Confessions Of An Optimist

I call myself an eternal optimist. People, who know me, or even those who don’t, see me as the person with an “ever ready” smile. I think it is natural but the other day when I sat reflecting, my thoughts automatically led me to thinking about myself.

I started thinking about some comments people had made when I was at work as an invigilator. There was this guy who said, “You are the only person smiling around here. Keep it up.” And he even thanked me for it. I must say that I was taken by surprise. In fact, this must have been at least the 5th time, when I have been paid this compliment and it has always taken me by surprise. But, it does reinforce my faith in me and my decision to be an optimist, especially during the times when I don’t feel great or full of positive energy.

Do I smile that much? I went back to thinking about myself over the years—was I like this always? Or, is it a recent trait? I tried to dig deep in my memory as far as possible. I don’t remember all of my childhood but I can remember as far back as 37 years ago when I was about 5 years old. I don’t think I was the always-smiling individual that I am now. And of course, I remember only a few incidents – not all. In fact, what I remember is that I was always one for whom the world was a strange place and I felt like an alien. I was always wondering about what was going on around me; wondering about how little I knew while others knew so much; how the others could be at peace and enjoy everything while I was the one who would just stare and wonder.

Gradually, I did come to terms with myself but wondered if my friends and siblings had the same experience. Anyhow, I guess I must have started consciously working on myself in grade 3 or 4. I used to observe my Mom a lot which is usual in everyone’s life. I would see her smiling and talking with everybody. At times she would be absolutely tired and ready to fall but her smile would always spring up when a guest arrived unannounced (must say that that was the trend those days).

I must tell you however, that I was the usual grumpy adolescent later on but certainly less grumpier than most of my peers. I was introspective even then and taught myself to smile even when I was going through the most difficult times of my life.

I think that I have probably been trying to cultivate a smile and a positive countenance ever since then. Smiling and optimism go hand in hand, don’t they? There are times though when I am not cheerful and I can be grumpy and unhappy like anyone else. But it takes a lot to make me cry. I have to be very deeply hurt and disappointed to shed tears.

So, what is it that has made me into an eternal optimist? To sum it up: an interest in being a more pleasant person, working on myself, holding on to a childlike innocence and allowing life to happen around me without too much judgment. These are the traits which have helped me to maintain the sunny disposition that is my trademark.