fair” is bipartisan. Anyone can use it – it’s powerful, emotional, and fuzzy. Six year olds use it to express displeasure when Mom sends them to their room. And that six year old is not much different – and probably more accurate – than some of our candidates for public office.

It’s a word that many use to get sympathy for loss – in its many forms. And it works – sometimes. But for every time it works, there’s another time where it just shouts “loser” to those who hear it being used.

It’s an entitlement word. I want my “fair share.” Usually uttered by someone who has no more right to his or her “fair share” than the man on the moon. ‘Fair’s” a word that is often linked up with “rights” – like in “I got my rights to a fair share.” Say’s who?

“Fair” is a word that people use to try to get out of things. Right now the big flap here in Phoenix is about the use of electronic cameras on freeways to control speed. It’s argued that their use is not “fair” – as if law enforcement was somehow more a game than a necessary fact of life in our lives. Do I have sympathy for the speeder clocked at 121 miles an hour in a 65 zone? Not really. But their attorney will defend them with at least one “not fair” argument – and they may win. Who said the law is rational? I’d like to see judges throw attorneys out of the courtroom for the use of the word. Except there wouldn’t be enough attorneys left over to protect the rights of those treated “unfairly.”

I think you get the picture. I ask you to join me in seeing that “fair” is put back where it belongs – as a noun. “I went to the County Fair,” “she has a fair complexion” – although that one is borderline. After all, have you ever heard anyone being described as having an ” unfair” complexion? But you get what I mean.

Let’s not get trapped into its use – as a word, as an emotion – as a way of judging. Let’s take the world for what it is, and not try to make it what it isn’t. Join me in resolving to eliminate “fair” from our thinking.

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Andy Cox helps individuals, teams and organizations identify and develop their Multipliers of Success – the unique set of Behaviors, Motivators and Personal Skills each client needs for success. Contact Andy at acox@consultgroup.com
Visit his website for information on how he can help you discover and develop your Multipliers of Success. His website address is http://www.coxconsultgroup.com

I came back home with a great deal of food for thought. Until now I had not considered the possibility of a ‘special’ relationship between daughters and mothers. I always gave credit to an individual’s ‘heart’ skills more than their ‘gender’, for maintaining good relationships. I considered this ‘son or daughter’ fixation as more of a cultural phenomenon and the effect of our social conditioning. But now I gave some thought to my own role as a daughter, and the complexities of this beautiful relationship between a mother and a daughter.

When a baby girl is born, the mother feels an instant connection with her. As she grows into a toddler and a pre-schooler, her mother is her ‘hero’. As she enters school, some of the mother’s glory gets transferred to her class teacher. Of course, you, as mother, don’t resent that. You know that the bond between a mother and a daughter is indeed very unique, and nothing can ever break it. But once your daughter grows up and becomes her own person, this bond is often tested to its limits.

Yes, it remains the most complex of all relationships. Despite mothers and daughters sharing a special bond, there are some complex emotions that play a role in this sacred bond. These are emotions of resentment, competition (yes, sir, that too!), and of course, love. Mothers and daughters remain friends most of the times but they can be bitter enemies as well. What evokes such strong emotions in this simple relationship?

Most girls are labelled as ‘papa’s girls’ when they are growing up. I do not know why or how this belief got propagated. This label itself sows the seeds of dissent, and competition. Now the mother has to compete for her daughter’s father’s affection; not forgetting that ‘papa’s girl’ has the first claim on it. Why do you think this relationship gets so complicated?

Mothers and daughters definitely spend more time with each other than mothers do with their sons or for that matter, daughters with their fathers. They definitely talk more. They discuss personal topics. This presupposes that they must be close, but the fact remains that too much of interaction, that too of personal nature, breeds contempt. They also risk offending each other all the more.

Let us look at the flash points in a mother-daughter relationship.

Women are generally judged by how they look, and mothers are judged by how their daughters look; so appearance, clothes, weight, and hair-dos become an area of dissent between mothers and daughters.

Mothers always see their daughters as little girls and want to save them from all the bad wolves of this world. Daughters resent this protective behaviour. They consider their mothers as control freaks.

Whenever mothers offer any (motherly) advice, or suggest improvements in wardrobes, hairstyles, or looks, daughters smell a rat and see implied criticism in everything that is said (or left unsaid). Mothers think that they correct their daughters because they care for their daughters; daughters think that mothers just need an excuse to criticize. The resulting tension often spills over for days on end.

If daughters sense disapproval, they won’t hesitate in keeping secrets from their mother. They feel powerful by withholding information. This sows the seeds for further dissent, and the domino’s effect carries on.

Now, what is the magic formula to make a perfect mother-daughter bond? Seeing things from the other party’s point of view always works wonders. Using praise from time to time is another sure winner. Humour, of course, works each and every time, without fail. However, one important tool remains: role play. Teaching a daughter ‘how to mother’ is an important part of growing up. Dolls come handy here, but even younger siblings do as well. Because the mother-daughter relationship is a contextual background for how daughters learn to parent, this tool remains pretty important!
Telling your daughter (and vice versa) that you love her keeps you connected with her. Girls especially love to receive ‘I love you’ notes and cards from their parents. A written note is very special as it can be read again and again.

All mothers want their daughters to grow into loving, respectable, and independent adults and teach them good work ethics and family values. Mothering does not stop when your daughter becomes a young adult; it just changes form. You need to still love and guide your daughter but in an adult way. She needs encouragement and affirming to keep her self-confidence and self-esteem high. Let your daughter know that she is loved and respected.

Loving a daughter doesn’t mean that you have to give in to all her whims. To love her is to bring out the best in her. Your daughter will always remain inside of you, as she shares your genetics, but more important is the fact that you nurtured her heart (and vice versa), and provided the best model of what it is to be a woman in this world.

Only when your relationship with your daughter is friendly can you enjoy the precious treasure of being a mother. Parenting is a tough job. It is a continuous challenge. No parent is perfect and we all make mistakes. Mothers, fathers alike.

I love this quote by actress Bette Davies, ‘If you’ve never been hated by your daughter, you have never been a mother!’

Chitra Jha is a life skills coach and past life regresson therapist.

I have observed people from all fields across cultures, genders and education levels. The lag does exist, only the degree varies. It can be wide or narrow but I have not been fortunate enough to meet people whose talk and walk are without a lag.

People harbour two different personalities – one for walking and one for talking. I am no exception. But I am acutely aware of the incongruence. Here I expose the “oxymoronic me”:

1. I feel bad when  somebody demands bribe from me for getting things done but when I have a waitlisted train ticket I don’t mind paying bribe to have a confirmed ticket.
2. I don’t accept expensive gifts from my vendors but I maintain good relationships with my business associates by buying gifts for them.
3. As per the code of conduct, any money given, if receipted, is not corruption. Following this norm, I only comply with an accounting procedure. The official receipt is only a camouflage for the real intent.
4. I hate people who don’t confront tough issues. When I don’t want to confront an issue, I don’t take a telephone call and pretend to be in a meeting.
5. I say ‘yes’ when I don’t have the courage to say ‘no’ either because the person concerned is superior to me or I need to buy some time.
6. I am a celibate in the physical sense but highly lecherous at the mental level.
7. I criticise the government for their lack of meaningful policies for the growth of the country but I don’t even cast my vote at election time.
8. I am all for the strengthening of the Indian rupee but when the Indian rupee strengthened, I felt bad because the dollars I had earned during my trip abroad got devalued.
9. A value preacher smuggled a laptop when the import duty used to be 300%. The excuse was that such heavy taxation was unfair.
10. The height of being oxymoronic is that sometimes I am ok being oxymoronic and sometimes I feel bad about it.

There’s an old German saying that goes, “You have to take life as it happens, but you should try to make it happen the way you want to take it.” Are you planning to just let life “happen” to you or do you plan to play an active part in designing the life you want?

Some of you may say, yes, I would like to do that, but trouble is, I don’t know how to get started. So you just go with the crowd, or take the path that’s most hassle-free. Unfortunately, more often than not, the crowd may not know where it is going, and if so, then everyone ends up like everyone else, wondering what has happened to their life many years down the road!

A lot of people tend to take life for granted. They think that by the time they are in their 40s or 50s everything will fall into place by itself.

Are you willing to take that chance? Remember, you only have one life, and you can’t turn back the clock. Life is not a full dress rehearsal; it’s only going to happen once. You can’t say, “Cut, let’s start it all over again.”

The truth is, for most people, after 20 or 30 years of working, they only discover what they do not want, without a clue as to what they really want in life.

We all know we want something. Words like financial freedom, wealth, lifestyle, are catch words everyone is using. But do they know what it actually means? Do they know what it takes to achieve that? Do they know how or where to get it?

So my advice is: take the time right now to work out a design for your life. If life was a movie, and you are the producer and actor, what role would you want to play and how would the plot unfold? Designing your life is like making a movie. You have to be able to see the end at the beginning. It may start off a little hazy, but as you continue working on it, it would become clearer and clearer. You’ve got to write the script, put in the characters. Use your imagination, let your creative juices flow.

Does it mean that what you have designed is going to be set in concrete? Certainly not. You are the producer of your life. You can change, delete, or add in anything you want in your project. But at least by doing this exercise of designing your life, you are in control of your circumstances, rather than become a victim of them.

Here are some simple steps to help you get started!

1.    Find a nice quiet spot where you will be undisturbed for at least 20 minutes.
2.    Equip yourself with a pencil and a new note pad that will become your “Life Book”.
3.    Draw a time line across a page, from now to say five years on.
4.    At the left end of the time line, write “Present State”; at the right end, write “Desired State”.
5.    On the left end, describe as accurately as you can your Present State. Ask questions like:
a. What am I doing now?
b. What is my income, if any?
c. Do I like what I do?
6.    On the right side, under Desired State, describe as clearly as you can what you would like to see five years from now. Ask yourself, if I can’t fail…
a. What do I really want to be?
b. What do I want to have?
c. What will my life be like?
7. Between the Present State and Desired State mark on the time line
a. What must I do to get what I want?
b. Who can help me?
c. What skills do I need?
d. What resources do I need?

The first time you may not get all the answers you want. If you do this exercise daily for some time, I can guarantee you that you will end up with a pretty good design for your life. You will know where to get what you want, what to do, who can help you and so on.

You don’t stop working on your project to design your life. I recommend you keep going back to the “Life Book” you have created; it’s a “project in progress”.

Take charge of your life now. If not now, when?

Patrick Lim is a Certified Professional Trainer, and Certified Professional Coach (IPMA UK) and COO of Institute of Business Coaches, specializing in coaching for business and life coaches.

The up-close managers tend to see roadblocks like this as a major problem. They see a hitch in the smooth running of their department. They see things no longer running to time or cost or output. And they see the effect on today’s, tomorrow’s or this week’s bottom-line.

That’s why the knee-jerk reaction of the up-close manager is to step in as soon as a problem is detected and fix it quick.

The let-go managers see it quite differently. When they see their employees hitting a block, they don’t see a “problem”, they see an opportunity. They see the chance for people to learn and grow. And they see the effect of such an opportunity not on the short-term bottom-line but on the long-term development of the employee and the organisation.

That’s why the quiet approach of the let-go manager is to be supportive, to be there and to lead.

On our Leadership Skills courses at ManageTrainLearn, we like to relate the story of The Butterfly’s Wings that perfectly encapsulates this difference.

It goes like this.

A man found a butterfly cocoon. One day a small opening appeared. The man sat and watched the butterfly for hours as it struggled to force its body through the little hole.

Then it seemed to stop making progress. It appeared as if it had gotten so far and could go no further.

The man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily.

But something wasn’t quite right. The butterfly had a swollen body and shrivelled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly expecting that at any moment the wings would enlarge and expand to support the body.

Neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with its swollen body and deformed wings. It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and haste had not understood was that the struggle for the butterfly to get through the small opening in the cocoon are Nature’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

We’re all a bit like butterflies. We sometimes come to a stop in our development when the next stage is a major step in our growth. But we need to do it ourselves. Because when we do, we don’t just get to where we should be; we also learn how to cope with “problems”, how to face up to life’s difficulties, and how to learn about ourselves.

If you manage people like the man in this story, why not take a deep breath next time someone in your team has stopped and is struggling. Be there for them but learn to let go. And, you never know, they too might learn to fly.

(If you recognise any of these in yourself then you might like to alter your behaviour unless of course you control nuclear reactors for a living. If you recognise any of these in your boss or colleagues then start job hunting.)

Perplexed, I flipped over the base of the machine to check the roller brush. I rolled it with my fingers and it was moving freely. I looked at the orifice of the tube that was opening into the roller brush chamber; there was a crumpled piece of paper obstructing the opening of the 5 feet tube that ran between the roller brush chamber and the dust collecting bag. Using a wire I pulled the crumpled paper from that tube, but along with the paper came out a stream of coiled fibrous material. I continued digging out the fibrous dust from the tube. I was astonished to see that the tube was completely packed with that material from one end to other making me disjoin all parts of the tube, clean it up and reassemble the same. Apparently the fibrous material got accumulated from the carpet during all these days of cleaning.

Well! It is not entirely feasible to design a cleaner that cleans without getting exposed to the dirt, and when the cleaner itself catches dirt, it is time for maintenance.

What about us? Over the years, day in day out, at home as well as outside, we have been exposed to information in the form of conceptual theories, philosophies and non-conceptual experiences. And at every moment of our life, like a vacuum machine we suck whatever knowledge comes our way, good as well as bad. Our habits, behaviour, attitudes, perceptions, ideologies, likes, dislikes and the way we relate to others are shaped out of these learnings.

We get conditioned to react to the world in a specific way based on this knowledge. This conditioning becomes a barrier in learning new things, a hindrance to look at the world with an open mind, and dealing with the ever changing world. It was easy cleaning up the vacuum machine, by simply removing the unwanted obstructing material. Can we do the same with ourselves? Can we erase our natural conditioning that constantly impedes our progress?

Yes! It is possible and this is done by the process of unlearning and relearning. The process of unlearning is not as easy as removing the clogging material from the vacuum machine because we don’t have a mechanism to erase the things that get accumulated in our mind. It is done by replacing the outdated concepts, beliefs, and practices that we follow with new ones and this is when we start doing things differently, different from the usual way that we are conditioned to take. As the saying goes, successful people don’t do different things, they do things differently. One doesn’t need a big leap to do things differently; just start with routine tasks, chores, and daily activities.

How many times do you snooze the alarm daily in the morning? How about walking across your bedroom to snooze the alarm?

Do you prepare the agenda an hour before that weekly meeting?

When was the last time you smiled at your loved ones, other than the smiley on the chat or the messages that you text?

Did you tell your boss about the idea that struck your mind in a reverie?

Believe it or not, every day, pick up at least one thing in your life and do it in a different way from the usual and you will see its effect cascade in all areas of your life and the benefits are enormous. And you will experience the power of unlearning.

The cost of not living our lives fully is much higher than most things we could buy or even the money we might have lost on the stock market recently. What does not living your life fully cost you?” she queries. “Love? Friendship? A fulfilling career? A romantic relationship? Joy? Peace? A greater sense of self worth? Maybe even financial security? These things are more costly than anything else.

Most often the things that stop us from living what Amir calls a fully-lived life include fear, depression, lack of money, low self-esteem, laziness, and complacency. All of these things can become problems when we are faced with an economic crisis such as the recession in which the United States now finds itself. That’s why its imperative that people find a way to make the New Year one in which they find ways to be happy and live fully despite their financial situation and the country’s economic crisis.

While most people don’t really know what living fully means to them and have trouble describing it or imagining it, they have to get out of the mode of existing – surviving even. They have to begin thinking about what it means to live fully and then actually live their lives to the fullest extent possible. The following three tips for beginning to live fully in 2009.

Living Fully Tip #1: Take action towards your goals and dreams. Realize that you have been allowing the way you feel and the beliefs you have about yourself, as well as the feelings and beliefs you have about your current situation or life, to stop you from doing the things that constitute living fully. Commit to moving past these perceptions and taking at least one action step towards a thing, action, experience, or goal (or all four) that you want to have in your life this coming year. Do something to make that part of your life this year. Action always gets our blood pumping and makes us feel less apathetic and victimized. It gives us a sense of power over our lives. Take control! Do what you can to move forward with your life.

Living Fully Tip #2: Do something you’ve always wanted to do. This can be something as small as learning to knit or as large as going on a trip to Australia. Find something within your current financial means that feels exciting and fun and that you have been putting of or not finding time to do, and simply do it. There’s no time like the present. And you never know what the future will bring, so you better do what you want now. Doing so will surely make you feel more alive.

Living Fully Tip #3: Do something you feel afraid of doing. Move through your fear. “Fear stops most people from living their lives to the fullest extent. It stops them from leaving abusive relationships and from having a spiritual experience. It stops them from going on a job interview and from trying new foods. It stops them from going hang gliding and from asking someone out on a date. Whatever it is that you feel afraid of doing, make yourself do it. You’ll be glad you did. Not only will you feel free afterwards, you’ll be exhilarated and happy. You’ll feel more alive and ready to take on the next challenge. That’s living fully.

2009 may be a year that keeps people stuck in survival mode rather than living fully if they don’t make a conscious attempt to not only make the best of their situations but to actually celebrate them. Having gratitude for what we have and celebrating our little successes can encourage us to move forward this year and help us come to a place of joy and peace despite our own situations and the economic condition of our country. In this manner we can come out better off than we started when the recession ends. We’ll already be living our lives to the fullest extent. Having our financial situations improve will just be icing on the cake.

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Amir is the author of The Kabbalah of Conscious Creation. Sign up for her FREE program, the Living Fully Challenge, 12 Months to a Fully-Lived Life, at http://www.purespiritcreations.com . An e-book version will be available after January 1. Listen to her on Conversations with Mrs. Claus, http://www.thefamilyyak.com , each month. Amir offers practical spirituality and human potential tools from a Jewish perspective but crossing spiritual and religious lines.

It starts at the top. Too many times managers blow off the session because they don’t need it (of course). This sends a strong message to all their followers: this training is not worth my time. If leaders haven’t attended the training themselves, how can they reinforce the message? I see this in medical environments all the time – the nursing staff has to attend customer service training, not the doctors – they are way too important. Guess who treats both the nurses and the patients poorly? The doctors. What kind of message does this send to the nurses? No wonder they don’t want to go to training.

Make it better: If you are going to have training for your people, you should go through it yourself. When you are there, support the trainer and your learners.

Exception: The only time you may want to consider not attending is if you want your people to interact freely with the trainer without your possibly intimidating presence. This is a very valid reason for not being there. If that’s the case – tell your people. Tell them you think the training is important and why you are not going.

No one likes boring training. Make sure the training is good and has value for the attendees. I know this seems obvious, but something horrible has happened to people. They have had to sit through boring sessions and they hate it. There are enough good presenters out there that you can find someone with high energy, humor and great information. Take the time to check out your trainers. If you are using internal trainers, make sure they don’t get burned out and bored with their own material. Take good care of them—they have a big impact on your employees.

Make it better: If you people are laughing, they are not in pain. Good training can help with morale and retention. Don’t settle for boring.

They don’t want to be embarrassed. Make it fun, but don’t make attendees feel stupid or uncomfortable. I do a lot of customer service training. Very few attendees are excited about coming. Leadership is seldom there and it’s often held after hours. People think they are somehow being punished for not doing their jobs. It’s a tough crowd and I know I have to win them over and get them to drop their defenses fast. That’s why I have my Elvis theme. Right away they know this isn’t going to be like any customer service training they’ve had before. And before they know it, they’re laughing. I do not make them do any Elvis impersonations; they are never embarrassed or made to do anything that would make them uncomfortable. It’s interactive without putting anyone on the spot. If anybody acts silly, it’s me.

Make it better: Most adults are terrified of looking like idiots. Training should be fun and safe or your people will dread it.

Attendees—you are not off the hook! You should come with an open mind. Hey, if you have to be there, you might as well have fun! Most of us have never been to a class where we learned nothing. In this life, you’re either growing or you’re dying. Take the chance to grow and learn. It’s the best way to improve.

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Denise Ryan, MBA, is a Certified Speaking Professional, a designation of excellence held by less than 10% of all professional speakers.  She is a blogger http://motivationbychocolate.blogspot.com
Her website is http://www.firestarspeaking.com

You can be stressed to the max on a bad day, yet, as long as life seems manageable, you don’t usually look for new strategies to get through it.   The tendency is to pull yourself up by the bootstraps, grit your teeth and keep on going.  During prolonged or sudden tough times, though, normal defense mechanisms are not enough to keep you from feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed.

It’s when events are overwhelmingly beyond your control, that you either find new ways to cope or are pulled down by the undertow.  Your usual defenses are inadequate to protect from overwhelming long-term stress.  Stress can build gradually beyond tolerance level, or a surprising turn of events like those recently reported in the news can create the kind of vulnerability that demands openness to change.

The soft inner core of your being feels exposed.  This exposure opens a crack in the old armor through which an opportunity for renewed life can shine.

Here are six tips that can help you thrive in tough times?  .

Nourish Yourself – Let go of the bootstraps for a few moments, acknowledge your stress and be kind to yourself.  What nourishes you – inspirational reading, music, a cup of tea …?  Are there people or places, a favorite chair or spot in nature that provide sustenance?  Make nurturing yourself every day a priority.

Stay Present – Don’t project ahead. Take life one day, one moment at a time.  Tough times are more manageable when you pay attention to making decisions and taking action on only the next step.  Fearful preoccupation or worries about dire imagined future possibilities can leave you open to illness, accidents and errors in judgment that compound your problems.  Scale down, simplify your activities and concentrate your precious energy supply on only what is critically important right now.

Accept Support – This can be difficult for people who prize self-sufficiency.  Remember it is as virtuous to receive, as it is to give.  Without the receiver, the giver has no way to share their abundant gifts.  Don’t deprive your friends and family of the pleasure to help you when you need it.  Shared burdens provide opportunities for enhanced closeness and appreciation for one another.

Trust Your Resilience – Chances are you have been through tough times before.  What natural strengths did you rely upon in those situations?  How did you make it through adolescence, Childbirth, Marriage, Divorce, School, First job?  What are your natural inner resources?  Trust that you have what you need to see this tough time through.    Visualize Success – See yourself moving into a new chapter of life.  How do you want to write that chapter?  Creation begins in the imagination.  If you can think it, you can create it.  In order to be free to dream and hope for something new, you must let go of old visions, descriptions and limitations of the person you think you are or can become.

Forgive Past Errors – Forgive past hurts, and people who may have inflicted them, knowingly or unknowingly.  This is not out of kindness to them, rather out of kindness to you.  After all, you are the one carrying the burden of these hurts.   Forgive yourself for mistakes or paths not taken.  Release the burden of the past so you can travel lighter in the present.

In times of crisis and radical change, remember that living means growing.  I have never seen anything in nature grow backward.  So, as bad as you feel, and as much as you doubt it, if you are alive you are growing.

Growth is creative.  So, take advantage of the opportunity in these tough times to re-create your life by nourishing yourself, staying present, accepting support, trusting your resilience, visioning possibilities and letting go of the past and perceived limitations.

Even though tough times are hard, they can also be the best times to explore ways to live more harmoniously with yourself and others.

Aila Accad

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Aila Accad, RN, MSN ‘The De-Stress Expert’ is a Speaker, Author and Transformation Coach. Learn more and contact her for speaking, and transformational coaching at: http://www.ailaspeaks.com . Sign up to receive her complimentary De-Stress Tips Newsletter and get “Ten Instant Stress Busters” e-book as a gift.