What happiness means to Me!

Waiting tired and drained at 9:15 in the night near Nungambakkam signals, I listlessly watch people clustered around a tea stall eating hot bread and eggs. The smell wafts and my tummy growls in response. I see some talking endlessly on their mobiles as they cross the crowded junction. Horns blare as the other lane sweeps into action and I cool my heels. Suddenly a Kawasaki bike snugly fits between me and another car. I overhear him talk above the din. He is yelling, appealing, almost imploring “I’ll do anything to keep you happy Raji. Believe me! Raji listen!” And then after a few moments I see him tuck his cell phone into his pocket.

The green light flashes as I ponder about him and his relationship. How often have we been taught this myth? This myth that we can make others happy and we ought to keep our loved ones happy?

As kids we needed to keep our parents and siblings happy. Then the focus shifted to our teachers, friends, dates, spouse, in-laws, children and their in-laws not to mention our customers, suppliers and bosses.

Phew! Who else?

The question that strikes me is: do we really make these people happy and is it really possible to do so?

Of course, we do our bit by first giving little gifts, then stuff which we think would please someone, then material goods, and more and more on these lines.

But does stuff make anyone happy? Did stuff make Lady Diana happy?

Let us look at happiness closely. We often imagine it to be a state of being that we need to achieve some day – it’s a kind of destination which we will arrive one day.

Bad luck! Such a thing does not exist – I meant the destination.

Happiness does exist. Truly our very being is happy. When I say “I am happy!” it’s a mood, a feeling which I can savor or experience for a span of time, then when I move I am something else.

However the major difference would crop up if I did not give the keys to my happiness to anyone else to make me happy. Instead if I were the source of my happiness then I would say “I am happiness.”

I would glide, witness this and other emotions with dispassion and the stillness would anchor me.

My fuel for this inextinguishable happiness would emerge when I believe that this universe is a safe place to be in. The love I share can multiply and come home to roost.
My happiness gets multiplied as I share and it doubles when others share theirs as well.

As I learn to ‘let go’ pain, grudges, darts and hurt, loss and grief, I am restored to my original self. I slowly learn to accept them not as wounds and scars but as life’s signatures which I need to learn and having learnt them move on.

Remember that the Sun shines regardless of whether I keep my windows open or closed.

Shyleswari is a Chennai-based corporate trainer.