Opt for change this new year!

Another year comes to an end and there will be many words written and repeated on the resolutions we take to bring change into our lives. Here are a few from my pen as well.

In the past few days I have been socializing within my old group of family and friends more than is normal for me. Suddenly it hit me like a bomb. Everyone was talking about the wrongs of this world and they have a lot to say too. But nothing in their conversation indicated or gave any hint that they were doing something about it or looking for solutions. Rather there was a concrete feeling that they were all making small talk and their grievances made for as good a subject as any. It had the added advantage to let the world at large know how burdened their lives were and how well they were taking it or/and managing within the tedious circumstances.

Of course there was an underlying pattern of vanity even in this as they were all vying to prove to each other that their troubles were greater than those of the rest of us.

The bomb that hit me was the realization that it was all absolutely superficial and more in the nature of keeping the conversation ball rolling. Of course as we lead rather mediocre and humdrum lives, we have much to complain about. Our own intention to go deep into the matter and look for a solution is never evident; rather I would say totally absent. If at all we are looking forward into the future it is always with this hope that the world will change enough to accommodate us and all our woes will go away one fine morning.

The effort is to keep ourselves busy with the inane and avoid real contemplation. Hours are spent in discussions. Each and every aspect is dissected from every angle in great detail. The sentences are pregnant with cares. Along with every issue raised there is an accompanying sentence that rationalizes the happenings so wonderfully that no avenue is left to really put in the effort to do something about it.  We look for answers but only those that satisfy our own view or desire will find favour with us. This is hypocrisy in action.

I remember being deeply influenced by this quote when I was younger: “People who want by the yard and work for it by the inch should be kicked by the foot.” I was just coming out of my teens and the insincerity and the gap between what people would say and would do was so great that it brought out all my impatience and I would say so and like any angry young man, I was vehement about it. If only the energy they put in all this drama was put in improving their lots, what colossal changes could be given birth to. Like all young people I was impatient to cure and change and did not take kindly to the evasive tactics I met. Now I understand better and am more tolerant but it still amuses me to see how we fool ourselves into believing that this type of cosmetic rationalizing will sweep the “immediate” under the carpet and we will live another day; who knows what miracles are waiting for us the next morrow. Everyone sees through the charade and I must give kudos to the optimist in us. Nobody is taken in by these rationalizations, least of all they themselves but they do keep up appearances and this is where the crunch lies: the social necessities are taken care of and we survive to live another day.

What I am repeatedly calling “rationalizations” are in reality excuses that we pluck from our fount of knowledge. There is so much ancient text, accepted customs and scientific principles to choose from. What ever the subject may be, there is always some commonly accepted rule or principle that will satisfy both the pros and cons of the issue. This comes in handy to find a good reason to act upon what our heart desires or not, as the case may be. To illustrate my point, I would like to bring forth our use of the words karma, fate and destiny. Excuses like “I am suffering because of my karmas in my past lives”; “Things will happen only if it is written in my destiny” are heard every day. Every suicide is preceded by the logic “There is no other way”. Remember the disparaging comments of wise people in the 19thcentury for people who were experimenting with flying machines: “If God had wanted man to fly, He would have given him wings”.

History and everyday occurrences prove without doubt that the world is moving on because there are people who do not take “NO” for an answer and do not understand the science of making excuses. Yet we refuse to grow up and take our lives in our hands in a more determined manner. It is so much easier to find reasons to do what is convenient to us! I used to eat in a restaurant when I was a bachelor. For twenty years a nice man served me there. The 18 hours a day job was taking a huge toll of his health. I was so impressed with him that I asked him to learn driving so that he could be taken in as a cook-cum-driver in a household with better pay and living conditions. But he never found the time. Then one day the restaurant just folded up. The poor man was out on the street and survival became the priority.

I quote here two paragraphs from an article written by Carol Allen:

Any therapist – heck, any five year old – will tell you that change is hard. We get snuggled up in our mediocre comfort zones and that’s where we stay until we’re so fat, miserable, broke, sick or – fill in the blanks – that we do something different.

Positive change requires some critical pre-steps.  First:  you have to know what you want. Amazingly, studies show that only one person out of one hundred knows what they want.  Second: You have to know WHY you want it, and your WHY has to be so compelling and inspiring that every setback and challenge along the way won’t stop you.

Would you have the courage to look at yourself? Or would rather maintain the status quo and let things be?

PK is a teacher of languages/communication, counsellor and a businessman active in 6 countries. He combines his knowledge of life with his education in management, applied psychology and occult psychology from his time in The Ashram in Pondicherry and assists aspiring managers to reach their next level. Please visit http://sites.google.com/site/pkcentreforchange/Home