HR and the Art of Clichés Management
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Abhijit Bhaduri | Dec 29, 2009
Every human resources person worth his payroll has heard and used these clichés over and over again.
“People are our greatest assets” takes the cake. It is usually put on posters all over the organizations that least believe in that philosophy. Ask anyone why they wanted to choose HR as their major in business school or as a career and you get another cliché that makes me groan. The person will curl up their toes and say, “Because I really enjoy working with people.” or that “my friends told me that I am really good with people.” That basically means I am not sure what I am good at, but I think I can have coffee and make conversation.
So why do people choose HR as a profession? I chose it because
a) I knew enough about all other courses to dislike them.
b) This was the only one that I did not know enough about to dislike.
c) All of the above.
Of course, when I started working after B school, they used to call it personnel management. Today you would be really deemed to be uncool if you did not know that we no longer handle personnel. We are the new and improved human resource department. I guess those days we had to handle the animals in the zoo ourselves, unlike the new kids who get computers to do it all. No more human contact. We can now outsource the contact part of it. Someone told me that anything that can be templated can be outsourced. So I guess human contacts have just been so classified. Outsource that stuff so that we can get down to doing real work.
In one company where I worked, they were implementing a new fangled ERP system that was sucking up more resources than the Gulf war. I was told we had to implement that HR system so that it would leave the HR folks free to do real work. “If all the work was taken away, what would be left for the fellows to do anyway?” I had asked. My boss who was standing at the podium with the big cheese of the ERP company said that he would take my question offline. That basically means that he would either ignore the question or he would stab me when he met me in the hallway later that evening.
Please don't joke about your HR manager
Look at the seminar topics on HR. That will tell you what is the big question that the clods are grappling with. In those days seminars were around topics like “Human Resources – Art or Science?” Two days or five days of asking bad questions left neither the participant nor the trainers any wiser. In fact I have always had a queasy feeling when I was told that someone was a trainer. It always reminded me of the trainer who came to teach Rover how to shake his paw without wetting the carpet. It was after I joined HR that I discovered there were trainers for humans too. Their task was not different from what Rover’s trainer tried so hard to do.
I am just curious. Do all functions manufacture clichés like HR does or is it just us? Do all other blokes have self-doubt like we do? Well you know every now and then we will hear seminars where people ask “Is HR a business partner?” The answer is obviously expected to be yes if you are to be let in to join the party. But truthfully speaking the jury is still out on that one.
Filed Under: Miscellaneous
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Whenever someone proclaims “I love people” I am reminded of cannibals who too love people!
All functions have cliches. Project Management function cliches are most popular.
Oh and the other new trend about HR now a days is that it is called Talent Management, along with other sub-functions like Talent Acquisition. So expect to see more cliches being born in times to come
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I hate to think that America’s most pervasive export is bad HR policy. Ouch.
I was in a Town Hall meeting at a previous employer where an HR Rep was trotting out the new “Pay for Performance” plan. One of my colleagues stood up at the end of the presentation and pointed out that the pay for performance structure rewarded us the most on the areas where we had the least individual impact (company stock price) and the least in the area where we had the greatest individual performance (our own personal performance). He spoke for a little bit about the idiocy of such an upside-down system and when he received the waffling answer from the hapless Rep, asked the following question: “Whose interests do you represent – those of the company management or those of the workers?” Like a fool, the Rep blurted out the honest answer of saying, “Management’s.” As long as HR is in the business of representing the interests of management to the detriment of workers, there will always be articles like this published.
Just to see how idiotarian it is for HR to say that employees are their most valuable asset, ask them what they would do to a manger who stood on the street corner and handed out a half dozen laptops to passersby for free. They would probably fire him, particularly if the laptops contained sensitive and proprietary business information. Then ask them what they would do if a manager proudly announced that he had reduced his department’s head count by half a dozen, essentially throwing out six employees whose heads are filled with sensitive and proprietary business information to anyone who wants them. He would probably get an award.
The irony of this is that if you give a laptop to a competing organization, the competitor views it as a strategic insight into their competition’s business strategy. If you give the competition your “most valuable asset,” however, they will most likely ignore it because they don’t want to add it to their head count. So the threat of valuable employees going to other organizations and providing them with a strategic advantage over organizations that laid them off is really very low, since the competition’s HR department views personnel the same way – as a disposable commodity to be jettisoned at the slightest hint of business downturn. Or, to put it bluntly, as it’s least valuable asset.
Rick Presley, CPLP
Instructional Designer, Biomedical Services
American Red Cross
What is HR now is what we studied in the Army as MAN MANAGEMENT. The fundamental thought was, ‘men are flesh , blood and emotions. They are not machines.’ Every man has different emotions – hence requires a different handling or treatment. We went a step further. We learnt ‘Animal Management’ as we dealt with horses and mules. Do you know that after a day’s march of say 20 km, the animal is watered and massaged before the handler takes a sip of tea.
It is more important today than it was yesterday, that men be given due attention and care. Organisations must realise that their core strength lies in its people. Looking after your people is the key to to achievement of results. There is a reservoir of knowledge and experience there. Organisations do not tap more than 30 to 40 % of it. It takes effort not only by the HR Department but also by the top management to touch them. Exploit the potential, it is there!
I am amused by the executive use of sports and other metaphors to imply strategic thinking.
Handoff
Don’t drop the ball
We are nearing the end zone
Drill down
Roll out
Kill the competition
etc
Whenever I am told of “I love people” I am reminded of the Garfield cartoon: “I love mankind but it is people that I can’t stand” I agree with this concept. None of us per se are against mankind and humanity. But when it comes to working closely with people we tend to ignore the inherent differences and would like the other persons to always work or live our way – Sam Paul
Thanks for your useful post.
Keeping nice post.
I am looking forward to view more your posts in future.
Rgs
Ngo
The question therefore arises what ails HR? Can we do away with HR? Maybe HR skills could be infused in the line managers and leaders as in the Army.
All the great emperors from Ashoka to Akbar and Chandragupta to Shivaji imbibed these values in some form or the other and religiously practiced these. Some of these values are also reflected in the famous words of Field Marshall Earl Chetwode at the Indian Military Academy, Dehradun.
The Safety, Honour and Welfare of your country comes
first always and every time
The Honour, Welfare and Comfort of the men you
command comes next
Your own Ease, Comfort and Safety comes last always and
every time.
cleverly written, luv the humor. These are important questions for undergrads who are taking or considering HR courses.