Growing Up With My Children

Marriage and becoming a father happened to me at a relatively young age. Before I knew it, I was a “father” and expected to act like a “dad.” I have been trying to figure out what that means for the past 17 years and am still as lost as ever.

However, the journey had several interesting moments of insights, learning and fond memories. The most interesting insight which led to my being able to relate well not only to my children but also to youngsters happened a year ago, when my son was hospitalized with a cocktail of infections and illnesses. He managed to come down with chikungunya, dengue and malaria! The doctor advised immediate hospitalization and promptly he was bundled and taken to a reputable hospital managed by a Christian missionary.

We had requested for a separate room and when we walked in, the first thing my son noticed was that there was no television! I had to promptly go back and enquire if we could bring our portable set. I was told that there was another set of rooms which were equipped with televisions that would cost marginally more. We requested one of those rooms and moved in my son.

Even while my spouse was putting things into place, my son wanted the television to be switched on and remote given to him. After hunting for the remote and making enquiries with a nurse, I went back to tell him that there was no remote. So, I was made the honorary remote and had to stand next to the television in order to change channels.

After a few minutes of frantic channel surfing, realization dawned that there was no cable feed and the only channels available were the government run channels, which have never topped the charts when it comes to infotainment. My son slumped over quite disappointed. In an effort to cheer him, I said “This is what we had while growing up because it was all that was available.” I can still recall the look of absolute disbelief and pity that he gave me.

Having been absolved of my duties as a tv remote, I spent a lot of time thinking about that incident and had some amazing insights.

Firstly, the generation I belong too has seen the maximum number of change with regards to lifestyle, technology, social norms, etc. I guess that has made this generation far more flexible, resilient and able to manage change.

Secondly, my children’s generation is an ‘Arrived’ one. Especially in the Indian context, their generation has not experienced shortage, rationing, lack of choice, etc. They have been exposed to technology, innovation and convenience almost from birth. This has led to the current trend of instant gratification.

Obviously, to expect them to completely comprehend and understand a context and situations which they have not experienced would at best be an idealistic dream.

The practical choice was to grow up with them, thinking like them without letting go of our learning experiences and more importantly, the value systems instilled in us. They are still growing up and are at the age when they have all the answers to life’s questions. By the time they begin to face the challenges of parenting and being able to relate to my experience, the world will be changing again.
However, one thing would be constant. Growing up with your children is an enlightening experience that makes a person whole.