Multi-tasker me….share, write, whisper, cry

Life is all about choices.
I came to realise.
I also came to realise that my main choice in life has been to walk.
Walk… in that sometimes blurry direction my intuition tells me to follow.
One clear point is its hardness.
Longing for clarity, I often bumped into confusion, disorganisation and unbearable indecision.
That is why and how I then decided to develop my most precious skill.
Multi-tasker, this is who I am.

Now my quest leads me to several points of reflection.
I could sit here and write for ages on how to plan and implement a scheme to multi-comply with several requests at the same time.
Meetings, phone calls, laundry, cleaning, cooking, answering the phone, driving, food shopping, choosing clothes, houses and haircuts, changing job, picking holidays…

But.

But then something happened.
A swift change in my daily life.
I chose to write this piece.

Dumped and multi-tasker. L-O/I-V-E, work and feed your soul.

How many people get dumped every day?
How many relationships crash in a matter of seconds everywhere in the world?
How many of those unions were really not meant to be?
How many of us manage to go to work the day after?
How many decide to stop feeding their souls?
How many lose their way?

How many questions would you like to answer, after a break-up?

I could tell you that the union I am talking about was meant to be. Which is as true as it could easily be false.
Magical encounter, two wise souls, desire to love someone akin.
Busy lives longing for a piece of calm land.
Where to hide when it is allowed.
Where to plan a future as we want it.

But.

Obstacles come from within.
And there is no worse enemy than our own fear.
To be. To believe. To behave.

Then reality – as it comes – hits you in the face.
Slap you with a yell.
Did you really think it was going to be this easy?
And it is over.
No more land. No more plan. No more.

Soul aching.
Duvet calling.
All you want is to sleep.
A sleep without dreams.
Heavy body swallowed by the mattress.
Let me be. Or – better said – let me not be.
I don’t feel like.

But.

This life I have chosen to live.
This path I am walking…
Its pace and rhythm.
Did I really think it would have allowed me to not be?

Practicality. Is what saved me from that dreamless sleep.
My job – an ambitious, complex project I am fully responsible for,
Could I leave it on hold?
Was I allowing myself to stop thinking, planning, managing…
Therefore not feeding my desire to achieve?
Turning down those who believe in me and my passion?

No. This is not me.

Multi-tasker me. Live again.
Waking up in the morning is the hardest part.
And I am switching to present tense because yes, the scar tissue is still recovering.
I find myself completely submersed under the duvet.
Wrapped into my cocoon where dreams take me to another land, another present, a parallel dimension.
The first few steps follow a confused route towards the coffee machine.
While my foggy brain recollects thoughts.
Personally I find that the hardest part of break-ups and sentimental delusions is the first half hour after waking up.
While opening my eyes, all I see and recognise are my cat asking for breakfast, my orchids smily blossoming and the purple light coming through the curtains.
The perfect balance of my beautiful life.
Then. I recall.
A rain-loaded cloud blurs my coloured scenario and there it comes.
I am not his. Anymore.
Coffee and shower do their part in bringing me back to normality.
That survivor state where all you have to do is get out of the house.
Get dressed, find your keys, lock the door, make it to the elevator, say “Hi” to the doorman, get in your car, wear your sunglasses, drive out of the parking, dive into London.
Life is Here and Now.
Once more, today.

Multi-tasker me. Drive, Sing and Cry.
I am driving while re-shuffling the cards of this past month memories.
Playing with them, the game of life is once more in my hands.
This is how it was.
This is what happened.
This is why it did happen.
And there you are, my dear myself, and you’d better cope with it.
Because I am not going to allow you to trash what you are, what you have, how far you’ve got…
Cry, sing, scream, fall. But remember.
You will have to stand up. And walk again.

Multi-tasker me. I get to work.
People ask me. How, Why, When.
Answers. Phone calls. Excel sheets.
Development. Plan. Strategy. Turnover.
Are you sure this is the best way to do it?
Focus and don’t rely solely on your energy.
Delegate… Organise… Schedule… Prioritise.

AndthenallofasuddenIlookatmyselfinthemirrorandrealiseIhaven’tbeenthinkingabouthimallday.

Smiling at my reflection. Food for my soul.

Multi-tasker me. I live my life.
I adore it and feed it.
Nurture it. While dealing.
With this life that is not….
Not easy.
But not as hard as we make it.
And it is ours.
No one else’s.
Are you still walking towards that uncertain destination we call happiness?
There is no wrong track.
You choose. Mistakes do not exists.
As long as you keep choosing.

Multi-tasker me. And my gadgets.
Yes. One tiny paragraph devoted to practicality.
Get connected. And remain connected.
Wire yourself to this magical yet virtually real dimension.
The World Wide Web.
Make yourself available.
Work when outside darkness reigns.
And smile at the stars during a 2 am meeting.
Toast at the freedom of doing it Your Way.

It does not matter How. You choose.

Multi-tasker me. Communicate.
Never stop communicating.
When silence calls. Talk to it.
Be precisely and exactly Yourself.
But be aware of it.
Recognise who you are.
Even when the fog is so thick it seems there is no way out.
Share. Write. Whisper. Cry.
Words need water to grow. Sometimes.

Multi-tasker me. Love.
Dumped and yet.
Able to love.
Be love. Eat love.
Walk love.
Walk the talk of love.
If you prefer.
But cling to your love.
Remember your love.
And your loved ones.
Those who are here.
And those who left.
Love them, now like yesterday.
Even when it is over.
Do not forget you loved.
And when dawn…
That mirror. Your eyes.
Swollen. Teary.
Love them too.

Multi-tasker. Play all the way.
What are we here for,
If not to play all the way down.
And up. When it hurts. As well.
Stop fighting. Just follow.
Yourself. And no one else.
No one will ever tell you how to.
Better than your inner voice.
The player – wise and courageous.
That You Are.

The power within is what kept me from falling.

Multi-tasker me. I do not forget.
Who I am.
And what I am here for.
Someone once told me…
Waste your life with joy.
Like all important things.