You can run away but where will you go?

Today when I opened the papers, the first thing that put a smile on my face was a comic strip and a piece of news. I was thoroughly amused. It was also proof that the world was in agreement and in tune with me in many ways. A few days back I was talking of the anger in relationships and how wives can come out with a thunderous clap on the slightest sign of scorn being hinted.

What constitutes nagging and scornful exhibition has not been documented yet. From the comic strip, it would seem that everything said or hinted in contradiction constitutes a scornful act which is absolutely unacceptable. In this comic strip the sentence “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” was being elaborated. The fuming woman was serving dinner and telling her husband –“After a whole day at my job I come back and bake you these potatoes. Saying no thank you will NOT DO!” The news item was more specific. The man had become so fed up by the nagging of his wife that he put her up for sale; we are to believe that they were newly weds too. And wonder of wonders, there were buyers ready too. The wife on her side had a simple explanation: “I don’t think I nag him. He just doesn’t do what I want him to”.

What a quandary this is. We all know what others are going through in marriages and we have all made efforts to find mates. The best that can be said about it all is that the chase is more interesting than the catch. I don’t know about the others because arranged marriages cut out the chase and fun and the joint family dampens the spirit. Yet this very dampening keeps the joy of finding your girl alone for yourself for a moment is akin to the chase which goes on and on so I believe the charm lasts longer.

In my case I was living alone in a place like Delhi, leading a very unusual life of a teacher of French at the YWCA. So romantic escapades were no problem and I was spoilt for choice. It just happened that I found books more interesting with my music system softly playing Mozart or Bhimsen Joshi.  Many of my attempts at wooing were more in the nature of experiments to see if I had in me to turn on the lights in a woman’s eyes. With my mobike I suppose I was a very attractive proposal because once or twice I had to worry more of shaking of pursuers rather than the opposite. But one thing is sure; it was not long before the nagging would start. And usually they left me because as some of them said – “they did not feel needed” or as I translated it “they could not overpower or control me.”
 
I remember one of my aunts wanting to pair me off with a certain young lady. I avoided the subject for many months. It soon became clear that I would have to forego entry to my aunt’s if I did not pay heed so I agreed to meet the young lady hoping that I would put her off and that would be that. I promised to take the lady out on a summer evening. It was 42 degree C (around 110 F) and I was a little fatigued so I was a little quiet. I was hoping to sit in a garden restaurant, order a cold coffee and then get down to a conversation. It is not easy to have a conversation on a mobike anyway and I was wearing a helmet. By the time we reached the restaurant the lady had already taken to the notion that she had been scorned and the first sentence she uttered was “You are avoiding talking to me and I don’t like it.” I began wishing being home alone in my flat and with my usual company of books and music.

The next two tries were also absolute failures. In the first case this was an arranged meeting. I found the young lady quite nice and nearly said yes. But in the next 24 hours, I panicked and said no. In the second try it was a chase and win situation. I asked the question and she said yes but then in the next 24 hours she panicked and went back on her words. There were other meetings, agreements and more meetings. But somehow or other I always ended up irritating the young ladies and even after saying yes, they would go back on their answer later. Honestly I must say there were moments where I felt more relieved than sad.

Jokes apart, there is a kernel of truth in the above pleasantries. Women are designed to be appreciated; she is to be appreciated and be seen as the centre of your little universe and forget the rest as crap. She is never wrong or at fault. Get this in your puny head. Any time you fail to give signs of unfailing praise, you have legally and literally scorned her. And that brings down the axe with all its dangerous aftermath. In a pique they may really even leave you so beware. But normally they are more pragmatic than that. They stay and keep you grovelling and making it clear what position you enjoy in the equation. You can run away but where will you go?