What shall be my resolves for this year?

The festive season of Christmas is upon us. As they say we shall all be goaded to unwrap our personas and let the cheerful, forgiving, outgoing and loving side of us, come out in the open. The western media has done such a good job at hyping this period that even slothful individuals do rake up enough energy to unglue their backsides and stand up to be counted. They even do the unthinkable by acting out some friendly gestures. This is one activity in which the media has done well – for whatever reason.

So we are sensitized to take a look back; yes look back at ourselves. I realty am highly appreciative of the great job this brain-washing has done; something all the other sermons could not make the lethargic, lazy and reluctant individual do. Every culture and faith has festivals with the same ethos but Christmas cheer’s reverberations are unique. Even a nasty guy like me feels like being kind for a change.

So I am looking back. And I am unhappy. My heart is heavy for all the regrets it carries.  With passing years I have slowly and with certainty realized the uselessness of being virtuous. All those times when I had the opportunity but decided to be the gentleman. Do you think I am remembered for those acts; yes I am but as a lacl-lustre guy without charm or spine. And this is what I am regretting about. All the things I should have done and did not do. Not that I had the opportunity always anyway!

Our great poet Ghalib put it so well when he said
“Oh, Lord, it is not the sins that I have committed that I regret, but those which I have had no opportunity to commit.”

Yet, when I look back, I notice I have gradually slipped out of my stuffed shirt and the nice guy image I have been trying to impart. I don’t think I fooled anyone though. But this year I danced in the rain with my daughter and rolled in the dirt. I told all ladies who would listen to me that they were pretty and charming without meaning any of it. I spent time looking up other people. With some I unburdened myself by telling them what I thought of them so ambiguities did not remain between us; may the Lord forgive me for this break of the Ten Commandments. It was fun and I have really no regrets. I resolve to continue in my wayward ways.

I have only one aim now: to die without any regrets hanging over my spirit. I have absolutely no wish to remain down here as a disturbed unsresolved ghost hankering over unfinished business.