How to ward off bullies at work

A bully is a very commonplace person found everywhere from home to the kindergarten to the senior most executive’s office. Today in the working world there is no escaping the fact that bullies abound there too.

Bullies are a fact of life. The physically or intellectually stronger will always attempt to overpower the weaker. In the office, the psychology is the same. Nice people who are not in a habit to grumble or complain are seen as good game and some of the brasher elements will want to intimidate them for their own ego boosts. And this they do. Very few victims have the experience and basic understanding to tackle and counter these jabs.

Mostly, bullies are very adroit and stick to the safe side by using words. Their abuse is cleverly mingled with work related incidents so the victim if at fault, is already under a pressure of guilt. These bullies know what they are doing. It is simply their need of controlling others. Often they use work as an excuse to unload on the hapless juniors unusual responsibilities so as to first create an impossible situation, then by demanding something in return they give the promise of alleviating the stress. It is blackmail of sorts and many succumb.

Every office without exception has seen this scenario and it is being enacted at any given moment somewhere. The problem is it remains hidden as most of the time there is nothing untoward to report and more often than not, even if there is something to report most people are too scared to do so. Keeping the job and not to be seen as weak can be an extreme motive. Who would believe them anyway? Unwittingly the victims are only encouraging the act but who will bell the cat?

Verbal abuse is very common. As it is not physical, there is rarely anything to show as evidence. Until and unless a tape recorder is always actively recording every word said. Even then there is always a logic and excuse. But abuse is abuse. The problem is in the fact that the abusive harangue never gets the reprimand it deserves. It tends to get diluted in the telling. A complaint later on paper may look rather silly. Without the pitch, intonation and body/face expressions the whole thing becomes meaningless. There may not be any conscious malefic intentions behind it but it is definitely a tool of control and assists greatly in keeping the other person submissive and scared. It is an age-old technique, very deeply embedded in the human subconscious and very widely used in communities where feudal tendencies have prevailed for a long time. Though the perpetrators rarely realize that it is self-defeating as it lowers morale and brings down productivity. Who cares? The feel of elation and superiority is so addictively pleasurable!

It is imperative that victims do not learn to live within these conditions, as the scars are long and deep. Who knows when the abuser may become bold enough to even get physical? Tolerance only encourages and emboldens. A broken bone can be mended but the psychological scars can ruin a person’s life.

What can you do? Here are some watchwords to save yourself from this trauma:

KEEP YOUR COOL. Do not get into a slandering match. Call his bluff. Distance yourself. Never argue or explain your stance. The moment you get into an argument, you have lost. This is true in any situation in life, be it with your boss, colleagues, students or children. Bullies are really cowards deep down. If you feel confident enough then give him a dressing down; if possible in public where his image is shattered. There is though a flip side here: he may eventually become vengeful and really attempt to do some serious damage one way or another.

DO NOT FEEL guilty, afraid or compassionate towards your abuser. Remember the abuser is using your own feelings to manipulate you. By focusing on your weaknesses, guilt is built up and you forever remain under his clutches psychologically. Verbal violence is used to frighten and this may easily one day convert into physical. Don’t get into the trap of thinking he needs you. Nothing could be farther from the truth in such conditions.

IF THE DEMANDS are unreasonable, say so; as far as possible without upsetting the apple cart. Although expecting a reasonable response from a bully is really asking for the moon.  Object at the very first instance of perceived misbehavior. Delay in objecting will turn the situation into an acceptable habit.

GRIN AND BEART IT is not a good policy. Let others know and take help from the right people. If the situation is impossible and if you can,t live with it, quit.

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PK is a teacher of languages/communication, counsellor and a businessman active in 6 countries. He combines his knowledge of life with his education in management, applied psychology and occult psychology from his time in The Ashram in Pondicherry and assists aspiring managers to reach their next level. Please visit http://sites.google.com/site/pkcentreforchange/Home