Engaged and Busy

The title may seem as if I am going to talk about being professionally busy or posing as such. No I have another story this time. These are the two words I hear very often nowadays and I am prompted to talk about some of the incidents that I have experienced.

I have what can be called by ordinary world’s standards arrived at a ripish age. An age when people are planning retirements and wish for quiet and I went and had a child who is now three and a half years old. So I have a bouncing child on my hands. My job is to be with her all day and play with her and feed and clothe and look after her every other need. It is a full time, 24-hour job. I wonder if people around me can see the effort I have put in and the fatigue from sleep deprivation as my bouncy little girl is keeping on my toes and has completely annihilated my sleeping and every other schedule. But I have enjoyed every minute of the last three and a half years. I suppose there have been annoying moments when I lost my cool because my needs were pitted against that of the little imp and there is no discussing the matter with her. But her smile and embrace and joy at seeing me override everything.

So you get the picture? Now let me give you another one or two.

Picture one: I am out playing with my child in the neighborhood park. These are chilly winter days so many of the citizens are also present, sunning themselves. Here is a friend who sees us and the conversation goes like this.

Friend: Hullo. Playing with the child?

ME: Yes. (I would have thought that would be obvious but then we tend to clarify so often the obvious.)

Friend: Yes somebody has to take her out to play. (Again another obvious fact; don’t I know it! I don’t believe in servants raising up children. My philosophy is simple: either you should not go and have a child or go the whole hog and raise the child yourself properly.)

ME: It is a full time job. (I don’t want to hurt his feelings because he is trying to make conversation but I have nothing to say really.)

Friend: This is good you know. At least it keeps you engaged and occupied. (Now this bugs me. He has retired. He has no interests, no work to worry about and of course he sees the world through these conditioned lenses in his eyes and assumes that at my age I would be in the same boat. What he does not see is that I love my child and love being with her. It is the only joy I have known. Going out to play is not a chore but a definite pleasure. Anyway they all know that I have multiple interests and that with my small business and hobbies I am actually hard pressed for time and the energy to carry my objectives through. Yet I have been hearing the same comments very often from many many people over the past three years.)

ME: Yes. Ha, Ha…..( what else is there to say but to smile and move on)

Picture two: The other day one of my elder sister passed by and she is a “somebody”. She has a doctorate and has been a lecturer etc. She really takes herself rather seriously. We meet rarely. This time we met after four years. The truth is she did not come to see me; she thinks I am a wastrel. She had come to see my mother. But I had to keep the formalities alive so I came out for a moment from my cubbyhole to say hullo. And this is how the conversation unrolled:

Sister: So how are you and how do you keep yourself busy? (I know the question does not need an answer and even if I did there would a negative analysis following it. So I keep my cool.)

ME: Fine. I now have a full time job. (I try to keep my tone jocular and hope the conversation would end there. But no; these elderly sisters have always something more to say.)

Sister: This is good. It keeps your mind engaged. (The trigger has been pressed and I am annoyed but then I decide to play cool.)

ME: Was my mind disengaged till now?

Sister: (A little embarrassed) No I meant busy.

ME: Ha ,Ha.

What I wish to know is this need of everybody to explain everything to me. All I have to do is make a statement and the person will start analyzing my motives and reasons and let me know so. It could be that they themselves are thinking aloud but it is definitely annoying and conversation stopper to my way of thinking.

Do you have anything to say?

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PK is a teacher of languages/communication, counsellor and a businessman active in 6 countries. He combines his knowledge of life with his education in management, applied psychology and occult psychology from his time in The Ashram in Pondicherry and assists aspiring managers to reach their next level. Please visit http://sites.google.com/site/pkcentreforchange/Home