Descent Into Darkness – 3

(Note: This post is in 3 parts. Click here for parts 1 and 2. The author has chosen not to reveal her identity.)

There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed, healed and done with.

When you’ve finally hit the lowest point, you know that the only thing that can happen is an upswing, leading to the road of recovery. You know and understand that it is going to be a very slow process, but you are happy anyway because you know that you are going back up to the light – your recovery. The healing has begun.

November, 2008 – May, 2009

I have taken charge of my life. I am healing slowly but surely in small baby steps. From outside, the cracks don’t show because I manage my emotions quite well. I am a social butterfly again. I feel stronger and I laugh a lot. And yes, I am enjoying the “Dostana” songs again, even dancing to the tunes. I am not fully back yet but the red carpet is in place to welcome the old me.

Meanwhile people tell me they like the “changes” in me. I talk more openly and forgive more easily. I am calmer now and more compassionate towards others. I am not so tough on myself anymore. Everyone loves this change in me. What about me? I am still struggling like a stubborn child. I still feel as if I were changed by force and it hurts. I feel as if I have been defeated – brought to my knees and changed.

But somewhere in my heart I know that the day I accept this change my suffering will be over. The healing will be complete. Meanwhile, I have decided to go back to my old passions: pottery and poetry. I am more spiritual and prayers have a different meaning now.

These are the “therapies” among others which I have incorporated in my life to help me in my recovery.

A) Affirmations

1) I am just going through a phase and it’s not permanent.
2) A man is but the product of his thoughts, what he thinks is what he becomes.
3) I am going to wake up in the morning bursting with energy and joy to discover what the day holds for me.

B) By choosing to be with positive people. I am making new friends and reconnecting with old ones.

C) By eating healthy, exercising and meditating.

D) By reading and opening my mind to new thoughts.

E) By going back to doing things I haven’t done in a while.

I have always taken pride in my energy and my ability to make my dreams come true. To me, healing does not mean that the damage never existed. It means the effects of the damage no longer control our lives.